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[&]:text-gray-13"><p class="duet--article--article-byle max-w-[550px] font-polysans text-12 leadg-120"><span>By</span> <span><span class="duet--article-byle-and"></span> <span class="font-medium"><a class="hover:shadow-unrle-her" href="/thors/leah-reich">Leah Reich</a></span></span></p></div><div class="duet--article--date-and-ments mb-12 font-polysans text-12 text-gray-5a"><time dateTime="2016-12-04T16:59:01.000Z" class="duet--article--timtamp font-polysans text-12"> <!-- -->Dec 4, 2016, 4:59 PM UTC</time><span class="mx-8 hidn md:le">|</span><button tle="Go to ments" class="duet--article--ments-lk block md:le"><svg class="mr-4 le" width="12" height="12" fill="none" viewBox="0 0 12 12" stroke-width="1px" xmlns="><tle>Comments</tle><path d="M2.4 9.1h-.207l-.147.146L.5 10.793V1.2c0-.384.316-.7.7-.7h9.6c.384 0 .7.316.7.7v7.2c0 .384-.316.7-.7.7H2.4Z" stroke="currentColor"></path></svg><span class="font-polysans text-12 unrle"><span class="ral-unt" 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(2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 96w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 128w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 256w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 376w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 384w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 415w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 480w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 540w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 640w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 750w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 828w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 1080w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 1200w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 1440w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 1920w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 2048w, (2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/ 2400w" src="(2490x910:2491x911):format(webp)/" dg="async" data-nimg="rponsive" style="posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizg:borr-box;paddg:0;borr:none;marg:to;display:block;width:0;height:0;m-width:100%;max-width:100%;m-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-f:ver"/></span><div class="duet--media--ptn pt-6 font-polysans-mono text-12 font-light leadg-130 trackg-1"> <ce class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup le not-alic text-gray-63 dark:text-gray-bd [&>a:hover]:text-gray-63 [&>a:hover]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&>a:hover]:text-gray-bd dark:[&>a:hover]:shadow-unrle-gray [&>a]:shadow-unrle-gray-63 dark:[&>a]:text-gray-bd dark:[&>a]:shadow-unrle-gray"><a href="><strong>Iouri Gosev/Flickr</strong></a></ce></div></figure></div></div></div></div><div class="relative md:mx-to md:flex md:max-w-ntaer-md lg:max-w-none"><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent-ntaer clearfix sm:ml-to md:ml-100 md:max-w-article-body lg:mx-100"><div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><a href="><em>Leah Reich</em></a><em> was one of the first ter advice lumnists. Her lumn "</em><a href="><em>Ask Leah</em></a><em>" ran on IGN, where she gave advice to gamers for two and a half years. Durg the day, Leah is Slack’s er rearcher, but her views here do not reprent her employer. How to be Human ns every other Sunday. You n wre to her at <strong> </strong>and </em><a href="><em>read more How to be Human here</em></a>.</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Hi Leah,</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>I’m a 21-year-old gay male who liv the Pacific Northwt. I’m out to those close to me, but I’m the closet publicly for now. I feel ’s a personal thg, my sexualy, so I only tell to those I re about. Pl, I live a super-nservative unty, and after the electn, tst me when I say ’s better I stay the closet for the time beg. The kd of hate I’m seeg lately towards mori is sry as hell.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Beg gay, and livg where I do, I’ve never… well, had a romantic relatnship and obvly, I’ve never gone the distance wh anyone eher. (I’ll eely adm, that’s a tough thg for me to say, pecially when we live a society where sex is held such high regard, and those who don’t have are eher unattractive or have ‘other’ issu.) I didn’t fake High School and pretend to be straight by havg a girliend or anythg like that. I jt managed to avoid the qutn, and sce I intify strongly on the mascule si of the spectm, most people haven’t a clue.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>So whout any romantic background, I’ve found I velop csh fairly easily on guys I’m around, pecially those who are attractive both personaly and looks. Nothg’s ever e of the though, as I’ve never had the urage to act on them sce I’ve never been able to tell if the guys are actually gay or not. Let’s jt say that when to flirtg, relatnships, and sex, I’m hopelsly lost and experienced.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>So, about a year ago at work, a new employee was hired. He’s olr than me by about ne years, but he’s still credibly young and extremely, extremely attractive. He’s a jock who’s very f, tall and handsome. But he’s also extremely kd and our personali kda clicked.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>At first before I really got to know him, I veloped the ual csh on him. And as we beme iends, and as I got to know him more, that csh went away and somethg far more powerful replaced . I began to fall love wh him. I’m nfint ’s love bee well, when I’m around him, talkg to him, I feel good — extremely good, like I’m worth a ln bucks kda good. He mak me se and happy; he mak me lgh. I feel whole around him. And whenever I thk of him, I get such strong emotns that I sometim feel physilly sick. As I said, I’ve had several dozen csh over the years. None have ever e close to the feelgs I have for my worker. In a perfect world, I hontly thk he’s the one. Our chemistry seems almost too perfect. I would do anythg for him. Take a bullet for him, no qutns asked. This gets to the root of my problem. In a perfect world, my worker would be gay and sgle.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Sadly, this isn’t a perfect world, and my worker is straight, and very recently married.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Yay me. Fallg for someone I uld never, ever hope to ever be wh. I’m certaly not nial about , but here’s the thg, I don’t know how to <em>un-</em>fall love wh him. I’ve tried distancg myself om him at work and ignorg him, but that don’t work. And while I n never be there for him the way I’d like, I do not want to lose him as a iend. He’s lerally the only out-of-clost iend I have and losg him would only make the pa of our suatn unbearable.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Some thgs you should know. I have told him I’m gay (he was very supportive and thanked me for my tst him), and I’ve very recently told him about my feelgs towards him. I wasn’t pletely hont to the extent that those feelgs go, but he got the msage.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>The part that kills me, is his rponse to my admtance was along the l of “I’m really sorry” and “I’ll be there for you if you want, whatever you need,” or “if you need some time or distance to work this out that’s ol…”</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>What I didn’t get and what I was hopg for was downright rejectn. He never told me that he didn’t feel the same. He never said explicly that he wasn’t open to beg somethg more.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Maybe he felt was implied, wh his marriage and all but hontly, my md is graspg at whatever hope remas. Sad, I know, but I don’t know how to get past this. All I do know is he’s a great guy, and he serv someone better than me. It’s not fair to him that I’m like this. It’s not right, and I feel pretty ashamed about actually.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Lastly, I’m someone who’s stggled wh beg alone for a long time. I would often spend sleepls nights paralyzed by lonels, but my worker and the feelgs I have for him has largely filled this void. I’m terrified of gog back to the way thgs were before he me along. I don’t want to feel that way aga, but I know if I do let him go that I will end up feelg this way aga.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Anyways, unrequed love. It kda sucks. So if you have any advice, or need more tails, I’m all ears. It’s not that I don’t know how to be human. I’m aaid that I’m feelg too much as a human. Please help.</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>Thank you,</strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe"><strong>-Sigma Tell  </strong></p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Hey ST,</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Oh my iend, have you e to the right place. You know, the reason I lled this lumn How To Be Human is bee beg human is hard. It’s a challenge for most of — whether we feel too much, not much at all, or simply don’t know how to handle whatever feelgs we have. Hontly, most of a batn of the three at var pots our liv. </p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Here’s another reason this is the right place. Your humble advice lumnist spent much of her life pursu of people who were unavailable for one reason or other. I’ve had to e to some hont and paful realizatns about why I did that, and I want to share those tths wh you. They might be hard to hear, and you might dismiss them. That’s okay. Would you believe took me until I was 40 to fally listen to this advice myself, and to unrstand my behavr a way that’s allowed me to start changg ? This is my way of sayg that you should save this letter and read ocsnally. You’ll know when you’re ready to <em>hear </em> and to change. (It’s also my wkg way of sayg that ’s not surprisg a 30-year-old man still seems so youthful. He is!)</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">The first thg I want to acknowledge is that I n never know what ’s like to grow up as a young gay man. That don’t mean I n’t empathize wh you, though. I also want to addrs ia that beg a virg or beg sexually experienced means somethg is wrong wh you. Our society has a much more plited relatnship wh sex than simply “high regard” — although tradnal heterosexual society and gay muni are neher the same nor monolhic. Regardls, please know that while I unrstand ’s tough for you to adm your lack of experience, I want to enurage you to not see as a failure, as somethg wrong wh you, or even as somethg weird or bad. There are far more people like you out there than you realize. It’s jt that, like you, they don’t talk about , bee we don’t make fortable for people to talk about a lack of experience.</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">But your letter isn’t about sex. It’s about unrequed love, specifilly for your worker. Even though I’ve <a href=">wrten about</a> <a href=">unrequed love before</a>, I haven’t had the chance to wre what I want to say to you. Which is this:</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Fallg for unavailable people is a very easy thg to do. Many of do , sometim for most of our liv. The person may be emotnally or geographilly unavailable, married or otherwise a long-term monogamo relatnship, gay or straight or simply not attracted to , and so on. Emotns are not always very logil thgs. Attractn is often a mystery nctn of physil and mental chemistry, timg, mood, and more. Humans are still animals at some level, right? I get that your attractn to your worker is a very real thg that you n’t totally ntrol, and I don’t want to dismiss that part of .</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">The problem is that fallg for unavailable people is a way to avoid realy. This is pecially temptg when our realy is, like yours, ls than ial. You live a place where you have an extremely limed chance of meetg someone available to you. You don’t feel fortable or safe beg out publicly, which means you n’t openly look for a man you’d want to date or sleep wh, and likely means other gay men who live where you do feel siarly. LGBTQ muni have long relied on signs, s, and hidn spac, many of which are still pafully necsary around the world and, unfortunately, here the US. The ter n help wh nnectns as well, for people who don’t live urban areas wh more active gay, lbian, or trans muni. But you still live where you live, and maybe there aren’t many spac like this where you are, or maybe you haven’t found the people who n show them to you, bee no one feels safe talkg publicly and you pass as straight, so your cycle ntu. </p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent clear-both block md:float-left md:mr-30 md:w-[320px] lg:-ml-100"><div class="duet--article--article-pullquote mb-20"><div class="mb-10 h-[22px] w-[65px] bg-ankl"></div><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup relative bg-repeatg-l-dark bg-[length:1px_1.2em] pb-8 font-polysans text-28 font-medium leadg-120 trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:bg-repeatg-l-light dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple">Fallg for unavailable people is a very easy thg to do</p></div></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Your realy is more than jt this, though. You’re secure about a lot of thgs, cludg your lack of sexual experience. There’s a lot you want to hi. You don’t have the nfince to go out and look for men who might be available to you. What if they judge or lgh at you? What if you don’t know what to do? I also n see you have a ep sense that somethg is wrong wh you. Not only do you mentn this relatn to sex, you brg up aga wh rpect to your worker: He serv someone better than you. When you thk of yourself as a flawed, broken, not-good-enough person, you fd yourself attracted to the people you thk you serve. The people tend to also be flawed, broken, not-good-enough — or people who are so totally unavailable you n create an entire fantasy about who they are and what your life wh them would be like. And by you, I also mean me and all of .</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">I promise I’m not dismissg your feelgs for this guy. I have felt exactly as you do about people who were so unavailable to me ’s md-bogglg when I thk about after the fact. And much of my unrequed love has e om my own sire to avoid realy. Why? Bee realy is hard and ’s not always fun. It’s easier to go after people who aren’t available so you n pe forever rather than adm you’re sred to be a relatnship or to m to someone, or so the relatnship n fail for reasons that you n blame on someone or somethg else. Longg for an unavailable person means you don’t have to get hont wh yourself about why, ep down si, you don’t thk you serve someone wonrful, or why you believe someone wonrful serv a better partner than you uld ever hope to be. It is much easier to believe someone else is perfect or at least perfect for you than to regnize and act on your own realy.</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">ST, I do not want you to go back to your cshg lonels. I would not wish that on almost anyone. You are a tough spot, lerally and figuratively. You have to thk not only about yourself but about where you live and what your optns are. I don’t have an easy answer for you, but I do have a place for you to beg: You have to get real about your suatn, and you have to start workg on feelg good about yourself. You need to fd more people you n feel safe around, cludg other gay men. Maybe also a therapist, one who is very LGBTQ iendly. You need to feel okay wh yourself so you n <em>be</em> yourself. It’s easier to tell this straight guy about your lack of experience but to tell another gay man probably feels impossible, right? But who is more likely to be able to help you learn to flirt, to regnize other gay men, to fd someone who will help you experiment sexually a safe, nsensual way? I don’t know if you n move, or if you want to, but you do need to fd a way to expand your iend circle and support work. Look for rourc near you, or the neart cy. There are fely other gay men near where you live, you jt have to try and fd them a more stctured way. I bet if you searched for volunteer groups or book clubs or gyms or lerally anythg a nearby large cy, you’d fd somethg. It will be terrifyg, but you n do . Carve out the space to start workg toward a better realy.</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Right now, you have vted nearly all your emotns to a sgle person. He’s your only close iend and your heart’s te sire. This is not staable, eher for you or for him. Give this iend of yours a break and be willg to see the realy that suatn too. He has rejected to you, but an credibly kd way. I thk is a ttament to him as a human and to your iendship that he handled your admissn of feelgs wh kdns. Not bee you’re gay and he’s straight, but bee ’s hard to rpond gracefully when anyone lik you a way you n’t reciprote. It’s awkward, and sometim brgs up feelgs you’re not ready to al wh. Maybe he’s qutned his sexualy, or maybe he’s feelg uncerta about havg gotten married, or maybe he’s feelg god knows what. Don’t ph for him to give you an outright rejectn when ’s you who needs to be willg to honor his iendship by hearg what he’s sayg. And don’t ph yourself to be iends wh him if the romantic feelgs are too overwhelmg.</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent clear-both block"><div class="duet--article--article-pullquote mb-20"><div class="mb-10 h-[22px] w-[65px] bg-ankl"></div><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup relative bg-repeatg-l-dark bg-[length:1px_1.2em] pb-8 font-polysans text-28 font-medium leadg-120 trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:bg-repeatg-l-light dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple">It is much easier to believe someone else is perfect for you than to regnize and act on your own realy</p></div></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">You and I are a lot alike. We have big feelgs and romantic sensibili. We thk hearg someone apologize or reject will somehow solve a suatn or make easier. We kd of want to be rcued rather than diggg and fixg our suatns by ourselv. We vt way too much one person, all our hop and expectatns and energi, and then are thst back to lonels and isolatn when that don’t pan out. I’ve spent a long time figurg out why I’m like this, and how I’d like to be different. I want you to do the same.</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">The tth is that fdg relatnships of all sorts, iends or romantic and sexual partners is a msy bs. It’s hard even for people who feel nfint or who live plac where there are more optns than you have. That’s why people like lumns like me. Hey, I’m an advice lumnist and I often don’t don’t know what to do when to my own datg life! Jt last night, I was tryg to figure out how to have a drk wh someone I’m attracted to whout makg totally obv I want to have a drk wh them! </p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Beg a human is hard. It’s somethg you kd of have to work on every day. I don’t want you to spend the next two s thkg the only optns are “cshg lonels” and “this person is THE ONE and we are sted to be together, if only they would see .” It is a lossal waste of your time and of your love. I want you to be able to love this iend the way you both serve—as a te iend, one who n be there for him the way he is for you. I want you to have other close iends you tst. I want you to be able to love men who are available to love and sire you. I want you to have really great sex. And the only way you n do that is to figure out how to rcue yourself. </p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"><p class="duet--article--dangeroly-set-cms-markup duet--article--standard-paragraph mb-20 font-fkroman text-18 leadg-160 -trackg-1 selectn:bg-ankl-20 dark:text-whe dark:selectn:bg-blurple [&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-ankl dark:[&_a:hover]:shadow-highlight-blurple [&_a]:shadow-unrle-black dark:[&_a]:shadow-unrle-whe">Lx</p></div><div class="duet--article--article-body-ponent"></div></div><div class="mb-40 mt-30"><button class="duet--article--ments-button group le-flex h-40 w-full ems-center jtify-center round-[2px] borr-[1px] borr-solid borr-blurple font-polysans-mono text-11 font-light upperse trackg-12 text-blurple hover:bg-blurple hover:text-whe md:w-to md:px-30"><svg class="mr-10 le pt-2" width="12" height="14" fill="none" viewBox="0 0 12 12" stroke-width="1px" xmlns="><tle>Comments</tle><path d="M2.4 9.1h-.207l-.147.146L.5 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data-ncert="medium_rectangle_gamtop"></div><sectn class="duet--article--more-stori bg-ankl px-20 pb-16 pt-30 lg:pb-36 lg:pt-50"><div class="md:mx-to md:max-w-ntaer-md lg:max-w-ntaer-lg"><h2 class="mb-16 font-polysans-mono text-16 font-light leadg-120 trackg-2 text-gray-13">More om<!-- --> <a class="borr-b font-medium hover:borr-blurple hover:text-blurple" href="/how-to-be-human">How to be human</a></h2><ul class="divi-y"><li class="flex ems-start borr-black/30 py-16 lg:ems-center"><div class="relative ml-10 mr-20 aspect-square h-[60px] w-[60px] [&>span]:round-[2px]"><span style="box-sizg:borr-box;display:block;overflow:hidn;width:ial;height:ial;background:none;opacy:1;borr:0;marg:0;paddg:0;posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="Whe Hoe" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" dg="async" data-nimg="fill" style="posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizg:borr-box;paddg:0;borr:none;marg:to;display:block;width:0;height:0;m-width:100%;max-width:100%;m-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-f:ver"/><noscript><img alt="Whe Hoe" loadg="lazy" dg="async" data-nimg="fill" style="posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizg:borr-box;paddg:0;borr:none;marg:to;display:block;width:0;height:0;m-width:100%;max-width:100%;m-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-f:ver" siz="100vw" srcSet="(550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 376w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 415w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 480w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 540w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 640w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 750w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 828w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 1080w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 1200w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 1440w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 1920w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 2048w, (550x413:551x414):format(webp)/ 2400w" src="(550x413:551x414):format(webp)/"/></noscript></span></div><h3 class="font-polysans text-22 font-medium leadg-100 -trackg-1 lg:text-34"><a class="hover:shadow-unrle-black" href="/2018/1/20/16913534/print-donald-tmp-signed-fisa-amendments-rethorizatn-act-of-2017-sectn-702">Print Donald Tmp has signed the FISA rethorizatn bill</a></h3></li><li class="flex ems-start borr-black/30 py-16 lg:ems-center"><div class="relative ml-10 mr-20 aspect-square h-[60px] w-[60px] [&>span]:round-[2px]"><span style="box-sizg:borr-box;display:block;overflow:hidn;width:ial;height:ial;background:none;opacy:1;borr:0;marg:0;paddg:0;posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0"><img alt="Ex Macha promotnal still (A24)" src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" dg="async" data-nimg="fill" style="posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizg:borr-box;paddg:0;borr:none;marg:to;display:block;width:0;height:0;m-width:100%;max-width:100%;m-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-f:ver"/><noscript><img alt="Ex Macha promotnal still (A24)" loadg="lazy" dg="async" data-nimg="fill" style="posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;bottom:0;right:0;box-sizg:borr-box;paddg:0;borr:none;marg:to;display:block;width:0;height:0;m-width:100%;max-width:100%;m-height:100%;max-height:100%;object-f:ver" siz="100vw" srcSet="(574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 376w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 415w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 480w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 540w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 640w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 750w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 828w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 1080w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 1200w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 1440w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 1920w, (574x551:575x552):format(webp)/ 2048w, 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bg-gray-13 pb-70 pt-20 text-center font-polysans text-10 upperse leadg-[19px] trackg-[0.1em] text-whe md:pt-40 lg:text-left lg:text-12 lg:leadg-[21px]"><div class="mx-to max-w-ntaer-lg"><a href="/" class="mx-to mb-24 le-block w-full overflow-hidn lg:mx-0"><svg xmlns=" viewBox="0 0 309 70" role="img" class="relative mx-to w-[lc(100vw-40px)] fill-whe md:static md:w-[204px] lg:ml-0 lg:w-[398px]" width="100%" height="100%" fill="none"><tle>The Verge

i am in love with my friend gay

Unrstandg and navigatg your csh A csh is somethg special, and you should enjoy havg one! But when that csh is the same genr as you are, n be a b strsful stead. Do this mean you're gay? Should you tell them?...

Contents:

HOW TO TELL A FRIEND YOU'RE GAY AND YOU LOVE THEM

Perhaps you have realized you are gay and that you have fallen love wh your iend. You have also probably realized that this is a lot to al wh! You may want to be hont wh your iend about your sexualy as well as your... * i am in love with my friend gay *

Perhaps you have realized you are gay and that you have fallen love wh your iend. Before you share the romantic feelgs you have toward your iend, you want your iend to know that you are gay. It is bt to jt e right out and say : “Matt, I’m gay” or “Hey, I jt wanted to let you know that I’m gay.

If you haven’t already, is a good ia to tell others that you are gay, too, bis jt your iend. You uld ask, “What would you do if you were gay and had a csh on your iend?

After you tell your iend you’re gay, pay close attentn to their behavr when they’re around you for a while. Conversely, if you fd them movg away om you or not makg eye ntact, they still may be adjtg to you tellg them you’re gay. For example, “I have wanted to tell you for a long time, even before you knew I was gay, but I waed bee I didn’t want to drop all the bombshells on you at once.

IN LOVE WH MY BT IEND, BUT HE'S GAY

* i am in love with my friend gay *

The Way Out: The Gay Man’s Gui to Freedom Chris Nutter. Crisis: 40 Stori Revealg the Personal, Social, and Relig Pa and Trma of Growg Up Gay Ameri Mchell Gold and Mdy Dcker Greenleaf Book Group, LLC, 2008.

The Velvet Rage: Overg the Pa of Growg Up Gay a Straight Man’s World Alan Downs Da Capo Prs, 2006. Article SummaryXTellg a iend that you’re gay and you love them is somethg that you’ll want to do stag so you don’t overwhelm your iend. He lled me a month later cryg and say 's bee he was gay and he didn't know how to tell me.

Bee this whole time - he never said he wasn't gay or that he was bi. He said, I'm gay but I'm love wh you and sexually attracted to you. I saw him aga for the Jake I saw him for 12 years - my gay bt iend.

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

There are lots of reasons why you might want to know if your iend is gay. There are some important thgs that you have to unrstand about this suatn before gog forward, however. Someone's sexualy is highly plex and highly... * i am in love with my friend gay *

And he was no longer talkg to me like my gay bt iend, he was talkg to me like an ex. I was love wh him once, and I accepted that he was gay.

I FELL LOVE WH MY GAY BT IEND.

Sam Wilkson me out as gay at 18 years old, then realised he was pansexual after fallg love wh his female bt iend. * i am in love with my friend gay *

We've been iends for 12 years, started out "datg" he was gay, i accepted . He has said there is somethg ep our iendship, but he is gay.

And you n't ph someone who is straight to be(e) gay, lbian, bi or whatever...

”, and another girl answered “a gay uple”, and he jt giggled and kept eatg om the bowl. After an hour of so my iend and the mean girl started to kiss and went to a room to get laid but at the end they did NOTHING (beg my iend a virg, same as I) the other hand, class, we ere sharg a puter and dog the thgs we ually do (tease each other, lghg) and someone said we looked gay. Some days ago we were together the school break (as always) and he admted that he doubted beg straight or gay as a kid, and he said he accintally watched a bizarre ***** movie wh a rather gay endg his father was hidg.

I LOVE MY GAY BT IEND

I am gay and I'm love wh a straight, what n I do?

If you are gay and you are love wh a straight person, there is nothg you n really do.

The club of gay people who have been love wh a straight.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

But do really make a difference if they are straight or gay, if at the end of the day they are someone who is not attracted to you? Those lov are like fallg love wh a teacher, or a straight fallg love wh a gay, or fallg love wh a married person, or fallg love wh a sger or an actor.

But you need to know that if the person dont want to do somethg wh you, you need to pass no matter have to rpect that the person you like is straight jt like how he rpect and accept you beg Gay. I'm a straight girl (21 years old) and i fell love wh my gay bt iend (who's a guy).

He hat himself for beg gay, which breaks my heart. But, last summer, he revealed to me that he was gay.

I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND

You uld have been a relatnship wh this boy for a year or more (as is often the se) and then be told, "It's not you, 's me, I'm gay".

Straight woman fallg love wh gay man is the plot of a few movi. He sounds like he has been a good iend and I thk you should be happy for your iend and that he had the urage to reveal to you that he is gay as that isn't easy to tell someone.

If there’s one thg I n tell you about wh great thory, as a gay man who took his sweet time g out, ’s havg csh on men who – for the most part – were blissfully unaware of .

ASK O'LEARY: I'M STRAIGHT BUT ATTRACTED TO A MALE FRIEND!{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}CULTUREBY TIM O'LEARYJUNE 5, 2014/4:13 PMBY TIM O'LEARYJUNE 5, 2014 / 4:13 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"ASK O'LEARY: I'M STRAIGHT BUT ATTRACTED TO A MALE FRIEND!","DATEPUBLISHED":"2014-06-05T20:13:53.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2014-06-05T20:13:53.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"TIM O'LEARY","KEYWORDS":"THE BACKLOT","ARTICLESECTN":"CULTURE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DEAR TIM,{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I’M A 23-YEAR-OLD STRAIGHT GUY, BUT NOW SOMETHG HAPPENED THAT MAK ME NOT SURE I N STILL LL MYSELF THAT. I WENT ON A MPG TRIP WH FIVE OF MY GUY IENDS LAST WEEKEND BEE ONE OF THEM WAS GETTG MARRIED. WE FIGURED WOULD BE OUR LAST HURRAH AS A GROUP OF {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ONE OF MY IENDS (WE’LL LL HIM PETE) IS GAY, AND THAT’S NEVER EVEN BEEN AN ISSUE FOR ANY OF . SO WE WERE MPG BY A LAKE, AND CID TO GO SKNY-DIPPG AT NIGHT. WHAT I LEARNED WAS THAT PETE WAS THE MOST WELL-ENDOWED OF THE GROUP, AND I ULDN’T STOP STARG AT HIM. HE SEEMED TO NOTICE, AND I SAW THAT HE WAS STARTG TO GET HARD, SO HE JT STAYED THE WATER FOR THE RT OF THE TIME WE WERE SWIMMG (EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE ELSE WAS G AND OUT).{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOTHG HAPPENED AFTER THAT, BUT I N’T STOP THKG ABOUT HIS C@*K. I NEVER WANTED TO DO ANYTHG WH A GUY BEFORE, AND I N’T SEE MYSELF KISSG HIM OR HAVG SEX, BUT I’VE ACTUALLY FANTASIZED ABOUT GOG DOWN ON HIM. IS WEIRD TO JT WANT THAT AND ONLY THAT? AND DO THAT MEAN I’M BI? I’VE NEVER BEEN ATTRACTED TO A GUY AT ALL BEFORE, EVER. AND I THK ABOUT ALL THE GUYS I KNOW OR SEE ON TV AND FEEL NOTHG. THIS IS TOTALLY EAKG ME OUT. SO WHAT GIV?{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WELL, IF YOU’RE CRAVG YOUR IEND’S DONG, T, I THK ’S SAFE TO SAY YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT 100% {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO IS THE NEXT STOP BI-TOWN?{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}YOU’VE SPENT A LIFETIME LTG AFTER LADI AND LADY-BS, BUT ONLY GOT DISTRACTED BY ONE VERY SPECIAL AND UNIQUELY WELL-PROPORTNED FLH-PENDULUM. SURELY THAT N’T MEAN YOU’RE REALLY BI, RIGHT?{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NO, TOTALLY DO-- AND THAT'S OKAY. HERE’S {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}UNLIKE GAY AND STRAIGHT, WHICH ARE RIGID AND BARY, BISEXUAL IS AN UMBRELLA TERM, SCRIBG EVERYTHG BETWEEN, UP TO AND CLUDG ONLY HAVG ONE STANCE OF SAME-SEX ATTRACTN. BUT PEOPLE GET SRED OFF BY THE LABEL BEE THERE’S STILL SUCH A STIGMA ATTACHED TO , BY BOTH THE GAY AND STRAIGHT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF WE ULD GET RID OF THE HEAVY BURN THAT WH BI-CURSY, PEOPLE LIKE OUR BUDDY T HERE WOULDN’T NEED TO "TOTALLY EAK OUT" IF THEY HAVE A STRAY SAME-SEX ATTRACTN. BEE HERE’S THE THG: THE LE BETWEEN STRAIGHT AND BI (OR GAY AND BI) IS RAZOR TH. IT’S A ACTN OF A CENTIMETER. I’M NOT SAYG EVERY SGLE BRO-IT OF BROS IS SECRETLY HANKERG FOR THE KNOB. I’M JT SAYG IF HE DO ACCINTALLY FALL FACE-DOWN ON HIS BT BRO’S LAP, ’S NOT REALLY THAT BIG OF A AL, AND SHOULDN’T NECSATE A HUGE CRISIS OF {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO MY ADVICE TO YOU, T? TREAT YOUR SUDN TERT AS YOU WOULD ANY OTHER SUDN TERT: DULGE AND SEE WHAT YOU THK. I’M NOT SAYG HOOK UP WH YOUR MEAT-PACKG IEND, THOUGH. IF YOU’RE ALL AS CLOSE AS YOU SAY, THAT ULD BE THE E OF SOME SER PLITNS YOUR RELATNSHIP, BEE WHILE YOU MAY NOT SEE YOURSELF AS BEG ABLE TO LOVE ANOTHER MAN, HE AS A GAY MAN MOST LIKELY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}YOUR BUDDY ISN’T THE ONLY DU WH A BIG STICK OUT THERE. FD ANOTHER AND GO TO TOWN. YOU MIGHT LIKE , AND WANT TO DO AGA. OR YOU MIGHT FD S REALLY NOT FOR YOU. EHER WAY,  WON'T FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGE ANYTHG ABOUT WHO YOU {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HEY TIM,{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WRG QUTN HERE. I JT GRADUATED OM LLEGE WH A GREE CREATIVE WRG AND FEEL KD OF LOST. I’VE WRTEN A FEW NOVELLAS THAT I DON’T FEEL ARE UP TO PAR WH BOOKS I’VE READ, BUT AREN’T TOO BAD. MY QUTN TO YOU IS: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN ’S TIME TO GIVE UP ON A PROJECT AND MOVE ON? SHOULD I JT LET THE OLD NOVELLAS GO AND WORK ON SOMETHG NEW, OR SHOULD I WORK ON WHAT I HAVE? I’M ALSO WORRIED THEY’RE A LTLE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOT QUE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HERE’S AN ANSWER THAT SHOULD TRATE YOU: DO {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}FIRST OF ALL, YOU SHOULD PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK FOR FISHG ANYTHG, BEE THAT AND OF SELF N SEEM IMPOSSIBLE. BUT YOU DID ! YAY YOU!{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}NOW, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS WORK ON SOMETHG NEW TO KEEP YOUR JUIC FLOWG, BUT NEVER GIVE UP ON AN OLD PROJECT. I'LL GIVE YOU A TOTALLY DULGENT EXAMPLE. FOUR YEARS AGO, MY BUDDY JOSH BERRFORD (OF TV’S DANTE’S COVE) ASKED ME TO WRE A PILOT FOR HIM. SOMEHOW HE ME UP WH THE IA OF WEREWOLV ON A TROPIL ISLAND, AND BASILLY JT LEFT ME TO DO WHAT I DO, WHICH IS TRY TO WRE LIKE I'M DOG MY BT JOSS WHEDON {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I ACTUALLY ME UP WH A SCRIPT I WAS PRETTY HAPPY WH, BUT OVER TIME LOST THE DRIVE TO KEEP PHG AT . MY BUDDY, ON THE OTHER HAND, KEPT AT AND YTERDAY THE SAG FOUNDATN HELD AN DTRY READG OF THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE POT, BEYOND TOTALLY BRAGGG? NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR PROJECTS, BEE YOU NEVER KNOW WHICH ON MIGHT BE THE BREAKOUTS. JT BE SURE TO ALWAYS BE WORKG ON SOMETHG NEW AT THE SAME TIME, TO KEEP YOUR JUIC FLOWG. AND REMEMBER, REVISN, REVISN, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HEY TIM,{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THIS IS BUGGG ME AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHO ELSE TO ASK. NOW THAT THEY MA MALEFICENT, WHO’S NEXT? URSULA THE SEA WCH? SR? WHY IS DISNEY G EVERYTHG WH GRTY REBOOTS?{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}DISNEY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I HAVEN’T ACTUALLY SEEN MALEFICENT YET - I’VE BEEN TOO BY SHAMELSLY PLUGGG MY OWN PROJECTS (SEE ABOVE) - BUT I DON’T SEE AS DISNEY G EVERYTHG. I SEE AS NEW WRERS EXPLORG IAS CREATED BY PAST WRERS AND SPNG TO SOMETHG {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}OR, AS I LIKE TO LL - {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THOUGH SHE WASN’T THE FIRST TO DO , THE MAJOR AWARD FOR "RE-IMAGGS OM THE VILLA’S POT OF VIEW" WOULD HAVE TO GO TO MARN ZIMMER BRADLEY FOR HER EPIC SP ON ARTHURIAN LEGEND, THE MISTS OF AVALON, TOLD LARGELY THROUGH THE EY OR MAN LE FEY. AND THEN, TWELVE YEARS LATER, GREGORY MAGUIRE STCK GOLD WHEN HE DID THE SAME THG WH THE WIZARD OF OZ AND ME UP WH {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ANYWAY, MY POT IS THAT WRERS HAVE ALWAYS BEGGED, BORROWED, AND STOLEN - MOSTLY STOLEN - OM OTHER WRERS WHO HAVE E BEFORE THEM. IT’S HOW THE WHOLE NCEPT OF WRG BEGAN, IF YOU WANT TO GET SUPER-NERDY-AMIC ABOUT . STORI WERE FIRST TOLD THROUGH THE ORAL POETIC TRADN, PASSED DOWN BY WORD OF MOUTH, EACH TELLER ADDG THEIR OWN TWIST. AND AS WE N SEE WH MALEFICENT, THAT’S STILL HAPPENG {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO HERE’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO, DL. REMEMBER THAT 55 YEARS AGO, AT THE TIME WAS MA, SLEEPG BETY WASN’T A CLASSIC WH S OF INOGRAPHY EMBEDD TO . IT WAS JT A BRAND NEW MOVIE THAT HAD THE DACY TO REVENT AN AGE-OLD FAIRY TALE FOR A NEW {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}KDA LIKE MALEFICENT IS DOG {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MORE OF THE LUMN FORMERLY KNOWN AS ASK JT! HERE. {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}TO ASK TIM A QUTN, EMAIL HIM AT (AND TRY TO KEEP TO THREE PARAGRAPHS OR LS). OR YOU N BE SUPER TECH-SEXY AND ASK VIA {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

If historilly you have dated women, do this mean you’re gay? We’re tght people are eher gay or straight, that sexualy is a fixed aspect that stays the same over the urse of our liv when actually ’s fluid and chang over time. Whether you’re straight, gay, bicur, heteroflexible or jt workg thgs out, ’s not jt your sexualy that’s lled to qutn when such a csh aris.

It works wh gay men too – we don’t fancy all straight men tomatilly and ’s possible for such a csh to be entirely platonic.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

While we’re begng to throw off the labels that n rtrict , n be hard for men to exprs themselv emotnally whout beg thought of as gay and s of opprsn has shown that beg gay is viewed by many as ferr. We may believe that to fd another man attractive mak ls of a man – whatever that you don’t want to thk of yourself as gay or bi then don’t. We met high school and beme bt iends sophomore year.

Durg the first year of my new relatnship, my bt iend me to me and told me he was gay. Now that he was gay, I had no choice but to get over bee wasn't possible for to ever be together.

IS MY FRIEND GAY, STRAIGHT OR BISEXUAL ABOUT ME? QUIZ FOR BOYS

We stare at each other and act flirtatly, but I always tell myself that there's no threat of cheatg bee he's gay. But I really feel like I'm emotnally cheatg on him bee no matter what I say, I feel like I am still love wh my bt iend, gay or not.

Also, keep md that havg a csh on a person of the same genr don't tomatilly mean you are gay.

Sexual orientatn is more than a qutn of whether you are gay, pansexual, queer, straight, or bisexual. In addn, sexual orientatn is not jt about who you have feelgs for, 's also about how you thk of yourself (as, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or somethg else), and how you actually behave. Once you are fortable enough, ask your csh some qutns to see how they feel about the LGBTQ muny or gay folks.

I'M NOT GAY, BUT I LOVE ANOTHER BOY

So you're the same crappy boat as all people (gay, straight, or bi) who love someone that don't love them back.

I always thought that was my flt that I was gay and that I was gog to my iendship wh her nstantly.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* I AM IN LOVE WITH MY FRIEND GAY

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