Sie McCabe: ‘The worst advice I’ve had? Don’t be too gay your material – men won’t like ’ | Stage | The Guardian

Contents:

• I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN
• KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY
• SIE MCCABE: ‘THE WORST ADVICE I’VE HAD? DON’T BE TOO GAY YOUR MATERIAL – MEN WON’T LIKE ’
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• WHAT DO LOOK LIKE TO BE GAY – AND A PRACTICG CATHOLIC?
• FOX NEWS HOSTS CONFED ABOUT WHETHER TO CALL GAY MAN MR. OR MS.
• WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE GAY … MOROC?
• 17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)
• 'ANY DAY YOU N BE TAKEN': INSI WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY CHECHNYA
• HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• A HANDY GUI TO ALL GAY MEN
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• PENIS SIZE AND PREFERRED SEXUAL ROL AMONG GAY MEN
• ‘BEG GAY PRISON IS TEN TIM HARR’: INMAT TELL OF ABE, USE OF SOLARY
• WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY IRAN
• TELL: AN INTIMATE HISTORY OF GAY MEN THE MILARY
• GAY CORPORATE AMERI (FORTUNE CLASSICS, 1991)
• THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE
• WHAT ’S REALLY LIKE TO BE OPENLY GAY PRISON
• CAN A STRAIGHT GUY ETHILLY ACCEPT ORAL SEX OM HIS GAY BUDDY?
• WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?
• STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected. In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers. “Fdg plac like GAMeBoi, where beg queer and Asian do -exist … It’s not like a 1, 000-year-old Korean cultural rual, but I uld create a new rual, ” said Ahn, a recent Friday, hundreds packed QT Nightlife’s monthly K-Pop Night at Micky’s, a Wt Hollywood gay club a block or so east om the old GAMeBoi posed for selfi a pk Barbie box wh dis balls hangg overhead.

'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

It was hard the sense that I'd actually always said that people shouldn't be public about beg gay, bee was not anybody's bs and I felt that would lend legimacy to this ia that beg gay is a sort of a sgle way to intify yourself: I actually still sort of hold that posn – kd of.

' I ed to joke that the only reason I ed the word 'gay' was so that I would tend to show up more on Google, which is only partially a joke, bee you know if you're gog to e the tools of technology to evangelize, then you have to be savvy about what Google is gog to fd and what isn't. It's the sort of thg where people feel, and I thk rightly, that they have been nstraed to keep silent for most of their liv – and a lot of people have, whether 's nstraed by actual explic homophobia among the people that they love and/or are related to, or whether 's jt sort of a general culture unrstandg that you don't talk about this sort of thg. ”On the Fox & Friends morng program, hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmea and a ntributor stggled to unrstand that a gay man is a settg up a segment on what the right-wg work amed as a highly-anticipated hearg by the Hoe Oversight Commtee to discs ttimony om an unknown whistleblower om the Internal Revenue Service who would, acrdg to Republins, lay bare partmental rptn as pertaed to the handlg of rmatn surroundg Print Joe Bin’s only survivg son, Hunter.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

For those who heard about the se of Ray Cole—a Brish tourist arrted last year Marrakech, Moroc, on spicn of mtg “homosexual acts” and sentenced to four months’ hard time a Morocn jail prr to his early release— is perhaps difficult to image that Moroc was somethg of a gay paradise for whe men of standg the aftermath of World War II.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE GAY? DEFN AND MEANG OF GAY

The lerature available to potential gay travelers to Moroc—of which there is a great al sce, spe of laws and social norms there, Moroc remas a prime statn for package holiday-goers om Bra, France, and Germany—is very clear settg out what is and isn’t acceptable. The nam of most of those terviewed have been changed at their requt out of ncern the Chechen thori or their fai might harm acunts pat a picture of a place where there is now virtually no space to be gay, where datg rri potentially lethal nsequenc and the supprsn of their inty is obligatory for LGBT people. He has done that, g allegedly savage methods, and the procs Kadyrov has remolled Chechnya around himself, erectg a police state and a cult of personaly built around an obssive machismo centered on sport, particularly martial the majory-Mlim regn, wh a eply nservative culture, beg gay was never accepted.

SIE MCCABE: ‘THE WORST ADVICE I’VE HAD? DON’T BE TOO GAY YOUR MATERIAL – MEN WON’T LIKE ’

"In 2017, that nservative hostily to homosexualy seemed to nvert to anised terror, part of a broar nservative mpaign that has also targeted dg and alhol Dzhabrailov, 27, only the send man to e forward publicly about his tentn 2017, told ABC News that armed police took him om the hair salon where he was workg. For 14 days, he said, he was held a basement wh several other gay men, taken out for torture ssns, where he was electrocuted and subjected to a mock Dzhabrailov tells ABC News'' Jam Longman the torture and terrogatn he says he endured at the hands of Chechen News"They put me on the wall, put bag on my head, " he remembered.

Victims have repeatedly scribed beg hand back over to their fai wh a suggtn that they kill them themselv and many of speakg anonymoly said they feared their relativ would harm them if they found such circumstanc, discsg homosexualy, let alone g out is impossible.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

He eventually sought asylum , a bisexual man livg the neighborg republic of Dagtan, where attus are very siar to Chechnya, had a wife and a 1-year-old baby when he said his life was men lured him to an apartment where they beat him and forced him to adm he was gay on mera.

WHAT DO LOOK LIKE TO BE GAY – AND A PRACTICG CATHOLIC?

'It’s harr for women bee they n’t leave'Many LGBT Chechens lk the eptn of more systematic vlence the past few years to a worseng atmosphere of homophobia Rsia, signaled by the passg of the notor so-lled "anti-gay propaganda" law law, which effectively banned public displays of homosexualy, has been cricized by rights groups as green-lightg discrimatn and vlence agast LGBT over Rsia, gay people reported creased hostily. You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change.

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup.

Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.

FOX NEWS HOSTS CONFED ABOUT WHETHER TO CALL GAY MAN MR. OR MS.

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance.

“It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.

The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure.

WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE GAY … MOROC?

The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors. ”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time. ” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way?

Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.

17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)

”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc. “Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric? Sce the massacre there has been a lot of speculatn about Islam and homosexualy and there are fears that one man’s spible act of terrorism uld fan the flam of Islamophobia and other forms of social excln, leadg to disrd and unrt an era of elevated Islamophobia.

It is easy to see how belief the negativy of homosexualy om the perspective of one’s fah (which, untls studi has emerged as an important inty among Brish Asian Mlims) uld e some gay Mlims to velop ternalised homophobia and, some s, to doubt the thenticy of their Mlim inty. Growg up an environment which you are led to believe that your sexual orientatn is wrong, sful or symptomatic of mental illns n lead to profound social and psychologil challeng, cludg ternalised homophobia, low self-teem, prsn and, some s, suicidal thoughts.

'ANY DAY YOU N BE TAKEN': INSI WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY CHECHNYA

S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. And while their experienc are reprentative for some of Iran's homosexuals, they are hugely different om those of the people who choose to stay the untry, or don't have the opportuny to om lower class and ral areas, where stigmatizatn is often most severe, rarely have the abily to move out of the hoe before marriage, let alone leave the untry. "The Iranian thori ually turn a bld eye to the gay muny's pas, but much like the telligence servic the former Soviet Unn, Iranian telligence is believed to pile large fil on many cizens, which they n e to build a legal se agast people who might be ught engagg polil activi.

Seven months later, they rented an apartment wtern Tehran; they both still live at home and when Naeem here, he tells his parents he is gog out of town wh challenge of fdg a steady partner weighs heavily on Iranian gays; many speak of prsn, lonels and paranoia as almost permanent mental stat. While the new centrist ernment unr Print Hassan Rouhani matas a siar rea as s precsor, foreign-based media outlets like BBC Persian, Rad Zaman and Voice of Ameri e non-rogatory language about homosexuals, and is slowly tricklg down to reformist outlets si the untry, and to young Iranians, says spe s often venomo rhetoric, the Iranian regime silently accepts that gays do exist, and tak a few pragmatic steps to acunt for that Quran, the foundatn of Iranian law, explicly bans homosexualy.

"I remember beg the Castro, " says John Forrett (army rerve, 1987–99), "and watchg the TV at a bar wh some iends, watchg Al Gore and Bill Clton swearg that if they beme the tag team for Ameri they were gog to get rid of the harassment of gays and lbians servg the ary.

HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN

Of a number of latg events—Rocha was also force-fed dog food and locked to a sh-filled dog kennel—the most abive and explicly homophobic was when he was orred by his manr to act a dog-trag scenar, repeated over and over so that every dog the un uld be n through . Life Seventy Years Ago as a Gay Serviceman: World War IIIt was only really around the Send World War that ary discrimatn beme dified and anized, and that the foc moved om simply sanctns agast homosexual acts to an attempt to intify and weed out homosexual tennci—though, as would be seen aga and aga, when fightg bodi were need badly enough, such ncerns would often evaporate. "While he was ployed, the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, a mpaigng group who had been givg him guidance, told him that 60 Mut wanted to do a piece about an openly gay man servg a bat zone, persuadg him that would give a voice to the "65, 000 men and women the ary" who weren’t able to live as openly as he was.

’" The way he sometim jtified to himself what he did was that was a rponse to the ary’s homophobia, albe an extreme one: "I would feel very angry at the policy, and beme ’Well, fuck you, Mare Corps—I’m gog to do this and be as gay as I want to be for the world to see. Some likely post-repeal plitns: ristant pockets of homophobia the ary; the ntued right to voice certa homophobic sentiments unr, for stance, the eedom of relig exprsn; possible aternizatn charg if gay servicemen of different ranks ntue to associate wh each other as they often did the silent years; growg disquiet at the absence of partner rights equivalent to those for servicemen’s wiv. Anx and alienated, but unwillg to rema so, gay men and lbians are rapidly formg employee groups like the one whose huge banner greeted all those on their way to the elevators at Levi Strss’s San Francis headquarters June: LESBIAN AND GAY EMPLOYEE ASSOCIATION CELEBRATES PRIDE WEEK.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

Acrdg to a survey of 4, 000 gay men and lbians nducted by Overlooked Opns, a Chigo market rearch firm, more homosexuals work science and engeerg than social servic; 40% more are employed fance and surance than entertament and the arts; and ten tim as many work puters as new activism picked up steam October after California Governor Pete Wilson vetoed a bill that would have banned workplace discrimatn agast homosexuals. On the agenda: makg discrimatn acrdg to sexual orientatn as impermissible as discrimatn acrdg to race, age, or genr; promotg “diversy trag” to enurage workplace tolerance; and lobbyg for benefs that heterosexuals enjoy, maly health surance for, gay men and women of U.

A man who mak several hundred thoand dollars a year buyg and sellg modi the r ps of the Chigo Merntile Exchange, palism’s equivalent of playg football whout a helmet, says that if his fellow trars knew he was gay they “would stroy me-they’d refe to tra wh me, they’d renege on tras, they’d lie. Xerox’s gay puter bullet board might clu a memo about legal rights of employe who tt posive for the AIDS vis; a note utng members that is ls acceptable to be openly gay if they vis Rank Xerox, the pany’s Brish arm; or a greetg om an employee new to the most important functn of such groups-and the reason many pani enurage them-is to provi a way for gay employe and management to fd one another. ” Members of Levi Strss’s employee anizatn prepared a vio for the pany to e s diversy trag, which they, their parents, and their managers discs their ia: to work together to “mystify” homosexualy, help straight employe feel fortable workg alongsi openly gayon, and cleanse the workplace of offensive jok and sults.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Employe of Pacific Gas & Electric are required to attend workshops sensivy to diversy, but after a photograph the pany newspaper showed gay and lbian employe marchg San Francis’s Gay Pri para June, the pany’s electronic bullet board epted wh dozens of mostly hostile msag, which eventually provoked a fgerwaggg memo om human rourc vice print Rsell Cunngham.

Lot’s Quen, who has spoken at workshops there and at Polaroid, says that homosexualy is “far and away the srit” diversy issue, provokg the most tense discsns bee ’s about sex and touch on relig beliefs, and even well-ted people rema misrmed on the programs st money. A 1988 Simmons study of subscribers to eight gay magaz showed that their hoehold e averaged $55, 000 ($23, 000 more than the natnal average), and they were three tim more likely than the average Amerin to hold profsnal or managerial most nsumer goods pani, the problem is how to reach that market. The anizers of a nference on gay and lbian workplace issu held this fall, who sent vatns to CEOs and human rourc directors at 9, 400 pani, received one reply-not on let human rourc directors at 9, 400 pani, received one reply-not on letterhead- that began: “To all the fags, gays, homos, and lezzi.

Both Korb and gay Congrsman Barney Frank, a Democrat, expect the ban to change after the 1992 electn, whoever is the ntug growth of grassroots homosexual groups wh rporatns and across dtri-anizatns that will not only prs for acceptance but also embody gay market power-Last is simply the termatn of the gay men and women of rporate Ameri to be themselv. Tor Taylor, 35, a project lear at Del Monte Foods and the vice print of Bay Area CareerWomen, San Francis’s 1, 550-member lbian bs group, agre: “One way I n make the world a better place is to help people unrstand that there’s nothg to be aaid of om lbians and gays.

A HANDY GUI TO ALL GAY MEN

Sharg my work really helps reach more gay men and helps all to -stigmatise lonels and promote thentic nnectn for gay men may not feel lonely and have jt the right amount of thentic nnectn your life, but sharg this article uld really help a iend or relative who may be quietly stgglg wh the thoughts and feelgs of lonels and disnnectn.

~ Thank you ~Important notice: All views exprsed above are my own and are tend to support, challenge and spire gay men to nsir the issue of lonels and crease awarens of the need for thentic nnectn wh themselv, wh others and their muni as an antidote to chronic lonels. Part of the explanatn is geic, but bee most intil tws of gay people are straight, heredy don’t expla “why” qutn is important bee “there is a strong rrelatn between beliefs about the origs of sexual orientatn and tolerance of non-heterosexualy, ” acrdg to the report thors, who are om seven universi spanng the globe. But gaps will rema, such as why some firstborn sons are gay, why some intil tws of gay sons are straight, and why women are gay, to name jt a review-paper thors do le out one explanatn for homosexualy, however: That tolerance for gay people enurag more people to bee gay.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

“Homosexual orientatn do not crease equency wh social tolerance, although s exprsn ( behavr and open intifitn) may do so, ” they reasong—that a tolerant society somehow enurag homosexualy to flourish—has been ed to support anti-gay legislatn Uganda, Rsia, and elsewhere.

PENIS SIZE AND PREFERRED SEXUAL ROL AMONG GAY MEN

‘BEG GAY PRISON IS TEN TIM HARR’: INMAT TELL OF ABE, USE OF SOLARY

WHAT 'S LIKE TO BE GAY IRAN

TELL: AN INTIMATE HISTORY OF GAY MEN THE MILARY

GAY CORPORATE AMERI (FORTUNE CLASSICS, 1991)

THE LONELS OF BEG GAY A STRAIGHT MARRIAGE

WHAT ’S REALLY LIKE TO BE OPENLY GAY PRISON

CAN A STRAIGHT GUY ETHILLY ACCEPT ORAL SEX OM HIS GAY BUDDY?

WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS