*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY AUSTRALIAN STAND UP COMEDIAN
Comedian Hannah Gadsby opens up about tism diagnosis, sexualy memoir 'Ten Steps to Nate' | Here & Now</tle><lk rel="nonil" href="><lk rel="alternate" type="applitn/rss+xml" tle="RSS" href="/wbur/rss"/><meta name="scriptn" ntent="The memoir explor her childhood Tasmania, Atralia, where homosexualy was illegal until 1997, her journey to edy, and her cisn to move away om self-pretg humor."/><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse"/><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Comedian Hannah Gadsby opens up about tism diagnosis, sexualy memoir 'Ten Steps to Nate'"/><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="The memoir explor her childhood Tasmania, Atralia, where homosexualy was illegal until 1997, her journey to edy, and her cisn to move away om self-pretg humor."/><meta property="og:url" ntent="><meta property="og:image" ntent="><meta property="og:image:alt" ntent="Hannah Gadsby (Courty)"/><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="684"/><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1000"/><meta name="twter:rd" 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class="article-fig-ner"><img class="article-image" src=" alt="Hannah Gadsby (Courty)"/></picture><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Hannah Gadsby (Courty)</figptn></figure></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--ntent hang-punctuatn article-sectn--first article-sectn--centered article-sectns"><p class="">In 2017, stand-up edian <a href=">Hannah Gadsby</a> electrified dienc her native Atralia, the UK, and the Uned Stat wh her performance piece "Nate."</p><p class="">Now, Gadsby has published the memoir "<a href=">Ten Steps to Nate: A Memoir Suatn</a>" about everythg that led up to her personal, hont performance. Gadsby went through a “gelg experience” as “Nate” rose populary, she says.</p><p class="nt-medium">“The show kept gettg bigger and bigger beyond my tentns of wrg , more and more shows and bigger shows outsi of my fort zone,” she says. “I felt like my life wasn't me to ntrol for a while.”</p><p class="">As someone wh tism, Gadsby stggl to scribe her brand of edy bee she don’t unrstand how people see her so she approach her craft wh btal honty.</p><p class="">In the book, Gadsby gets ndid about how she received an tism diagnosis later life — much to her relief. Whout a diagnosis, she says she lacked a amework to unrstand how her bra works.</p><figure class="article-fig size-medium article-fig--pull-right"><a href="><picture><img class="size-medium article-image" src=" alt="Cover art for " loadg="lazy"/></picture></a><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Cover art for "Ten Steps to Nate: A Memoir Suatn" by Hannah Gadsby. (Courty)</figptn></figure><p class="nt-medium">“When you know that you're different but you don't unrstand why, 's really nfg and 's really stabilizg,” she says. “And often leads to a lifetime of makg mistak that you don't know how to fix.”</p><p class="">Gettg a diagnosis helped Gadsby unrstand her behavr and better protect herself om strsful suatns, she says.</p><p class="">The memoir chronicl the difficulti Gadsby faced high school, llege and her early 20s. She started pursug stand-up edy after she entered her first petn and won. Comedy saved her life, she wr.</p><p class="">Participatg “the burecracy of life” is difficult for someone like Gadsby, she says. But edy, her differenc serve as a gift and give her the nfince to pursue her reer.</p><p class="nt-medium">“It's hard for me to know what I would have done had I not found edy,” she says. “I don't have a bra that flourish unr most circumstanc that the world has built to be important.”</p><span><h3>Interview Highlights</h3></span><p class=""><strong>On what prompted Gadsby to wre “Ten Steps to Nate”</strong></p><p class="nt-medium">“I was wrg this book before I wrote ‘Nate,’ and origally I was gog to wre a llectn of says about beg accint-prone, which is still te. But durg the urse of tryg to wre a book and makg sense of my life, every time I sent somethg back to edors, they'd say ‘This part of your life don't make sense.’ So I kept havg to go back and as I was diggg eper to my life, my parallel life on stage, I jt sort of kept gettg phed to this place where I felt like ‘Nate’ had to be wrten. So a way, the book phed me to wre ‘Nate’ and then ‘Nate’ phed me to fish the book.”</p><p class=""><strong>On how the diagnosis of tism and ADHD changed the way she thks about edy</strong></p><p class="nt-medium">“I stopped tryg to solve myself for the dience's benef. I was always tryg to relate my idsyncratic life and idsyncratic way of beg and tried to mask that and tried to be who people would assume I would be. And felt like I was phg through sludge. Once I was diagnosed, I unrstood better the way that my md worked, and that elevated my thkg about myself a way that I uld then adapt my munitn to thgs that I wanted to talk about stead of tryg to expla my ficienci.”</p><p class=""><strong>On why she pivoted away om self-pretg humor</strong></p><p class="nt-medium">“I believe that the way you talk about yourself rms the way you thk about yourself. I didn't make that up. I thk that's well-known wisdom. So ma sense to me that I should shift the way that I talk about myself my most public fom, which was my job. Or else I would be relegatg myself to a life of not thkg very much of myself. I was beg lerally paid to mean myself.”</p><p class=""><strong>On growg up Tasmania, where homosexualy was crimalized until 1997</strong></p><p class="nt-medium">“The laws were wrten, but they only pertaed to gay men. Lbians were pretty much an visible suatn. So was that sort of, on one hand, unrstandg that you were existg a crimal humany, but also visible. I lived through a time where they were liberately tryg to harvt ignorance around an inty that was also on the same hand around the world tryg to show visible pri, which was what the ‘90s sort of was gay culture. And we're seeg somethg very siar now wh trans inty. And the 'Don't Say Gay' bills Florida, which is 's ighteng to thk that this is now happeng. It very much echo what was happeng to me as a child. And jt forc one to ternalize the hatred of themselv to such a ep level that 's difficult to pick yourself out of .”</p><p class=""><strong>On her experienc wh homophobic and sexual vlence</strong></p><p class="nt-medium">“I don't try to dwell on the specifics of the trmas. In my show I’m very much of the opn that you learn om the part of the story you foc on. So I try and foc on what happens after, the pa and sufferg that happens after and that you need muny, you need other people. You need help to get yourself out of trma. I believe too often the on is on the dividual to heal themselv, and I jt hontly don't thk that's possible. I thk you need support works, you need external sffoldg and you need help to undo trma.”</p><p class=""><strong>On the quote om her book, “There's nothg stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself,” and how she managed to rebuild</strong></p><p class="nt-medium">“When you rever om the thgs and you're om an unsupported place, that is credible strength. To get to the pot where I uld perform 'Nate' meant that I was stronger than most of my peers bee of the amount of abe and stuff that I endured. Any kd of ltle heckle I uld get was jt small i. I jt thk that the more that you've been through, the stronger you are. But I don't feel like that's a badge of honor. I thk that's a shame. We shouldn't have to do that alone.”</p><p class=""><strong>On what kd of edy she’s dog now</strong></p><p class="nt-medium">“I do whatever edy I like. When I wre a show, I thk about what I want the dience to feel. When I wrote 'Nate,' I wanted the dience to feel somethg ak to a punch the guts, you know, metaphoril, of urse. Wh this show. I'm tryg to make a warmer show. It's a hug. That's how I'm phrasg . I wanted people to feel held and a safe place and a reprieve. And, you know, bee I feel like life is a battle everywhere now for all sorts of different reasons. And I wanted to create a sort of a muny hug the room.”</p><hr/><p class=""><sectn data-reactid="320"><em><a href=">Emiko Tamagawa</a> produced and eded this terview for broadst wh <a href=">Todd Mundt</a>. <a href=">Allison Hagan</a> adapted for the web.</em></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered" data-reactid="353"></sectn></p><hr/><span><h3>Book excerpt: 'Ten Steps to Nate'</h3></span><p class=""><em>By Hannah Gadsby</em></p><p class="">Technilly, this is my send book. But I wouldn’t bother tryg to fd a py of my first effort as was only published an edn of one, and I’ve misplaced . This is no great loss to lerature bee my first book was a very bad book. Although, I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, the story do have a b of charm nsirg I was only seven years old when I penned . But as a stand-alone piece of wrg, is terrible. Even the tle is bad:</p><p class=""><em>How Siff Soffon beme iendly wh a Dragon. Part One</em></p><p class="">I put a spoiler the tle. What a fool. Why would you bother readg a book when you already know that no matter how dramatic the narrative twists and turns might be, Siff Soffon and the Dragon will eventually end up on pretty good terms.<br />Clearly, I had an epic seri md when I add “Part One” to the tle, but sadly I never got round to wrg the send stalment. Even so, one would assume I’d have left the rear wh a cliffhanger so as to whet their appete for Part Two, but no, Part One ends wh Siff Soffon and his new dragon pal wavg a happy goodbye om the pleasant shor of “Holiday Island.” No wonr I never got round to wrg the sequel, I uldn’t even thk of a name for an island beyond the sgular purpose I’d vented the island for. I was clearly all out of ias.</p><p class="">I suppose you might want to read the book jt to fd out who this Siff Soffon character is, but here, aga, you’ll fd my wrg falls short bee, apparently, I didn’t thk was necsary to offer a scriptn of the central character of my novella. My acpany- g drawgs uld have been enlighteng, but aga, ambiguy reigns; Siff Soffon begs his epic journey as a refully executed, albe childishly renred, ltle red goat, but by the time he be iendly wh the Dragon he is jt a lazy tangle of orange squiggl bee I’d grown bored of drawg and had also, prumably, lost the red pencil. Fortunately, I do have some sir knowledge on this matter, and I n report that Siff Soffon was neher a red goat nor an orange squiggle, he was the imagary iend of my olr brother, Hamish, and acrdg to him, Siff Soffon was a ty foot-baller who lived the toilet wh his bt iend Know.</p><p class="">When the one py of my very bad book found s way back to me recently, I was undated wh a clter of memori that I didn’t even know I had. I’m not talkg about reprsed memori, they didn’t return wh a shockg jolt, they jt quietly worked their way to the ont of my thought que as if they’d never left.<br />The ver, two piec of red rdboard bound by maskg tape, had fad and softened over time, but my poorly planned tle still looked as if had only been poorly executed jt yterday. As I held my hands, I relled how angry seven-year-old me had bee the moment I realised that I didn’t have enough space for the last six words of the tle, and I felt the heat of my self-admonishment rise as sharp as if thirty-five years had not passed. Flippg through to the back page, I saw the note of praise wrten by the vice prcipal next to a reward sticker of the Pk Panther curvg himself around a giant pen wh the words “Well Done!” spillg om s pot. I remembered how lovgly I’d traced around the sticker wh my fger, almost burstg wh pri. I also relled that I had felt a ltle b annoyed that was only the vice prcipal, and how I’d wonred what the hell I had to do to get the prcipal’s attentn. I uld also remember how my teacher had sisted she wre my story out for me bee I was too young to have my pen licence and how she had then sisted that I read my story to the whole class, and how every- one my whole class had HATED both me and my book. I don’t blame them. It was, after all, a very bad book.</p><p class="">The return of my lerary but stirred up memori that went well beyond the object self, and clud the emotnal roller aster that had precipated my urge to put pen to paper. It had all begun wh my obssn wh Hamish’s imagary iends and the mountg distrs I felt bee they didn’t want to be my iends too. I hadn’t known what “imagary” meant and had jt assumed that Hamish had ol iends who refed to talk to me, which ma for many toilet-time tears. I also remembered how, after was explaed to me that Hamish’s iends lived si his head, I had asked if I was allowed to image Siff Soffon too, and when Hamish said no, I’d burst to tears aga and this prompted Hamish to offer me the thoroughly unacceptable promise of the imaged iendship of Know. I did not accept, bee I only really wanted Sif- f Soffon, who I’d imaged was a ltle red goat and had managed to nvce myself that I uld sometim hear him clip-cloppg on the plumbg. I did not re for Know, I hardly knew her, I didn’t even know what she looked like.</p><p class="">I also remembered how, at one pot, I’d attempted to njure my own imagary iends and began gallopg about on my horse, Sergeant, while chattg to my good iend Mr. Dog, who was a dog I’d obvly named the tradn of Holiday Island. It was not a wng moment, as I uld only rell how profoundly foolish I had felt bee I knew my iends were not real, and, to make matters worse, I had imaged them to be credibly large chaps, which meant I still didn’t have any iends to talk to the toilet. I don’t know what to ll my next move, as I don’t thk is possible to kill begs that do not exist, so let’s jt say that I ghosted Sergeant and Mr. Dog, vlently. It felt humane at the time, but really, I jt wanted them out of the way so I uld try my luck wh Siff Soffon aga. After my needls imagary horse-and-dog rual sacrifice, Hamish told me I was too late. His iends were gone. When I prsed him for their whereabouts, he very sombrely reported that they were Heaven helpg God. Throughout my childhood and well to adulthood I worshipped Hamish and often felt, pafully so, that he liberately abed the power that he had over me. But when I remember episos like this, I know that simply uldn’t be te of a small boy who not only assumed that God would need the help of ty football players but who also felt such levels of lonels that he had to vent iends he uld talk to, and poo on. He clearly had issu of his own.<br /><em>Excerpted om Ten Steps to Nate: A Memoir Suatn by Hannah Gadsby. Copyright © 2022 by Hannah Gadsby. Excerpted by permissn of Ballante Books, an imprt of Pengu Random Hoe LLC. All rights rerved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprted whout permissn wrg om the publisher.</em></p></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered"><p class=""><em>This segment aired on March 29, 2022.</em></p></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered Tags_article-sectn--tags__NOKiB"><a data-ec="Article Tags" data-el="Book Excerpt" data-ea="Click" class="article-tag" href="/rad/programs/hereandnow/tag/book-excerpt">Book Excerpt</a><a data-ec="Article Tags" data-el="Here & Now: Edors' Picks" data-ea="Click" class="article-tag" href="/rad/programs/hereandnow/tag/here-and-now-edors-picks">Here & Now: Edors' Picks</a></sectn></article><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered"><div class="ntributor has-photo"><div class="ntributor-profile"><figure class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-photo"><a href="/si/staff/jane-clayson"><picture><img src=" class="lazy rd-image" alt=""/></picture></a></figure><p class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-b"><a class="ntributor-name" href="/si/staff/jane-clayson">Jane Clayson</a> <span class="ntributor-tle">Gut Host, Here & Now</span><br/>Jane Clayson is Here & Now's gut host.</p><p class="ntributor-more"><a class="ntributor-lk ntributor-b-lk" href="/si/staff/jane-clayson">More…</a></p></div></div><div class="ntributor has-photo"><div class="ntributor-profile"><figure class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-photo"><a href="/si/staff/emiko-tamagawa"><picture><img src=" class="lazy rd-image" alt=""/></picture></a></figure><p class="ntributor-profile-em ntributor-b"><a class="ntributor-name" href="/si/staff/emiko-tamagawa">Emiko Tamagawa</a> <span class="ntributor-tle">Senr Producer, Here & Now</span><br/>Emiko Tamagawa produc arts and culture segments for Here & Now.</p><p class="ntributor-more"><a class="ntributor-lk ntributor-b-lk" href="/si/staff/emiko-tamagawa">More…</a></p></div></div></sectn><sectn class="sectn--bo sectn--bp"><div class="uw bp--rponsive"><div class="bp-ner"><p class="bp-label">Advertisement</p><div class="bp-ntent bp-ntent--centered"><div></div><div id="adslot-353282"></div></div></div></div></sectn><div></div><div class="global-d-ponents onmand--is-playg"><div class="global-player"><d preload="to"></d><div class="global-player-bar"><div class="global-player-bar-left"><button class="global-player-bar-ntrol"><i class="in-play in-play--global-player-bar in-play--psed"><span class="in-play-shape"><span class="in-label" data-note="for-screen-rears">Rume</span></span></i></button><div class="global-player-label global-player-label--live"><div class="global-player-channel"><span>Listen Live</span></div><div class="global-player-tle"><a class="global-player-label-lk" href="/">Loadg...</a></div></div></div><div class="global-player-bar-right"><div class="global-player-x"><svg class="in in-close" viewBox="0 0 24 24" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">Close.