Is Mike Wheeler gay?

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Mike Wheeler's Top Five Reasons He's Not Gay by joseatta11 Micheal Wheeler is not gay, as shown by the list below. But as the reasons on his list slowly get...

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ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN BETA(FUNCTN(){FOR(VAR G="FUNCTN"==TYPEOF FEPROPERTI?FEPROPERTY:FUNCTN(B,C,A){IF(||)THROW NEW TYPEERROR("ES3 DO NOT SUPPORT GETTERS AND SETTERS.");B!=ARRAY.PROTOTYPE&&B!=OBJECT.PROTOTYPE&&(B[C])},H="UNFED"!=TYPEOF WDOW&&WDOW===THIS?THIS:"UNFED"!=TYPEOF GLOBAL&&NULL!=GLOBAL?GLOBAL:THIS,K=["STRG","PROTOTYPE","REPEAT"],L=0;LB||1342177279>>=1)C+=C;RETURN A};Q!=P&&NULL!=Q&&G(H,N,{NFIGURABLE:!0,WRABLE:!0,VALUE:Q});VAR T=THIS;FUNCTN U(B,C){VAR ("."),D=T;A[0] D||!D.EXECSCRIPT||D.EXECSCRIPT("VAR "+A[0]);FOR(VAR E;(());)||VOID 0===C?D[E]?D=D[E]:D=D[E]={}:D[E]=C};FUNCTN V(B){VAR ;IF(0=C.OFFSETWIDTH&&0>=C.OFFSETHEIGHT)A=!1;ELSE{D=C.GETBOUNDGCLIENTRECT();VAR ;("PAGEYOFFSET" WDOW?WDOW.PAGEYOFFSET:(DOCUMENT.DOCUMENTELEMENT||F.PARENTNO||F).SCROLLTOP);("PAGEXOFFSET" WDOW?WDOW.PAGEXOFFSET:(DOCUMENT.DOCUMENTELEMENT||F.PARENTNO||F).SCROLLLEFT);F=A.TOSTRG()+","+D;B.B.HASOWNPROPERTY(F)?A=!1:(B.B[F]=!0,A=(A+=E)}B.I&&(E="&RD="+ENURICOMPONENT(JSON.STRGIFY(B())),131072>(A+=E),C=!0);C=A;IF(C){D=B.H;B=B.J;VAR F;IF(WDOW.XMLHTTPREQUT)F=NEW XMLHTTPREQUT;ELSE IF(WDOW.ACTIVEXOBJECT)TRY{F=NEW ACTIVEXOBJECT("MSXML2.XMLHTTP")}TCH(R){TRY{F=NEW ACTIVEXOBJECT("MICROSOFT.XMLHTTP")}TCH(D){}}F&&(("POST",D+(-1==XOF("?")?"?":"&")+"URL="+ENURICOMPONENT(B)),F.SETREQUTHEAR("CONTENT-TYPE","APPLITN/X-WWW-FORM-URLEND"),(A))}}}FUNCTN B(){VAR B={},C;C=DOCUMENT.GETELEMENTSBYTAGNAME("IMG");IF(!)RETURN{};VAR A=C[0];IF(!("NATURALWIDTH" A&&"NATURALHEIGHT" A))RETURN{};FOR(VAR D=0;A=C[D];++D){VAR E=A.GETATTRIBUTE("DATA-PAGPEED-URL-HASH");E&&(!(E B)&&0=B[E].O&&>=B[E].M)&&(B[E]={,,OW:A.NATURALWIDTH,OH:A.NATURALHEIGHT})}RETURN B}VAR C="";U("PAGPEED.CRILIMAG.GETBEANDATA",FUNCTN(){RETURN C});U("",FUNCTN(B,C,A,D,E,F){VAR R=NEW Y(B,C,A,E,F);X=R;D&&W(FUNCTN(){WDOW.SETTIMEOUT(FUNCTN(){A(R)},0)})});})();('/NGX_PAGPEED_BEAN','','EVFAZEUQGZ',TE,FALSE,'DGTXUXC9CD4');

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IS MIKE WHEELER GAY?

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