What’s like for a child when their mum or dad out as gay? | Photography | The Guardian

Contents:

• HOW TO TELL YOUR MOM YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO DEAL WH HAVG GAY PARENTS
• ASK THE EXPERT: "HELP, I’M SRED TO TELL MY MOM I’M GAY!"
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• “MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE
• HOW TO TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU ARE GAY
• ‘MY PARENTS STILL WON’T ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY!’
• WHAT’S LIKE FOR A CHILD WHEN THEIR MUM OR DAD OUT AS GAY?
• HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD
• YOU'RE MOM GAY
• YOUR MUM GAY
• THE DAY MUM SAID,‘I’M GAY’
• WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'
• YOUR MOM IS GAY
• IS YOU'RE MOM GAY?
• HOW N I TELL MY PARENTS THAT I'M GAY?
• MOM DAD I’M GAY
• ‘TRMATIZED’ DGHTER OF LGBT PARENTS: ‘MY GAY MOMS OPPRSED ME’

HOW TO TELL YOUR MOM YOU ARE GAY

If your fay member has e out as gay or bisexual, accept that they will end up seeg someone of their own genr, and that's perfectly okay.

Whether you are gay yourself, have a close loved one or iend who is, or jt support the LGBT movement general, alg wh tolerance is tough. If your parents have said or done homophobic thgs the past, you might try to ga an unrstandg of their viewpots and work to change them. In some s, this might perta to their relig beliefs, but you might also unver a eper, or more personal reason that they are agast gay people.

HOW TO DEAL WH HAVG GAY PARENTS

Also, if your parents are extremely homophobic, you may need to take preutns to protect your own emotnal well-beg and ensure you will still have a home and fancial support spe their beliefs. If this is your realy, this article will teach you 11 actnable steps that you n take to al wh your homophobic parents a rponsible and healthy manner. This means that alg wh havg gay parents isn't so much about alg wh your parents as s about alg wh other people who don't unrstand your fay.

In addn, the fact that they are gay has no bearg on the way they treat other people, and certaly do not affect the way they treat and al wh you.

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

ASK THE EXPERT: "HELP, I’M SRED TO TELL MY MOM I’M GAY!"

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.

"The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement. Sunday, October 11 is Natnal Comg Out Day, an annual holiday to support lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr (LGBTQ) people choosg to e “out of the closet” and live their life as their te selv. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

I believe Rachel’s motivatn is to create a more welg and lovg environment the church for those who intify themselv as homosexuals, or who stggle wh homosexual sire. I admire and agree wh her motive, and mt say that I’ve learned om her this area of beg much more reful how I speak and wre about homosexualy.

“MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE

She seems to nvey that homosexual sir are not part of human brokenns, and that to pursue homosexual practic do not have any bearg on a person’s relatnship wh Christ. Send, Rachel seems to intify everyone who tak the view that homosexual sir are part of broken human sfulns, and that homosexual actns are s, as bulli.

Sixth, if your son agre that homosexualy is sful, and he wants to have victory over the temptatns, then there are many Gospel promis you n enurage him wh. However, if he says that he believ homosexualy to be okay and he’s cid to pursue , then while assurg him of your ntued love and re, you mt lovgly warn him of the spirual and physil dangers of homosexualy.

Rather I’d want him to see himself as creature ma God’s image, a man wh many parts to his inty, a person wh many gifts, a son wh a diverse character and personaly, one part of which, at least for the moment, is to have a homosexual sir. Eighth, I would ask him to keep g to church, pecially as homosexualy is sometim the rult of worshippg self rather than God (Romans 1:24-25). But I would ask his permissn to let the pastor know about his suatn bee I’d want to urge the pastor to greater sensivy towards those stgglg wh homosexualy.

HOW TO TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU ARE GAY

Like Rachel, I too have wced and crged as preachers have nmned homosexualy as if is an unfiveable abomatn that only weird and wicked people outsi of church stggled wh. Where I do disagree wh Rachel, is her refal to accept that hell and judgment are any part of the Christian msage about s, cludg homosexual s.

We were the only same-sex uple our extend fay and our immediate circle of iends, as is often the se wh gay people, so everyone had a lot of qutns. Team up wh a pediatrician, a unselor at school, close fay members and even muny anizatns — for example, Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) — if you’re havg trouble gog alone.

‘MY PARENTS STILL WON’T ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY!’

Some might experience nial, but you should reaffirm to them that you are gay, and tell them ’s not their flt and you don’t need unselg, if they suggt that. If you regularly heard your parents make disparagg or problematic ments about gay people when you are growg up, know that you will likely not receive a posive reactn when you e out to them.

Perhaps they thk that beg gay means that you’ll face prejudice and hatred — and sadly, bee homophobic people are out there, they may be right.

Maybe they thk that beg gay means you’ll get AIDS — and while sounds like you know all about safe sex, they’re right that you may be at higher risk than a straight man. Maybe they also worry about thgs that have no bearg realy – that you’ll go to Hell or that somebody is “turng you” gay – but the end, they worry that your life will be harr as a gay man than as a straight one.

WHAT’S LIKE FOR A CHILD WHEN THEIR MUM OR DAD OUT AS GAY?

No matter how many tim you expla that your happs li beg who you are – a gay man – worrisome scenars swirl their mds and they bee nsumed wh anxiety about your future. Given how misrmed they seem about what means to be gay, I’m gusg that their muny of iends will also have a reactn to their havg a gay son, and that they will be ma to feel ashamed some way.

"How you react to your gay or transgenr children has a ep and lastg impact on their liv, " the Fay Acceptance Project says an rmatn gui.

Project director Cal Ryan utns parents agast exprsg shame that their child me out or preventg them om fdg an LGBT support Montgomery of Chandler, Ariz., wasn’t sure what to do when she realized her then-13-year-old son Jordan might be gay. Comg out, fdg a good therapist and attendg gathergs wh other LGBT teens and those who are acceptg “really helped get me to where I am now, where I feel like I’ve never been more mentally healthy, ” said Jordan, now 18 and who jt fished his first year of also helped Jordan is when his mom troduced him to happy, succsful gay upl. Almost everyone who is gay remembers the profound experience of g out to their parents, the terror and anxiety of tellg people you love that you are not who they thk you are.

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR GAY CHILD

She has found her subjects through Colage, a support work for children of gay, lbian or transgenr parents that she was troduced to by her younger sister Paloma, who is also a lbian.

YOU'RE MOM GAY

“What I hear om a lot of my subjects, and n relate to, is that the gay thg tak precence over everythg else, so very ltle is alt wh – like, that there was an affair, that our fay is breakg up, that we’re gog through a divorce, that our fay is no longer.

For a while she went to a high-school support group for children of divorced parents, but no one talked about gay parents and she was too nervo to brg up. Some of her subjects have been raised om birth by gay or lbian parents, eher adopted or through artificial sematn, while others have e om backgrounds like Gabriela’s, where one parent has e out. “It was my first time talkg about , and this guy me up to me afterwards and said: ‘My ex-wife is gay, and we have two adult children, and I never realised what mt have been like for them.

" If the ia of your dghter sleepg wh her boyiend unr your own roof at the age of 16 sets off every bad parentg bell the universe for you, hold your gay son or dghter to the same standards. We're sure he would e out if only he didn't thk his mom hadn't already submted her résumé for an open posn at PFLAG, which stands for Parents, Fay & Friends of Lbians and Gays.

YOUR MUM GAY

An idm, veloped the late 1800's, that nowadays is ed the leral sense: that the person sayg this, is tellg the person receivg that their mother, is fact a homosexual, or merely as an sult, that mak no leral sense.

Now many people are upset whenever you talk about their mother a negative sense, and sce this is right before the word "gay, " whose fn relat to beg attracted to the same sex which is taboo culture today, and was much more prev centuri, many believe this to have a negative nnotatn while njunctn wh the word "mom. " But I fd to have been ed a much lighter sense prev centuri, not beg ed as an sult, but more a pliment generally meang "your mother is que lighthearted, " sce gay isn't jt a way as classifyg someone as beg attracted to the same sex, but also as an adjective to scribe a good experience, or a nice person. Your mum gay is the ultimate rponse to when someone is beg annoyg or is gettg angry wh n add the "lol" at the end to give that extra mum gay was also ed by Pewdiepie Febary 2018.

THE DAY MUM SAID,‘I’M GAY’

But was origally created by NFKRZ Bangerz a Pyrocil vio when a CS:GO match when someone said "Why did you do that" and he replied wh "Bee your mum gay" and after a eptn of lghter happened. Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love.

WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'

There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia.

'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022. Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife. The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage".

But to actually be lockg ey wh Ellen and hold her, shakg hands as she said, "I'm gay, " on natnal televisn and for the first time, as she has shared outloud that way publicly, was such a profoundly extraordary and timate gift to that moment that I will forever be grateful for.

YOUR MOM IS GAY

As a younger Christian, tght that homosexualy is a s, I believed that trma somewhere someone’s past ed homosexualy, even if they didn’t remember . But please unrstand that even if we disagree, nothg chang regardg our rponsibily, our blsg as a Mom or a Dad to unndnally love, accept and affirm our gay children – as God has done wh . Sign up to get "Dear Therapist" your Therapist, As a parent, I firmly believe that is my duty to prepare my kids to be posive, healthy, and productive people both the world and personal when my 12-year-old dghter announced that she is gay, my md started spng.

IS YOU'RE MOM GAY?

Colon was shot several tim at the Orlando gay nightclub durg the 2016 mass shootg and has sce left homosexualy and started the mistry Fearls Inty wh another Pulse survivor. Su mamá gay (plural)There is a mor gog around that your parents are gog to divorce bee your mom is el mor que s padr van a divorciarse porque su mamá gay. Su mamá homosexual (plural)I jt realized that your mom is gay and she was htg on my darme cuenta que su mamá homosexual y taba queteando n mi tía.

Remember your parents will have to nsir how they will al wh relativ, neighbours, iends, and perhaps their employers or the lol church who may bee aware that you are lbian or gay. If that is ed the se for you, you may need the advice of a sympathetic unsellor, but be sure that you approach one who n accept lbian/gay attus. *For others, the nfince need to approach their parents n e om several sourc: om jog a lbian/gay youth group or a social group if you are olr; om havg lbian/gay iends or Social Media iends who may be the same suatn.

Or perhaps om talkg to parents who already accept their lbian/gay offsprg or om gettg to know a fay where one or more of the children are accepted as beg lbian/gay.

HOW N I TELL MY PARENTS THAT I'M GAY?

If your parents have wonred whether you are lbian/gay that is when they will ask you, makg this probably the easit way for the subject to e up. **Perhaps a good approach to take would be to say, "I've known for "X" years that I'm lbian/gay and I've been too ightened to tell you. Ined, 's enough to say, as most do, "I'm lbian/gay", or "I thk I'm lbian/gay", or "I've known for a while I'm lbian/gay", or whatever words e most easily to you.

MOM DAD I’M GAY

X This is gog to be a huge step, and I believe theirs NO perfect way tellg your parents your gay and expectg a reactn that you have wanted, but if that happens that's amazg.

‘TRMATIZED’ DGHTER OF LGBT PARENTS: ‘MY GAY MOMS OPPRSED ME’

She uldn't even say the words "gay" or "homosexual" when she fally got up the urage to ll a lol Catholic prit whom Jim already had nfid. She and her hband first found their way to a secular group lled Parents, Fai, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) where they received support om other parents of homosexuals, along wh ndolenc om those who nsired the Catholic Church to be tolerant and homophobic.

In Fortunate Fai: Catholic Fai Wh Lbian Dghters and Gay Sons (Trafford), she scrib the lack of accurate rmatn and sound pastoral rourc for parents and fai of gay and lbian Catholics 20 years ago. Today the Lopatas are among a ntgent of Catholic parents natnwi who have tablished mistri, provid rourc, and sought to make the church more welg to gays and lbians.