How I Rpond When My Son Told Me He Is Gay

Contents:

• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• HELP! MY SON IS GAY
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• CAN PEOPLE STOP BEG GAY?
• RPONDG TO TEEN CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN
• IS MY SON GAY? QUIZ
• THE DAY I MET A ‘GAY NVERSN THERAPIST’
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• MOTHER OUTRAGED HER SON WON’T ‘STOP BEG GAY’ GETS A PERFECT LSON ON HYPOCRISY
• RPONDG TO A “GAY CHRISTIAN” THE FAY

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. Ryan: i know i amRyan: i don’t like hannahRyan: ’s jt a ver-upMom: but that don’t make you gay…Ryan: i knowRyan: but u don’t unrstandRyan: i am gayMom: tell me moreRyan: ’s jt the way i am and ’s somethg i knowRyan: u r not a lbian and u know that. Ryan: i am jt gayRyan: i am thatMom: I love you no matter whatRyan: i am whe not blackRyan: i knowRyan: i am a boy not a girlRyan: i am attracted to boys not girlsRyan: u know that about yourself and i know thisMom: what about what God thks about actg on the sir?

But not at all the way we had, when I thk back on the fear that erned all my reactns durg those first six years after Ryan told he was gay, I crge as I realize how foolish I was. They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement.

When a child first out to their parents as eher beg gay or havg same-sex attractn, their ial rpons are ually the wrong on, says Chris Doyle, a psychotherapist who specializ York Cy gay pri para crowd this undated photo. They believe that if you experience same-sex attractns, then you're gay, " Doyle told the negative rpons parents have, acrdg to Doyle, are avoidg the issue by barrg their child om talkg about SSA or their gay inty; believg that 's a passg phase; or threateng to kick their olr teen or 20-somethg child out of the hoe.

"We know, our clil rearch over the last 25 years, that fay culture, environment and other non-blogil factors play a signifint role the velopment of same-sex attractn, " he asserted, addg that parents shouldn't seek therapy as an attempt to change their the book, Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Fay Healg, wrten by Richard Cohen, executive director of IHF, Doyle said 12 prcipl are discsed to help fai navigate through SSA and s .

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

"Regardg sleepovers and big life events such as parents' attendg a child's same-sex weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that parents treat their homosexual child the same as they would their heterosexual the se of sleepovers, parents should mata the same standards for every child and not allow their gay intified or SSA child to have somone they're attracted to spend the night wh them. "The same l should apply to heterosexual upl and homosexual upl, " he when down to attendg a child's gay weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that attendg the ceremony don't necsarily reflect that the parents agree wh same-sex marriage, their prence merely shows their love for their child. Disregardg all evince that the ex-gay movement is credibly damagg to more than 90% of those who unrgo "treatment" (bee they clearly jt didn't believe God enough), Settg Captiv Free wants you to know that you were not "born this way.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

" Homosexualy is a s that you need to purge om your system, and the only way to do is to follow their three-parts-a-day the app is only downloadable om Google Play (iTun and the 69, 822+ people who petned them don't believe nversn therapy for some reason), there is an abridged versn available on the mistry’s webse.

THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH

Stop Callg Your Homosexualy an "Alternative Liftyle": It's "Wicked, " "Evil, " and a "S": The are the only thgs you should ever ll om now on, preferably hhed ton. Change For the Right Reasons (the Glory Of God): After all, homosexualy is nothg but "lt, porn, and sexual immoraly, " ss that are applible only to gay people and never to straight on.

Remove Yourself From Anythg Even Remotely Gay: Don't watch porn (aga, 's only a gay thg), don't go on gay webs, and most of all, certaly don't associate wh gay people. Realize That Beg Homosexual Mak You Feel Alone Fet that we told you to shut yourself away om most of the world, and ignore the ia that maybe gay people feel so alone bee of the discrimatory and hateful attus that they face, helped by people like . A new study nducted by rearchers at Gee Washgton Universy found that most parents of lbian, gay, and bisexual youth have difficulty adjtg after their kids e study says is one of the first to systematilly exame the experience of parents raisg lbian, gay and bisexual children.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

”The study found that Ain Amerin and Lato parents have a harr time acceptg their lbian, gay and bisexual children, as do the parents of children who e out at a later study, which surveyed a much larger sample size than prev studi, nfirmed smaller studi that showed parents’ negative reactns tend to ease over time; the first two years are the harst for were no signifint differenc reactns between mother and father, the age of the parent, or the genr of the child. Acrdg to psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, -thor of my book, When Your Child Is Gay, "guilt tends to be limed to an actn that we have taken or not taken, whereas shame is a pervasive negative emotn about how we feel overall. If you are worried about how others will treat you bee you have a gay child, you need to reexame the nature and strength of your relatnship the same way you would tell your child to do if one of her iends sudnly rejected her upon fdg out she was gay.

HELP! MY SON IS GAY

I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL

The oppose mp argu that gays are "born that way, " and th that sexual reorientatn therapy is effective, as well as cel and the latter perspective hs closer to the mark, the science of sexualy supports a more measured stance.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

There are no verified s of formerly gay people pletely riddg themselv of same-sex attractn, but do appear possible for some people who are predisposed to same-sex attractn to expand their sexual repertoire — velop attractns for oppose-sex partners as well, and even opt for the oppose sex exclively. As Diamond noted January the Archiv of Sexual Behavr, femal' sexual fluidy may emerge om the fdg that, across the board, they are sexually aroed by imag of both men and women (whereas men are typilly aroed only by members of their preferred sex) erotic plasticy may expla why women wh same-sex predisposns report better succs adjtg to heterosexual liftyl than gay men do. Sexual orientatn cements around puberty, and acrdg to Gelf Rieger, a sexual orientatn rearcher at Cornell Universy, " is que possible that there are several fluenc on formg a homosexual orientatn.

First, there are the sort who feels like his or her relig eedom is beg ged upon when they don’t feel the eedom to publicly proclaim their disgt and objectn to homosexual displays of affectn. ” Many of the folks are the same on who want bs to have the right to refe service (gay weddg k and all that) to people who don’t share their same beliefs (Incintally, this is a pot of view that uld very easily rult store wh signs that say, “No Jews Allowed”).

CAN PEOPLE STOP BEG GAY?

Then, there are the sort who are very ncerned about all this gayns beg “shoved our fac” (you n’t say “down our throats” on this particular issue)–The are the folks who are worried that if their kids discs homosexualy or see same-sex upl showg each other affectn on TV, might turn them gay. The sistence that beg gay is a choice is an important pot for anti-gay people, bee if ’s NOT a choice, be very hard to tell the LGBT muny they are dog somethg horribly wrong. And my self-nsc ltle adolcent md, somethg like a tired, limp wrist while playg basketball–left unaddrsed–uld be the the first domo a le that uld end up turng me gay.

RPONDG TO TEEN CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY

For a long while after that, I tried to separate a person’s homosexualy om (what I nsired to be) the s of ACTING on that homosexualy–You know, the whole “Love the sner, hate the s” thg.

Parents who believe that beg gay is a liftyle, will believe that their child n change and that is their flt that their LGBT kids don't "snap to" and alter their ways. Team up wh a pediatrician, a unselor at school, close fay members and even muny anizatns — for example, Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) — if you’re havg trouble gog alone. Most people the LGBTQ+ muny know om experience that acceptg your sexualy will lead to your beg a happier, more open this gui, the term gay has been ed to clu all forms of non-heterosexual attractn, whether that be people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or otherwise not straight.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

Beg gay do not necsarily make you any ls mascule or feme, and there is no need or prsure to nform to stereotyp that don't feel right to you - bee you are who you are. The laws the Bible were maly for health purpos - shunng homosexualy is right next to not gettg tattoos, not eatg pork, and not wearg mixed lens, but you n bet your bottom dollar all your neighbors do those thgs. You may regret the acceptance of your orientatn the future, pecially if you're a part of the world where the gay muny is beg prosecuted by a specific culture.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON OM BEG GAY. HERE’S WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN

Article SummaryXIf you stggle wh acceptg your attractn to the same sex, know that beg gay is pletely normal and you n be proud of who you are by fdg support and embracg your dividualy.

I was aaid of all the wrong, when I thk back on the fear that erned all my reactns durg those first six years after Ryan told he was gay, I crge as I realize how foolish I was.

"It is rare to work wh parents of a gay child who have not stggled wh the feelg of loss at some pot the procs of acceptg their child as gay, " my -thor, Jonathan Tobk, M.

IS MY SON GAY? QUIZ

" Yet Tobk has found that "gay people tell you they are happy wh who they are and feel that they have emerged on the other si of g out as strong, sensive, and rilient dividuals. Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant.

This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci.

THE DAY I MET A ‘GAY NVERSN THERAPIST’

Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make.

There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.

And I nnot help feelg worried - spe all the evince I've read to the ntrary, a ty part of me believ that he may actually nvce me that I n choose to stop beg gay. I'm an out gay man, a edian, I -host the UK's biggt LGBTQ+ podst and regularly chat about sexualy and equaly both on TV, on stage and to our ternatnal podst dience - but I remember a moment when a 13-year-old me was ls nfint. We're nstantly hearg theori as to why LGBTQ+ people exist and at 13, surround by straight people, our predomantly heterosexual pla sowed a seed of doubt and shame my md about beg gay.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

I know I'm here as a reporter but I'm vulnerable - this is all so July 2018, the UK ernment published an LGBT Actn Plan which says wants to ban "harmful" gay nversn therapy across the UK.

"It n be really tough to grow up as a gay kid and if someone me to you when you're feelg at your worst, g to terms wh who you are, and said, 'I have this magic wand that will make you better, do you want me to wave ?

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

Former Christian sger Vicky Beechg spent most of her life tryg to supprs her own attractn to women and tried var forms of gay nversn therapy, om prayer and exorcisms to talkg therapy. In the r, I listen to Gloria GameThe founr of one of the US's biggt nversn therapy programm, McKrae Game, me out as gay earlier this year, and apologised for harmg generatns of stgglg to supprs his own homosexualy, Game found his Tth Mistry 1999, Spartanburg, South Carola, rebrandg 2013 as Hope for Wholens.

Seventeen US stat have banned gay nversn therapy - most recently Mae, which took the step May this 's Sunday, and I meet Josh and his granny, Marie Hodgen, outsi All Souls Church Belfast. " Their story overwhelms is their first time at church together sce Josh read that "How to not be gay" pamphlet all those years Josh and I walk si, we both feel anx. The parental anti-LGBTQ bias are at least part rponsible for higher rat of poverty and homelsns as well as worse mental and physil health out among LGBTQ people relative to their cisgenr heterosexual unterparts (Rsell & Fish, 2016; D’ami et al., 2015; Kle & Golub 2016) 1:Key TermsTermsDefnsLGBTQLbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenr, Queer/Qutng, Asexual, Intersex, and other sexual and genr morized intiCisgenrA person whose assigned sex at birth aligns wh their current genr inty and exprsnTransgenrA person whose genr inty is other than their sex assigned at birth, and/or someone who tak a trans inty that n clu transwoman, transman, or transgenr personGenr QueerA person who chews the bary sex and genr system; a person whose genr inty and exprsn li outsi of the system of ntemporary normative genr tegori of man and womanGenr Non-nformgA person whose genr exprsn and inty differs om or li outsi of the tradnal genr tegori and inti of man or womanAsexualA person who do not have sexual attractn to or sexual tert other people; a person who intifi as an asexualHeterosexualA person who is primarily attracted to people of a different sex; a person who intifi as a heterosexual or straight personBisexualA person who is attracted to men and women; a person who is attracted to people of any genrPansexualA person who is attracted to people of any genrYet, while parents’ disapproval of an LGBTQ inty is a unique and potentially vastatg form of nflict that n rult trangement, recent rearch suggts that the majory of LGBTQ adults rema their parent-child relatnships even the face of ongog rejectn (Fischer & Kalmijn 2020; Hank & Salzburger, 2015; Norwood 2013; Reczek, 2016a, b; Obock, 2013).

The risk of poverty and beg unhoed appears particularly pronounced among LGBTQ youth of lor (Murphy & Hardaway, 2017; Jam et al., 2016), although this is not bee parents of lor are more homo/bi/trans phobic than whe parents but bee of the tersectn of stctural and terpersonal racism that shap parents’ abily and rourc to support their children (Murphy & Hardaway, 2017; Robson, 2018; Toomey et al., 2017; Schmz, Robson, & Sanchez, 2020). For example, as Stone (2020) shows, gay and lbian adults do “fort work, ” which volv ncerted efforts to crease parents’ fort levels wh their sexualy by facilatg their entrance to LGBTQ spac.

MOTHER OUTRAGED HER SON WON’T ‘STOP BEG GAY’ GETS A PERFECT LSON ON HYPOCRISY

The nstctn of the sexualy variable reprented Table 2 followed a siar procs, wh a wi variety of optns prented, and then a mutually exclive tegoril variable was nstcted wh the tegori: gay or lbian, queer, bisexual, multiple tegori selected, and other (such as pansexual, fluid, straight, etc. Bee of the rejectn of a re part of rponnt’s inty, tnal attempts to nflict n be operative and relatively lm or n be direct or more ntent and that pends on how both members of the parent-child tie engage that nflict and are willg (or not willg) to learn and (25 years, whe, gay cisgenr man) and his mom were tranged for about two years bee she uld not accept him beg gay.

After Percy found a signifint other, brgg his partner around is a way to te parents about how “normal” is to be gay; this tn facilated renciliatn between the pair and supports the ntuatn of their relatnship today:. Didn’t unrstand, and my first reactn after hearg that, oh my God, my son is gog to be ma fun of, my son’s gog to have, you know, all of the terrible thgs that the world has agast gays and lbians, was jt total fear at first. When Clarence’s mom, Gayle (72, whe, cisgenr straight woman), was asked about her feelgs about Clarence beg gay she said, “I jt want him to be happy, and live his life like he feels he should, and be accepted for who he was meant to be” and nsirs their relatnship still “very, very close.

” She explas that her hband has “s and brothers [that have been gay] and so ’s always been somethg that has been always, I’ll say, the closet…they didn’t addrs his fay. For example, Darr (30 years, whe, cisgenr gay man) was rejected om his home by his parents, and afterward did not talk to them for a few years, sayg “When I me out at 15, we didn’t talk aga until I was almost 18.

RPONDG TO A “GAY CHRISTIAN” THE FAY

LGBTQ adults do signifint work to keep their relatnship functng when a parent rejects them by managg nflict very specific se study of LGBTQ adult children mak nflict work dynamics more apparent as parents’ anti-LGBTQ beliefs and bias are often so damagg that LGBTQ adults have work diligently to navigate parents’ homophobia or transphobia jt to exist their relatnships (Anrsen & Blosnich, 2013; D’Ami et al., 2015; Montano et al., 2018). Addnally, there are higher levels of bigotry regardg transgenr and genr expansive dividuals relative to the more socially accepted and unrstood gay and lbian inti today (Norwood, 2013; Jam et al., 2016; Bmbgh-Johnson & Hull, 2018), requirg transgenr and genr expansive dividuals to do more tnal efforts to expla their inti to mata the parent-child tie.

While we engage wh how nflict work differs for those who are genr mori vers those who are sexual mori, future rearch should explore how biphobia, transphobia, and homophobia are shaped by racism and classism, likely fluencg the level and necsy of nflict work.

But please unrstand that even if we disagree, nothg chang regardg our rponsibily, our blsg as a Mom or a Dad to unndnally love, accept and affirm our gay children – as God has done wh .