Gay Parents Raisg Kids: How Will They Fare? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?
• HOW TO DEAL WH HAVG GAY PARENTS
• 5 GAY PARENTG MYTHS
• THE CHILDREN OF GAY PARENTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELV
• GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*
• KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?

The days, gay parents are no novelty: We see them strollg through our neighborhoods, participatg our PTA meetgs, and, perhaps most notably, appearg on our TV screens: Mchell and Cam, fathers to Lily, on the ratgs smash Morn Fay; Glee’s Sue Sylvter, expectant mom to a baby nceived wh an as-yet-unrevealed sperm donor, and Rachel’s dads, played wh humor and grace by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stok. The Hollywood exampl are important that they’ve helped prent gay parentg as not unlike straight parentg: challengg, joyful, plited, and most of all, entirely normal. Though this media mastreamifitn of gay parentg is a relatively new phenomenon, for s, gay parents have had children all sorts of fay nfiguratns—whether through adoptn, prev heterosexual relatnships, or, creasgly, by choosg to have blogil offsprg g vro, surrogate, and other methods.

Last November Illois, Catholic Chari ceased s adoptn servic after the state refed fundg unls the groups agreed not to discrimate agast gays and lbians.

Although gay and lbian parents are a powerful rource for kids need of adoptn—at least half of all children foster re the U. Are livg wh adoptive gay parents—Catholic Chari simply qu the bs rather than ply. Earlier this month, when Print Obama announced his support for same sex marriage days after North Carola voted to ban , he changed the nversatn nsirably by argug that ncern for children is a reason to support, rather than oppose, gay marriage.

HOW TO DEAL WH HAVG GAY PARENTS

He ced gay upl his own life, “same-sex upl who are as mted, as monogamo, as rponsible, as lovg a group of parents as any heterosexual uple that I know, ” he said.

” His support for gay marriage was self a landmark turn, but jt as notable was s direct affirmatn of gay upl as parents, which served to rebut the standard argument agast gay marriage—namely, that risks the well-beg of children and the fay.

5 GAY PARENTG MYTHS

They want to know: How will the children of gay parents fare? Throughout many years of workg wh fai, I’ve studied the liv of gay parents raisg sons and dghters.

In general, gay parents tend to be more motivated, more mted, and more thoughtful parents than heterosexual upl.

THE CHILDREN OF GAY PARENTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELV

In my work, I routely saw how, wh enough support om their fai, children of gay parents veloped skills at thkg penntly and standg up for what they believed .

Much of the ncern for the children of gay parents has centered specifilly on boys, who as a group have seemed, pecially recent years, prey to nfn, rentment, and stctivens—somethg creded to the risg proportn of mal beg reared fatherls hom. And, fact, all the rearch has reported children of gay parents feel ls bound, ls rtricted, by genr stereotyp than those raised straight hoeholds. But kids of gay parents do often face discrimatn, and ’s not always the easit childhood (though show me one that is).

Perhaps as a by-product of the discrimatn they sometim face, children of gay parents tend to be more sensive to others and to the posive and negative feelgs themselv. And they have no greater chance of “turng gay” than the child wh the straight parents next door.

GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*

Science has proven that homosexualy has blogil roots, and if we believe that is neher a choice nor an unlucky orientatn, then we n relax and tst that the young men and women will fd out what possibily naturally to them. As one boy, 10-year-old Kenny, told me matter-of-factly, “I’ll know if I’m gay or straight when I’m olr.

Of urse, children of gay parents may ponr their sexual orientatn at an early age, and tablish the terms of their sexualy wh more self-nscns than most other young adults. But most children of gay parents will ultimately grow up to be straight, if only bee most children grow up to be straight—perd. In a 2007 paper published the Amerin Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 28 out of 46 adults wh at least one gay parent spontaneoly offered that they felt more open-md and empathetic than people not raised their suatn.

The children I studied, and those growg up around now—those kids beg raised by gay moms and dads lovg, nurturg hom—promise to offer, as adults, the bt characteristics of men and women. Havg gay parents n make life outsi of your hoe a ltle more plited than if you had straight parents.

KIDS OF GAY PARENTS FARE WORSE, STUDY FDS, BUT REARCH DRAWS FIRE OM EXPERTS

This means that alg wh havg gay parents isn't so much about alg wh your parents as s about alg wh other people who don't unrstand your fay. In addn, the fact that they are gay has no bearg on the way they treat other people, and certaly do not affect the way they treat and al wh you. Anyone who teas you about your parents' relatnship is probably someone who has had no teractn wh gay people, to their knowledge.

Someone who is homophobic bee they haven't been around a lot of gay people may jt need some posive exposure to change their md.