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If you’re looking for love, these tips will get you headed in the right direction.
Bette Davis used to say, „Getting older ain’t for sissies.“
Amen! Neither is dating at midlife — especially if you’re a gay man.
Whether you’re single again after the end of a long-term relationship or you’ve been around the block a few times still on the hunt for Mr. Right, gay dating isn’t easy.
No matter what your age, focus on being your best self when dating.
But don’t let that be your excuse for sitting home on Saturday night watching reruns of .
These strategies can help you develop your inner explorer to make dating after 50 a little less daunting:
You’re never too old to find love, but that’s not a message gay men hear very often. Why? After years of „working on ourselves“ and fighting social prejudice to gain self-esteem, many of us struggle to keep it. The hurdle this time? The gay community’s — OK, let’s get real, mostly the gay community’s — ageism.
„Within the gay community, negative stereotypes reinforce the belief that gay relationships are based solely on physical attraction, and that once youth starts to fade, we are unlikely to have any real or lasting relationships,“ says Rik Isensee, author of
Worried you aren’t good-looking enough anymore? Who’d want when there’s some 30-year-old hottie turning everyone’s heads at the gym? Don’t even let yourself go there. Focus instead on being your best self, no matter what your age. And remember that the most important characteristics — loyalty, humor, intelligence and compassion — are ageless.
If you think you’re too old for love or you stopped believing that you can find someone to love who’ll love you back, think again. Maybe you just stopped believing in the kind of naive love that you can only trust when you’re young. But what about the deeper, more mature love that allows for the wide spectrum of experience and truth? That’s where you should set your sights.
For every 20-something entering the gay dating scene full of wide-eyed wonder, there’s a 50-something (or a 60-, 70- or older-something) man back on the market after a relationship ends One is learning the rules; the other has „been there, dated that“ and wonders, „Now what?“ It’s daunting to consider starting over.
The truth is that you’ve earned your age. You really can own it. Focus on what you’ve gained — rich experiences, accomplishments, survivor skills and wisdom. Your next romantic partner will benefit from all of that, and from your passions for the life that’s in front of you.
Give up wishing you could turn back time. Give up trying to be perfect, too, especially if that’s a code word for „young.“ Yes, it’s important to take care of your body and your health, but no need to obsess. Instead of trying to be 25 again, get comfortable in your skin. Feel good about your body. That way, when someone touches you, they’ll really feel you, and not a bundle of self-critical tension. Think more about keeping a sparkle in your eyes and less on fighting the fine lines around them.
Does walking into a gay bar make you feel more out of place than Lady Gaga shopping for clothes at a mall?
Yes, it’s true that the Olympic-sized pool of dating prospects you swam in years ago seems like a lap lane when you reach your 50s. So the best bet is to cast a wider net. Get off of the sideline and get involved in your passions and interests. For example, if you like the outdoors, join a gay hiking or walking group, and meet men while you get fresh air and exercise. Focus on smaller parties, events centered on hobbies and interests, and volunteer opportunities. And, if you haven’t already, try online dating, which is bringing new hope to those of us who don’t have a ton of time or want to hang out at bars.
Check out sites such as bear-magazine.com that can help you find long-term relationships versus flings or hookups. Then create a profile that reflects who are you, what you want and includes photos. Don’t post the online profile of Dorian Gray by showing off your shiny youth. When it comes to truth in advertising, it’s one thing to shave a couple of years off. It’s another to leave out an entire decade! If you want a real relationship, then be real. Lying raises a serious red flag. Your date will wonder, „If he’s not honest about his age, what other lies is he telling?“
One advantage of age is self-awareness. When you know yourself better, you can quickly size up what you want in someone else. Maybe you’re more careful about first dates and immediately nix a pointless second night out. You’re quick to assess if your date wants the same level of relationship as you, whether that’s casual or committed. You recognize dysfunction and mismatches faster now than you did when you were younger.
But that doesn’t mean you should be rigid and inflexible. Keep an open mind and try to expand your horizons. Chat with a guy who isn’t your „type“ and stretch your boundaries. And so what if he doesn’t immediately strike you as hot and sexy? Now it might be comforting to find a partner who can relate to your experiences and your outlook, and has the same pop culture references you do.
It’s also a good idea to ask your closest friends for regular feedback (yes, ask them to give you input on your actions and choices), so you don’t get stuck in your ways.
Hey, you don’t have to tell me it’s tough being gay, single and over 50. It’s not like gay subculture has given us lots of happily dating, older gay male role models. With all the focus on marriage equality these days, it’s easy for gay men to think that being single and happy is an oxymoron.
There’s more focus on getting into a committed relationship than there is on making sure it’s the right one. The truth is that sometimes when you want a relationship so badly, you draft the first reasonable candidate. Or you’re miserable because there’s no prospect on the horizon. Neither is a good option.
Don’t settle for anything less than chemistry, shared values/lifestyle/goals, trust, and a growing and abiding friendship.
Especially at this stage of life, why would you want a relationship that doesn’t bring you happiness? I can think of something far worse than being single, gay and older. Being coupled, gay and unhappy.
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Grindr is the world’s #1 FREE mobile social networking app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people to connect. Chat and meet up with interesting people for free, or upgrade to Grindr XTRA or Grindr Unlimited for more features, more fun, and more chances to bear-magazine.com is faster and better than ever:• See people nearby based on your location• Browse re-designed profiles with bigger photos• Chat and share private photos• Filter your search to find what you want• Customize your profile to share more about yourself• Star your favorites and block others• Report people easily and safely• Send your location and make it easier to meet• Browse and chat with people around the worldCreate and personalize your profile now to share your interests, what you’re looking for, and more. Within minutes you’ll be ready to connect, chat, and meet.Looking for even more? Upgrade your Grindr experience to XTRA for more features, more freedom, and more fun. Grindr XTRA subscription features include:• No 3rd party ads• See 6x more profiles—up to 600 at once• View only people who are online now• View only profiles with a photo• More blocks and favorites• Access to all premium filters• Chat easily with saved phrases• Send multiple photos at onceGet Grindr XTRA with one of the following auto-renewing plans:1 month/ 3 months/ 12 bear-magazine.com the ultimate Grindr experience? Upgrade to Grindr Unlimited for exclusive access to our most premium features, including:• Unlimited profiles – Always find a fresh face• Viewed Me – See who’s checking you out• Incognito – Browse profiles without being seen• Typing Status – Know when someone’s messaging you• Unsend – Undo sent messages and photos• All XTRA featuresGet Grindr Unlimited with one of the following auto-renewing plans:1 month/ 3 months/ 12 bear-magazine.com Subscriptions:Your subscription automatically renews unless auto-renew is turned off at least 24 hours before the end of the current period. Your iTunes account will automatically be charged at the same price for renewal within 24 hours prior to the end of the current period unless you change your subscription preferences in your App Store account settings. You can manage your subscriptions at any time through your App Store account settings after purchase. Any unused portion of a free trial period will be forfeited when making a purchase of an auto-renewing bear-magazine.com us what you think about Grindr by visiting bear-magazine.com you are experiencing any issues, you can get support by contacting us through bear-magazine.com of Service: bear-magazine.com Policy: bear-magazine.com, Grindr XTRA & Grindr Unlimited are for adults 18 years and older only. Photos depicting nudity or sex acts are strictly bear-magazine.com | 0 Feet AwayFacebook: @grindrTwitter: @grindrInstagram: @grindrSnapchat: zerofeetaway
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grindr is the most unsafe backwards dating app
I’ve used Grindr on and off for a few years. When I moved to my new house I started exploring more and redone loaded the app to try to find some interesting people. Immediately I was stalked, had my pictures stolen in an attempt to find out where I live, and threatened. When I reported the user they immediately created a new account. This went on multiple days until they finally gave up. Months later now, and I’m back looking on this app. Now my account has been banned for literally no reason and grindr support has been awful about giving any information. I did not violate tos and I did nothing wrong. I get the feeling that the report function is not monitored at all and if someone doesn’t like you or you say no and they don’t like that they can report you and have your account banned for no reason. Not only is the app unsafe and scary, but the people who run it DO NOT care about their users in the slightest, do nothing to make the app better, over charge for premium features that should be standard in every dating app. And now they are allowing bans for no reason and doing nothing to justify it. No reason given, the appeal form is a joke, and so is this app. Stay safe and avoid Grindr at all costs.
you’re getting shadowbanned
Just when you thought it was getting better, once again Grindr manages to do less of what they’re supposed to do. Sometimes they will hide your profile from most users and won’t deliver your messages so you feel like people are ignoring you but in reality you are being shadowbanned. How do I know this? Well, I’ve been around many friends and some can’t see me or I can’t see them on the grid and we haven’t blocked each other because we can read old messages but new messages don’t get to the other side. USER BEWARE. This might be some new algorithm to get us hooked to this app because this has been going on for months. If you can and have dealt with this yourself, report this to the Apple Store. They also removed the approximate distance while you scroll on the grid so you don’t know if you’re talking to a guy that is 3 miles or 30 miles anymore.Besides the above, there’s an excessive amount of people sending unsolicited nudes or pics of their weird sexual activities that I don’t want to watch. You receive an innocent message only to open the chat and get bombarded with their kinks, this is pure harassment and Grindr support should be more strict about this!!
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