Contents:
- A GAY FULLER HOE WRER DISH ON THE SHOW'S QUEER CHARACTERS
- I WATCHED EVERY EPISO OF ‘FULL HOE’ AND I WANT TO DIEAGONY, NO ECSTASYONE MAN WATCHED AND DOCUMENTED EVERY SGLE EPISO OF THE TV SHOW THE LAST , AND HE N NFIRM: IT TLY IS THE WORST OF ALL OF , AND SOMETHG SHOULD BE DONE TO PREVENT OM G BACK.BEN COLLSUPDATED APR. 14, 2017 11:05AM EDT / PUBLISHED APR. 27, 2015 5:15AM EDT ABC PHOTO ARCHIVONE DAY THE NEXT YEAR, WE WILL ALL FALLY GET WHAT’S G TO . FULL HOE WILL RETURN EARNT ON NETFLIX AS FULLER HOE, NOT AS A KNOCK ON THE UNARTFUL HYPERNSUMERIST MONSTROSY THAT WAS FRIDAY-NIGHT TV THE EARLY ’90S, BUT AS A LAZY, MONEY-GRABBG TRIBUTE TO THE GROUP OF LENNIALS AND PARENTS WHO REMEMBER THEIR TGIF-SUFFED CHILDHOODS FONDLY YET DON’T HAVE THE TIME OR EMOTNAL WHEREWHAL TO WEED OUT THE BAD PARTS.DO NOT LET THIS BE NFED FOR SARSM: FULL HOE IS TLY SOMETHG SATAN WOULD’VE DREAMT UP DURG AN UNSHAKEABLE FLU. IT IS ABOMABLE A WAY NOTHG ELSE IS, AND WILL TAKE YOU ONLY FIVE MUT OF WATCHG THIS SHOW SYNDITN 2015 TO FD THAT OUT. IT IS HOW OUR ENEMI ABROAD BELIEVE WE PASS OUR DAYS—SICK WH FEELGS FOR ONLY OURSELV. AND IF WE DID PASS OUR DAYS THIS WAY, THEY’D HAVE A POT.NONE OF THIS IS SAID TO PASS JUDGMENT ON THOSE WHO BELIEVED THAT THEY, AT LEAST AT SOME POT, LIKED THE SHOW. THE HUMAN MD IS A BRAVE AND GT SOLDIER. IT N MELD POSIVE MEMORI ONTO SHOWS THAT LASTED EIGHT SEASONS SIMPLY BEE THERE WEREN’T ENOUGH CHANNELS OR MONEY TO STOP . THOSE WHO REMEMBER FULL HOE WH A SCERE, MAYBE EVEN PROFOUND NOSTALGIA ARE NOT LIARS. THEY’RE NOT EVEN VIL WORSHIPPERS, AS YOU MIGHT PROJECT.THE PEOPLE SIMPLY HAVEN’T WATCHED AN EPISO FULL YEARS. RYAN ALEXANR-TANNER HAS WATCHED FULL HOE THE LAST . IN FACT, HE HAS WATCHED ALL OF THEM. HE WROTE TAILED REPORTS ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ONE.RYAN ALEXANR-TANNER IS AN ADULT MAN WHO STARTED THIS PROJECT—TO WATCH EVERY EPISO OF FULL HOE SPE AN IMMEDIATE, VISCERAL HATRED OF THE SHOW— 2011. HE FALLY FISHED 2014.RYAN ALEXANR-TANNER, AGAST ALL ODDS, IS STILL ALIVE.(THAT IS HIS REAL NAME, BY THE WAY, JT LIKE THE POUND-LIKE CLAN/CULT/FAY ON THE SHOW. “I KNOW! I DID THE WHOLE BLOG ANONYMOLY. I DIDN’T EVEN REALLY THK ABOUT ,” HE SAYS. “WHOOPS.”)HIS BLOG IS FULL HOE REVIEWED, WHICH GIV MORE TIME AND ATTENTN TO EVERY SGLE EPISO OF THE FORMER ABC SHOW THAN WAS IALLY GIVEN TO THE SCRIPT. HIS REVIEWS WAVER BETWEEN ALMOST AMIC LEVELS OF TAIL TO THE MDSET OF WHOEVER WAS WRG THIS MS, AND LIR, GENUE ANGER DIRECTED TOWARD THAT SAME PERSON.IN SHORT, HE HAS SEEN THE PTHS AND HE HAS RETURNED WH WISDOM. AND HE N TELL YOU THAT FULL HOE WAS AND IS EVERYTHG THAT IS WRONG WH AMERI.“I THK WHAT IS UNSETTLG ABOUT [FULL HOE] IS HOW SORT OF NONTATNAL AND OBNOX IS,” ALEXANR-TANNER TOLD THE DAILY BEAST LAST WEEK. “WHENEVER THE FAY GO TO PUBLIC SPAC, THEY MAKE ABOUT THEM. WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THE OTHER KIDS ON THE LTLE LEAGUE TEAM WHILE DJ AND STEPHANIE HAVE THIS HEARTWARMG TALK? THIS IS A NIGHTMARE WORLD FOR ALL OTHER PEOPLE.”HE’S TALKG ABOUT AN EPISO LLED “STEPHANIE PLAYS THE FIELD" WHERE THE GAME STOPS WHILE ONE OF THE TANNERS IS PCHG FOR A SISTERLY CHAT THE MIDDLE OF AN AT-BAT. AS HE PUTS HIS EPISO REP, “DJ OVER AND GIV STEPHANIE UNSELG ABOUT BOYS WHILE A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER KIDS’ FAI S THE BLEACHERS WISHG WHO THEY DIDN’T LIVE THE SAME SCHOOL DISTRICT AS THE FUCKG TANNER FAY.”“THE WERE PEOPLE WHO WERE AT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE,” ALEXANR-TANNER SAYS. “YOU ULD BE THIS PERSON WHO DIDN’T HAVE TO AL WH BOUNDARI OR BE TOLD NO OR TO WA YOUR TURN. YOU ULD JT CRAWL ACROSS A TABLE AND SHOVEL TAPE TO YOUR MOUTH. ANYONE ULD HAVE MA THAT SHOW.”ALEXANR-TANNER ONLY TOOK ON THE PROJECT AS A WAY TO KEEP HIS BRA BY. HE’S A GRAPHIC ARTIST AND ILLTRATOR OM PORTLAND, OREGON, WHO HAD JT MA A BOOK ABOUT TN WH BILL AYERS (Y, THAT BILL AYERS), AND HE HAD SOME DOWNTIME BEFORE HIS NEXT ONE. HE WANTED TO DITE HIMSELF TO SOMETHG THAT HE THOUGHT WOULD BE STCTURED BUT STILL “WEIRD” AND “IVOLO BULLSH.”THEN HE ENUNTERED A PROBLEM: HIS BLOG GOT VERY POPULAR, VERY FAST. PEOPLE STARTED MAILG HIM THE DVDS, IMPLORG HIM TO FISH .HE THKS WAS BEE PEOPLE THAT ME ACROSS HIS BLOG HAD THE SAME AWAKENG THE RT OF AMERI WILL HAVE 2016. “I GOT A LOT OF REARS WHO WERE LIKE, ‘I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT , BUT, YEAH, THIS SHOW IS ACTUALLY A PIECE OF SH,’” HE SAID. “THAT WAS A LOT OF THE APPEAL, I THK. ‘HEY, REMEMBER THAT THG? ACTUALLY, THAT WAS SUPER SHTY!’”SO HE MT’VE HAD SOME CLATN THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD WAKE UP ON A SPRG MORNG—TWO FULL S AFTER THE SHOW HAD BEEN UNCEREMONLY EXECUTED BY ABC EXECUTIV—TO FD THAT AN UN-IRONIC TELEVISN SHOW LLED FULLER HOE WAS ABOUT TO BEE A REALY, RIGHT?“NO!” HE SAYS. “IT’S LIKE YOU WENT AND FOUGHT THE VIETNAM WAR AND THEN END AND YOU WENT HOME AND THEY WERE LIKE, ‘NOW THERE’S MORE VIETNAM WAR!’”IT IS NOT JT THAT THE SHOW IS BAD— IS, BY THE WAY; THE SHOW IS BAD, AND IS NOT GOOD, AND NEVER WAS—BUT ’S THAT FULL HOE IS, AT POTS, OFFENSIVE AND BACKWARDS. THE SHOW IS BASED AROUND AN IA WH PROMISE—A WIDOWED DAD WHO NEEDS THE HELP OF HIS BROTHER--LAW AND BT IEND TO RAISE HIS KIDS.“ONE THG THAT IS LEGIMATELY OFFENSIVE TO ME IS THAT, NCEPTUALLY, ULD BE THIS SHOW ABOUT ALTERNATIVE-LIFTYLE FAI, BUT ANY ALLN TO ANY OF THE DADS BEG GAY IS PLAYED AS THIS ABSURDIST JOKE,” SAYS ALEXANR-TANNER. “IT’S THIS SANE NOTN THAT THIS FAY HAS BEEN CREATED WH MORE THAN ONE MAN ONE HOE. IT’S NEVER EVEN NSIRED AS A POSSIBILY.”BUT THE WORST MOMENT THE HISTORY OF THE SHOW, HE SAYS, IS A LOT SIMPLER: IT'S WHEN ONE OF THE OLSEN TWS AND THREE OTHER TODDLERS PLAY ALMOST ALL OF “TWIST ’N’ SHOUT,” PRUMABLY WHOUT A SEND OF REHEARSAL.“THIS IS THE MOST EXTREME EXAMPLE OF THE SHOW NOT EVEN QUALIFYG AS AN AMATR-QUALY PRODUCTN,” HE WR.IT IS A MS OF A TV SHOW THAT LASTED FOREVER. AND NOW, BEE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AT NETFLIX STARED AT AN EXCEL DOCUMENT LLED A BOARD ROOM ONCE BUT NEVER BOTHERED TO ACTUALLY GO BACK AND WATCH A SGLE EPISO, FULL HOE IS G BACK.“IT’S CLEAR THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THE ST OR CREW TO EVEN BOTHER. IT STARTED OUT AS A FAILURE OF A SHOW, THEY KEPT GOG, THEN BEME THIS EXPLIBLE PHENOMENON. THEY MT HAVE MA THIS CISN VERY EARLY THAT ‘WE’RE NOT GOG TO TRY HARR,’ BEE THEY NEVER DID,” ALEXANR-TANNER SAYS.“THE ONLY THG THAT REALLY GETS BETTER IS THE LIGHTG. IT REALLY CHANG AFTER THE FIRST SEASON. IT KD OF LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE SI OF A MCDONALD’S, WH THE PLEASG PASTEL LORS. AND THAT MAK SENSE BEE ’S THE MCDONALD’S OF SS. IT'S A SYNTHETIC RE-CREATN OF A REAL THG OF A TV SHOW. AND ROTS YOUR SIS.”NOW, HE SAYS, HE’LL GO BACK TO REPPG THE SHOW FULL WHENEVER NETFLIX PUTS OUT THE NEXT BATCH. HE IS NOT LOOKG FORWARD TO . “FOR YEARS, WHENEVER THERE WAS MORE FULL HOE NEWS, PEOPLE WOULD SEND TO ME AND I WOULD BE LIKE, ‘WHY? STOP DOG THAT. I DON’T RE ABOUT THIS AT ALL,’” HE SAYS.BUT HIS THREE-PL YEARS OF HATRED AND DIFFERENCE TOWARD THIS SHOW LED ALEXANR-TANNER TO SOMETHG PROFOUND: HE MAY HAVE FIGURED OUT WHY PEOPLE EVER LIKED THIS SHOW AT ALL.“ONE THG I DIDN’T REALIZE GOG TO THIS PROJECT THAT BEME CLEAR AS I PAID ATTENTN TO THE SE’S MOGRAPHICS IS THAT AN AWFUL LOT OF YOUNG GIRLS WATCHED THE SHOW,” HE WR. “THAT ACTUALLY EXPLAS A LOT, BEE A SERI ABOUT THREE LTLE GIRLS WHO HAVE THREE DOTG, NON-THREATENG FATHER FIGUR TENDG TO THEIR EVERY WHIM AND NEED IS A PRETTY OBV LTLE-GIRL FANTASY. ULTIMATELY, I THK THAT FULL HOE IS A PRODUCT OF A UNIQUE TIME, WHEN A BATN OF LOW-QUALY ELEMENTS SOMEHOW ME TOGETHER TO CREATE A H SERI THAT ULDN’T HAVE ENDURED DURG ANY OTHER PERD.”OR, OTHER WORDS, THE FAILURE TO LOOK BACK ON THE EMBARRASSMENT THAT IS THIS SHOW IS SEPARABLE OM THE FAILURE TO LOOK BACK ON THE WHOLLY SELF-ACTUALIZG JUNK THAT MASQUERAD AS FAY VALU THE EARLY ’90S. IF EVERY SGLE FAY BELIEV THAT THERE IS NO WORLD BUT S OWN—IF EVERY SGLE 5-YEAR-OLD IS THE PLA’S ONLY 5-YEAR-OLD, AS THIS SHOW PORTENDS—THEN WHY SHOULD A VIEWER BELIEVE ANY DIFFERENT?AND ’S A REALIZATN WE NEVER WOULD’VE HAD TO E TO HAD FULLER HOE NOT EXISTED. BUT NOW WE ALL MT FACE OUR LLECTIVE PASTS. WE HAVE BROUGHT UPON OURSELV THIS NATNAL TRAGEDY, AND WE N’T SAY WE DIDN’T ASK FOR . BEN COLLS
A GAY FULLER HOE WRER DISH ON THE SHOW'S QUEER CHARACTERS
I’m talkg about Max Fuller, the eight-year-old middle child of DJ Fuller (Candace Cameron Bure), a character that was almost one of the youngt (or possibly the youngt) gay kid TV history.
Instead, Fuller Hoe created a ltle kid that lets them make all sorts of gay jok whout actually givg the show’s gay dience (which most fely has, nsirg jt how massive a h the show is) any reprentatn. So that brgs me to my next pot: is ludicro for me to pontifite about whether or not a 9-year-old actor is gay or not.
I WATCHED EVERY EPISO OF ‘FULL HOE’ AND I WANT TO DIEAGONY, NO ECSTASYONE MAN WATCHED AND DOCUMENTED EVERY SGLE EPISO OF THE TV SHOW THE LAST , AND HE N NFIRM: IT TLY IS THE WORST OF ALL OF , AND SOMETHG SHOULD BE DONE TO PREVENT OM G BACK.BEN COLLSUPDATED APR. 14, 2017 11:05AM EDT / PUBLISHED APR. 27, 2015 5:15AM EDT ABC PHOTO ARCHIVONE DAY THE NEXT YEAR, WE WILL ALL FALLY GET WHAT’S G TO . FULL HOE WILL RETURN EARNT ON NETFLIX AS FULLER HOE, NOT AS A KNOCK ON THE UNARTFUL HYPERNSUMERIST MONSTROSY THAT WAS FRIDAY-NIGHT TV THE EARLY ’90S, BUT AS A LAZY, MONEY-GRABBG TRIBUTE TO THE GROUP OF LENNIALS AND PARENTS WHO REMEMBER THEIR TGIF-SUFFED CHILDHOODS FONDLY YET DON’T HAVE THE TIME OR EMOTNAL WHEREWHAL TO WEED OUT THE BAD PARTS.DO NOT LET THIS BE NFED FOR SARSM: FULL HOE IS TLY SOMETHG SATAN WOULD’VE DREAMT UP DURG AN UNSHAKEABLE FLU. IT IS ABOMABLE A WAY NOTHG ELSE IS, AND WILL TAKE YOU ONLY FIVE MUT OF WATCHG THIS SHOW SYNDITN 2015 TO FD THAT OUT. IT IS HOW OUR ENEMI ABROAD BELIEVE WE PASS OUR DAYS—SICK WH FEELGS FOR ONLY OURSELV. AND IF WE DID PASS OUR DAYS THIS WAY, THEY’D HAVE A POT.NONE OF THIS IS SAID TO PASS JUDGMENT ON THOSE WHO BELIEVED THAT THEY, AT LEAST AT SOME POT, LIKED THE SHOW. THE HUMAN MD IS A BRAVE AND GT SOLDIER. IT N MELD POSIVE MEMORI ONTO SHOWS THAT LASTED EIGHT SEASONS SIMPLY BEE THERE WEREN’T ENOUGH CHANNELS OR MONEY TO STOP . THOSE WHO REMEMBER FULL HOE WH A SCERE, MAYBE EVEN PROFOUND NOSTALGIA ARE NOT LIARS. THEY’RE NOT EVEN VIL WORSHIPPERS, AS YOU MIGHT PROJECT.THE PEOPLE SIMPLY HAVEN’T WATCHED AN EPISO FULL YEARS. RYAN ALEXANR-TANNER HAS WATCHED FULL HOE THE LAST . IN FACT, HE HAS WATCHED ALL OF THEM. HE WROTE TAILED REPORTS ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ONE.RYAN ALEXANR-TANNER IS AN ADULT MAN WHO STARTED THIS PROJECT—TO WATCH EVERY EPISO OF FULL HOE SPE AN IMMEDIATE, VISCERAL HATRED OF THE SHOW— 2011. HE FALLY FISHED 2014.RYAN ALEXANR-TANNER, AGAST ALL ODDS, IS STILL ALIVE.(THAT IS HIS REAL NAME, BY THE WAY, JT LIKE THE POUND-LIKE CLAN/CULT/FAY ON THE SHOW. “I KNOW! I DID THE WHOLE BLOG ANONYMOLY. I DIDN’T EVEN REALLY THK ABOUT ,” HE SAYS. “WHOOPS.”)HIS BLOG IS FULL HOE REVIEWED, WHICH GIV MORE TIME AND ATTENTN TO EVERY SGLE EPISO OF THE FORMER ABC SHOW THAN WAS IALLY GIVEN TO THE SCRIPT. HIS REVIEWS WAVER BETWEEN ALMOST AMIC LEVELS OF TAIL TO THE MDSET OF WHOEVER WAS WRG THIS MS, AND LIR, GENUE ANGER DIRECTED TOWARD THAT SAME PERSON.IN SHORT, HE HAS SEEN THE PTHS AND HE HAS RETURNED WH WISDOM. AND HE N TELL YOU THAT FULL HOE WAS AND IS EVERYTHG THAT IS WRONG WH AMERI.“I THK WHAT IS UNSETTLG ABOUT [FULL HOE] IS HOW SORT OF NONTATNAL AND OBNOX IS,” ALEXANR-TANNER TOLD THE DAILY BEAST LAST WEEK. “WHENEVER THE FAY GO TO PUBLIC SPAC, THEY MAKE ABOUT THEM. WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THE OTHER KIDS ON THE LTLE LEAGUE TEAM WHILE DJ AND STEPHANIE HAVE THIS HEARTWARMG TALK? THIS IS A NIGHTMARE WORLD FOR ALL OTHER PEOPLE.”HE’S TALKG ABOUT AN EPISO LLED “STEPHANIE PLAYS THE FIELD" WHERE THE GAME STOPS WHILE ONE OF THE TANNERS IS PCHG FOR A SISTERLY CHAT THE MIDDLE OF AN AT-BAT. AS HE PUTS HIS EPISO REP, “DJ OVER AND GIV STEPHANIE UNSELG ABOUT BOYS WHILE A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER KIDS’ FAI S THE BLEACHERS WISHG WHO THEY DIDN’T LIVE THE SAME SCHOOL DISTRICT AS THE FUCKG TANNER FAY.”“THE WERE PEOPLE WHO WERE AT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE,” ALEXANR-TANNER SAYS. “YOU ULD BE THIS PERSON WHO DIDN’T HAVE TO AL WH BOUNDARI OR BE TOLD NO OR TO WA YOUR TURN. YOU ULD JT CRAWL ACROSS A TABLE AND SHOVEL TAPE TO YOUR MOUTH. ANYONE ULD HAVE MA THAT SHOW.”ALEXANR-TANNER ONLY TOOK ON THE PROJECT AS A WAY TO KEEP HIS BRA BY. HE’S A GRAPHIC ARTIST AND ILLTRATOR OM PORTLAND, OREGON, WHO HAD JT MA A BOOK ABOUT TN WH BILL AYERS (Y, THAT BILL AYERS), AND HE HAD SOME DOWNTIME BEFORE HIS NEXT ONE. HE WANTED TO DITE HIMSELF TO SOMETHG THAT HE THOUGHT WOULD BE STCTURED BUT STILL “WEIRD” AND “IVOLO BULLSH.”THEN HE ENUNTERED A PROBLEM: HIS BLOG GOT VERY POPULAR, VERY FAST. PEOPLE STARTED MAILG HIM THE DVDS, IMPLORG HIM TO FISH .HE THKS WAS BEE PEOPLE THAT ME ACROSS HIS BLOG HAD THE SAME AWAKENG THE RT OF AMERI WILL HAVE 2016. “I GOT A LOT OF REARS WHO WERE LIKE, ‘I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT , BUT, YEAH, THIS SHOW IS ACTUALLY A PIECE OF SH,’” HE SAID. “THAT WAS A LOT OF THE APPEAL, I THK. ‘HEY, REMEMBER THAT THG? ACTUALLY, THAT WAS SUPER SHTY!’”SO HE MT’VE HAD SOME CLATN THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD WAKE UP ON A SPRG MORNG—TWO FULL S AFTER THE SHOW HAD BEEN UNCEREMONLY EXECUTED BY ABC EXECUTIV—TO FD THAT AN UN-IRONIC TELEVISN SHOW LLED FULLER HOE WAS ABOUT TO BEE A REALY, RIGHT?“NO!” HE SAYS. “IT’S LIKE YOU WENT AND FOUGHT THE VIETNAM WAR AND THEN END AND YOU WENT HOME AND THEY WERE LIKE, ‘NOW THERE’S MORE VIETNAM WAR!’”IT IS NOT JT THAT THE SHOW IS BAD— IS, BY THE WAY; THE SHOW IS BAD, AND IS NOT GOOD, AND NEVER WAS—BUT ’S THAT FULL HOE IS, AT POTS, OFFENSIVE AND BACKWARDS. THE SHOW IS BASED AROUND AN IA WH PROMISE—A WIDOWED DAD WHO NEEDS THE HELP OF HIS BROTHER--LAW AND BT IEND TO RAISE HIS KIDS.“ONE THG THAT IS LEGIMATELY OFFENSIVE TO ME IS THAT, NCEPTUALLY, ULD BE THIS SHOW ABOUT ALTERNATIVE-LIFTYLE FAI, BUT ANY ALLN TO ANY OF THE DADS BEG GAY IS PLAYED AS THIS ABSURDIST JOKE,” SAYS ALEXANR-TANNER. “IT’S THIS SANE NOTN THAT THIS FAY HAS BEEN CREATED WH MORE THAN ONE MAN ONE HOE. IT’S NEVER EVEN NSIRED AS A POSSIBILY.”BUT THE WORST MOMENT THE HISTORY OF THE SHOW, HE SAYS, IS A LOT SIMPLER: IT'S WHEN ONE OF THE OLSEN TWS AND THREE OTHER TODDLERS PLAY ALMOST ALL OF “TWIST ’N’ SHOUT,” PRUMABLY WHOUT A SEND OF REHEARSAL.“THIS IS THE MOST EXTREME EXAMPLE OF THE SHOW NOT EVEN QUALIFYG AS AN AMATR-QUALY PRODUCTN,” HE WR.IT IS A MS OF A TV SHOW THAT LASTED FOREVER. AND NOW, BEE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AT NETFLIX STARED AT AN EXCEL DOCUMENT LLED A BOARD ROOM ONCE BUT NEVER BOTHERED TO ACTUALLY GO BACK AND WATCH A SGLE EPISO, FULL HOE IS G BACK.“IT’S CLEAR THERE WAS NO REASON FOR THE ST OR CREW TO EVEN BOTHER. IT STARTED OUT AS A FAILURE OF A SHOW, THEY KEPT GOG, THEN BEME THIS EXPLIBLE PHENOMENON. THEY MT HAVE MA THIS CISN VERY EARLY THAT ‘WE’RE NOT GOG TO TRY HARR,’ BEE THEY NEVER DID,” ALEXANR-TANNER SAYS.“THE ONLY THG THAT REALLY GETS BETTER IS THE LIGHTG. IT REALLY CHANG AFTER THE FIRST SEASON. IT KD OF LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE SI OF A MCDONALD’S, WH THE PLEASG PASTEL LORS. AND THAT MAK SENSE BEE ’S THE MCDONALD’S OF SS. IT'S A SYNTHETIC RE-CREATN OF A REAL THG OF A TV SHOW. AND ROTS YOUR SIS.”NOW, HE SAYS, HE’LL GO BACK TO REPPG THE SHOW FULL WHENEVER NETFLIX PUTS OUT THE NEXT BATCH. HE IS NOT LOOKG FORWARD TO . “FOR YEARS, WHENEVER THERE WAS MORE FULL HOE NEWS, PEOPLE WOULD SEND TO ME AND I WOULD BE LIKE, ‘WHY? STOP DOG THAT. I DON’T RE ABOUT THIS AT ALL,’” HE SAYS.BUT HIS THREE-PL YEARS OF HATRED AND DIFFERENCE TOWARD THIS SHOW LED ALEXANR-TANNER TO SOMETHG PROFOUND: HE MAY HAVE FIGURED OUT WHY PEOPLE EVER LIKED THIS SHOW AT ALL.“ONE THG I DIDN’T REALIZE GOG TO THIS PROJECT THAT BEME CLEAR AS I PAID ATTENTN TO THE SE’S MOGRAPHICS IS THAT AN AWFUL LOT OF YOUNG GIRLS WATCHED THE SHOW,” HE WR. “THAT ACTUALLY EXPLAS A LOT, BEE A SERI ABOUT THREE LTLE GIRLS WHO HAVE THREE DOTG, NON-THREATENG FATHER FIGUR TENDG TO THEIR EVERY WHIM AND NEED IS A PRETTY OBV LTLE-GIRL FANTASY. ULTIMATELY, I THK THAT FULL HOE IS A PRODUCT OF A UNIQUE TIME, WHEN A BATN OF LOW-QUALY ELEMENTS SOMEHOW ME TOGETHER TO CREATE A H SERI THAT ULDN’T HAVE ENDURED DURG ANY OTHER PERD.”OR, OTHER WORDS, THE FAILURE TO LOOK BACK ON THE EMBARRASSMENT THAT IS THIS SHOW IS SEPARABLE OM THE FAILURE TO LOOK BACK ON THE WHOLLY SELF-ACTUALIZG JUNK THAT MASQUERAD AS FAY VALU THE EARLY ’90S. IF EVERY SGLE FAY BELIEV THAT THERE IS NO WORLD BUT S OWN—IF EVERY SGLE 5-YEAR-OLD IS THE PLA’S ONLY 5-YEAR-OLD, AS THIS SHOW PORTENDS—THEN WHY SHOULD A VIEWER BELIEVE ANY DIFFERENT?AND ’S A REALIZATN WE NEVER WOULD’VE HAD TO E TO HAD FULLER HOE NOT EXISTED. BUT NOW WE ALL MT FACE OUR LLECTIVE PASTS. WE HAVE BROUGHT UPON OURSELV THIS NATNAL TRAGEDY, AND WE N’T SAY WE DIDN’T ASK FOR . BEN COLLS
I will addrs naysayers and head-shakers and say that, gog om personal experience, I knew that I was gay when I was 9 (my massive csh on Jurassic Park’s Alan Grant still stands today). My hband knew he was gay when he was 9. Most gay men I’ve met have always known, even if they didn’t really know until way later life (I fally me out to myself at 21).