Boys Gone Wild - Gay Men Who Want to Get Hazed - Nymag

Contents:

• THE SECRET GAY HISTORY OF AN AMERIN FRATERNY
• GAY AND GREEK: THE EXPERIENCE OF BEG GAY AND A ATERNY
• L.A. AFFAIRS: I FELL FOR A GAY USC AT STAR. THEN I BEME ONE
• I WAS GANG RAPED AT A U-VA FRAT 30 YEARS AGO, AND NO ONE DID ANYTHG HISTORY REPEATINGIN THE SAME HOE WHERE ROLLG STONE'S JACKIE SAYS SHE WAS. NO ONE DID ANYTHG ABOUT UNTIL ONE OF MY RAPISTS NTACTED ME TO APOLOGIZE. LIZ SECCUROUPDATED APR. 14, 2017 1:19PM EDT / PUBLISHED DEC. 16, 2014 5:55AM EST PHOTO ILLTRATN BY THE DAILY BEASTI WAS GANG-RAPED AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA. I WAS GANG RAPED AT THE PHI KAPPA PSI ATERNY HOE. WE ARE ALL LEFT WH QUTNS AND OPNS THE EXHSTG WAKE OF THE NOW-FAMO ROLLG STONE ARTICLE ABOUT MP SEXUAL ASSLT, AND HOW VICTIMS ARE TREATED AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA. THIS IS MY STORY.IN AUGT 1984, I ARRIVED AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA CHARLOTTVILLE, EAGER TO JUMP TO LLEGE LIFE. AS A SHELTERED, SHY, BUT AMB CHILD GROWG UP SUBURBAN WTCHTER COUNTY, NEW YORK, MY CHOICE STCK SOME AS VERY FAR AWAY, VERY “SOUTHERN.” MOST OF MY NTEMPORARI OM MY ALL-GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL RYE, NEW YORK, WERE HEAD NORTH TO BOSTON OR OTHER PARTS OF NEW ENGLAND, TO SO MANY OF THE LIBERAL ARTS LLEG MUCH LR CLIM. MY PARENTS WERE THRILLED WH MY CHOICE, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NEVER EVEN PAID THE MP A VIS DURG THE APPLITN PROCS. I KNEW I WANTED TO GO TO UVA FOR ONE MAJOR REASON: IT HAD THE UNTRY’S MOST HIGHLY RANKED ENGLISH PARTMENT, MY MAJOR OF CHOICE. I HAD GRADUATED AS VALEDICTORIAN, AND AS I PACKED MY BELONGGS FOR THE TRIP THE CHARLOTTVILLE, I WAS PREPARED TO MAKE MY MARK AT THE WONRFUL STUTN FOUND BY THOMAS JEFFERSON. BUT, THOSE HOP WERE TO BE DASHED ABOUT FIVE WEEKS TO MY LLEGE REER. I WAS 17 YEARS OLD.A DORM IEND, JIM*, WHO SPERATELY WANTG TO JO A ATERNY, BEGGED ME TO ACPANY HIM AS HIS DATE TO A SH PARTY AT THE PHI KAPPA PSI HOE ON OCT. 5, 1984. WE LIVED A ED DORM, WH THE FIRST AND THIRD FLOORS HOG THE YOUNG MEN, AND THE SEND FLOOR HOG THE GIRLS. JIM HAD TO JOLE ME, AS WAS ALREADY LATE, AND I WAS LOUNGG AROUND SWEATS, BOOK HAND. RELUCTANTLY BUT WH GOOD HUMOR, I CHANGED TO A GUS NIM MISKIRT, A LORFUL SWEATER, NAVY LEATHER FLATS, EARRGS, AND, Y, A STRG OF PEARLS. A QUICK CHECK OF HAIR AND MAKP, AND WE WERE OUT THE DOOR, ACPANIED BY ABOUT FIVE OTHER DORM IENDS—SOME SHG THE ATERNY, SOME AS DAT.WE ARRIVED TO THE D OF A PARTY FULL SWG: A BAND, MULTIPLE KEGS OF BEER, DANCG, FOOSBALL, AND MANTLE DIVG. THERE WAS NOTHG OUT OF THE ORDARY, BUT FOR THE FACT THAT JIM WAS GAY. IN 1984, GAY MEN WERE NOT OPENLY ACCEPTED SOUTHERN GREEK CULTURE. I’M CERTA THEY STILL ARE NOT. JIM NEED TO “PASS,” SO I STUCK BY HIS SI AS WE TOURED THE MASSIVE GEIAN PROPERTY, LISTENG TO THE BROTHERS BLOVIATE ABOUT TRADNS, AMIA, AND THE HONOR THAT WAS BTOWED UPON THE LUCKY FEW WHO WOULD BE CHOSEN AS PHI KAPPA PSI BROTHERS. I WAS BORED, BUT I GRABBED A RED SOLO CUP, FILLED WH BEER, AND STAYED WH MY GROUP, CHATTG WH THE BROTHERS ABOUT JIM.JIM AND I GOT SEPARATED AFTER WE CLIMBED THE GRAND STAIRSE TO THE SEND FLOOR, WHERE WE WERE VED TO SMOKE POT WH A FEW OF THE BROTHERS. I NEVER HAD, SO I CLED, AND TOLD JIM I’D BE WAG THE LARGE LIVG AREA ON THE SEND FLOOR. THE PARTY WAS FULL AND I FOUND A SOFA NEAR A MAKHIFT BAR THE RNER. WAG THERE, I THOUGHT, WAS SAFER THAN WALKG HOME ALONE. TWO MEN, WHO INTIFIED THEMSELV AS BROTHERS, WERE TENDG THE BAR. WOULD I LIKE A DRK? NOT WANTG TO SEEM LIKE AN OUTSIR, OR WORSE, A FIRST YEAR GIRL, I ACCEPTED A GREEN DRK A CLEAR TUMBLER WH A STRAW THAT THE TALLER OF TWO YOUNG MEN OFFERED ME. HE LLED THE “HOE SPECIAL.” I THANKED HIM, SAT DOWN ON THE SOFA, AND SIPPED THROUGH THE STRAW. PEOPLE LED ABOUT VAR STAG OF EBRIATN, DANCG, AND SHOUTG.I ASKED A FEW PEOPLE WHEN MY DATE WOULD BE RETURNG. I WAS TOLD NOT TO WORRY, THAT HE’D ONLY BE A FEW MUT, TO RELAX. SUDNLY, AFTER A FEW SIPS OF THE GREEN DRK, I NOTICED SOMETHG WRONG. EXTRAORDARILY WRONG. I ULD NOT FEEL MY HANDS OR FEET. MY ARMS AND LEGS BEGAN TO FEEL NUMB. I STARTED TO PANIC, BREATHG SHALLOWLY AND RAPIDLY. AT THAT POT, A TALL, BROWN-HAIRED MAN WH WIRE-RIMMED GLASS ME OVER TO ME, SAT DOWN, AND PEPPERED ME WH QUTNS. WHERE WAS I OM? WHAT WAS MY MAJOR? WHERE DID I LIVE? I ANSWERED HIS QUTNS PERFUNCTORILY, BEGGG OFF THAT I WAS SOON TO RETURN TO MY DORM, AS I WAS TIRED. I HAD NO IA WHAT TIME WAS OR HOW LONG I HAD BEEN ON THE SEND FLOOR. I FELT DIZZY AND DISNNECTED.HE GRABBED MY ARM AGGRSIVELY. “I HAVE SOMETHG TO SHOW YOU.”I SHOUTED “NO!” BUT HE DRAGGED ME OFF THE SOFA LIKE A RAG DOLL, DOWN A LONG HALLWAY. HE PULLED ME TO A ROOM AT THE END, SAT ME ON HIS LAP, AND BEGAN READG TO ME OM A VOLUME OF POETRY BOUND GREEN CLOTH— ULD HAVE BEEN YEATS. I SQUIRMED, TRYG TO SET MYSELF EE. HE STUCK HIS TONGUE MY EAR AND TOLD ME TO SETTLE DOWN.ADRENALE KICKED , AND I EED MYSELF OM THE STRANGE MAN, RAN TO THE HALLWAY, AND BEGAN BANGG ON THE DOOR WHERE I HAD EARLIER SET MY HANDBAG FOR SAFEKEEPG. THE DOOR WAS PADLOCKED OM THE OUTSI. I BEGAN TO SCREAM AND KICK THE DOOR WH THE POTED TO OF MY SHO. AT THAT MOMENT, THE MIC CRANKED UP LOUDLY AND ONE OF THE GUYS OM THE BAR THE RNER OF THE LIVG ROOM—THE TALL ONE WHO HAD GIVEN ME THE DRK—WALKED LMLY OVER TO ME, PICKED ME UP LIKE A SACK OF ASH, AND POSED ME BACK TO THE ARMS OF THE BPECTACLED STRANGER.WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WAS UNSPEAKABLY HORRIBLE. AFTER PNG ME DOWN WH HIS ARMS AND LEGS, HE RAPED ME REPEATEDLY. HE BEAT ME, SPE MY SCREAMS AND MY BEGGG. I PASSED OUT OM THE FEAR AND PA.WAKG BRIEFLY A FEW TIM THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, I HEARD SOUNDS, VOIC, SLAMMG DOORS. I FELT HANDS ON ME. I ULD NOT MOVE. SUDNLY, LIGHT FLOOD THE ROOM, AND I FOUND MYSELF LYG ON A FILTHY ORANGE SOFA ACROSS THE ROOM OM WHERE MY RAPE OCCURRED. I WAS VERED NOTHG BUT A FILTHY SHEET. THE SHEET WAS VERED WH LARGE SPOTS OF BLOOD. AS I TRIED TO GET UPRIGHT, I REALIZED WH HORROR THAT THE BLOOD WAS MY OWN.AFTER CLEANG UP THE P AMOUNT OF BLOOD ON MY BODY A BATHROOM, I FOUND MY CLOTHG AND GOT DRSED. THE PADLOCKED DOOR DOWN THE HALL WAS NOW OPEN, AND I FOUND MY PURSE. I GGERLY WALKED DOWN THE CENTER STAIRSE AND OUT TO WHAT WAS A CHILLY, SUNNY OCTOBER MORNG. THE HOE WAS EERILY SILENT ON A FRIDAY MORNG AFTER A HUGE PARTY. THERE ARE TWO SETS OF STEPS LEADG OM THE ONT DOORS OF PHI KAPPA PSI HOE. I BEGAN WALKG RIGHT, TOWARDS MY DORM, WHEN I REALIZED I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPAL. I TURNED LEFT, AND BEGAN THE LONG, PAFUL WALK TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA MEDIL CENTER.AT THE HOSPAL, I WAS TOLD TO WA, AND WAS GIVEN SOME TEA BY A NURSE. NO ONE GAVE ME ANY PAPERWORK TO FILL OUT. THERE WERE STAR, GTUR, AND QUIET NVERSATNS AT THE SK. I ASSUMED THAT FAR MORE SER S HAD E TO THE E.R. FALLY, AFTER WAG FOR A FEW HOURS, THE NURSE APPROACHED ME AND TOLD ME THAT THEY ULD NOT HELP ME, THAT I HAD TO TRAVEL TO RICHMOND OR WASHGTON, D.C. FOR WHAT I NEED. APPARENTLY, I NEED “TTS.” I BAILED BEFORE SHE EVEN FISHED HER SENTENCE, AND BEGAN THE LONG, SAD WALK BACK TO MY DORM, WHERE I TOLD MY HALL MAT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. SOME SYMPATHIZED, SOME ROLLED THEIR EY, AND MANY SIMPLY WALKED AWAY. I WAS BISED OM HEAD TO TOE—MY HEAD, MY CHEEKBONE, MY TOE, MY RIBS, MY LEGS, AND OF URSE, MY GENALS. BY NIGHTFALL, I HAD SHOWERED, EATEN SOME SOUP THAT A IEND BROUGHT ME, AND I SLEPT MY ROOM FOR 12 SOLID HOURS.ON THE FOLLOWG MONDAY, WAS ARRANGED BY MY RINT ADVISER THAT I WOULD MEET WH THE AN OF STUNTS, ROBERT CANEVARI. STILL FEARFUL AND SMARTG OM THE PA, I ARRIVED ON TIME AND WAS LED TO CHAIR HIS OFFICE. IN GREAT TAIL, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. I WAS VERED VISIBLE BIS AS I SAT BEFORE HIM. HE DISMISSED ME AND TOLD ME I HAD “HAD SEX WH A YOUNG MAN AND DIDN’T WANT MY PARENTS TO KNOW I WASN’T A GOOD GIRL.” HE SUGGTED I NEED MENTAL HELP, AND OFFERED TO HELP ME TRANSFER TO ANOTHER LLEGE.WHAT?DEAN CANEVARI WOULD NOT LL THE CHARLOTTVILLE POLICE FOR ME, BEE, HE SAID, PHI KAPPA PSI FELL UNR “UNIVERSY JURISDICTN,” SO I WAS ALLOWED TO REPORT THE ATTACK TERNALLY. CANEVARI PASSED ME OFF TO DEAN SYBIL TODD, WHO ACPANIED ME TO THE UNIVERSY POLICE DEPARTMENT. I GAVE STATEMENTS TO THEN-CAPTA MICHAEL SHEFFIELD ON SEVERAL DIFFERENT OCSNS.NOTHG EVER ME OF THE “VTIGATN.” I LLED SHEFFIELD’S OFFICE REGULARLY, AND I WAS ROUTELY TOLD SOMEONE WOULD GET BACK TO ME. THERE WAS SNOW ON THE GROUND WHEN I MA MY LAST TRIP TO SEE SHEFFIELD. THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY WAS QUICKLY APPROACHG.NO ONE EVER LLED ME BACK.DEAN TODD, A MOTHERLY FIGURE, TOOK ME UNR HER WG. WE ATE LUNCH TOGETHER. I HAD DNER AT HER HOME. SHE ARRANGED FOR ME TO MEET A STUNT JOURNALIST, SO THAT I ULD TELL ONE OF THE STUNT NEWSPAPERS MY STORY. I DID. DEAN TODD ARRANGED FOR ME TO S BEHD A SCREEN AND TALK ABOUT MY RAPE FOR A GROUP OF STUNT LEARS AND ACTIVISTS. I WANTED TO BE ANONYMO, AS SOME OF THE PEOPLE WERE IENDS OF ME. DEAN TODD REMAED MY IEND UNTIL I GRADUATED 1988, WH MY GREE ENGLISH LERATURE.THKG THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY, I MET A FEW TIM WH THE PRINT OF THE INTERATERNY COUNCIL. HE WAS A FOURTH YEAR, OM ATLANTA, AND VERY KD TO ME. BUT HE ULDN’T DO ANYTHG FOR ME.I MA AS MUCH NOISE AS I ULD HAVE, BUT NO ONE HEARD ME. UNTIL 2005.THAT YOUNG MAN THE GLASS HAD A NAME: WILLIAM BEEBE. I KNEW BEE I RIFLED THROUGH HIS MAIL THAT TERRIBLE OCTOBER MORNG. IN SEPTEMBER 2005, BEEBE WROTE A LETTER TO MY HOME TO APOLOGIZE. IT BEME A FIRTORM OF EXPLIBLE PROPORTNS.FROM SEPTEMBER THROUGH NOVEMBER 2005, I RRPOND WH HIM VIA EMAIL TO FD OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME THAT NIGHT. HOW MANY ATTACKERS? HE WROTE THAT HE WAS THE ONLY ONE. WHAT WAS MY DRK? HE DIDN’T KNOW. WHY DID HE RAPE ME? HE THOUGHT WAS A “ROMANTIC” ENUNTER. WHY WAS HE APOLOGIZG? IT WAS PART OF STEPS 8 AND 9 HIS ALHOLICS ANONYMO PROGRAM.I BROUGHT THE RRPONNCE TO THE CHARLOTTVILLE POLICE, THKG THEY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE EVENT THAT OTHER VICTIMS WERE TO E FORWARD. I HAD NO IA I WAS ACTUALLY BUILDG A SE AGAST BEEBE. I WAS SHOCKED TO FD OUT OM CHIEF TIMOTHY LONGO THAT CANEVARI HAD GIVEN ME THE WRONG RMATN. THE CHARLOTTVILLE POLICE DID ED HAVE JURISDICTN OVER THE PHI KAPPA PSI HOE. ANOTHER BOMBSHELL: THERE IS NO STATUTE OF LIMATNS ON RAPE THE COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGIA.BEEBE WAS ARRTED JANUARY 2006 AND CHARGED WH TWO UNTS OF FELONY RAPE. I TTIFIED MERELY EIGHT FEET OM THIS MONSTER AT A PRELIMARY HEARG. BEEBE WAS DICTED BY A GRAND JURY, AND, AS THE VTIGATN NTUED, WAS REVEALED TO ME THROUGH MY PROSECUTOR, CL WORRELL, THAT JT AS I HAD SPECTED, I HAD BEEN THE VICTIM OF A GANG RAPE. BEEBE’S FENSE TEAM, RHONDA QUAGLIANA AND FRANCIS LAWRENCE, HAD HIRED A PRIVATE VTIGATOR. THE VTIGATOR UNVERED THE INTI OF THE OTHER TWO RAPISTS AND THE TAILS OF THAT NIGHT. IT WAS SHOCKG TO FD OUT THAT THE RAPE BY BEEBE WAS ACTUALLY THE LAST ONE OF THE NIGHT. I HAD NO MEMORY OF THE OTHER TWO, AND THAT RMATN WAS ED TO DISCRED MY RELLECTN OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. THE OTHER TWO RAPISTS HIRED AN ATTORNEY AND APPEARED BEFORE A GRAND JURY, EACH PLEADG THE FIFTH AMENDMENT TO EACH OF THE QUTNS ASKED. WHEN MY HBAND AND I ASKED TO SEE THE REPORT, WE WERE TOLD WE ULD PURCHASE THE REPORT FOR $30,000 OM THE FENSE. WE CLED.POLICE NTACTED DOZENS OF WNS OM THAT NIGHT. MANY WERE TERVIEWED. MANY CLED TO BE TERVIEWED. THE BONDS OF PHI KAPPA PSI BROTHERHOOD WERE TOO STRONG TO BREAK. THERE WERE WNS WHO ARE SONS OF POWERFUL MEN; NGRSMEN, SENATORS, PTAS OF DTRY. IT WAS—AND IS—HEARTBREAKG.TWO WEEKS BEFORE TRIAL, BEEBE PLEAD GUILTY TO A SGLE CHARGE OF AGGRAVATED SEXUAL BATTERY. HIS FENSE ATTORNEYS SAID THAT HE WAS NOCENT, THAT HE WAS ONLY GUILTY OF “A THOUGHTLS LLEGE SEX ENUNTER DURG WHICH HE ACTED UNGENTLEMANLY.” HE WAS SENTENCED TO 10 YEARS PRISON, WH ALL BUT TWO AND A HALF YEARS SPEND. HE SERVED LS THAN SIX MONTHS.IS THAT JTICE?I SAY Y. WHEN I THK OF THE MANY RAPE VICTIMS WHO NEVER E FORWARD, WHO HAVE BEEN SILENCED THE SAME FASHN, I AM SADNED. WHEN LLEG AND UNIVERSI SYSTEMATILLY LIE TO VICTIMS AND SHUTTLE THEM TOWARD ADMISTRATORS WHOSE JOBS PEND UPON PROTECTG THE GOOD NAM OF THEIR EMPLOYERS, ALL OF LOSE. BUT I FOUGHT, AND I FOUGHT HARD, SO THAT OTHERS AFTER ME HAVE HOPE, AND A CHANCE. I RECEIVED JTICE MANY WAYS. SOMEONE FALLY BELIEVED ME. IT TOOK A LETTER OM A RAPIST—AN ADMISSN OF SORTS—TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN, BUT HAPPENED. THE FUNNY THG ABOUT THE NCEPT OF FIVENS IS THAT DO NOT BEG TO CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT, OR ERASE THE MEMORI I HAVE. THE HUMAN HEART, ORR TO GROW, NEEDS TO FIVE. I FAVE WILLIAM BEEBE S AGO. I DON’T FIVE PEOPLE WHO SEND HATE MAIL AND ATH THREATS. THOSE PEOPLE HAVE NO SOUL AND ARE NOT IMPORTANT. I DO NOT FIVE THOSE WHO SAW THE ATTACKS AND HAVE REFED TO OPERATE WH LAW ENFORCEMENT. THE ARE MEN WHO NOW HAVE WIV AND CHILDREN, AND THEIR SILENCE SO MANY YEARS LATER SHOWS HOW MORALLY BANKPT THEY REMA. I NNOT BEG TO UNRSTAND .BUT THEY KNOW. DEAN CANEVARI CLAIMS TO HAVE NO MEMORY OF MEETG WH ME. DEAN SYBIL TODD PASSED AWAY OM PANCREATIC NCER BEFORE SHE ULD TTIFY. THE IFC PRINT NIED MEETG WH ME. I RECEIVED AN EMAIL OM A IEND SOME DAYS AGO AFTER THE ROLLG STONE ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED, WHO, WHOUT PROMPTG, WROTE THAT HE KNEW SOMETHG TERRIBLE HAD HAPPENED TO ME WHEN HE SAW ME MEETG WH THE IFC PRINT THE LOUNGE OF MY DORM. LEONARD SANDRIDGE OF THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA WROTE TO ME THAT RERDS OF MY MEETGS WH UNIVERSY POLICE AND CAPTA SHEFFIELD “ULD NOT BE LOTED.” THE CURRENT ADMISTRATN HAS REFED TO SPEAK WH ME ABOUT MAKG CHANGE. THEY HAVE REFED TO APOLOGIZE, WHICH IS ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED. I HAVE NOT SUED PHI KAPPA PSI, THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA, OR ANY OF THE DIVIDUALS VOLVED.AS SURVIVORS, WE N PUNCH THE SKY AND HOWL AT THE MOON FOR SO LONG, BUT WE ALL DIE ALONE, AND WE ALL LIVE ALONE WH OUR FEARS AND LGERG TRMA. BUT WE ALSO LIVE WH HEALG, WH LOVE, WH ACTIVISM, WH A VOICE. ACCEPTG THE GOOD IS HOW WE GET BY. I WAS TOUCHED BY SOMETHG DIVE THAT NIGHT. I DID NOT DIE. I MAY BE MISSG SOME TIME AND THERE ARE MEMORI THAT WILL NEVER BE RETRIEVED. DO THAT MAKE ME LOST? NO. I AM WHOLE, LUCKY, BLSED—THE WHOLE NE YARDS. IT IS NOT A PY PARTY WHEN YOU N STAND UP AND SAY, “I AM,” TO BE UNTED, REAFFIRMED, HUMAN. RAPE DO NOT DIMISH THAT. AND I AM. I AM.*NAM HAVE BEEN CHANGED.EDOR’S NOTE: LIZ’S ACUNT OF HER RAPE WAS BRIEFLY REUNTED THE NOVEMBER 17TH ISSUE OF ROLLG STONE, THE STORY ‘A RAPE ON CAMP’ BY SABRA RUB ERLY.LIZ IS THE THOR OF CRASH INTO ME: A SURVIVOR'S SEARCH FOR JTICE. LIZ SECCURO

THE SECRET GAY HISTORY OF AN AMERIN FRATERNY

This is not a gay g of age story.

No, this is a story about thgs I saw and heard and experienced, but don’t end wh me steppg bravely forward and proudly clarg my homosexualy to the world and fdg my place . Some of the iends did turn out to be gay, though I had no ia at the time, as they, I thk, had srcely any ia about me.

GAY AND GREEK: THE EXPERIENCE OF BEG GAY AND A ATERNY

Afterward, my broad-shoulred stoner iend sually told Jason that “What we did was okay, bee I heard you have to do three tim wh a guy to make you gay. In the aterny which I belonged, a small subset of iends began referrg to the annual fall visatn of alumni as “Homog Weekend. ) he was homosexual.

L.A. AFFAIRS: I FELL FOR A GAY USC AT STAR. THEN I BEME ONE

By the time I graduated 1987, I had been through a few Homog Weekends and taken the long walk wh several of my olr aterny brothers, who would awkwardly nfs to beg gay. I was too uptight about my own sexualy and this sort of thg h entirely too close to home (homo?

But he left no doubt that he was totally gay, and ma me unfortable when he looked to my ey wh that perceptive visn of his. “But the guy’s a homosexual, and there are guys who say they’re gog blackball him to prevent him om gettg a bid, ” I was told.

I WAS GANG RAPED AT A U-VA FRAT 30 YEARS AGO, AND NO ONE DID ANYTHG HISTORY REPEATINGIN THE SAME HOE WHERE ROLLG STONE'S JACKIE SAYS SHE WAS. NO ONE DID ANYTHG ABOUT UNTIL ONE OF MY RAPISTS NTACTED ME TO APOLOGIZE. LIZ SECCUROUPDATED APR. 14, 2017 1:19PM EDT / PUBLISHED DEC. 16, 2014 5:55AM EST PHOTO ILLTRATN BY THE DAILY BEASTI WAS GANG-RAPED AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA. I WAS GANG RAPED AT THE PHI KAPPA PSI ATERNY HOE. WE ARE ALL LEFT WH QUTNS AND OPNS THE EXHSTG WAKE OF THE NOW-FAMO ROLLG STONE ARTICLE ABOUT MP SEXUAL ASSLT, AND HOW VICTIMS ARE TREATED AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA. THIS IS MY STORY.IN AUGT 1984, I ARRIVED AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA CHARLOTTVILLE, EAGER TO JUMP TO LLEGE LIFE. AS A SHELTERED, SHY, BUT AMB CHILD GROWG UP SUBURBAN WTCHTER COUNTY, NEW YORK, MY CHOICE STCK SOME AS VERY FAR AWAY, VERY “SOUTHERN.” MOST OF MY NTEMPORARI OM MY ALL-GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL RYE, NEW YORK, WERE HEAD NORTH TO BOSTON OR OTHER PARTS OF NEW ENGLAND, TO SO MANY OF THE LIBERAL ARTS LLEG MUCH LR CLIM. MY PARENTS WERE THRILLED WH MY CHOICE, EVEN THOUGH I HAD NEVER EVEN PAID THE MP A VIS DURG THE APPLITN PROCS. I KNEW I WANTED TO GO TO UVA FOR ONE MAJOR REASON: IT HAD THE UNTRY’S MOST HIGHLY RANKED ENGLISH PARTMENT, MY MAJOR OF CHOICE. I HAD GRADUATED AS VALEDICTORIAN, AND AS I PACKED MY BELONGGS FOR THE TRIP THE CHARLOTTVILLE, I WAS PREPARED TO MAKE MY MARK AT THE WONRFUL STUTN FOUND BY THOMAS JEFFERSON. BUT, THOSE HOP WERE TO BE DASHED ABOUT FIVE WEEKS TO MY LLEGE REER. I WAS 17 YEARS OLD.A DORM IEND, JIM*, WHO SPERATELY WANTG TO JO A ATERNY, BEGGED ME TO ACPANY HIM AS HIS DATE TO A SH PARTY AT THE PHI KAPPA PSI HOE ON OCT. 5, 1984. WE LIVED A ED DORM, WH THE FIRST AND THIRD FLOORS HOG THE YOUNG MEN, AND THE SEND FLOOR HOG THE GIRLS. JIM HAD TO JOLE ME, AS WAS ALREADY LATE, AND I WAS LOUNGG AROUND SWEATS, BOOK HAND. RELUCTANTLY BUT WH GOOD HUMOR, I CHANGED TO A GUS NIM MISKIRT, A LORFUL SWEATER, NAVY LEATHER FLATS, EARRGS, AND, Y, A STRG OF PEARLS. A QUICK CHECK OF HAIR AND MAKP, AND WE WERE OUT THE DOOR, ACPANIED BY ABOUT FIVE OTHER DORM IENDS—SOME SHG THE ATERNY, SOME AS DAT.WE ARRIVED TO THE D OF A PARTY FULL SWG: A BAND, MULTIPLE KEGS OF BEER, DANCG, FOOSBALL, AND MANTLE DIVG. THERE WAS NOTHG OUT OF THE ORDARY, BUT FOR THE FACT THAT JIM WAS GAY. IN 1984, GAY MEN WERE NOT OPENLY ACCEPTED SOUTHERN GREEK CULTURE. I’M CERTA THEY STILL ARE NOT. JIM NEED TO “PASS,” SO I STUCK BY HIS SI AS WE TOURED THE MASSIVE GEIAN PROPERTY, LISTENG TO THE BROTHERS BLOVIATE ABOUT TRADNS, AMIA, AND THE HONOR THAT WAS BTOWED UPON THE LUCKY FEW WHO WOULD BE CHOSEN AS PHI KAPPA PSI BROTHERS. I WAS BORED, BUT I GRABBED A RED SOLO CUP, FILLED WH BEER, AND STAYED WH MY GROUP, CHATTG WH THE BROTHERS ABOUT JIM.JIM AND I GOT SEPARATED AFTER WE CLIMBED THE GRAND STAIRSE TO THE SEND FLOOR, WHERE WE WERE VED TO SMOKE POT WH A FEW OF THE BROTHERS. I NEVER HAD, SO I CLED, AND TOLD JIM I’D BE WAG THE LARGE LIVG AREA ON THE SEND FLOOR. THE PARTY WAS FULL AND I FOUND A SOFA NEAR A MAKHIFT BAR THE RNER. WAG THERE, I THOUGHT, WAS SAFER THAN WALKG HOME ALONE. TWO MEN, WHO INTIFIED THEMSELV AS BROTHERS, WERE TENDG THE BAR. WOULD I LIKE A DRK? NOT WANTG TO SEEM LIKE AN OUTSIR, OR WORSE, A FIRST YEAR GIRL, I ACCEPTED A GREEN DRK A CLEAR TUMBLER WH A STRAW THAT THE TALLER OF TWO YOUNG MEN OFFERED ME. HE LLED THE “HOE SPECIAL.” I THANKED HIM, SAT DOWN ON THE SOFA, AND SIPPED THROUGH THE STRAW. PEOPLE LED ABOUT VAR STAG OF EBRIATN, DANCG, AND SHOUTG.I ASKED A FEW PEOPLE WHEN MY DATE WOULD BE RETURNG. I WAS TOLD NOT TO WORRY, THAT HE’D ONLY BE A FEW MUT, TO RELAX. SUDNLY, AFTER A FEW SIPS OF THE GREEN DRK, I NOTICED SOMETHG WRONG. EXTRAORDARILY WRONG. I ULD NOT FEEL MY HANDS OR FEET. MY ARMS AND LEGS BEGAN TO FEEL NUMB. I STARTED TO PANIC, BREATHG SHALLOWLY AND RAPIDLY. AT THAT POT, A TALL, BROWN-HAIRED MAN WH WIRE-RIMMED GLASS ME OVER TO ME, SAT DOWN, AND PEPPERED ME WH QUTNS. WHERE WAS I OM? WHAT WAS MY MAJOR? WHERE DID I LIVE? I ANSWERED HIS QUTNS PERFUNCTORILY, BEGGG OFF THAT I WAS SOON TO RETURN TO MY DORM, AS I WAS TIRED. I HAD NO IA WHAT TIME WAS OR HOW LONG I HAD BEEN ON THE SEND FLOOR. I FELT DIZZY AND DISNNECTED.HE GRABBED MY ARM AGGRSIVELY. “I HAVE SOMETHG TO SHOW YOU.”I SHOUTED “NO!” BUT HE DRAGGED ME OFF THE SOFA LIKE A RAG DOLL, DOWN A LONG HALLWAY. HE PULLED ME TO A ROOM AT THE END, SAT ME ON HIS LAP, AND BEGAN READG TO ME OM A VOLUME OF POETRY BOUND GREEN CLOTH— ULD HAVE BEEN YEATS. I SQUIRMED, TRYG TO SET MYSELF EE. HE STUCK HIS TONGUE MY EAR AND TOLD ME TO SETTLE DOWN.ADRENALE KICKED , AND I EED MYSELF OM THE STRANGE MAN, RAN TO THE HALLWAY, AND BEGAN BANGG ON THE DOOR WHERE I HAD EARLIER SET MY HANDBAG FOR SAFEKEEPG. THE DOOR WAS PADLOCKED OM THE OUTSI. I BEGAN TO SCREAM AND KICK THE DOOR WH THE POTED TO OF MY SHO. AT THAT MOMENT, THE MIC CRANKED UP LOUDLY AND ONE OF THE GUYS OM THE BAR THE RNER OF THE LIVG ROOM—THE TALL ONE WHO HAD GIVEN ME THE DRK—WALKED LMLY OVER TO ME, PICKED ME UP LIKE A SACK OF ASH, AND POSED ME BACK TO THE ARMS OF THE BPECTACLED STRANGER.WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WAS UNSPEAKABLY HORRIBLE. AFTER PNG ME DOWN WH HIS ARMS AND LEGS, HE RAPED ME REPEATEDLY. HE BEAT ME, SPE MY SCREAMS AND MY BEGGG. I PASSED OUT OM THE FEAR AND PA.WAKG BRIEFLY A FEW TIM THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, I HEARD SOUNDS, VOIC, SLAMMG DOORS. I FELT HANDS ON ME. I ULD NOT MOVE. SUDNLY, LIGHT FLOOD THE ROOM, AND I FOUND MYSELF LYG ON A FILTHY ORANGE SOFA ACROSS THE ROOM OM WHERE MY RAPE OCCURRED. I WAS VERED NOTHG BUT A FILTHY SHEET. THE SHEET WAS VERED WH LARGE SPOTS OF BLOOD. AS I TRIED TO GET UPRIGHT, I REALIZED WH HORROR THAT THE BLOOD WAS MY OWN.AFTER CLEANG UP THE P AMOUNT OF BLOOD ON MY BODY A BATHROOM, I FOUND MY CLOTHG AND GOT DRSED. THE PADLOCKED DOOR DOWN THE HALL WAS NOW OPEN, AND I FOUND MY PURSE. I GGERLY WALKED DOWN THE CENTER STAIRSE AND OUT TO WHAT WAS A CHILLY, SUNNY OCTOBER MORNG. THE HOE WAS EERILY SILENT ON A FRIDAY MORNG AFTER A HUGE PARTY. THERE ARE TWO SETS OF STEPS LEADG OM THE ONT DOORS OF PHI KAPPA PSI HOE. I BEGAN WALKG RIGHT, TOWARDS MY DORM, WHEN I REALIZED I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPAL. I TURNED LEFT, AND BEGAN THE LONG, PAFUL WALK TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM AT THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA MEDIL CENTER.AT THE HOSPAL, I WAS TOLD TO WA, AND WAS GIVEN SOME TEA BY A NURSE. NO ONE GAVE ME ANY PAPERWORK TO FILL OUT. THERE WERE STAR, GTUR, AND QUIET NVERSATNS AT THE SK. I ASSUMED THAT FAR MORE SER S HAD E TO THE E.R. FALLY, AFTER WAG FOR A FEW HOURS, THE NURSE APPROACHED ME AND TOLD ME THAT THEY ULD NOT HELP ME, THAT I HAD TO TRAVEL TO RICHMOND OR WASHGTON, D.C. FOR WHAT I NEED. APPARENTLY, I NEED “TTS.” I BAILED BEFORE SHE EVEN FISHED HER SENTENCE, AND BEGAN THE LONG, SAD WALK BACK TO MY DORM, WHERE I TOLD MY HALL MAT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. SOME SYMPATHIZED, SOME ROLLED THEIR EY, AND MANY SIMPLY WALKED AWAY. I WAS BISED OM HEAD TO TOE—MY HEAD, MY CHEEKBONE, MY TOE, MY RIBS, MY LEGS, AND OF URSE, MY GENALS. BY NIGHTFALL, I HAD SHOWERED, EATEN SOME SOUP THAT A IEND BROUGHT ME, AND I SLEPT MY ROOM FOR 12 SOLID HOURS.ON THE FOLLOWG MONDAY, WAS ARRANGED BY MY RINT ADVISER THAT I WOULD MEET WH THE AN OF STUNTS, ROBERT CANEVARI. STILL FEARFUL AND SMARTG OM THE PA, I ARRIVED ON TIME AND WAS LED TO CHAIR HIS OFFICE. IN GREAT TAIL, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. I WAS VERED VISIBLE BIS AS I SAT BEFORE HIM. HE DISMISSED ME AND TOLD ME I HAD “HAD SEX WH A YOUNG MAN AND DIDN’T WANT MY PARENTS TO KNOW I WASN’T A GOOD GIRL.” HE SUGGTED I NEED MENTAL HELP, AND OFFERED TO HELP ME TRANSFER TO ANOTHER LLEGE.WHAT?DEAN CANEVARI WOULD NOT LL THE CHARLOTTVILLE POLICE FOR ME, BEE, HE SAID, PHI KAPPA PSI FELL UNR “UNIVERSY JURISDICTN,” SO I WAS ALLOWED TO REPORT THE ATTACK TERNALLY. CANEVARI PASSED ME OFF TO DEAN SYBIL TODD, WHO ACPANIED ME TO THE UNIVERSY POLICE DEPARTMENT. I GAVE STATEMENTS TO THEN-CAPTA MICHAEL SHEFFIELD ON SEVERAL DIFFERENT OCSNS.NOTHG EVER ME OF THE “VTIGATN.” I LLED SHEFFIELD’S OFFICE REGULARLY, AND I WAS ROUTELY TOLD SOMEONE WOULD GET BACK TO ME. THERE WAS SNOW ON THE GROUND WHEN I MA MY LAST TRIP TO SEE SHEFFIELD. THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY WAS QUICKLY APPROACHG.NO ONE EVER LLED ME BACK.DEAN TODD, A MOTHERLY FIGURE, TOOK ME UNR HER WG. WE ATE LUNCH TOGETHER. I HAD DNER AT HER HOME. SHE ARRANGED FOR ME TO MEET A STUNT JOURNALIST, SO THAT I ULD TELL ONE OF THE STUNT NEWSPAPERS MY STORY. I DID. DEAN TODD ARRANGED FOR ME TO S BEHD A SCREEN AND TALK ABOUT MY RAPE FOR A GROUP OF STUNT LEARS AND ACTIVISTS. I WANTED TO BE ANONYMO, AS SOME OF THE PEOPLE WERE IENDS OF ME. DEAN TODD REMAED MY IEND UNTIL I GRADUATED 1988, WH MY GREE ENGLISH LERATURE.THKG THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY, I MET A FEW TIM WH THE PRINT OF THE INTERATERNY COUNCIL. HE WAS A FOURTH YEAR, OM ATLANTA, AND VERY KD TO ME. BUT HE ULDN’T DO ANYTHG FOR ME.I MA AS MUCH NOISE AS I ULD HAVE, BUT NO ONE HEARD ME. UNTIL 2005.THAT YOUNG MAN THE GLASS HAD A NAME: WILLIAM BEEBE. I KNEW BEE I RIFLED THROUGH HIS MAIL THAT TERRIBLE OCTOBER MORNG. IN SEPTEMBER 2005, BEEBE WROTE A LETTER TO MY HOME TO APOLOGIZE. IT BEME A FIRTORM OF EXPLIBLE PROPORTNS.FROM SEPTEMBER THROUGH NOVEMBER 2005, I RRPOND WH HIM VIA EMAIL TO FD OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME THAT NIGHT. HOW MANY ATTACKERS? HE WROTE THAT HE WAS THE ONLY ONE. WHAT WAS MY DRK? HE DIDN’T KNOW. WHY DID HE RAPE ME? HE THOUGHT WAS A “ROMANTIC” ENUNTER. WHY WAS HE APOLOGIZG? IT WAS PART OF STEPS 8 AND 9 HIS ALHOLICS ANONYMO PROGRAM.I BROUGHT THE RRPONNCE TO THE CHARLOTTVILLE POLICE, THKG THEY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE EVENT THAT OTHER VICTIMS WERE TO E FORWARD. I HAD NO IA I WAS ACTUALLY BUILDG A SE AGAST BEEBE. I WAS SHOCKED TO FD OUT OM CHIEF TIMOTHY LONGO THAT CANEVARI HAD GIVEN ME THE WRONG RMATN. THE CHARLOTTVILLE POLICE DID ED HAVE JURISDICTN OVER THE PHI KAPPA PSI HOE. ANOTHER BOMBSHELL: THERE IS NO STATUTE OF LIMATNS ON RAPE THE COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGIA.BEEBE WAS ARRTED JANUARY 2006 AND CHARGED WH TWO UNTS OF FELONY RAPE. I TTIFIED MERELY EIGHT FEET OM THIS MONSTER AT A PRELIMARY HEARG. BEEBE WAS DICTED BY A GRAND JURY, AND, AS THE VTIGATN NTUED, WAS REVEALED TO ME THROUGH MY PROSECUTOR, CL WORRELL, THAT JT AS I HAD SPECTED, I HAD BEEN THE VICTIM OF A GANG RAPE. BEEBE’S FENSE TEAM, RHONDA QUAGLIANA AND FRANCIS LAWRENCE, HAD HIRED A PRIVATE VTIGATOR. THE VTIGATOR UNVERED THE INTI OF THE OTHER TWO RAPISTS AND THE TAILS OF THAT NIGHT. IT WAS SHOCKG TO FD OUT THAT THE RAPE BY BEEBE WAS ACTUALLY THE LAST ONE OF THE NIGHT. I HAD NO MEMORY OF THE OTHER TWO, AND THAT RMATN WAS ED TO DISCRED MY RELLECTN OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. THE OTHER TWO RAPISTS HIRED AN ATTORNEY AND APPEARED BEFORE A GRAND JURY, EACH PLEADG THE FIFTH AMENDMENT TO EACH OF THE QUTNS ASKED. WHEN MY HBAND AND I ASKED TO SEE THE REPORT, WE WERE TOLD WE ULD PURCHASE THE REPORT FOR $30,000 OM THE FENSE. WE CLED.POLICE NTACTED DOZENS OF WNS OM THAT NIGHT. MANY WERE TERVIEWED. MANY CLED TO BE TERVIEWED. THE BONDS OF PHI KAPPA PSI BROTHERHOOD WERE TOO STRONG TO BREAK. THERE WERE WNS WHO ARE SONS OF POWERFUL MEN; NGRSMEN, SENATORS, PTAS OF DTRY. IT WAS—AND IS—HEARTBREAKG.TWO WEEKS BEFORE TRIAL, BEEBE PLEAD GUILTY TO A SGLE CHARGE OF AGGRAVATED SEXUAL BATTERY. HIS FENSE ATTORNEYS SAID THAT HE WAS NOCENT, THAT HE WAS ONLY GUILTY OF “A THOUGHTLS LLEGE SEX ENUNTER DURG WHICH HE ACTED UNGENTLEMANLY.” HE WAS SENTENCED TO 10 YEARS PRISON, WH ALL BUT TWO AND A HALF YEARS SPEND. HE SERVED LS THAN SIX MONTHS.IS THAT JTICE?I SAY Y. WHEN I THK OF THE MANY RAPE VICTIMS WHO NEVER E FORWARD, WHO HAVE BEEN SILENCED THE SAME FASHN, I AM SADNED. WHEN LLEG AND UNIVERSI SYSTEMATILLY LIE TO VICTIMS AND SHUTTLE THEM TOWARD ADMISTRATORS WHOSE JOBS PEND UPON PROTECTG THE GOOD NAM OF THEIR EMPLOYERS, ALL OF LOSE. BUT I FOUGHT, AND I FOUGHT HARD, SO THAT OTHERS AFTER ME HAVE HOPE, AND A CHANCE. I RECEIVED JTICE MANY WAYS. SOMEONE FALLY BELIEVED ME. IT TOOK A LETTER OM A RAPIST—AN ADMISSN OF SORTS—TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN, BUT HAPPENED. THE FUNNY THG ABOUT THE NCEPT OF FIVENS IS THAT DO NOT BEG TO CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT, OR ERASE THE MEMORI I HAVE. THE HUMAN HEART, ORR TO GROW, NEEDS TO FIVE. I FAVE WILLIAM BEEBE S AGO. I DON’T FIVE PEOPLE WHO SEND HATE MAIL AND ATH THREATS. THOSE PEOPLE HAVE NO SOUL AND ARE NOT IMPORTANT. I DO NOT FIVE THOSE WHO SAW THE ATTACKS AND HAVE REFED TO OPERATE WH LAW ENFORCEMENT. THE ARE MEN WHO NOW HAVE WIV AND CHILDREN, AND THEIR SILENCE SO MANY YEARS LATER SHOWS HOW MORALLY BANKPT THEY REMA. I NNOT BEG TO UNRSTAND .BUT THEY KNOW. DEAN CANEVARI CLAIMS TO HAVE NO MEMORY OF MEETG WH ME. DEAN SYBIL TODD PASSED AWAY OM PANCREATIC NCER BEFORE SHE ULD TTIFY. THE IFC PRINT NIED MEETG WH ME. I RECEIVED AN EMAIL OM A IEND SOME DAYS AGO AFTER THE ROLLG STONE ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED, WHO, WHOUT PROMPTG, WROTE THAT HE KNEW SOMETHG TERRIBLE HAD HAPPENED TO ME WHEN HE SAW ME MEETG WH THE IFC PRINT THE LOUNGE OF MY DORM. LEONARD SANDRIDGE OF THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA WROTE TO ME THAT RERDS OF MY MEETGS WH UNIVERSY POLICE AND CAPTA SHEFFIELD “ULD NOT BE LOTED.” THE CURRENT ADMISTRATN HAS REFED TO SPEAK WH ME ABOUT MAKG CHANGE. THEY HAVE REFED TO APOLOGIZE, WHICH IS ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED. I HAVE NOT SUED PHI KAPPA PSI, THE UNIVERSY OF VIRGIA, OR ANY OF THE DIVIDUALS VOLVED.AS SURVIVORS, WE N PUNCH THE SKY AND HOWL AT THE MOON FOR SO LONG, BUT WE ALL DIE ALONE, AND WE ALL LIVE ALONE WH OUR FEARS AND LGERG TRMA. BUT WE ALSO LIVE WH HEALG, WH LOVE, WH ACTIVISM, WH A VOICE. ACCEPTG THE GOOD IS HOW WE GET BY. I WAS TOUCHED BY SOMETHG DIVE THAT NIGHT. I DID NOT DIE. I MAY BE MISSG SOME TIME AND THERE ARE MEMORI THAT WILL NEVER BE RETRIEVED. DO THAT MAKE ME LOST? NO. I AM WHOLE, LUCKY, BLSED—THE WHOLE NE YARDS. IT IS NOT A PY PARTY WHEN YOU N STAND UP AND SAY, “I AM,” TO BE UNTED, REAFFIRMED, HUMAN. RAPE DO NOT DIMISH THAT. AND I AM. I AM.*NAM HAVE BEEN CHANGED.EDOR’S NOTE: LIZ’S ACUNT OF HER RAPE WAS BRIEFLY REUNTED THE NOVEMBER 17TH ISSUE OF ROLLG STONE, THE STORY ‘A RAPE ON CAMP’ BY SABRA RUB ERLY.LIZ IS THE THOR OF CRASH INTO ME: A SURVIVOR'S SEARCH FOR JTICE. LIZ SECCURO

And after all, if I took a strong posn on the matter, someone might assume I was gay, and I was not gog to let that happen! Marc was about as openly gay as one uld safely be Lock Haven, Pennsylvania the early 1980s. Much later Marc would fd out I was gay too, spe my self-protective measur, and he would be very supportive, god bls him.

But 1984 I was not ready to be tthful about my sexualy wh anyone, even other gay people. If we we’re gog to blackball a gay guy jt bee he’s gay, then we’re not really about diversy at all, are we? Stori of the “gay murr” Lock Haven, Pennsylvania appeared everywhere, and were read by lns the big cy newspapers Philalphia and Ptsburgh.