Gay and Can't Fd a Partner? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?
• GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?
• WHY N’T I FD A BOYIEND? GAY EDN
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)
• I'M HANDSOME AND GAY BUT N'T GET A BOYIEND
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?

OK, so, you’re gay, and you want to fd a partner and eventually a hband; someone wh whom to share your life. You thk that maybe ’s jt not possible for gay men to have long-term relatnships.

There mt be some tth to the old joke: “What do a gay man brg on a send date? As an openly gay man wh over 30 years of experience as a therapist, I have seen sr of sgle gay men sabotage their efforts to fd a partner, placg obstacl their own path—whout havg the slightt ia as to what they are dog and why.

Fortunately, I have also learned how to intify and name the self-featg and often hidn hurdl—and have disvered that they are beliefs that too many gay men repeat to themselv, often whout even knowg . In my experience, this ternalized belief is the poison that prevents some gay men om buildg a healthy relatnship, and also why many ms up the on they already have.

GAY AND CAN'T FD A PARTNER?

Some of have been bullied as children; physilly, verbally, and emotnally abed at tenr ag by our peers and fay members for beg gay before we even regnized and unrstood our same-sex attractns. Sadly, the wounds are difficult to heal, and as a rult, n leave gay men wh the sense that we are unlovable and th unworthy of love, affectn, and happs.

For sure, so much of the gay male world is way too foced on looks, youth, the gym, partyg, and fast hookups; so searchg for Mr. Right is like lookg for a needle a gaystack.

WHY N’T I FD A BOYIEND? GAY EDN

In the old days, when I was g out, beg gay had more of an outlaw qualy.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

Nonmonogamy was a polil statement, and gay rights advot saw marriage as nstrictive, patriarchal, heterocentric, flawed (perhaps due to the 50% failure rate) and therefore not worthy of pursu, pecially light of how gay men of the era were still gettg ejected om their jobs, hom, fai and blackmailed and arrted for who they were.

I'M HANDSOME AND GAY BUT N'T GET A BOYIEND

Contrary to heterosexual fears, legal gay marriage has given the stutn an enormo boost importance.

Where ’s legal, same-sex upl are gettg married drov, and some gay weddgs are so theatril and over the top that they n actually be timidatg. Many sgle gay men are happy, valug their tonomy and personal eedom (like the mcled bad boy scribed above).

I have worked wh many gay widowers—guys wh good relatnship track rerds, who are anxly seekg a new mate, but are sabotagg themselv the ways scribed above. I have had several grievg gay men tell me: “If I move on, will be like I am fettg him, ” which is jt not te. Remember, as a gay man, you have survived lots of direct and direct msag that there was somethg wrong wh you, which has left srs.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

Gay men have been tght to thk of ourselv as unlovable. Unravellg the mystery behd the qutn, “Why n’t I fd a gay boyiend? We all need a b of support and unrstandg as we navigate the unpredictable world of gay datg.

Now, let’s addrs the burng qutn: Why n’t I fd a gay boyiend?