What’s the right way to ask whether someone is gay? - Columbia Journalism Review

Contents:

• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
• HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• 9 SIGNS TO WATCH OUT FOR IF YOU THK YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS GAY: 10 SUBTLE CLU THAT MAKE IT LIKELY
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE GAY, STRAIGHT, OR SOMETHG BETWEEN?
• AM I GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• AT WHAT AGE DO KIDS INTIFY AS GAY?
• IS MY BOYIEND GAY?
• AM I GAY? QUIZ - SEXUAL ORIENTATN TT FOR BOYS?‍❤️‍?
• GAY OR STRAIGHT? HARD TO TELL
• IS ALLAN OM 'BARBIE' GAY? 5 REASONS TO THK HE MIGHT BE
• 15 SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND MAY BE GAY – AND WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
• 17 SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND IS SECRETLY GAY (& WHAT TO DO)
• IS HE GAY?
• IS MY CSH GAY, OR STRAIGHT? QUIZ
• IS YOUR HBAND GAY? 6 SIGNS THAT COULD BE A CSE FOR CONCERN
• GAY OR STRAIGHT?
• PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY
• IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?
• WHAT’S THE RIGHT WAY TO ASK WHETHER SOMEONE IS GAY?
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• KEV SPACEY FELT ‘PRSURED TO E OUT AS GAY’ AFTER SEXUAL MISNDUCT ALLEGATNS

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY

And I should pot out here that the men when they’re engagg this behavr (regardls of whether they’re gay, straight or bi) nearly always tell themselv that what they’re dog is not cheatg bee they’re dog wh a guy. But there might be some probable and apparent signs that n make you you’ve got vib om your boyiend that has ma you doubt his sexualy, there uld be a slight possibily that he uld be a closeted gay (i. E., he has not disclosed his sexual orientatn or genr inty), or he’s still not aware of his post entails some signs that uld be helpful for you to figure out and advis on what to do To Watch Out For If You Thk Your Boyiend Is GayWhat Should You Do If You Spect Your Boyiend Is Gay?

Frequently Asked QutnsInfographic: Signs Your Boyiend May Be Gay And How To Deal Wh ItKey PotersIt uld be possible that your boyiend has a different sexual orientatn or has veloped over time. His iends are gay Image: IStockAs the quote go, “Show me who your iends are, and I’ll tell you who you are, ” people around give a lot of imprsns about our likg, personaly, and character.

HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY

He be unfortable around gay topicsIf your boyiend be homophobic around gay men or gets unfortable if there is a nversatn about gay men and bisexual relatnships, uld be bee of his reprsed feelgs. In a society where most of are expected to be straight, n be difficult to take a step back and ask whether you’re gay, straight, or somethg ’re the only person who n figure out what your orientatn tly is.

” Plenty of people thought they were one thg for the first half of their life, only to fd that wasn’t ’s also possible to thk you’re gay when you’re actually bi, or thk you’re bi when you’re actually gay, for example.

Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr. When down to , there is no reliable "Am I Gay tt", so the only way to know that you are gay (fn of gay) is to look wh yourself to terme your own thoughts and feelgs towards others of the same sex. That beg said, some rearchers om the Sexualy Informatn and Edutn Council of the Uned Stat talked wh llege stunts who intify as gay and bisexual to learn when they were aware of their sexual preferenc.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

The fact that you performed the search "Am I gay" and are checkg out an ter sexualy quiz means you already know the sexual attractn you feel isn't exactly the same as that of most heterosexual boys. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

As gay men grow more fortable shggg off gay-intified clothg and Schwarzeneggerian fns standards, straight men are more at ease flntg a gree of mcle tone seldom seen outsi of a Men's Health ver shoot. And they are adoptg looks -- mcle shirts, fted jeans, sandals and shoulr bags -- that as recently as a year ago might have read as, well, rult is a new gray area that is renrg gaydar -- that totally unscientific sixth sense that many people rely on to tell if a man is gay or straight -- as outmod as Wdows 2000.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

But the pol are meltg new nvergence of gay-vague style is not to be nfed wh metrosexualy, which steered straight men to a handful of feme perks like pedicur, scented ndl and prettily striped drs shirts. C., " who is nstantly razzed by the straight jocks on the show for seemg gay, has bee the surprise heartthrob among as there are gay-vague televisn characters, there are gay-vague bands like the Bravery (which was photographed by Steven Kle for L'Uomo Vogue lookg like 1970's gay htlers). "' Wh the g of the Inter, men, away om the scty of salpeople, are ee to shop plac they might not vis person and to buy cloth that, stripped of the ntext of a store, lose not only gay or straight meangs but also timatns about class, age and rult is a full-blown tegory of men's wear that draws equally om skateboard and surf culture, the preppy non and the nways of Prada and Marc Jabs, hot brands like Jam Perse, Rogan, Rogu Gallery, Trovata, Energie, Origal Pengu, Le Tigre and the once gay-oriented unrwear brand 2xist, now creds straight men, a spokwoman said, wh 50 percent of s roughly $40 ln annual bs, a statistic helped along by mentns on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and numero sightgs of the 2xist waistband on Jt Timberlake.

9 SIGNS TO WATCH OUT FOR IF YOU THK YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY

"Men are aware of fashn, and they're not aaid of anymore, gay or straight, " he Whe of Cosmopolan said that her teenage son and her hband, who ed to shop wh her, have been gog out stag and baggg some tertg choic. "One of the thgs that's breakg down how gay guys are seen is that people know more kds of men who are gay, nonstereotypil on like soldiers and athlet rather than stylists and fashn signers and rators.

HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS GAY: 10 SUBTLE CLU THAT MAKE IT LIKELY

" The lack of any one gay sensibily has meant that Out and other gay publitns have stggled to rencile a host of inti, while gay-vague magaz like Details and Cargo, aimed squarely at savvy, fashn-nsc men, are havg a Lemon suggted that for a generatn that grew up watchg "The Real World" on MTV, which the gay and lbian characters were no more or ls flamboyant drs or persona than their straight unterparts, beg gay rri neher the stigma nor the specialns once did. " Young men may associate the gay looks of the late 1980's and early 90's wh the anger and anguish that AIDS wrought on the gay world, a time they have ltle nnectn urse there are still plac that gay men will go that straight men will not.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

The Speedo swimsu is still off lims to even the most va heterosexual Amerin men, as is knowg the words to Kylie Mogue's latt h Alice Eisenberg, who works the door at several New York gay bars, said her supersensive gaydar remas fallible. While we technilly don't know if Allan is gay (and perhaps Allan himself don't know yet—after all, g out is a long, difficult procs pecially if you don't have queer role mols to look up to), I strongly believe that he is. Also, a movie that is so heavily addrsg genr and romance and that clus such a massive st, mak sense that there would be a gay character the then begs the qutn, why isn't Allan explicly gay the movie?

We jt don't for me, I am choosg to believe that Allan is wish fulfillment for all of the ltle gay boys of the world, who jt wanted to hang out wh Barbie her Dream Hoe, play drs up, and stay as far away om sports as humanly 's to Allan, a gay in the is now playg theaters. Whether you’re here for yourself or to fd out if someone else uld be experiencg this suatn, let’s take a look at some signs that your “straight” boyiend might actually be gay…and what you n do.

If your boyiend spends a lot of time talkg about how judgmental his fay, town, lleagu, and society general is about gay people, he might be exprsg some ncern about what might be like to e out as a gay man.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

After all, most heterosexual guys have no tert watchg any porn unls there’s a woman your boyiend is tryg to hi his sexualy om you, ’s doubtful that he’ll openly watch gay porn while you’re around. Keep md that havg a datg app on his phone don’t mean he’s cheatg on you, but you serve to know if he’s actively lookg for other signs your boyiend is gayIt’s jt as important to unrstand all the signals that uld mistakenly lead you to believe your boyiend is gay.

It’s possible he’s been wantg to have this nversatn wh you but hasn’t had the urage to brg though you may have seen many of the behavrs on this list, don’t throw them his face as a list of ‘evince’ that he’s secretly gay. It’s really no different om a heterosexual guy havg a preference for blons over big mistake you need to avoid is thkg that he’s still nfed or explorg his sexualy and will eventually e out as beg gay.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE GAY, STRAIGHT, OR SOMETHG BETWEEN?

The problem is that society hasn’t fully accepted yet, so there’s still shame and stigma attached to you spect a iend, fay member, or even your boyiend is gay but pretendg to be straight, you may notice that he’s abive towards women, homophobic, and watch gay men are so worried about beg judged by fay and iends that they’ll pretend to be straight and even marry a woman to ver ’s a iend or fay member you’re spic of, you’ve got nothg to be ncerned you need to know the tth if the guy is your boyiend or someone you’re thkg about datg.

AM I GAY?

” #2 He Is HomophobicRearch suggts that the most homophobic men are gay themselv but ashamed and do everythg they n to hi fear is disguised as homophobia bee the thg they hate about themselv is regnized openly gay is also rentment prent bee openly gay men have nothg to hi, whereas gay men pretendg to be straight live a double men livg this way, n be very strsful and hurt their mental health. #3 He Watch Gay PornIf you ever tch him watchg gay porn, he’ll try and worm his way out of by sayg he clicked on the wrong lk, a iend borrowed his phone, or jt popped up when he opened his browser.

They don’t need to go to gay bars or clubs lookg for men bee they n fd one right the fort of their own problem isn’t that he’s got a profile on a gay webse, but that he is pretendg to be straight and foolg the woman he’s currently datg. #6 He’s Never In A Relatnship Wh A WomanSome gay men will pretend to be straight, but they n’t brg themselv to date a woman bee there’s no, they don’t want to ceive anyone, so they’d rather stay sgle until they’re ready to reveal their sexualy. Dpe the fact that he’s pretendg to be straight, the gay muny, feme-actg men don’t get the same attentn as their mascule-actg datg apps, men will scribe themselv as “masc” or “straight-actg.

” So, if a gay man is pretendg to be straight, the easit way to do so is to act overly he overdo at the gym, perceive vlence as mascule, or is he a thrill seeker always seekg out dangero experienc? #12 He’s Into Butt PlaySce you’ve been a relatnship for a while and he’s fortable wh you, he’s let you know that he’s to beg know that not all men who enjoy butt play are gay, but he seems to prefer you peratg him stead of him peratg you. In fact, sce you started spectg he was gay, you’ve noticed he acts que feme when he’s the pany of his gay slaps them wh the flicked wrist, vers his mouth when he lghs, and cross his legs.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Fal ThoughtA straight man pretendg to be gay is a sensive subject, so if you are gog to discs wh him, try not to e across as he’s your boyiend or someone you’re planng on datg, you have the right to know what’s happeng. However, if he ni , but you do spect he’s gay, ’s bt you end the relatnship or don’t get to women who married gay men who e out of the closet years to the unn always say they had a feelg, but they ignored . I hear this qutn at least once a week as a female client wonrs about a man she started datg: If he isn't a tradnal Alpha and don't toss her on the bed and rip off her cloth on the first date, he mt be gay, right?

BRUHHH IM SO FRUSTRATED CUZ MY CRUSH DONT GIVE SIGNS OF HIM BEING GAY OR MAYBE I JUST NEVER NOTICED CUZ IN A ? ? OR WTV BUT HES A GUY AND IM A GIRL AND I RLY WANNA KNOW CUZ EVEN THOUGH TO ME HE NEVER SHOWED SUCH SIGNS I HEARD HE ONCE HAD A BF SO IM LEGIT JUST WONDERING WHETHER HE CHANGED BACK TO STRAIGHT OR IF HES GAY OR IF HES BI CUZ I WLD BE SO ? SAD AND UPSET IF HE ENDED UP BEING GAY AND I CONFESSED AND WELL WE HAVE AN OK FRIENDSHIP IDW RUIN THAT.

The reason why I took this tt bc last year him and his iends said they were gay rats but when I asked him if he really was gay he said no, but that was last year and every body tells me he’s gay. I don’t know if he lik me or not, or if he’s gay and if he is that’s okay, I jt don’t want to make him feel weird, and if he jt wants to be iends im fe wh that, but I don’t want to cross any l. However, what I am ncerned about is that he is g me as a steppg stone to acknowledgg to himself that he is gay, or that he wants to be a heterosexual relatnship orr to reap the social benefs (havg kids, generally beg accepted society, etc.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

I’m worried bee (a) he’s never been wh a man before and beg wh me means he won't get that experience (assumg he don't cheat) and (b) he om an extremely relig fay the South who would likely not be able to accept his homosexualy (or even bisexualy).

I have a very strong sneakg spicn that he’s bidg his time until his parents die or until he cis that he's gog to e out to them as I stay wh him and thk about a future, knowg full well that he uld tell me one day that he's actually gay and wants to be wh a man, or that he wants to transn, and leave me wh a bunch of baggage, such as gettg a divorce (sharg ctody of kids, fanc), and time/energy/effort lost? People n gus if a man is gay or straight based solely on a photo of his face — and they n do even if the man is om a different culture than their own, acrdg to new rearch om the Universy of Toronto.

But perhaps the most important rearch fdg is that gay dads and their dghters have closer relatnships when dads tell the tth—and the dads are ls clilly prsed than dads who hi this important rmatn om their children (Tornello, 2018). It is not jt the nventnally forbidn “gay” qutn, but the media’s approach to privacy general, s ambiguy over how to appropriately e social media as a reportg tool, and s vague ame for evaluatg what the standard for “objective” ought to be. Steven Petrow, a lumnist for The Washgton Post and former print of the Natnal Lbian and Gay Journalist Associatn, says, “For all too long, journalists have thought that qutns about someone’s sexual orientatn were off the grid—not to do so renrs LGBT people visible, which has other nsequenc, too.

AT WHAT AGE DO KIDS INTIFY AS GAY?

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup.

Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.

” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy.

IS MY BOYIEND GAY?

”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns. “Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy.

AM I GAY? QUIZ - SEXUAL ORIENTATN TT FOR BOYS?‍❤️‍?

” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame. ”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay.

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance.

GAY OR STRAIGHT? HARD TO TELL

“It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.

IS ALLAN OM 'BARBIE' GAY? 5 REASONS TO THK HE MIGHT BE

Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins.

15 SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND MAY BE GAY – AND WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected.

The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors.

17 SIGNS YOUR BOYIEND IS SECRETLY GAY (& WHAT TO DO)

”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time. ” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way?

IS HE GAY?

Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at. ” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men.

”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc. I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy.

I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me. “Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric?

IS MY CSH GAY, OR STRAIGHT? QUIZ

”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement. I’m thankful for a new generatn that is pable of imagg sexualy a way that transcends the gay/straight bary, that uldn’t re ls about what happened to their bodi and mds to make them who they are today.

IS YOUR HBAND GAY? 6 SIGNS THAT COULD BE A CSE FOR CONCERN

GAY OR STRAIGHT?

PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY

IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

WHAT’S THE RIGHT WAY TO ASK WHETHER SOMEONE IS GAY?

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

KEV SPACEY FELT ‘PRSURED TO E OUT AS GAY’ AFTER SEXUAL MISNDUCT ALLEGATNS