Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• IS HE GAY?
• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• CELEBRATG LGBTQ SPORTS HISTORY: MIKE PIAZZA ANNOUNC, ‘I’M NOT GAY. I’M HETEROSEXUAL.’
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• LIL NAS X TEMPORARILY DECIS HE'S NOT GAY AFTER LOSG AT THE GRAMMYS
• HE IS GAY / HE IS A GAY.
• LIL NAS X RPOND TO SOMEONE WHO SAID HE'S NOT "REALLY GAY" AND I CHOKED ON MY SP
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• HERSCHEL WALKER’S SON PRI MONTH TO REMD EVERYONE… HE’S NOT GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
• HE'S NOT GAY LYRICS

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn. This populatn is the foc of his new and much-need book: Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi?

IS HE GAY?

Number one is the high cince of male-female upl enterg my office bee the woman thks her man might be gay. He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been havg sex wh men. A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me?

And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay. That’s unual, bee most gay men, even most gay therapists, believe that if a guy is havg gay sex, he’s gay.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way. Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women. When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic.

The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the pot where they’re willg to seek unselg om me, an openly gay therapist.

A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them. So if a client is stgglg wh his sexual orientatn and he’s got a lot of homophobia, he’s probably gay.

CELEBRATG LGBTQ SPORTS HISTORY: MIKE PIAZZA ANNOUNC, ‘I’M NOT GAY. I’M HETEROSEXUAL.’

A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way. Even if he’s nfed and don’t want to e out as gay, this is who he is and over time that will e out. So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met.

The reason is that the guy really is gay and he wants to exprs that sexually and romantilly. Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy.

I hear this qutn at least once a week as a female client wonrs about a man she started datg: If he isn't a tradnal Alpha and don't toss her on the bed and rip off her cloth on the first date, he mt be gay, right? When women turn on their "gaydar, " 's often bee they fear beg taken and makg a mistake about a potential mate. Keep md that many gay mal are tuned to their orientatn before puberty, so an adult man will probably be perfectly aware that he's gay.

LIL NAS X TEMPORARILY DECIS HE'S NOT GAY AFTER LOSG AT THE GRAMMYS

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology. Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.

HE IS GAY / HE IS A GAY.

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg.

LIL NAS X RPOND TO SOMEONE WHO SAID HE'S NOT "REALLY GAY" AND I CHOKED ON MY SP

Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such. In the June/July 2002 issue of Details magaze, then-New York Mets manager Bobby Valente said he believed baseball was ready for an openly gay player.

There is a persistent mor around town that one Mets star who spends a lot of time wh pretty mols clubs is actually gay and has started to thk about clarg his sexual orientatn.

Amidst swirlg mors that the gay player is him, the next day New York Met tcher Mike Piazza held a prs nference to clare, “I’m not gay. He agreed wh Valente that baseball players, ne years ago, would accept a gay teammate:. Whether Piazza’s ments were supportive or not, the implitn to many was that beg lled gay was emed so bad that you had to clear up the mor.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

To this day, many thk Piazza is gay based exclively on that prs nference; One mastream sports Web se said 2004: “When we thk of gay athlet, the first one who to md is Mike Piazza, then there is Olympic gold medalist diver, Greg Louganis. However, what I am ncerned about is that he is g me as a steppg stone to acknowledgg to himself that he is gay, or that he wants to be a heterosexual relatnship orr to reap the social benefs (havg kids, generally beg accepted society, etc.

I’m worried bee (a) he’s never been wh a man before and beg wh me means he won't get that experience (assumg he don't cheat) and (b) he om an extremely relig fay the South who would likely not be able to accept his homosexualy (or even bisexualy). I'm worried that we will spend years together, possibly get married, have kids, and then he will e to grips that he is fact actually gay. I have a very strong sneakg spicn that he’s bidg his time until his parents die or until he cis that he's gog to e out to them as I stay wh him and thk about a future, knowg full well that he uld tell me one day that he's actually gay and wants to be wh a man, or that he wants to transn, and leave me wh a bunch of baggage, such as gettg a divorce (sharg ctody of kids, fanc), and time/energy/effort lost?

You may want to know if your iend is gay, but there may be a good reason why they're stayg closeted. For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to. If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women.

HERSCHEL WALKER’S SON PRI MONTH TO REMD EVERYONE… HE’S NOT GAY

Another important thg to remember is that 's not very important whether or not he's gay. One of the theori about why some people are gay has to do wh the hormon that they're exposed to before they're born.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY

The hormone exposure levels may manift actual, physil ways which n be a vague ditor that a guy might be gay. It is possible that your guy iend is not gay but stead falls somewhere else on the Ksey sle of unirns and awomens. Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge.

HE'S NOT GAY LYRICS

Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny.

The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together.

There's the stereotype that if a guy is a good drser or if he spends a bunch of time on his hair, he's gay.