Legally Blonde The Musical
There! Right there! Look at that tan, that tinted skin Look at the killer shape he’s in Look at that slightly stubly chin Oh please he’s gay, totally gay I’m not about to celebrate Every trait could indicate The totally straight expotriate This guy’s not gay, I say not gay That is the elephant in the room Well is it relevant to assume That a man who wears perfume Is automatically matically fay? But look at his quoft and crispy locks Look at his silk translucent socks There’s the eternal paradox Look what we’re seeing What are we seeing? Is he gay? Of course he’s gay Or european? Oh Gay or european? It’s hard to guarantee Is he gay or european? Well, hey don’t look at me You see they bring their boys up different In those charming foreign ports They play peculiar sports In shiny shirts and tiny shorts Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks They will say things like: Ciao, bella While they kiss you on both cheeks Oh, please Gay or european? So many shades of gray Depending on the time of day The french go either way Is he gay or european? Or There! Right there! Look at that condescending smirk Seen it on every guy at work That is a metro-hetro jerk That guy’s not gay, I say, no way That is the elephant in the room Well is it relevant to presume That a hottie in that costume Is automatically-radically Ironically-cronically Scurtinly-curtainly Genetically-netically Gay! Officially gay! Officially gay gay gay gay Dammit Gay or european? So stylish and relaxed Is he gay or european? I think his chest is waxed But they bring their boys up different there It’s culturally diverse It’s not a fashion curse If he wears a kilt or bears a purse Gay or just exotic? I still can’t crack the code Yet his accent is hypnotic But his shoes are pointy toed Huh Gay or european? So many shades of gray But if he turns out straight I’m free at 8 on saturday Is he gay or european? Gay or european? Gay or euro- Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy I have an idea I’d like to try The floor is yours So mr. Argitacos This alleged affair with ms. Windam has been going on for? Two years And your first name again is? Nicos And your boyfriend’s name is? Carlos I’m sorry. I misunderstand, you say boyfriend I thought you say best friend. Carlos is my best friend You bastard! You lying bastard! That’s it I no cover for you, no more! Peoples I have a big announcement This man is gay and european! And neither is his place You’ve got to stop your being A completely closet case It’s me not her he’s seeing No matter what he say I sware he never ever ever swing the other way You are so gay You big parfait! You flaming boy in cabaret Nicos I’m straight! Carlos You were not yesterday So if I may, I’m proud to say He’s gay! And european! He’s gay! And european! He’s gay! And european and gay! Fine, okay, I’m gay! Hooray! Carlos and nico: Fine. Okay. We’re gay!