Joe Kort, Ph.D., talks about his new book, "Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi?"
Contents:
- CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
- HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
- HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
- WHY GAY IS NOT OK
- AM I GAY?
- WHY DO SOME CHRISTIANS BELIEVE ’S OK TO BE GAY, WHEN THE BIBLE SAYS ISN’T?
- 5 REASONS IT’S GOOD TO BE GAY AND SGLE
- WHY WOULD PEOPLE 'CHOOSE' TO BE GAY?
- ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
- IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
- WHY IS SEEN AS BAD TO BE GAY?
- IS OKAY FOR GAY TEACHERS TO E OUT CLASS? GAY TEACHERS LIST QUALMS, PARENTS URGE UTN
CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
Are you qutng your sexualy? Fd out if you’re gay, straight, bisexual, or asexual. Learn what the terms mean and if they apply to you. * is it okay for me to be gay *
So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.
I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.
HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
Unrstand health ncerns for gay men and other men who have sex wh men, and learn how to promote good health. * is it okay for me to be gay *
They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. The Amerin Medil Associatn is agast therapy that is “based on the assumptn that homosexualy is a mental disorr or that the person should change their ’s important to know that there is nothg wrong wh lovg people of the same genr as you. In 1991, a study published the journal Science seemed to show that the hypothalam, which ntrols the release of sex hormon om the puary gland, gay men differs om the hypothalam straight men.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
CDC remends a variety of laboratory ttg and STD screengs to ensure the health of gay and bisexual men. * is it okay for me to be gay *
Today, however, we know much more about the bra than we did when homosexualy was nsired a disease that required treatment, and the amount of knowledge that we have about the bra is creasg.
If we fe beg gay as engagg homosexual behavr (the ncept of “gay” as an inty is a Wtern cultural ncept – people who have sex wh both men and women may ll themselv gay, straight or bisexual, pendg on the l of their culture or subculture), then people stop beg gay as soon as they stop engagg this behavr. I believe that people have the right to engage any behavr that they choose, as long as their actns do not harm others, and I believe that gay sex and gay relatnships do not e harm to anyone. If sexual preference n be altered, then people who support gay rights n’t rely on the argument that gay people should be protected om discrimatn bee gay people have no choice but to be gay – an argument that seems like an apology for homosexualy, as if homosexualy is a disease for which there is no cure.
WHY GAY IS NOT OK
Jt as gay people who are happy as they are should not be forced to change their sexual orientatn, gay people who want to be straight should have the right to change if they n – and the rrect word is “change” – not “cure”.
Photo creds: Vanuver Gay Pri Para 2008 by edallaluna on Wikimedia Commons; DNA by ynse on Wikimedia Commons; Bra fMRI by views exprsed are those of the thor(s) and are not necsarily those of Scientific Amerin. Most people the LGBTQ+ muny know om experience that acceptg your sexualy will lead to your beg a happier, more open this gui, the term gay has been ed to clu all forms of non-heterosexual attractn, whether that be people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or otherwise not straight.
AM I GAY?
The laws the Bible were maly for health purpos - shunng homosexualy is right next to not gettg tattoos, not eatg pork, and not wearg mixed lens, but you n bet your bottom dollar all your neighbors do those thgs. Gordon Muir reported that he had found "substantial evince ditg that ls than 5 percent of men and women have had any homosexual ntact their lifetime, and no more than 3 percent of men and nsirably fewer women claim to be bisexual or exclively homosexual. Even if rearchers were to suggt a heredary tie wh homosexualy, as they have wh alholism, the right tack wh this argument is not to ntend that 's false, but that promot life-threateng behavr.
Mattison found that even homosexual men "permanent" relatnships tend to stray more often than heterosexual men: "Y, that wayward impulse is as evable man-to-man affairs as man-to-woman, only, for gays, starts chg faster. Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.
For every verse that anti-LGBTQ Christians say nmns homosexualy, there are a dozen that clearly nmn somethg we support or support somethg we nmn (which isn’t to say that those passag even do nmn queer people). I have a nfsn to make to you: sometim, when I lay bed on particularly rtls nights (ually when I’ve stayed up way too late and had way too many Pepsis) I stare at the ceilg and ntemplate eher (a) the vastns and meangls of the Universe or (b) “what if they are right and is a s to be gay???
WHY DO SOME CHRISTIANS BELIEVE ’S OK TO BE GAY, WHEN THE BIBLE SAYS ISN’T?
The Christian church has reacted to this growg unrstandg of gay, lbian, and bisexual people many ways that have not been supportive, om skepticism and fear to nmnatn and excln, and even to outright physil vlence and abe. Chanc are if you don’t intify as lbian, gay, bisexual or trans yourself, you might thk about what you’ve seen on TV – so Queer as Folk, Orange is the New Black, or The L Word, to name a few TV hs.
Even those who do feature wh the four letters – notably bisexual and trans people – n often feel margalised by lbian and gay people, and like that they don’t really belong to such a “muny”. Let’s all be real for a moment and face the fact there is often a lot of prsure om iends, fay, workers, and others for a gay person to be a relatnship, pecially now that marriage equaly laws are on the books. Homosexual members of society n unfortunately expect to regularly be challenged, sctised and nmned by belligerent type who are seemgly nvced that homosexualy is a “liftyle choice” issue has e up aga (for what is possibly the 12, 456, 987, 332nd time) for several reasons.
A high-profile homosexual person dog this (or pretty much anythg) is certa to get objectns om those who “don’t approve” around the thgs is evable, and so is the whole “beg gay is a choice” accatn.
5 REASONS IT’S GOOD TO BE GAY AND SGLE
The mastream media has always been somewhat blunt or ham-fisted s portrayal of even heterosexual relatnships (for evince of this, see pretty much any married uple an advert), so was a long shot that they’d show homosexuals accurately. Normally heterosexual characters sudnly displayg homosexual leangs when a boost viewg figur are need is a mon trope the days, so you n sort of see how this might make some people thk ’s a “choice”, if they lack more realistic sayg that sexualy is set stone om birth is also not que right, the ma emphasis of those g the choice argument is that homosexuals have weighed up their optns and nscly cid “I am gog to be gay om now on”. Comedian Todd Glass mak a brilliant pot his book (which is great, I got for Christmas), which is that if you genuely believe sexualy is a choice, then you’re not actually straight, you jt haven’t met anyone persuasive enough those who argue that homosexualy is a choice variably assert that is a wrong choice.
The human papillomavis (HPV) vacce is also available for gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex wh men up to 26 years of age to prevent genal warts and other HPV-associated diseas and ndns such as oropharyngeal or anal ncer. However, the meantime what is also important is that you fd iends, teachers, unselors who know that is ed wonrful that you are realizg that you are growg to a fabulo gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr person and who n keep remdg you of this.
You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup.
WHY WOULD PEOPLE 'CHOOSE' TO BE GAY?
Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.
‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
“Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy. ” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame.
”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay. In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance.
IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
“It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists. Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins. There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected.
WHY IS SEEN AS BAD TO BE GAY?
The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors. ”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time.
” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way? Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.
”The other problem wh Born This Way science is summed up nicely by Simon Copland: “Scientists are askg whether homosexualy is natural when we n’t even agree exactly what homosexualy is.
IS OKAY FOR GAY TEACHERS TO E OUT CLASS? GAY TEACHERS LIST QUALMS, PARENTS URGE UTN
” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men. ”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc. I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy.
I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me.
“Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric? ”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement.