When Did You Know You Were Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• AM I GAY?
• LONGEST GAY TEST!
• RISHI SUNAK APOLOGIS TO LGBT VETERANS FOR PAST ARMED FORC GAY BAN
• MISS MANNERS: NOSY WOMEN AT RETIREMENT MUNY ASK RINT ‘ARE YOU GAY?’ DURG DNER
• CHARL BARKLEY FENDS LGBTQIA+ MUNY, BUD LIGHT EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT: ‘IF YOU’RE GAY, GOD BLS YOU’
• AM I GAY, STRAIGHT, LBIAN, BISEXUAL OR LGBTQ+?
• WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• 17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)
• HOW GAY ARE YOU?
• 34 OF THE BT RPONS WHEN SOMEONE ASSUM AND CALLS YOU GAY
• AM I GAY? QUIZ – 100% RELIABLE TT
• WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?
• I WAS TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY AD

AM I GAY?

Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr. He had been anonymo until Wednday's his openg statement, Ziegler emphasized that he is a gay man and a registered Democrat who has been acced of betrayg his party.

Image source, Emma RileyImage ptn, Rad operator Emma Riley was discharged om the Navy for beg a lbian the 1990sRishi Sunak has apologised for the historil treatment of LGBT veterans who were sacked or forced out of the ary for beg PM lled the ban an "appallg failure" of the Brish was illegal to be gay the Brish ary until 2000 - wh thoands of veterans thought to be affected. Addrsg MPs, the prime mister said: "Many endured the most horrific sexual abe and vlence, homophobic bullyg and harassment all while bravely servg this untry.

"The LGBT Veterans Inpennt Review, led by Bra's first openly gay judge Lord Etherton, began last year and heard about the experienc of 1, 145 veterans between 1967 to 2000. Acrdg to the report, the Mistry of Defence said at the time that jtifitn for the policy clud "matenance of operatnal effectivens and efficiency" - but the report said there had been an "prehensible policy of homophobic bigotry" the armed forc. It heard shockg acunts of homophobia, bullyg, blackmail, sexual asslts, "disgraceful" medil examatns, and nversn mak 49 remendatns to the ernment cludg:Affected veterans to be given an "appropriate fancial reward" pped at £50m overallThe rtoratn of medals that had to be hand back on dismissal or dischargeThe clarifitn of pensn rights The prentatn of a special veterans' badgeThe ernment said would rpond full after summer of the veterans affected watched the PM's public of them, Emma Riley, 51, was a Royal Navy rad operator for three years before she was arrted and discharged for beg a lbian after tellg a lleague her sexualy the early told BBC News she weled the report, and hoped would be put to place "swiftly.

LONGEST GAY TEST!

Carol Man, who was dismissed after tellg her boss she was gay 1978, kept her sexualy secret for another 30 years and said she had been "robbed" of her life. "Olympian Dame Kelly Holm, who served the army and me out as gay last year, lled the publitn of the report a "historic moment", while Cathere Dixon, a former army officer who is now vice chair at Stonewall, said was "an important step towards jtice" for those whose ary reers were "ed" bee of their sexualy. Many still have a crimal rerd to this also tails how some veterans faced a plete loss of e, while others were emed eligible to claim their pensn bee of their report more than 20 years after four servicemen and women, who were sacked for beg gay, won a se the European Court of Human Rights and overturned the armed forc chary Royal Brish Legn lled on the ernment to accept the report's remendatns chary's director general Charl Byrne weled both the report and Mr Sunak's "landmark apology", sayg many people who had dited their liv to the untry were "forced or felt prsured to leave the armed forc, and this mistreatment stroyed or shortened their reer".

Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love. There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia.

RISHI SUNAK APOLOGIS TO LGBT VETERANS FOR PAST ARMED FORC GAY BAN

'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

MISS MANNERS: NOSY WOMEN AT RETIREMENT MUNY ASK RINT ‘ARE YOU GAY?’ DURG DNER

Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage". In fact, this be a growth experience for Malyn who soon learns that she has a purpose and inty of her own apart om wife to a cheatg 's te that the movie sometim feels like 's a beat or two off s more broadly ic moments (pecially early on the film) and the endg rat as a b of a cheat and pout, but those weakns are easily overlooked amidst fe performanc by Marcia Gay Harn, Leonor Watlg, Joseph Kell and Aidan Qun and an overall wisdom about how life works. The pictn of a ma character an agonisg prediment, but whose basic cency ws out time and aga over her broken heart, is rare popular culture, and brilliantly performed by Marcia Gay Harn.

CHARL BARKLEY FENDS LGBTQIA+ MUNY, BUD LIGHT EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANT: ‘IF YOU’RE GAY, GOD BLS YOU’

This film is one of those unfettable films that reach to the ner re of the heart - yet is handled unnventnally and wh more savvy than one has e to expect the Gay Harn is outstandg this film.

Still, wh some wonrful actg om Marcia Gay Harn and many wonrful moments, is still very film begs wh a woman (Harn) disverg that her hband is cheatg on her. I am only wrg to exprs my appreciatn for the film and s wonrful actg by Harn and Gay Harn's Malyn is worth the price of admissn self agast which Leonora Watlg's Lucy holds her own. Marcia Gay Hard is out of this world fabulo "If I Were You" om is Malyn, a married reer woman who fds out her hband is havg an affair wh a young woman - she spots them at a rtrant.

And I’m really sorry if I’m havg movie spoilers my answers would happen if “Buffy the Vampire Slayer, ” two of the vampir met high school and had a gay romance? But how do you know if you are gay (or any of the wonrful inti along the LGBTQ+ spectm and Ksey Sle - om bisexual and pansexual to queer), or jt gog through a perd of qutng your sexual orientatn? Sadly we live a culture which giv the ia that 's more “normal” or “better” to be straight than is to be gay, bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc.

AM I GAY, STRAIGHT, LBIAN, BISEXUAL OR LGBTQ+?

Bee sexualy is so plex and nstantly evolvg, there unfortunately is no one way to be sure whether you are ‘really’ straight, gay, lbian, bisexual, pansexual or queer.

WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?

We n be attracted to people irrpective of their genr, do not mean we need to label ourselv as gay, straight, pansexual - unls we choose to do so, ’ explas Marianne Oak, lead unsellor for and a specialist sexualy, genr and diverse relatnships. I had already been asked a ln tim, "When did you know you were gay", but I was thrilled to have someone state the qutn aloud, the ntext of an amic exercise. If I was gay, I wonred if meant that I would be required to cut my hair to a buzzcut like the (first, ostensibly) lbian (I had ever nfirmed as such) my mother had poted out to me at the Ralph Lren outlet a middle-class untry town you might fd somewhere like Vermont; a untry town where you might fd lbians.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. I me out at a nservative Christian llege the US and was a gay relatnship for around two years wh a basketball player who end up marryg a woman.

17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.

” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns. “Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy.

” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame. ”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay.

HOW GAY ARE YOU?

Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays. In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance. “It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.

Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins. And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia. There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected.

The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors. ”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time.

34 OF THE BT RPONS WHEN SOMEONE ASSUM AND CALLS YOU GAY

” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way? Another landmark paper on the origs of homosexualy was published 1993 by a geicist named Dean Hamer, who was terted to learn whether homosexualy uld be hered. Begng om his observatn that there are more gay relativ on a mother’s si than a father’s, Hamer turned his attentn to the X chromosome (which is passed on by the mother).

Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.

”The other problem wh Born This Way science is summed up nicely by Simon Copland: “Scientists are askg whether homosexualy is natural when we n’t even agree exactly what homosexualy is.

AM I GAY? QUIZ – 100% RELIABLE TT

” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men.

”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc. Ward thks this qutn is the next ontier of queer I first said I chose to be gay, a queer Amerin journalist challenged me to name the time and date of my choice. I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy.

WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?

I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me. “Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric?

“That’s a very narrow unrstandg of what jtice looks like, ” says about the ncern that homophob will want to ‘enurage’ gay people to be straight if there’s no blogil basis for sexualy?

I WAS TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY AD

It don’t take too much creativy to image a scenar which homophobic parents, upon beg rmed their fet has ‘the gay gene’, choose what to them may seem the lser of two evils: abortn. ”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement.

“Then there was a shift, and the lears of the movement chose to jump on board wh a ls nuanced argument that people already unrstood: jt like race, people are born wh their homosexualy.

More than a third chose a number between one and rponse to the poll, one of my Facebook iends quipped about how natural selectn mt be workg overtime, what wh makg all of gay! I’m thankful for a new generatn that is pable of imagg sexualy a way that transcends the gay/straight bary, that uldn’t re ls about what happened to their bodi and mds to make them who they are today. One of your top ten experienc was at a Pri para where you were surround by the most tertg, fun strangers you have ever enuntered, and no one you knew was there to judge you, or the only people you knew there were gay.