The Peculiar Mechanics of Gay Divorce -- New York Magaze - Nymag

Contents:

• MY GAY DIVORCE MA ME FEEL LIKE I’D LET THE QUEER MUNY DOWN
• I GOT GAY MARRIED. I GOT GAY DIVORCED. I REGRET BOTH.
• UNMARRIED AND GAY DIVORCE ISSU
• WHY A GAY DIVORCE ISN’T LIKE A STRAIGHT DIVORCE
• CELEBRATG MY (GAY) DIVORCE
• HOW MANY GAY MARRIAG END IN DIVORCE?
• I AM STGGLG TO DEAL WH MY MSY GAY DIVORCE: MARRIAGE IS NOT ALL THAT
• GAYDIVORCE STORI

MY GAY DIVORCE MA ME FEEL LIKE I’D LET THE QUEER MUNY DOWN

Dpe the feat, as always, we got back up and spent the months leadg up to 15 November havg nstant nversatns, rallyg, llg strangers and fay members and watchg on as the far right were given a platform to exercise their “eedom of speech”, which ultimately did damage to so many of the while I attend the ralli, had the nversatns and watched the hate unfold, I was harbourg what I felt was a dirty secret: I was a that same time as the untry was batg gay marriage, my “wife” of three years and partner of eight and I were gog through our gay divorce. Why was my story of gay divorce not one to share durg this time?

The thought of beg legally married after a spl is distrsg but ’s somethg that many upl would have gone the people I went to high school wh, teachers, old lleagu and many others who were silent all those years ago when I me out started changg their Facebook picture am to a rabow “Vote Y” image and shared posive articl about gay marriage or horrific stori of queer people beg treated poorly by bs the weddg dtry, felt particularly important to prove that they’d chosen the right si. ” and “Legalise gay marriage … my arms are sore”, I was dog for the very selfish and personal reason of my sire to get married. Was she accg me of turng her hband gay?

Like the time he told me he had gone on a porn se to see how gay men “do . I’ve known upl, gay and straight, who were open relatnships. The steam room and sna at my lol Y served as a kd of after-work social club for men who were gay ― and for those who had wiv and kids.

I GOT GAY MARRIED. I GOT GAY DIVORCED. I REGRET BOTH.

I knew a gay imprar when I lived San Francis the 1980s.

One night he threw a dner party for his gay circle of iends at Trar Vic’s. The Peculiar Mechanics of Gay Divorce -- New York Magaze - Nymag. Until recently, Kev Muir and Sam Rchie uld have been poster boys for marriage equaly: a gay uple so solid and beamish would seem jt pla ornery to keep them om the altar.

UNMARRIED AND GAY DIVORCE ISSU

In 2003, havg moved to Tucson, where Sam was appoted to the “Gay and Lbian Commissn on Blah Blah Blah, ” as he puts , they beme domtic partners on the day the ordance permtg passed.

For a while, they were proud to be known, pecially among their straight iends, as gay-marriage pneers.

WHY A GAY DIVORCE ISN’T LIKE A STRAIGHT DIVORCE

A sectn lled “Kev & Sam At-a-Glance” clus clip art referencg the ACLU and Cnch fns; “Stuff We Like” aims both high and low wh Dperate Hoewiv, shi, a gay rabow, and Never Let Me Go. But for gay upl, the promise of marriage is still so new and plete that the ia of matrimonial urts, equable settlements, and all the rt barely registers. It’s not a subject that marriage-equaly groups tend to tmpet on their webs, but gay upl are at the start of a divorce boom.

Acrdg to a report by UCLA’s Williams Instute, nearly 50, 000 of the approximately 640, 000 gay upl the U. ) The marriage rate, stat that allowed , was quickly risg toward that of heterosexual upl: In Massachetts as of that year, 68 percent of gay upl were married, pared wh 91 percent of heterosexual upl. Another reason for the g boom is that while first-wave gay marriag have proved more durable than straight on (acrdg to the Williams Instute, about one percent of gay marriag were dissolvg each year, pared wh 2 percent for different-sex upl), that’s not expected to last.

CELEBRATG MY (GAY) DIVORCE

Most lawyers I spoke to assume that the gap will soon vanish, once the backlog of long-term and prumably more stable gay upl have married, leavg the field to the young and impulsive. Already, the data suggt that there are hundreds of gay divorc each year. ” For gay upl, though, the Byzante chaos of current law n yield grotque rults.

The problems arise om two ma sourc: differenc among the stat their laws ncerng gay relatnships, and differenc between the stat and the feral ernment, thanks to the Defense of Marriage Act, their treatment of tax, pensns, herance, and other transfers that may figure settlements.

HOW MANY GAY MARRIAG END IN DIVORCE?

Cas she argued New York 2008 and Maryland 2012 tablished the right of upl legally married elsewhere to divorce those stat—even before they allowed gay marriage themselv. ” Such “walkg bigamists, ” acctomed to the more sual endg of past gay relatnships, may not even realize they need a divorce.

If the Supreme Court strik down DOMA’s “one man, one woman” fn of marriage this year, some of the biggt plitns for divorcg gay upl some stat will vanish.

It will no longer be necsary, for stance, for lawyers to velop expensive workarounds that provi for equable distributn of feral benefs like pensns and Social Secury, which are taxed gay divorc but not straight on. Simple chang state laws will sooner or later allow gay upl to divorce wherever they please, whout currg the st of tablishg rincy elsewhere or of fightg to apply “long arm” jurisdictn to a spoe back home who ref to operate. Havg officiated at gay weddgs as early as 1991, and havg preached about gay rights for many years before they directly affected her, Wenig, now 56, was embraced by her synagogue through all her life chang.

I AM STGGLG TO DEAL WH MY MSY GAY DIVORCE: MARRIAGE IS NOT ALL THAT

” Wh some studi suggtg that suicidal thkg is more prevalent among gay and lbian adults (not jt youth) than is the general populatn, and others suggtg that divorce self creas suicidaly, may be that gay divorce amounts to a double whammy, brgg wh an extra emotnal risk. In a mentary lled “Marriage Equaly But Not Divorce Equaly, ” she pots out that many stat, cludg New York, will not unt toward the fn of maral property those assets acquired durg the years a gay uple were partnered but not legally wed.

Perhaps is a sign of creasg equaly that gay people are not only breakg such vows but also, like straight people, explog every loophole of the legal system to fashn a noose or pillory for their ex.

GAYDIVORCE STORI

Wenig’s lawyer, Allen Drexel, says that “homophobic anti-marriage-regnn laws” create perverse centiv that almost beg ligants, or their lawyers, “to erce ncsns relatg to everythg om fanc to parentg arrangements. But she says the girls are neverthels “ught a paful unofficial ctody battle” that mak her worry about the effect of gay divorce on fay and the larger muny. One of the thgs—bis the law—that may make divorce pecially difficult for gay people is the way seems to prove, spe the statistics, old slurs about their relative abily to mata stable bonds.

On a larger sle, gay divorce may be ed to unrme arguments for gay marriage the first place.