Pronouns: Why Gay Men Call Each Other "She" and "Girl" | Them

Contents:

• CALL ME BY MY PRONOUNS: WHY GAY MEN CALL EACH OTHER "GIRL"
• THERE ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL FEME GAY MEN OUT THERE.
• BUTCH, FEMME, OR STRAIGHT ACTG? PARTNER PREFERENC OF GAY MEN AND LBIANS
• 6 STEPS TOWARDS WHOLE-HEARTEDLY LOVG YOURSELF AS A FEME GAY MAN
• GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?
• GAY MEN DISCRIMATE AGAST FEME GAY MEN, NEW STUDY FDS
• SYNONYME GAY

CALL ME BY MY PRONOUNS: WHY GAY MEN CALL EACH OTHER "GIRL"

That means a person of any genr n be attracted to someone who intifi as female or who exprs feme sexual orientatn terms such as “homosexualy” or “heterosexualy, ” gynosexualy do not specify the person’s own genr relatn to their sexual orientatn. The e of she/her pronouns by cisgenr gay men, along wh words such as "girl" or "honey, " is a long-standg and creasgly visible practice.

For many gay men, g the words wh their iends is a way of embracg femy and showg vulnerabily or affectn to others who share their inti.

THERE ARE SOME BEAUTIFUL FEME GAY MEN OUT THERE.

Creatg a shared culture — cludg language — around femy n be a way of reclaimg the bas for opprsn many gay men have experienced, as well as disptg the harmful genr few if any lguistic practic are all one thg, all the time. It may be time to reevaluate cis gay men’s e of words like "she" and "girl" to make sure they align wh ongog efforts to rpect nonbary genr inti, and avoid makg assumptns about people’s pronouns.

Lguists, social scientists, and crics have observed and studied cis gay men’s e of “she, ” and their asssments pot to the multiple and often nflictg dimensns of the practice.

BUTCH, FEMME, OR STRAIGHT ACTG? PARTNER PREFERENC OF GAY MEN AND LBIANS

So for even to make sense for gay men to e ‘she, ’ we have to have some kd of associatn wh ‘she, ’ and ually that associatn is femy, whatever that might mean to or our culture. It’s not a recent formatn at all, ” explas William Leap, an emer profsor of anthropology at Amerin Universy and pneerg expert on queer men llg each other "she" or "girl" was historilly a way of protectg themselv as well as buildg muny the ntext of homophobic and vlent mastream culture.

”Yet some women have experienced gay men g words like “girl” toward them ways that don’t feel all that different om the misogyny they have experienced om straight men.

“I also saw beg negatively ed when whe gay men would say, like, ‘Oh girl, what are you talkg about, ’ and they would be talkg to a woman of lor, pecially a Black woman.

6 STEPS TOWARDS WHOLE-HEARTEDLY LOVG YOURSELF AS A FEME GAY MAN

”Consirg misogyny wh gay men’s language practic rais the qutn of how g words like “girl” or “honey” is nnected to their e of other, more ntroversial words that have historilly been ed to mean women, such as “bch” and “cunt. ” Multiple terviewe referenced RuPl’s Drag Race as a show that has popularized the e of words associated wh femy among cis gay men.

GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

”“Gay men are a large group of people wh a lot of different kds of relatnships to genr, and I thk there are absolutely gay men who operate relatn to feme language that really is a reflectn of their male privilege, whether ’s through g ways that nigrate or stereotype women, or whether ’s jt feelg license to e the language how they see f, ” says Zimman, the lguist om UC Santa Barbara. Paris Is Burng, the 1990 documentary on Harlem’s drag ball scene, as well as Drag Race, have brought the e of words like "she" and "girl" between Black and Latx drag queens to a wir gay (and straight) dience; today this is somethg employed by gay men of all rac. Wealthy whe gay cis men llg each other "girl" may be drastilly different om Black or Latx gay cis men who ntue to be margalized very different is visible a film like Paris Is Burng, a few s ago there were more shared spac, language, and culture between cis gay men, trans women, and genr-nonnformg dividuals.

That kd of rejectn of genr nonnormativy also giv the suatn we fd today, where we have more of a spl between gay men and trans women, for stance, than we might have seen prev s. “Wh ‘girl/she/her, ’” they say, “if I’m socializg wh cis gay men and that’s what they’re g to scribe each other and to scribe me, there is a ltle b of dissonance there, bee I’m not really sure if they’re g that to validate my genr, or if ’s beg ed as ’s ed wh other cis gay men. Queer men who harbor negative attus about effemacy suffer om ternalized homophobia more than those who don’t, acrdg to a report the journal Trends Psychology.

GAY MEN DISCRIMATE AGAST FEME GAY MEN, NEW STUDY FDS

“The biggt surpris were related [to] the tensy of the associatn between ternalized homophobia and anti-effemacy, ” Mozer M.

All were over 18, intified as eher gay or bisexual, and were separated to two groups: those who saw themselv as maly mascule and those who saw themselv as primarily feme. From there, they were spl to three subgroups: those who sired to be more feme, those who wanted to be ls feme, and those who were happy the way they the participants, 80% were gay, 17% were bisexual, and 2.

”The survey asssed negative attus towards effemacy, ternalized homophobia, and outns and found that negative attus toward effemacy n e shame, self-hatred, and hostily towards others, while ternalized homophobia n e mental health issu like anxiety, prsn, and low self teem.

SYNONYME GAY

Internalized homophobia also wh “elements of sexism, prejudice agast women and femy, ” acrdg to sum, the men who sired to be more mascule had the most negative attus toward effemacy, srg over 10 pots higher than their effemate peers. “Those who are not fortable wh how effemate they are and would like to be or appear more mascule (even if they publicly intify themselv as non-effemate) also tend to have higher rat of ternalized homophobia, ” Ramos told them. Another important takeaway om the study, Costa add, is that ternalized homophobia n be thought of as more than jt a rejectn of one’s sexual orientatn.