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class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs elpfHZ ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp lkJlKO"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT dmqhlj"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX cJdXjE bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Love</span></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd bjcNOB gydgrM">If You’re Not Sure You’re ‘Allowed’ to Intify as Bisexual, Read This</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ bZgCVT">There are so many ways to be bisexual.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gKcujo byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd fzZOZR gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fPqUbj IWACp eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/melissa-a-fabello">Melissa A. Fabello</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2020-01-31T15:51:56-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd danQKH MlCHH">January 31, 2020</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP cAlrhp lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc bjtV lead-asset--width-small" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz iqnk"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="For Years I Wasnt Sure I Was ‘Allowed to Intify as Bisexual" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE qDPBn ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN loMSDX"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd gVwuiM fNaHcW ptn__cred">Getty Imag/ Jena Arll</span></div></div></figure><div data-ttid="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor" class="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor-jYVcDc djtEof"></div></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg fgMkJI social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>My bt iend and I were on the b g home om school the seventh gra, and we were almost at our stop. For the entire ri, she had been avoidg tellg me the name of her new csh, who had been leavg her <a href=">forlorn and mopey</a> for weeks. I was gettg impatient.</p><p>“I need to tell you somethg first,” she said, avoidg my ey. “I’m <a href=">bisexual</a>.”</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>“Okay,” I said slowly, elongatg the send vowel. I had never heard that word before. “What do that mean?”</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Wh the nfince that the oler bt iend tends to exu when explag a sndalo new topic (at least middle school), she said, “It means that I like boys <em>and</em> I like girls.”</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="vdysul"></div></div><p>And then I shouted, “Oh, my God, I’m that too!”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Bisexualy is more plited than that, of urse. Like her sister inti, such as <a href=">pansexualy</a> and omnisexualy, bisexualy impli an attractn to multiple (or all) genrs. (If you're wonrg, “<a href=">What is pansexualy</a>?" here's what you need to know). The simplifitn of beg attracted to men and women (pecially where the genrs are assumed to be cis) is not only rrect but also harmful. But as a kid whout a ep unrstandg of genr, I was nohels stck by my bt iend’s fn.</p><p>You see, growg up, I was nfed. Many queer kids have a siar experience: We’re prented wh only one optn of what relatnships look like—cis man pl cis woman equals te love forever!—and we n sometim sense early on that somethg about our ternal experience feels different.</p><p>In the fifth gra, when a iend of me sneered that I was gay as an sult, I thought maybe I had land on a name for what I felt. But I went home and asked my dad what that meant, and still didn’t f. I wasn’t straight like I was supposed to be, but damn , I wasn’t this untercultural “gay” thg eher.</p><p>I felt stuck. As I saw at the time, there were girls who were attracted to boys, and there were girls who were attracted to girls, but no matter how hard I tried, I uldn’t simply pick one. I was both—and I thought I was the only one.</p><p>Learng the word <em>bisexual</em> on the b that day a uple of years later was an unfettably powerful moment of validatn. Not only was there a name for what I felt, but I wasn’t alone after all.</p><p>Unfortunately, my road to strong, assured bisexual inty was riddled wh pothol, as is for many of . Over the urse of my life, bee I ternalized so much <a href=">stigma around bisexualy</a>, I’ve stggled wh claimg this inty that at first felt ctom-ma for me.</p><hr/><p>I started datg my first love, a woman, when I was 15. It was wh her that I had <a href=">my first sexual experience</a>. I was very fortable intifyg as bisexual then. I had csh galore, and genr felt irrelevant to my attractns. I also helped start the Gay/Straight Alliance at my high school. Sure, people mistook me for a lbian and hurled associated slurs at me, but I felt solid my bisexualy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="ffngn9"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="kkjeo8"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>When I later started datg a man, though, I felt a signifint shift. Sudnly, my peers qutned my queerns. Even my boyiend at the time told me, pot-blank, “No one is bisexual forever. You eventually have to choose.” But stead of qutng our msed-up unrstandg of sexualy, doubt started creepg to my heart stead: <em>Would</em> I eventually have to choose?</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>For many years after that, I dated cis men almost exclively, mostly as a rult of nvenience. I still intified as bisexual, bee I had csh, went on dat wh, and hooked up wh people of var genrs. But the love terts who tend to stick, who wanted me most, were cis men. I was even engaged to one before I graduated om llege! Eventually, this led me the oppose directn of what you might assume: My sexual boredom and sometim even disgt wh the men I dated led me to believe I was, and always had been, super gay after all.</p><p>So, my early 20s, I threw myself a new directn and got eply volved my lol queer muny. I dated only women for a few years, intified as a lbian, started a blog for queer femm, and eventually got to a long-term, live- relatnship wh a woman. I me out anew—only to be shocked when I later fell for a man all over aga. I tried donng a “homoflexible” label for a few years, but two boyiends later I had to s back and take a good look at my inty and why my perceptn of kept shiftg seemgly so drastilly.</p><p>What I didn’t unrstand as I tried on the different labels was that isn’t simply our behavr that dictat who we are. It’s also our ternal experience and how we choose to scribe . The normative unrstandg of bisexualy tends to falsely fe as a strict set of feelgs and actns: We’re told that bisexualy means havg equal attractn to multiple genrs and engagg wh them romantilly and sexually siar amounts. Not only is this an credibly rctive way to unrstand sexualy, but also leav many people grapplg wh whether they’re “allowed” to intify as bisexual when their experienc don’t align wh this narrow fn. That’s what happened to me before I realized I was thkg about all wrong.</p><hr/><p>It took years for me to realize that sexual fluidy (the experience of sexual inty as flowg and fluctuatg) is legimate. Now I’m fortable wh the ia that my attractns sometim shift, and wh that sometim inty chang, which are also valid.</p><p>But ’s worth qutng why bisexualy as a label kept slippg away om me, spe attractn to multiple genrs always beg a part of my sexual experience.</p><p>What do actually <em>mean</em> to be bisexual? And who is allowed to claim ?</p><p>Over the years, I’ve created and nurtured relatnships my muny wh other bisexual people, and women particular. I n’t tell you how many tim I’ve heard of this mon experience, which often throws people to a spiral of validatn: A cis woman is attracted to multiple genrs, but for var reasons has only ever engaged romantilly and/or sexually wh cis men. Maybe she regnized her attractn to others later life and is, at that pot, a <a href=">monogamo</a> life partnership already. Maybe she feels unfortable—like an imposter— queer spac, so she hasn’t been able to meet, let alone date, anyone except cis men. Maybe her cy, fay, or culture is nservative, and livg her life thentilly uld be dangero to her. She knows her heart where her attractns lie, but her experience betrays that. Is <em>she</em> bisexual?</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="qu97m"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-671"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt fIrqYK">Most Popular</div><ul class="RecircMostPopularItems-dCAajf gqcRrp"><li><div 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byle__preamble">By </span>Cathryne Keller</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw bGBSrw ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="bu6qv"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs fObDao"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="cbsi79"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Well, yeah. If that’s what she wants to ll herself, which is up to her.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>When I was graduate school, workg toward a master’s and then a doctorate gree Human Sexualy Studi, I was troduced to the Orientatn, Behavr, and Inty (OBI) Mol. Popularized by Brent A. Satterly, Ph.D., and siar to s more famo precsors, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">the Ksey Sle</a> and <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">the Kle Grid</a>, aimed to be a simple amework for unrstandg the plexi of human sexualy experienc.</p><p>The OBI Mol poss that our orientatn (who we’re naturally attracted to), behavr (who we engage wh romantilly or sexually, cludg through <a href=">fantasi</a>), and inty (how we scribe ourselv) exist on pennt sl, and there are endls batns beyond the dictnary fn of any given sexualy. It says “not so fast” to the pervasive myth that orr to <em>intify</em> as bisexual, you mt be attracted to all (or multiple) genrs equally, and you mt be romantic and sexual wh all (or multiple) genrs equally. Sudnly, the puzzle piec of tryg to unrstand my own sexualy fell to place.</p><p>If you too have been grapplg wh your sexualy or sexual inty, here’s how the OBI mol suggts thkg of :</p><ul><li>Orientatn: Which genrs do you fd yourself naturally cled toward? Which genrs do you tend to be attracted to or have csh on? Who piqu your tert?</li><li>Behavr: Which genrs do you tend to have romantic and/or sexual relatnships wh? When actively datg, who are you searchg for? Which genrs do you fantasize about?</li><li>Inty: How do you scribe your ternal sense of sexual self? Which words feel ftg to you and do you feel fortable donng (even privately)? How do you see yourself as a sexual person?</li></ul><p>Here’s how that plays out for me: I fd myself attracted to people of all genrs, although some far more often than others. Most of my romantic and sexual behavr has been wh cis men and cis women, but not all of , and I choose not to actively go out of my way to date (particularly cis) men. I intify as bisexual and pansexual terchangeably bee those words scribe my experience of attractn to all genrs; I also intify as queer, particularly polilly. But I make a pot to e the term <em>bisexual</em> as often as possible to bat the notn that someone else’s ia of bisexualy f me.</p><p>Bisexualy n look like primarily beg attracted to and/or datg one genr, while also havg tert others. It n look like makg a nsc choice to date one group of people over another, spe broar attractn. It n look perfectly portned wh equal experience across genrs. Or, like wh my own experience, bisexualy n look like shiftg external behavr wh a static orientatn.</p><p>Ultimately, bisexualy isn’t a phase or a nfn or a burn. It’s a legimate experience and inty. And any outsi disbelief or ternalized imposter syndrome that up for likely isn’t the flt of bisexualy self, but of a culture that don’t give the tools to talk about ourselv thentilly.</p><p><strong>Related:</strong></p><ul><li><a href=">How Alice ‘The L Word’ Affirmed My Inty as a Bisexual Woman</a></li><li><a href=">This Is What It’s Like to Come Out Your 30s or Later</a></li><li><a href=">I’m a Bisexual Guy, and No, It’s Not Jt a Phase</a></li></ul></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="0waz09"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="ContributorsWrapper-eNpWFu hEUvfU ntributors" data-ttid="Contributors"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="TextBlockWrapper-bNZsMC dTomOc StyledTextblock-SJflO kHgSzz disclaimer grid-layout__ntent"><p class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TextBlockText-gtrMkY iUEiRd Pbwma kQegaj">SELF do not provi medil advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any rmatn published on this webse or by this brand is not tend as a substute for medil advice, and you should not take any actn before nsultg wh a healthre profsnal.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div data-ttid="TagCloudWrapper" class="TagCloudWrapper-gGgndx iPNP ContentFooterTagCloud-krQmRG ZLGh"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudSectnHear-cOforY iUEiRd kgktQt kQQRmu">Topics</span><a href="/topic/bisexualy" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">bisexualy</span></a><a href="/topic/relatnships" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">relatnships</span></a><a href="/topic/love" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">love</span></a><a href="/topic/lgbtq" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fPqUbj iAqPKp hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd hJhJHy bUkXwu">lgbtq</span></a></div></div></div></div><div data-ttid="ContentFooterBottom" class="ContentFooterBottom-jwWZfC kcbyiW"><div class="ntent-bottom-anchor"></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-footer" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-footer"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="recirc-list-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan ContentFooterRelated-kEBiFe kVUuwq"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 SummaryCollectnGridComponent-ktyEog bdTTVU summary-llectn-grid RecircListDefltOverlaySummaryCollectnGrid-AHJhY bEaXiL recirc-list__ems summary-llectn-grid--four-lumns summary-llectn-grid--TextBelowLeft"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="SummaryCollectnGridContent-eVUpRm gOErDJ"><div class="SectnTleRoot-dBGvdq fxVSsn SummaryCollectnGridSectnTle-fCmYwG izjbVn" data-ttid="SectnTle"><hear class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SectnTleHed-dKqZet dxqEAa iuxgWr jttyjJ">More om Self</hear></div><div class="SummaryCollectnGridItems-DZShR iJAxgH hi-read-more-ad" data-ttid="SummaryCollectnGridItems"><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff gjCHLu summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jTnDXj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How to Stop Comparg Your Current Body to Your Former One" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Stop Comparg Your Current Body to Your Former One</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">It’s easy to romanticize the past, but we’re not meant to look the same our whole liv.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff gjCHLu summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jTnDXj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Everyone Has Relatnship Deal-Breakers. Here’s How to Intify Yours" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Everyone Has Relatnship Deal-Breakers. Here’s How to Intify Yours</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">Pl the bt, non-awkward ways to brg them up.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff gjCHLu summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jTnDXj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How Listeng to My Body Helped Me Come Out" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How Listeng to My Body Helped Me Come Out</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">A rmatologist diagnosed me wh eczema—but also asked me what was gog on ternally.</div></div></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="s4i6t8"></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff gjCHLu summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jTnDXj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Gabrielle Unn Said Therapy Undid ‘the Constant Need to Be Validated’ for Her Looks" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Gabrielle Unn Said Therapy Undid ‘the Constant Need to Be Validated’ for Her Looks</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">Her ssns also led to a perspective-shiftg talk wh her dad about race, bety, and self-worth.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff gjCHLu summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-5" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jTnDXj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Kelly Clarkson Said She ‘Wouldn’t Have Ma It’ Through Her Divorce Whout Antiprsants" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-5" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Kelly Clarkson Said She ‘Wouldn’t Have Ma It’ Through Her Divorce Whout Antiprsants</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">“I looked at my therapist and I jt uldn’t stop sobbg,” she relled.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff gjCHLu summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-6" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jTnDXj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How to Grieve and Eventually Move On After a Friend Dumps You" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-6" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Grieve and Eventually Move On After a Friend Dumps You</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">Confn, anger, and sadns are totally normal when you’ve lost your person.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff gjCHLu summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm qQT" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" 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i am not sure if i am gay

Hi all, I am a 24 year old man, who is jt havg trouble actually gog ahead and live as a gay man, i have me out to everyone I know at age 15 or...

Contents:

17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)

Sexualy is plex and ever-evolvg, so how do you know if you're straight, gay, or somethg between? Answer the qutns about your csh and fantasi to fd out. * i am not sure if i am gay *

One of your top ten experienc was at a Pri para where you were surround by the most tertg, fun strangers you have ever enuntered, and no one you knew was there to judge you, or the only people you knew there were gay. When down to , there is no reliable "Am I Gay tt", so the only way to know that you are gay (fn of gay) is to look wh yourself to terme your own thoughts and feelgs towards others of the same sex.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

Worried or jt wonrg if you're gay? See if your spicns are rrect - try this tt. If you are, 's nothg to be ashamed of, no matter what. * i am not sure if i am gay *

If you have had romantic experienc or fantasi volvg people who are the same genr as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but 's okay if you're a ltle nfed. Jt for funI'm spic that I may be gayI've never had a csh on anyone, and am unsure where I lie on the spectm of sexualyWhat would your ial partner be if you two are gog to spend a week on an island?

Havg sex wh the person I love mostCuddlg wh the person I love mostJt beg next to the person I love mostHangg out wh iends / beg aloneHow would you feel if your bt iend me out as gay? Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.

AM I GAY??

Men beg attracted to another man emotnally, physilly, and mentally are known as gays. Fd out if you're gay wh our quiz. * i am not sure if i am gay *

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. ” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

Now that sexualy is more fluid than ever, ’s tough to know whether you’re actually gay or your close iends jt get you rock hard. Well, good news, this quiz is here to fally answer your… * i am not sure if i am gay *

The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight). Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you). —and we n sometim sense early on that somethg about our ternal experience feels the fifth gra, when a iend of me sneered that I was gay as an sult, I thought maybe I had land on a name for what I felt.

Eventually, this led me the oppose directn of what you might assume: My sexual boredom and sometim even disgt wh the men I dated led me to believe I was, and always had been, super gay after, my early 20s, I threw myself a new directn and got eply volved my lol queer muny.

I tried donng a “homoflexible” label for a few years, but two boyiends later I had to s back and take a good look at my inty and why my perceptn of kept shiftg seemgly so I didn’t unrstand as I tried on the different labels was that isn’t simply our behavr that dictat who we are. Even if some of the wilst adventur wh your girliend don’t exce you and the image of another man shirtls or a naked photo exc you to the re, then there are chanc that you might be gay.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Are you gay? Fd out now by takg what might be the longt 'Am I gay?' tt EVER ma! Answer all 45 qutns hontly and you will get to the tth! * i am not sure if i am gay *

Although both inti volve havg a physil and/or romantic attractn to a person of the same sex, beg gay appears to be more ser your md, whereas beg bisexual may not be que as fe. Whether you are fally acceptg your homosexualy after many years of supprsg or if you are newly disverg now, you are ee to intify yourself any way that feels right to you. Brandon Ambroso argu that simplistic explanatns have ignored the fluid, shape-shiftg nature of our sir.“You n’t be gay.”She was on top of me.It wasn’t a mand —  was a challenge.

AM I GAY? QUIZ – 100% RELIABLE TT

* i am not sure if i am gay *

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good sex.It was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change.

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this way.Many people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to 37%.The ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.” Vios started circulatg on the ter featurg gay people askg straight people “when they chose to be straight.” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice,” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy.”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns. “Such statements,” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy.” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv gay.Take, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame.

QUIZ: ARE YOU GAY?

Am I gay? Some fd this hard to answer. Knowg whether you are gay or straight, though, down to attractns and behavrs. Fd out more. * i am not sure if i am gay *

“I unrstand that for many people ’s not, but for me ’s a choice, and you don’t get to fe my gayns for me.”The blogger John Aravosis was one of many crics who pounced on Nixon. Callg me “idtic” and “patently absurd”, Aravosis wrote, “The gay haters at the relig right uldn’t have wrten any better.”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay. Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays.

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way iology.As Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance. “It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay,” Allen nclus.In spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.

AM I GAY OR BISEXUAL?

Are you uncerta about your sexualy but sred to discs wh others? This Am I Gay quiz will help you fd out if you are Gay or not. * i am not sure if i am gay *

Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter,” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins. And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia.”While I n unrstand why some ntemporary activists (and the journalists who seem beholn to their agendas) might chalk up recent gas LGB acceptance to Born This Way’s cultural filtratn, activism mt be found upon facts and tths, or the whole program will eventually turn out to be a sham. Drowng out every voice that dar to qutn domant cultural narrativ is not the same thg as validatg the arguments those voic are makg.As Ward says, “Jt bee an argument is polilly expedient don’t make te.”It is only recent history that we have started to label sexual orientatns wh rigid tegori (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)So what do the science say about Born This Way?There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected.

The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure.” Ltle wonr the therapi have been shown to provoke anxiety, prsn and even suici.In other words, the qutn of the efficy of nversn therapi is a non-issue. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors.”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time.”Te, var eye-grabbg headl over the years have claimed that some scientists have found somethg like The Gay Gene. In 1991, for example, nroscientist Simon LaVey published fdgs that he claimed suggt that “sexual orientatn has a blogil substrate.” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual men.Try as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way?

LeVay himself poted this out to Disver Magaze 1994: “Sce I looked at adult bras, we don't know if the differenc I found were there at birth or if they appeared later.” Further, the bras LeVay studied belonged to AIDS victims, so he uldn’t even be sure if what he was seeg had somethg to do wh the disease.Another landmark paper on the origs of homosexualy was published 1993 by a geicist named Dean Hamer, who was terted to learn whether homosexualy uld be hered.

I’M NOT GAY, BUT MY BOYIEND SURE IS

Quiz: Am I Gay? - We live tim where beg gay is more socially accepted. So whether you are gay or not, you will fely fd some who would be clive their thkg.... * i am not sure if i am gay *

He believ there’s about “99.5% certaty that there is a gene (or gen) this area of the X chromosome that predispos a male to bee a heterosexual.”A 2015 study sought to nfirm Hamer’s fdgs, this time wh a much larger sample: 409 pairs of gay brothers.

“It’s not.”And as Allen pots out, there have also been studi that found no “X-lked gene unrlyg male homosexualy.” Perhaps predictably, the studi haven’t received as much media verage.Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.

LONGEST GAY TEST!

All science is dog is wag to fd the proof.”The other problem wh Born This Way science is summed up nicely by Simon Copland: “Scientists are askg whether homosexualy is natural when we n’t even agree exactly what homosexualy is.”Grzanka agre.

How then uld they be rooted our genome?” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’.This is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men.

I’VE INTIFIED AS GAY FOR YEARS. NOT ANYMORE.

Ccially, she argu, “whether or not this baggage is appealg is a separate matter altogether om the appeal of homosexual or heterosexual sex.”Even if you accept that sexual sire may exist on a kd of spectm, the predomant ia is still that the sir are nate and immutable – but this ns unter to what we know about human taste, says Ward. “Our sir are oriented and re-oriented based on our experienc throughout our liv.”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc. All of our sir are ntually beg shaped throughout our liv, the very specific ntexts which we disver and rehearse them.I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me. This new inty turn helped rerce and grow new gay sir wh me.Granted, none of this means that there were no geic or prenatal factors that went to the nstctn of my or any other sexual orientatn. But that’s not the whole story, and to engage disurse that pretends is — regardls of the nobily of the tentns — uld have “profound and very negative nsequenc” for the LGBT muny, says Grzanka.“Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited,” he says.Early gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric?

“That’s a very narrow unrstandg of what jtice looks like,” says Ward.What about the ncern that homophob will want to ‘enurage’ gay people to be straight if there’s no blogil basis for sexualy? It don’t take too much creativy to image a scenar which homophobic parents, upon beg rmed their fet has ‘the gay gene’, choose what to them may seem the lser of two evils: abortn.Fally, I would argue that the Born This Way narrative n actively damage our perceptns of ourselv.

I AM NOT SURE IF BEG GAY IS WORTH .

We’d never accept that story.”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement.

“They were anized around sexual liberatn, and the radil notn of challengg heteronormativy.”Gay and lbian activists, says Ward, ed to draw on relign parallels to argue for cln.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M GAY?

“Then there was a shift, and the lears of the movement chose to jump on board wh a ls nuanced argument that people already unrstood: jt like race, people are born wh their homosexualy.”Fortunately, we have now ma enormo stris unrstandg and affirmg our queer sexuali. Walter Thompson Innovatn group found that only 48% of Generatn Z (ag 18-24) intify as “100% heterosexual.” Rponnts were asked to rate themselv on a sle om zero (which signified “pletely straight”) to six (“pletely homosexual”).

More than a third chose a number between one and five.In rponse to the poll, one of my Facebook iends quipped about how natural selectn mt be workg overtime, what wh makg all of gay! And importantly, each isn’t always nstcted opposn to the other.I’m thankful for a new generatn that is pable of imagg sexualy a way that transcends the gay/straight bary, that uldn’t re ls about what happened to their bodi and mds to make them who they are today. Hi all, I am a 24 year old man, who is jt havg trouble actually gog ahead and live as a gay man, i have me out to everyone I know at age 15 or so maybe, but I have always me out as that's my orientatn but I don't know what I am gonna do about kda thg.

AM I GAY/STRAIGHT? ?️‍? (FEMALE EDN)

A lot of the psychiatrists I went to implied that I should try to fix the problem, and I wish they n offer a practil way to fix , stead they keep tellg me thgs like I am jt gay e I want to rebel agast my father, or masculy, or bee I was raised wh too much women, and that I should try takg meds to rce my sexualy. I am jt so lost and aaid of cidg anythg bee I want to try livg as beg gay, but I am ightened by the challeng of not jt beg the inty, but also not fdg a guy who actually would like me back.

I'll jt avoid psychiatrists for now, I always feel like they play around what they really thk/what they should thk acrdg to their books, I gus that's medice general, but wh beg gay s charged wh their own beliefs and stuff.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

I felt like I don't want to be gay (I wish I n) talked about STD's and how most relatnships end up beg open how monogamy don't make the relatnship last but your wele to try kda thg.... Happs is not a promise life has to everyone, he talked about how you have to assume everyone is HIV +ve, and that he knows some who got the very first time they engaged a gay relatnship... I am sick of pursug my own expectatns jt to get disappoted or jt pla out cshg over straight guys, to loosg rpect e I am gay, to beg fotten now the iends have a spoe and kids, to fdg I am miserable my is a game I jt suck at...

Some people thk of themselv as straight even if they ocsnally feel attracted to (or have even had relatnships wh) people of the same genr, and some people nsir themselv gay even if they have felt some attractn to/had relatnships wh people of another genr.

Some people that have homosexual experienc ntue not to intify as gay while others that have never had a homosexual experience and rather, jt have homosexual feelgs, may ll themselv gay.

AM I GAY, OR BI?

"Wh time, someone who is gay will realize that not only are they sexually attracted to members of the same sex, but that this attractn is not transnal, or as often scribed 'jt a phase'. ”While is not possible to get an exact figure on the populatn of lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr Amerins, a 2015 report by the Public Relign Rearch Instute suggts that “7 percent of lennials intify eher as lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr. Acrdg to a paper published by the Natnal Bure of Enomic Rearch, even those numbers may be unrtimated — as are the challeng that people this muny many parts of the untry, and the world, there are stutnal rourc available for lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr and queer people that never before existed, said Larry Gross, a munitns profsor at the Universy of Southern California who helped found the field of gay and lbian studi.

IF YOU’RE ASKG, ‘AM I GAY? LBIAN? BI? TRANS? QUEER?’ HERE’S A START

It’s “credibly liberatg” for some sexual mori to scribe themselv beyond the three labels of lbian, gay or bisexual, he seekg a partner, “male or female is pretty immaterial” to a lot of younger people, he Tillett Wright says the healthit way to e to an inty is to “e to time” and “never settle on anythg.

Siarly, a natnwi study by the Centers of Disease Control and Preventn released 2016 revealed that high school stunts intifyg as gay, lbian or bisexual are still at much greater risk of bullyg, prsn and vlence than their peers who intify as straight. Scientists are not yet sure exactly what someone to be lbian, gay, bisexual, or straight, but recent rearch shows that there are blogil factors place before birth that fluence people’s sexual orientatn.

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I am not sure if beg gay is worth . | Empty Closets .

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