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role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-09-27T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">September 27, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz bDeLJQ"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="I Lost My Virgy to a Straight Boy" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>I was 19 when I first had full-on sex wh another man. I was at llege, livg dorms, and the experience—asi om the ual horrifyg awkwardns and somewhat spontaney of the ocsn—was pletely and utterly unremarkable asi om one thg: the guy I slept wh intified as straight.</p><p>The whole thg went down near the end of my hman year at a party, at which people om the whole dorm floor were dnk and celebratg, relsly streamg and out of each other’s rooms, followg the var different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I n remember, although I'd had some drks, stg alone my iend’s room on a sgle bed, the mattrs overly sprgy and wh a arse plastic atg, attemptg to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Inter nnectn.</p><p>It was late (or early, pendg on your outlook on the world) when I was joed by the boy who was livg the room next to me, way back on the other si of the buildg. He was clearly toxited, but was a party after all and who was I, <em>que</em> dnk myself, to judge. The mutiae of exactly how thgs veloped om beg together that room to havg slightly unsuccsful sex a bathroom a <em>different</em> rridor have sce ped me. All I know is that one moment we were talkg and the next mute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex wh someone before; stead, saturated wh vodka and flated by nerv, I was swept up the motns.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was prec and rtls. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experienc to my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and h the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrillg and, now lookg back, prer hook ups wh guys, gog far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we n fe exactly what nstut sex for ourselv, but when you’re young and your only sex tn the shape of illegally download Sean Cody vios, peratn seems like the end all be all.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Still, as I grew to my late-teens, venu started to crack down harr on unrage drkg, and soon beme creasgly difficult to go and hook up wh guys much olr than myself. I felt, my creasgly anx and flated state, that I was beg left behd. My first year at llege, apart om beg gelg mentally, was hardly a sexual smasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pg after straight boys who I knew I had no chance hell wh... <em>until</em> that night.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="77p5v"></div></div><p>I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fuckg my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be sired. While I knew wouldn’t be like a gay llege eroti I’d read on (gay non, really), I rather naively wasn’t expectg the fall out. The boy told his then-girliend (who I knew about), sayg I had e on to him but that nothg had really happened. Although one thg I n <em>vividly</em> remember was that was que lerally the other way around, the visceral shock of beg somewhat shoved back the closet and nied the celebratory expungement of my virgy was palpable.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="jq66l6"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="yll9p"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, ually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partyg. We’d meet surreptly dark and make out the ld Brish weather on a park bench before venturg back to his place to have sex. And while at the begng I felt like I had the upper hand the suatn—I was the one who was out and fortable my sexualy, right?—after each time we met beme more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all <em>shameful</em>. I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of he was jt g me to get off.</p><p>I never learned whether the boy I lost my virgy to was stgglg wh his sexualy. I thk, when I look back now and ocsnally fd myself tumblg through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe was jt sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slippg to a memory duced k-hole. I realize I fell to that old gay adage of placg my feelgs on a person who, for whatever reason, was never gog to vt them back me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memori of those first tim marred how I would approach sex for years.</p><p>It was listeng to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeg the band’s out gay sger Olly Alexanr talk about how the song was spired his sexual trysts wh straight men, that I realized that the feelgs are <em>way</em> more mon than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys havg sex wh straight guys, but felt reassurg to see him scribe the “sat and sner role” he embodied durg those experienc, and to hear the uncertaty and melancholy weaved to the song.</p><p>More than anythg though, was the repeated lyril mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Bee as queer people, we’re buried lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searg that oftentim ’s cripplg. Burstg through that shame is our badge of honor, our betifully uned experience. And maybe, like the song says, that do sanctify our sex liv and mak jt a ltle b holy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="u0zl7"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier 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gay permission

Subs Lookg For Doms (gay Men Only) - For both subs and doms. Any age. But Gays only!! Leave ments and fd the man for you.

Contents:

GAY CULTURE HAS GROWN TOXIC WH UNCHECKED PRIVILEGE. IT'S TIME FOR TO RET

An open letter to my fellow whe gay cis men: there should be no "returng to normal" after this. * gay permission *

But even though the nversatns that muted this lumn for six weeks are nowhere close to beg over, I do feel like some thgs that me up durg that time of ntemplatn are worth sayg now — particularly to my fellow whe gay cis out more stori on LGBTQ+ ins and activistsHowever, the ghost of Larry Kramer very much remaed my own head as I ma my way through a Pri month unlike any other.

I spent a few quiet afternoons readg his 1978 but novel Faggots, a satiril (yet clearly tobgraphil) look at the liv of gay men 1970s New York Cy that he wrote jt before AIDS ma him a figurehead of Amerin activism.

SUBS LOOKG FOR DOMS (GAY MEN ONLY)

There's a way to burst through the shame gay men are ma to feel about homosexualy. * gay permission *

Followg a man his late 30s (based on Kramer himself) who is seekg out a lovg, long-term relatnship a sea of hedonism, the novel has a clear msage: gay men need to start lovg each other stead of beg so obssed wh gettg fucked up and (lerally and figuratively) fuckg each other. - Larry Kramer his but novelUpon publitn, Faggots was dismissed by many as puranil and self-loathg for s cricism of gay men's obssn wh vany, promiscuy and recreatnal dg e. And while, on one level, the book is a wild (if at tim problematic) wdow to an era of gay culture 40 years the past, also felt like had a lot to say about gay culture today.

GAY-STRAIGHT/GENRS & SEXUALI ALLIANC

* gay permission *

In mastream gay media, the phrase almost always refers to a fairly specific subset of the LGBTQ "muny" largely ma up of whe gay cis men — even though many of the battl won around queer rights were fought by people of lour, trans and genr-nonnformg folks, and queer women, and fact the morn Pri movement self was large part iated by Black trans women. If an imprsn of a monolhic "gay culture" fed by such a homogeneo mographic exists, is bee whe gay cis men have until very recently domated mastream reprentatn unr the LGBTQ umbrella and have, general, been hand a level of privilege the last that is wildly disproportnate to any other mographic unr said umbrella.

When was the last time I actually had a good time at gay bar full of people I have fely spoken to on social media or apps but who act like I'm pletely sane when I se or say hello person? In analyzg the show's pictn of young gay men livg San Francis, wrer Daniel Wenger diagnos what he terms the "new gay sadns": an entire generatn of urban, privileged gay men who seem to have no clue what they're lookg for or who they are. Largely born the 1980s, they are the earlit wave of a "post-Stonewall, post-plague, post-activist" generatn of gays — "too old to have brought a boy to the prom and too young to have nursed a fantasy of nng away to an urban gay utopia, " Wenger explas.

Queeri5 pneerg LGBTQ Canadian films you n watch for ee right nowI've seen many of my fellow whe gay cis men seemgly rise to the ocsn by retweetg Black and Indigeno voic, gog to ralli and vowg to te themselv on how to tly be anti-racist (though how performative that is some s is unclear).

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Really?? If the submissive is gay then I would like to thk that he would know how to treat a man. In this rpect trag should take the form of sensivy trag. If a sub is raw and needs to be traed the bt place to start the art of beg sensive. Sensive to… * gay permission *

Rettg "gay culture" will require fightg back agast entrenched social prsur and expectatns of gay cis men — and llg them out when they perpetuate, even passively, any form of discrimatory dialogue.

And was large part bee of that attu that he uld lead AIDS activists through a rpt and homophobic system to ga accs to the dgs that ma possible for our generatn to have the liv that we do. The term “homosexualy, ” while sometim nsired anachronistic the current era, is the most applible and easily translatable term to e when askg this qutn across societi and languag and has been ed other cross-natnal studi, cludg the World Valu Survey. Dpe major chang laws and norms surroundg the issue of same-sex marriage and the rights of LGBT people around the world, public opn on the acceptance of homosexualy society remas sharply divid by untry, regn and enomic velopment.

As was 2013, when the qutn was last asked, attus on the acceptance of homosexualy are shaped by the untry which people live. Those Wtern Europe and the Ameris are generally more acceptg of homosexualy than are those Eastern Europe, Rsia, Ukrae, the Middle East and sub-Saharan Ai. In many natns, there has been an creasg acceptance of homosexualy, cludg the Uned Stat, where 72% say should be accepted, pared wh jt 49% as recently as 2007.

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Gay-Straight Allianc or Genrs and Sexuali Allianc (GSAs) have been associated wh improvements school safety, a key ponent of school nnectedns, for all stunts. Rearch specifilly lks the prence of a GSA to greater feelgs of school nnectedns among LGBT stunts. * gay permission *

There also have been fairly large shifts acceptance of homosexualy over the past 17 years two very different plac: Mexi and Japan. In many of the untri surveyed, there also are differenc on acceptance of homosexualy by age, tn, e and, some stanc, genr – and several s, the differenc are substantial.

For example, some untri, those who are affiliated wh a relig group tend to be ls acceptg of homosexualy than those who are unaffiliated (a group sometim referred to as relig “non”). In general, people wealthier and more veloped enomi are more acceptg of homosexualy than are those ls wealthy and veloped enomi. For example, Swen, the Netherlands and Germany, all of which have a per-pa gross domtic product over $50, 000, acceptance of homosexualy is among the hight measured across the 34 untri surveyed.

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The New York Cy Department of Edutn supports lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and queer or qutng (LGBTQ) stunts, fai, and staff across the five boroughs through a variety of polici and programs. * gay permission *

By ntrast, Nigeria, Kenya and Ukrae, where per-pa GDP is unr $10, 000, ls than two--ten say that homosexualy should be accepted by society. The study is a follow-up to a 2013 report that found many of the same patterns as seen today, although there has been an crease acceptance of homosexualy across many of the untri surveyed both years.

The 2019 survey shows that while majori 16 of the 34 untri surveyed say homosexualy should be accepted by society, global divis rema. Across the 34 untri surveyed, a median of 52% agree that homosexualy should be accepted wh 38% sayg that should be disuraged. Central and Eastern Europeans, however, are more divid on the subject, wh a median of 46% who say homosexualy should be accepted and 44% sayg should not be.

But sub-Saharan Ai, the Middle East, Rsia and Ukrae, few say that society should accept homosexualy; only South Ai (54%) and Israel (47%) do more than a quarter hold this view. Sce 1994, and there has been a relatively steady crease the share who say that homosexualy should be accepted by society sce 2000. However, while took nearly 15 years for acceptance to rise 13 pots om 2000 to jt before the feral legalizatn of gay marriage June 2015, there was a near equal rise acceptance jt the four years sce legalizatn.

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More than eight--ten Democrats and Democratic-leang pennts (85%) say homosexualy should be accepted, but only 58% of Republins and Republin leaners say the same. (For more on Amerin views of homosexualy, LGBT issu and same-sex marriage, see Pew Rearch Center’s topic page here; U. In 22 of 34 untri surveyed, younger adults are signifintly more likely than their olr unterparts to say homosexualy should be accepted by society.

This difference was most pronounced South Korea, where 79% of 18- to 29-year-olds say homosexualy should be accepted by society, pared wh only 23% of those 50 and olr. This staggerg 56-pot difference exceeds the next largt difference Japan by 20 pots, where 92% and 56% of those ag 18 to 29 and 50 and olr, rpectively, say homosexualy should be accepted by society. However, for all 12 untri surveyed where there was signifint difference, women were more likely to approve of homosexualy than men.

In most untri surveyed, those who have greater levels of tn are signifintly more likely to say that homosexualy should be accepted society than those who have ls tn. For example, Greece, 72% of those wh a postsendary tn or more say homosexualy is acceptable, pared wh 42% of those wh a sendary tn or ls who say this. In a siar number of untri, those who earn more money than the untry’s natnal median e also are more likely to say they accept homosexualy society than those who earn ls.

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In Israel, for stance, 52% of higher e earners say homosexualy is acceptable society vers only three--ten of lower e earners who say the same. In many of the untri where there are measurements of iology on a left-right sle, those on the left tend to be more acceptg of homosexualy than those on the iologil right. In South Korea, for example, those who classify themselv on the iologil left are more than twice as likely to say homosexualy is acceptable than those on the iologil right (a 39-percentage-pot difference).

In a siar ve, those who support right-wg populist parti Europe, many of which are seen by LGBT groups as a threat to their rights, are ls supportive of homosexualy society. In Spa, people wh a favorable opn of the Vox party, which recently has begun to oppose some gay rights, are much ls likely to say that homosexualy is acceptable than those who do not support the party.

And Poland, supporters of the erng PiS (Law and Jtice), which has explicly targeted gay rights as anathema to tradnal Polish valu, are 23 percentage pots ls likely to say that homosexualy should be accepted by society than those who do not support the erng party. Siar differenc appear neighborg Hungary, where the lg Fisz party, led by Prime Mister Viktor Orbán, also has shown hostily to gay rights. But even untri like France and Germany where acceptance of homosexualy is high, there are differenc between supporters and non-supporters of key right-wg populist parti such as Natnal Rally France and Alternative for Germany (AfD).

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Relign, both as relat to relative importance people’s liv and actual relig affiliatn, also plays a large role perceptns of the acceptabily of homosexualy many societi across the globe. In 25 of the 34 untri surveyed, those who say relign is “somewhat, ” “not too” or “not at all” important their liv are more likely to say that homosexualy should be accepted than those who say relign is “very” important.

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Among Israelis, those who say relign is not very important their liv are almost three tim more likely than those who say relign is very important to say that society should accept homosexualy.

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Beyond 'Don't Say Gay': Other Stat Seek to Lim LGBTQ Youth, Teachg .

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