When Your Child Is Gay | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?
• KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• ITALY BEGS REMOVG GAY MOTHERS OM CHILDREN’S BIRTH CERTIFIT
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED
• ACTIVISTS NMN VLENCE AGAST LGBTQ MUNY ST. VCENT, WHERE GAY SEX IS ILLEGAL
• WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• NAVIGATG ONE SON'S G OUT N BE A BIG AL. FOR PARENTS WH SEVERAL GAY CHILDREN, N BE OVERWHELMG
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?

Has a history of repeatedly sharg unfound nspiraci that man-ma chemils the environment uld be makg children gay or transgenr and g the femizatn of boys and masculizatn of girls.

The basels claim that chemils – particularly tap water – uld turn people gay has gaed populary wh nspiracy theorists over the years, most memorably wh nservative rad host Alex Jon, who said chemils the water were “turng the igg’ ogs gay. A Mnota school district is facg a Department of Jtice vtigatn and a private lawsu over s alleged failure to bat antigay bullyg.

A hefty pile of rearch shows that boys as young as 3 years old who break om tradnal genr rol have a high likelihood of beg gay adults. ) The relatnship isn’t one-to-one, however, and ’s certaly not the se that all boys who love Barbie dolls will later intify as gay.

KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

The rrelatn is much weaker the other directn: A disproportnate number of boys who don’t nform to genr stereotyp turn out to be gay men, but lots of gay men played wh G. Gay 3-year-old boys n’t verbalize their sire to be wh a man when they grow up—although many such children exhib cshlike behavr toward adult men—but they may be tryg to learn the behavr that will later attract a male partner. (CBS News) A new study that fds children of a gay or lbian parent may be more likely to have social and emotnal problems has sparked ntroversy on both sis of the same-sex marriage bate.

In a jot statement om the Fay Equaly Council, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Freedom to Marry, and the Gay and Lbian Alliance agast Defamatn (GLAAD), advot lled the study a "flawed, misleadg, and scientifilly unsound paper that seeks to disparage lbian and gay parents. In a mentary Slate, William Saletan wr, "What the study shows, then, is that kids om broken hom head by gay people velop the same problems as kids om broken hom head by straight people. Over the years, Magic and Cookie have been open about their rponsibili as parents — like when Magic told Ellen DeGener that he was "so happy" when their son EJ me out as gay.

In 2014, EJ told PEOPLE that, although his parents "pretty much already knew" that he was gay, they were worried about the public's reactn.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer.

ITALY BEGS REMOVG GAY MOTHERS OM CHILDREN’S BIRTH CERTIFIT

It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children.

FOR GAY MEN, HAVG A BLOGIL CHILD N BE PLITED

There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood.

I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn. Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli.

Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc. Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative).

ACTIVISTS NMN VLENCE AGAST LGBTQ MUNY ST. VCENT, WHERE GAY SEX IS ILLEGAL

Lang, Elton John and Rachel Maddow's close relativ, but I n only image that the straight k are far better off terms of their own reproductive opportuni than they would be whout a homosexual danglg so magnificently on their fay tre.

So cultivate your ltle prehomosexual's native talents, and your ultimate geic payoff uld, strangely enough, be even larger wh one very special gay child than would be if 10 medcre straight offsprg leaped om your los.

I n say as a once prehomosexual pipsqueak that some preparatn on the part of others would have ma easier on me, rather than nstantly fearg rejectn or worryg about some rels slipup leadg to my “exposure. And another thg: mt be pretty hard to look to your prehomosexual toddler's limpid ey, bsh away the okie cmbs om her cheek and toss her out on the streets for beg article was origally published wh the tle "Is Your Child Gay?

WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY

For ee real time breakg news alerts sent straight to your box sign up to our breakg news emailsSign up to our ee breakg news emailsItaly has begun removg the nam of gay mothers om their children’s birth certifit, as part of the right-wg ernment’s crackdown on same-sex move after populist prime mister Grgia Meloni’s aln announced March that state agenci should no longer register the children of same-sex upl, a move that sparked protts Milan. Dpe Ms Meloni parg herself to Brish Conservativ and nyg she is homophobic, her party rose to power wh tough rhetoric agast same-sex parentg and support for tradnal fai and moral valu. ”Her aln partner, Matteo Salvi, of the far-right League party, had prevly lled gay parents “unnatural” while the ernment opposed a Bssels plan for a parenthood certifite that would be valid across the EU.

Gay upl are forced to go abroad if they want children, as they are banned om accsg reproductive medil treatment such as IVF and surrogacy is also prohibed. Parents of gay children may be shocked when their kids e out of the closet, but once the dt settl, most parents realize that their child is the same one they have loved and red for all their liv, they jt happen to be gay. It may be that the child bucks tradnal genr stereotyp or they may not show attentn to the oppose sex; but are the signs of a gay child?

So, for example, boys that play wh dolls and have primarily girliends or girls who are tomboys and prefer to play wh guns may have an creased likelihood of growg up to be gay. There also appears to be a relatnship where the more a child shows genr-nonnformg characteristics, the greater the chance that they may grow up to be gay. While knowg your child is gay may help you ease the transn to adulthood, 's cril to remember that a gay child is jt a child like any other and a parent of gay child is jt a parent, like any other.

NAVIGATG ONE SON'S G OUT N BE A BIG AL. FOR PARENTS WH SEVERAL GAY CHILDREN, N BE OVERWHELMG

The procs tak about two years and sts around $200, 000 per child - and prospective gay fathers don't meet eligibily creria for most health surance plans' fertily benefs, although this is begng to change.

Brent Monsr, MD, recently helped lead a study to document tails of how gay men e assisted reproductive technology to build their fai, cludg qutns such as how many children they wish to have and how often their efforts succeed. Your paper giv historil ntext for how shiftg attus toward LGBTQ fai have changed the climate for gay men who want to bee fathers.

Cisgenr gay men are almost never clud this rearch, so as physicians we don't know anythg about their characteristics as reproductive health patients, even basic rmatn such as their mographics, clil cisn-makg patterns or out.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

It's important to keep md that our data reflect the experienc of dividuals who n afford reproductive medil re bee their employer-sponsored fertily benefs ver , and that is still an unual suatn for gay men. This data served as the foundatn for a grant applitn we've jt had approved to nduct a much larger populatn study that will give accs to rmatn on about 2, 000 embryo transfers annually gay men. A lot of people see a fertily doctor bee they have an unrlyg medil issue, whereas gay male upl ually have two possible sperm sourc, a young egg donor and a gtatnal rrier who has already had succsful pregnanci.

We regnize that this may be bee a lot of gay men requt tws or may ultimately want two children, and fertily doctors may be transferrg two embryos to try to save their patients money so they only have to go through the fertily treatment procs once.

But we need to ask: Are we puttg gtatnal rriers at unnecsary risk om tw pregnanci, and puttg gay upl at unnecsary risk of havg babi the NICU? What do add to have physician-scientists like you, who are gay, answerg rearch qutns about this populatn of prospective parents? I'm currently a fellow, and I have patients g specifilly to see me, not bee I'm the most amazg doctor but bee I'm gay, and they want a gay doctor.