3 Ways to Know if You Are Gay - wikiHow

can you turn gay if you are straight

Democratic printial ndidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has a history of repeatedly sharg unfound nspiraci that man-ma chemils the environment uld be makg children gay or transgenr and g the femizatn of boys and masculizatn of girls.

Contents:

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE GAY, STRAIGHT, OR SOMETHG BETWEEN?

In a society where most are expected to be straight, n be difficult to take a step back and tly ask if you’re gay, straight, or somethg else. There's no "right" way to e to terms wh your orientatn. But there are a few thgs you n do to explore your feelgs and help figure thgs out. Here's how. * can you turn gay if you are straight *

"If [a patient] n accept his bodily homoerotic experience while stayg nnected to the therapist, " he wrote The Paradox of Self-Acceptance, "the sexual feelg soon transforms to somethg else: the regnn of eper, pa-generated emotnal needs which have nothg to do wh sexualy. The few that did have "high-qualy" evince "show that endurg change to an dividual's sexual orientatn is unmon, " and that treatments tend to change sexual orientatn may e harm, cludg prsn and mental Dark AgHomosexualy was officially labeled a mental illns the U.

Another method was satiatn therapy, which a subject was told to masturbate over and over while verbally scribg his homosexual fantasi, until they disappeared — or, at least, "therapi" were generally effective — the person remaed attracted to the same sex — or over-effective — the person was trmatized and lost all sexual aroal entirely.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

* can you turn gay if you are straight *

" His view mirrored the belief of many clicians at the time: that homosexualy was based on a phobia of the oppose non-aversive treatments followg this theory foced on buildg "tnal skills" like datg techniqu, assertivens trag, and affectn achg to crease teractns wh women. “As a teenager tryg to unrstand myself and unrstand my sexualy, I looked at the ter for “the gay gene” and obvly me across Xq28, ” said Fah Sathirapongsasuti, a study -thor and senr scientist at 23andMe, which he joked once led him to believe he hered his gayns om his mother.

The basels claim that chemils – particularly tap water – uld turn people gay has gaed populary wh nspiracy theorists over the years, most memorably wh nservative rad host Alex Jon, who said chemils the water were “turng the igg’ ogs gay. Osr-wng actor Kev Spacey has said he is attracted to mascule men but is not able to tell whether someone is gay jt by lookg at cross-examatn durg his trial on sex abe charg, the Hollywood star nied he was a “sexual bully” and told the jury he did not have a “power wand” to make people want to sleep wh about his sexual preferenc, Mr Spacey said he had prevly had romantic enunters wh men who would not scribe themselv as homosexual.

" Homosexualy is a s that you need to purge om your system, and the only way to do is to follow their three-parts-a-day the app is only downloadable om Google Play (iTun and the 69, 822+ people who petned them don't believe nversn therapy for some reason), there is an abridged versn available on the mistry’s webse. Realize That Beg Homosexual Mak You Feel Alone Fet that we told you to shut yourself away om most of the world, and ignore the ia that maybe gay people feel so alone bee of the discrimatory and hateful attus that they face, helped by people like .

CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?

Is 'Homosexual OCD' - the fear of beg gay, spe beg straight - jt ternalised homophobia, or a ser psychologil disorr? * can you turn gay if you are straight *

And for a very short while, did, bee even the gayt gay n’t ignore the culture we live , the very real dangers and hostili and rejectns we still face om our iends and fay and loved on, even the Year of our Lord knowg that the dark thgs were possible, I still uldn’t ny the parts of myself that ached to experience the light.

He rried out the same tt almost every night for the next three weeks, always wh the same searchg Inter mental health foms for answers to his private impasse, Darren beme nvced that he was sufferg om 'HOCD': a not officially regnised form of Obssive Compulsive Disorr fed by the fear of beg or beg homosexual. While he asserts that 'HOCD', an acronym ed by sufferers sharg their stori onle, isn't officially classified the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), he says that the irratnal fear of beg or beg gay falls firmly wh the umbrella of Obssive Compulsive Disorr. Nowadays, the majory of tablished OCD chari – cludg OCDUK, OCDActn and Md - addrs tsive sexual thoughts as a mon trope of the disorr, but that has done ltle to stem a backlash om some high-profile skeptics wh the psychologil muny, who believe that HOCD is at bt misguid, and at worst homophobia s most pernic guise.

"My psychologist jt looked bored and hand me a leaflet"In November 2015, BuzzFeed UK's LGBT edor Patrick Stdwick published an article tled '"World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay' that heavily cricised the practice of a Harley Street therapist named Charl Ln who, acrdg to the se, boasted of a "100% succs rate" the treatment of "HOCD" the time the article was wrten, Ln's publishers were dubbg him as "the world's leadg thory on anxiety", and his webse ma hefty promis to sexually-nfed OCD sufferers. Elizabeth Peel, chair of the Brish Psychologil Society's 'Psychology of Sexuali' sectn and a profsor of Communitn & Social Interactn at Loughborough Universy, stat wh the piece that: "The term 'Homosexual OCD' is simply nversn therapy unr another guise and somethg we strongly nmn as damagg. And an age where even the Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice, 's unrstandable that high profile figur the psychologil muny would nmn anythg that uld fuel the rhetoric of homophobic 'therapists', or provi party-le approval of their methods.

THERE IS NO ‘GAY GENE.’ THERE IS NO ‘STRAIGHT GENE.’ SEXUALY IS JT PLEX, STUDY NFIRMS

Many young men intify as mostly straight — a sexual orientatn that is not que straight but also, they say, ls gay than bisexualy * can you turn gay if you are straight *

"Over the years, therapists here […] have treated many homosexuals (male and female) who are plagued by obssive fears of beg "straight", and who suffer equally when OCD attacks their sexual inty, " stat their webse, which also offers an onle HOCD tt. This was regular, sual and normal: every lson I’d ever imbibed about homosexualy was that was I’d grown up watchg a fundamentalist Christian show, The Donut Club, which preached, a creepy kids’ song, how “life whout God’s love is like a donut, ’e there’s a hole the middle of your heart”. You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change.

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance.

KEV SPACEY: I N’T TELL WHETHER MEN ARE GAY JT BY LOOKG AT THEM

Is my hband gay? is an unthkable qutn to many wiv, and some hbands do turn out to be gay. Learn the signs of a gay hband. * can you turn gay if you are straight *

“It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists. The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors.

MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

How do I know if I am gay? Are there fe signs you are gay? We have answers. Consir the signs you might be gay. * can you turn gay if you are straight *

”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time.

I TRIED TO NVERT MYSELF OM GAY TO STRAIGHT. IT DON’T WORK

Wonrg 'Am I gay?' and qutng your sexualy is normal and mon. Experts expla how to know if you are gay, lbian, bisexual, queer or LGBTQ+. * can you turn gay if you are straight *

” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way? Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at. ”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc.

I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy. “Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric?

Crics, though, say the study's subjects may be ludg themselv and that the subject group was scientifilly valid bee many of them were referred by anti-gay relig Robert Spzer, a psychiatry profsor at Columbia Universy, said he began his study as a skeptic — believg, as major mental health anizatns do, that sexual orientatn nnot be changed, and attempts to do so n even e Spzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to dite otherwise. Spzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientatn om gay to straight, and nclud that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he lled good heterosexual functng — a staed, lovg heterosexual relatnship wh the past year and gettg enough emotnal satisfactn to rate at least a seven on a 10-pot said those who changed their orientatn had satisfyg heterosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the same sex durg also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted homosexual feelgs.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

New evince has emerged suggtg that the tenncy for gay men to bee aroed only to same-sex imag and heterosexual men to bee aroed only to oppose-sex imag is not te of women. * can you turn gay if you are straight *

Spzer argu that highly motivated gays n fact change that preference — wh a lot of Study, Old DebateBut crics have challenged the study, even before was formally unveiled at today's ssn of the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's annual meetg New Orleans, which was jammed wh televisn meras reportg on the prentatn.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

Fdg out your partner is gay n turn your world upsi down and make you qutn everythg about your relatnship." emprop="scriptn * can you turn gay if you are straight *

"In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been sponnt and even suicidal themselv, for the oppose reason — "precisely bee they had prevly thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health profsnals that there was no hope for them, they had to jt learn to live wh their homosexual feelgs. "The sample is terrible, totally tated, totally unreprentative of the gay and lbian muny, " said David Ellt, a spokman for the Natnal Gay and Lbian Task Force Spzer says while the people his sample were unual — more relig than the general populatn — don't mean their experienc n be dismissed. Democratic printial ndidate Pete Buttigieg – who, like me, is his late 30s and, like me, me out publicly jt a few years ago – put this way: “It’s hard to face the tth that there were tim my life when, if you had shown me exactly what was si me that ma me gay, I would have cut out wh a knife.

If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self.

I WAS MARRIED WH 2 KIDS WHEN I REALIZED I’M GAY

Heterosexual and gay men n heal and grow as a rult of their iendships. * can you turn gay if you are straight *

Sex rearchers have examed the factors related to women and men's sexual aroal and have found that women of all sexual orientatns were more likely than heterosexual and gay men to bee sexually stimulated rponse to erotic imag of both women and men, heterosexual and homosexual .

GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

Fally, some progrsive adolcents and young adults wh same-sex attractns do not label themselv or intify as gay bee they refe to center their inti on their current sexual feelgs and behavr--which they expect will change pendg on who their partners are. We n be attracted to people irrpective of their genr, do not mean we need to label ourselv as gay, straight, pansexual - unls we choose to do so, ’ explas Marianne Oak, lead unsellor for and a specialist sexualy, genr and diverse relatnships.

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight).

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

When I was young, I was told the whole world was divid to heterosexual men and heterosexual women, bar a small number of unfortunate ‘homosexuals’ of both genrs and possibly an even smaller number a third tegory, ‘bisexuals’, who ‘swung both ways’; pl, fally, a ty band of wretched creatur who were physilly not que one thg or the other. S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. Robert Epste, the pro-gay edor--chief of Psychology Today, noted that gay rears who were upset wh an ad that ran his publitn 2002 sent him letters assertg “that gays have a right to be or abive bee they themselv have been abed” (this obvly clud beg sexually abed).

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

)As for the notn that people are born gay, not only would that suggt that fants n relate to the ncepts of sexual and romantic attractn (which they obvly nnot), but would also ignore the fact that our upbrgg and environment have profound effects on .

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

”But aga, none of this should surprise the least, sce the environment which we are raised, pecially if upled wh major, trmatic childhood experienc, has a profound effect on our ongog mental and emotnal and social when to homosexualy, is taboo to nnect childhood sexual abe wh subsequent gay inty sce: 1) this would ntradict the “born gay” myth; and 2) would unrsre the fact that homosexual attractns are not natural and explaed ndidly by the lbian femist and amic Cale Paglia, “Every sgle gay person I know has some sort of drama gog on, back childhood. )In keepg wh this, all the profsnal unselors I have spoken wh (cludg traed pastors and psychologists or psychiatrists) have told me that the vast number of gays they have unseled were sexually abed as mors (some told me this was the se every stance they enuntered) might say, “But gays hardly have a monopoly on this.

More disturbgly, gay circl, such relatnships are often looked at as posive and nurturg, sce, is surmised, the boy was already aware of his same-sex attractn and the olr man served as a mentor of the words of Harry Hay, the gay in and founr of the Amerin gay movement, “If the parents and iends of gays are tly iends of gays, they would know om their gay kids that the relatnship wh an olr man is precisely what thirteen-, fourteen-, and fifteen-year-old kids need more than anythg else the world. ”That’s why “man-boy love” has been celebrated homosexual culture through the centuri, that’s why there’s a page listg “Historil perastic upl” on a gay Wikipedia se, and that’s why Gee Takei uld speak glowgly of his first sexual enunter at the age of 13 (wh a 19-year-old male mp unselor), at a time when he adms he didn’t know he was this light, the outrageo statement by philosopher Michael Foult, argug for lowerg the age of nsent, don’t sound as outrageo: “It is que difficult to lay down barriers [particularly sce] uld be that the child, wh his own sexualy, may have sired the adult.

IS GAY TO DATE A TRANS WOMAN?

This too is sickeng beyond realy is that children, pecially pre-teens and young teens, are tremendoly imprsnable and malleable, as nfirmed by this acunt shared by a Christian fay activist (reflectg on his pre-Christian youth): “When I was about 14 or 15, I spent an afternoon smokg pot wh a ‘gay’ guy his 20’s who explaed that young people durg puberty have a very fluid sexual inty and how easy had been for him to turn young teen boys to sex partners.... ”Ex-gay Robert Lopez, raised by his mother and her lbian partner, had this to say: “In a society soaked porn where sexual orientatn is discsed openly ont of small children, there will certaly be 12- and 13-year-olds who thk they want sex and thk they are ready for . And wh the terribly paful issue of childhood sexual abe g to the fore recent days, let’s e this as a teachable n do this by: 1) beg on the lookout for signs that our own children may have been abed; 2) refg to allow our kids to be experimental pawns the culture wars, bee of which we strongly oppose sex-based LGBT curricula the schools; and 3) no longer nyg the mon nnectn between childhood sexual abe and adult homosexualy, thereby providg a path for healg and dog the thgs, we will not only make this a teachable moment, we will make a remptive one.

A group of scientists suggted Tuday that homosexuals get that tra om their oppose-sex parents: A lbian will almost always get the tra om her father, while a gay man will get the tra om his heredary lk of homosexualy has long been tablished, but scientists knew was not a strictly geic lk, bee there are many pairs of intil tws who have differg sexuali.

Scientists om the Natnal Instute for Mathematil and Blogil Synthis say homosexualy seems to have an epigeic, not a geic thought to have some sort of heredary lk, a group of scientists suggted Tuday that homosexualy is lked to epi-marks — extra layers of rmatn that ntrol how certa gen are exprsed.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

"There is pellg evince that epi-marks ntribute to both the siary and dissiary of fay members, and n therefore feasibly ntribute to the observed faial herance of homosexualy and s low nrdance between [intil] tws, " Rice and his team created a mathematil mol that explas why homosexualy is passed through epi-marks, not geics. Rice not that the markers are "highly variable" and that only strong epi-marks will rult a homosexual scientists have long spected some sort of geic lk, Rice says studi attemptg to expla why people are gay have been few and far between. " Homosexual behavr has been observed black swans, pengus, sheep, and other animals, he 's mol still needs to be tted on real-life parent-offsprg pairs, but he says this epigeic lk mak more sense than any other explanatn, and that his team has mapped out a way for other scientists to tt their work.

ARE WE BORN GAY?

It’s possible that people go to prison unaware of their sexualy, and then once they are exposed to homosexual behavr as an mate, they realize that they are gay or bisexual, Helen Eigenberg, who also studi prison sexualy as a profsor at the Universy of Tennsee at Chattanooga, said an terview wh PoliFact. Greg Herek, a psychology profsor at the Universy of California Davis who studi sexual orientatn, poted to a natnally reprentative study that shows the vast majory of gay men and women do not perceive their sexual orientatn as a rult of choice.

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Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css g4r5va">{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.25;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 2qf7xf">{lor:#515150;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.3;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-2qf7xf exadjwu8"><p>Is 'Homosexual OCD' - the fear of beg gay, spe beg straight - jt ternalised homophobia, or a ser psychologil disorr?</p></div><style data-emotn="css d04ng2">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}} span{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0rem;text-transform:palize;}@media(max-width: 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1sa04t">{borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;marg-right:0.3125rem;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Nick Pope" tle="Headshot of Nick Pope" width="40" height="40" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" class=" css-1sa04t ehvvd9m0" />By <style data-emotn="css 7l5upj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="//thor/16323/nick-pope/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Nick Pope</a></span></addrs></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css 149neno">{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;max-width:m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2));} .e152u5os0{marg-left:lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2)))/-2);width:100vw;}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){ .e152u5os0{marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 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class="article-body-ntent article-body longform-body css-z6i669 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css 1nhwtgm">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-1nhwtgm et3p2gv0">Hunched nu the glow of his iMac, 17-year-old Darren* typed the words 'gay porn' to Google for the first time.</p><style data-emotn="css 18vfmjb">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"I didn't fancy men," he tells me. "I had a girliend, and only ever had sexual feelgs for women, but I jt uldn't shake the ia that I was somehow lyg to myself."</p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">He plugged his headphon, clicked on an X-rated vio and took a ep breath. It was around 3am, the summer of 2007, and relentls fears of homosexualy had tormented him sce the start of the year. "I jt woke up one day and I was sudnly obssed wh . It felt like everythg I thought I knew about myself was fallg apart. It didn't make any sense."</p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">He watched, expectg somethg signifint to stir upstairs or down. But there was nothg. Feelg equal measure victory and feat, Darren swched off the monor, laid flat on his bed and wrtled wh his doubts for a few more hours before fally surrenrg to sleep. He rried out the same tt almost every night for the next three weeks, always wh the same rult.</p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">After searchg Inter mental health foms for answers to his private impasse, Darren beme nvced that he was sufferg om 'HOCD': a not officially regnised form of Obssive Compulsive Disorr fed by the fear of beg or beg homosexual. </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">A has passed sce Darren's self-diagnosis and subsequent therapy, but 'HOCD' still remas a divisive subject wh some sectns of the psychologil healthre muny. Now 26, he is keen to raise awarens for what he believ to be a misunrstood and potentially life-g anxiety disorr.</p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> "I was fobbed off by therapists who jt thought that I mt be gay. I don't want that happeng to anybody else."</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="7" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><style data-emotn="css ow0dpz">{borr:0.3125rem solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:100%;ntent:'';display:block;height:2.1875rem;left:50%;marg:-0.99rem to 0 -1.33rem;posn:absolute;width:2.1875rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css la9czl">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1.2;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{ntent:'"';display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:3.4375rem;le-height:0.72;font-style:alic;paddg:0.3125rem 0.875rem 0 0;}</style><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"Oh my God, I've jt noticed a guy and thought he was good lookg. Do that mean…"</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="8" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Avy Joseph is an accreded</strong> Cognive Behavural Therapist and lecturer wh 25 years experience treatg anxiety disorrs. While he asserts that 'HOCD', an acronym ed by sufferers sharg their stori onle, isn't officially classified the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), he says that the irratnal fear of beg or beg gay falls firmly wh the umbrella of Obssive Compulsive Disorr.</p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Someone will tell me that they were walkg down the street and saw a guy, and thought: 'Oh, he's really good lookg.' But then they thk: 'oh my God, I've jt noticed a guy and thought he was good lookg. Do that mean…'" </p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Acrdg to Joseph, 's at such nocuo begngs that a self-perpetuatg and all-nsumg obssn wh sexual inty n beg. "The more you sist that you mtn't have a particular thought, gus what happens? You're gog to have hundreds of them," he tells me. "That anxiety, and then you start to thk more unrealistilly. The abily to thk a probabilistic way go out the wdow. Then you ask yourself: 'How n I be absolutely sure that the thoughts won't e back?' And then of urse you start mandg certaty…"</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">A monly held misnceptn about OCD is that sufferers are all fixated wh ntamatn and uniformy. The tth is, for many, OCD has nothg to do wh overworked light swch or pulsive hand scbbg, and all to do wh tsive, relentls, and often distrsg thoughts that swarm around their heads on a daily basis.</p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Ltle rearch has been published on the rat of sexual obssn OCD sufferers, but a <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="recent study g a sample of 293 subjects" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">recent study g a sample of 293 subjects</a> found that 25% experienced tsive sexual thoughts. And while analysis is srce, a Google search reveals a seemgly endls scroll of people sharg their 'HOCD' experienc on foms, and YouTube vios on the topic often wrack up tens of thoands of views.</p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Aaron Harvey, founr of non-prof OCD awarens project <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0"></a>, is a former sufferer who found aterny on the ter. "[There was] solace the stori of teens on YouTube, and hope om olr generatns sharg experienc and treatment remendatns. If were not for this muny, I may not have ma ," he tells me.</p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">From the age of 11, Aaron was plagued by sexually tsive thoughts, culmatg suici iatns at the age of 21. For him, was a full-time afflictn. "Sufferers will spend hours per day 'checkg' or 'ttg' themselv to try to get to the 'tth' about their sexual inty. I would nstantly check levels of aroal. Objectively asss my stctive attractn towards femal and my lack of tert the male form. I even had obssns that I was actually love wh my former partner's brother." </p><p data-no-id="15" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Acrdg to Aaron, four out of five people get tsive thoughts, but one fifty fd them much harr to dismiss, quickly velopg to an all-nsumg obssn.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="16" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"Sufferers will spend hours per day 'checkg' or 'ttg' themselv to try to get to the 'tth' about their sexual inty."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="17" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">He says the tsive thoughts n often lead sufferers to make drastic life cisns. "They may go as far as to plan g out to fay and iends, all the while not believg they are gay. In relatnships they may whdraw om their partners emotnally and physilly, bee when you fear that you don't know who you are, you bee paranoid you may be sellg a lie to the person you love the most."</p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">But what someone to fear the prospect of beg gay the first place? Darren says he grew up a "liberal-ish" hoehold and believ that homosexualy would have been accepted by his fay and iends, but 's easy to see how a ls tolerant upbrgg uld turn homosexualy to a e for anxiety. Aaron, for example, grew up a relig home Orlando, Florida, and attend a private Christian school: "Tryg to n om [what he'd been told were] vlent, blasphemo and v thoughts was extremely paful. I had no sense of inty. I had no ia who I was."</p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Rose Bretécher, btsellg thor of OCD memoir <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Pure O" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Pure O</a></em>, also experienced tsive doubts about homosexualy, nstantly fearg that her life as a straight woman was a lie. "OCD is sometim lled the 'doubtg disease', bee sufferers stggle wh this kd of uncertaty," she says. "The more I soul-searched, the worse the doubts and acpanyg sexual mental imag got. My sense of self was slippg away, g chaos, anxiety and prsn." She had no way of distguishg whether the thoughts she was experiencg were merely tsive or te reflectns of her sexualy.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="20" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 10klw3m">{height:100%;}</style><div data-embed="youtube" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><style data-emotn="css 63r9na">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;m-height:10rem;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;height:100%;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="css-63r9na ez8lbhw0"><style data-emotn="css 1msakm2">{width:3.125rem;height:3.125rem;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="youtube in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Youtube" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Youtube</a></div></div></div><p data-no-id="21" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Nowadays, the majory of tablished OCD chari – cludg OCDUK, OCDActn and Md - addrs tsive sexual thoughts as a mon trope of the disorr, but that has done ltle to stem a backlash om some high-profile skeptics wh the psychologil muny, who believe that HOCD is at bt misguid, and at worst homophobia s most pernic guise.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="22" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"My psychologist jt looked bored and hand me a leaflet"</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="23" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">In November 2015, </strong><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em> UK's LGBT edor Patrick Stdwick published an article tled '<a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=""World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">"World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay</a>' that heavily cricised the practice of a Harley Street therapist named Charl Ln who, acrdg to the se, boasted of a "100% succs rate" the treatment of "HOCD".</p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">At the time the article was wrten, Ln's publishers were dubbg him as "the world's leadg thory on anxiety", and his webse ma hefty promis to sexually-nfed OCD sufferers. "If you are experiencg HOCD … and the thoughts ," the se read, "you are not gay and when you do my Method to elimate this and your other anxieti you'll fd out why you thk you might be and why you certaly are NOT!"</p><p data-no-id="25" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">In their report, <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em> revealed that Ln lacked any medil, psychiatric or psychotheraptic trag, ultimately managg to get his practice disavowed by two major mental health anisatns that had prevly featured as endorsements. He has sce troduced a number of veats on his webse, and remas as Google's featured rult for the search 'HOCD'.</p><p data-no-id="26" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em>'s skepticism wasn't aimed solely at Ln's shaky crentials and clumsy phrasg but also towards the credibily of sexualy-centred OCDs as a whole, and the ethics of therapists who seek to treat . They terviewed a number of proment mental health profsnals on the matter, who echoed the argument that the ncept of 'HOCD' was seeped homophobia and psdo psychology.</p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Elizabeth Peel, chair of the Brish Psychologil Society's 'Psychology of Sexuali' sectn and a profsor of Communitn & Social Interactn at Loughborough Universy, stat wh the piece that: "The term 'Homosexual OCD' is simply nversn therapy unr another guise and somethg we strongly nmn as damagg."</p><p data-no-id="28" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">She went on to say: "People should be wary of the way this therapy is beg promoted, and there are no published peer-reviewed studi to back up the claims that are beg ma."</p><p data-no-id="29" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Profsor Dh Bhuga, a former print of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, also cricised the practice, tellg <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em>: "HOCD is not a regnised ndn. By 'creatg' such a ndn there is a ser danger of medilisg normal human emotns and turng lots of people who are var stag of g out, and for var reasons are stgglg to accept their sexualy, to 'ill' dividuals."</p><p data-no-id="30" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">It's clear that the term 'HOCD', ed by onle sufferers and unregnised by the DSM (which only referenc obssns wh "sexual imagery"), n act as a muddyg misnomer the nversatn around tsive sexual thoughts. Even Bretécher believ the phrase is a "ltle misleadg", and the anisatn OCDUK has warned that such unendorsed acronyms provi unnecsary nfn to sufferers and mental health profsnals alike.</p><p data-no-id="31" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">And yet spe the nmnatns, the treatment of tsive sexual thoughts has across-the-board regnn wh the OCD muny. Is jt a matter of semantics? Or do pot to a eper disagreement?</p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I asked Elizabeth Peel to clarify her "nversn therapy" ments. In rponse she wrote: "The pot I was makg was that 'Homosexual OCD', as I unrstand , is very siar to 'ternalised homophobia'. The ma issue is not to treat same-sex sexualy as somethg that is problematic."</p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Aaron believ this is a misterpretatn of the problem at hand. "The statement that 'HOCD is nversn therapy unr another guise' breaks my heart," he tells me over email. "It monstrat the pomp of amia and the fundamental divi between their muny and ours. Misrmatn is everywhere. And 's not jt msage foms, 's g om the mouths of therapists, relig unselors, psychologists and psychiatrists who fundamentally do not unrstand OCD. Th, the explosn of onle muni."</p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">When Darren suffered a "kd of breakdown" 2007, he looked to the NHS for help. "The thoughts were gettg impossible to live wh, so I drove to the hospal and they sat me down wh what I thk was a psychologist. I opened up about how I was feelg, but he looked bored and said: "Well, maybe you're jt gay" and hand me a leaflet. That set me back a long way."</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="35" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"I'm certaly not terted nvertg gay men to straight men."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="36" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Peel's reference to gay nversn therapy</strong> - the wholly discreded and dangero effort to 'cure' homosexualy - certaly darkens the tone of the nversatn. And an age where even the <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice</a>, 's unrstandable that high profile figur the psychologil muny would nmn anythg that uld fuel the rhetoric of homophobic 'therapists', or provi party-le approval of their methods. After all, spe recent headways by LGBT groups and nunciatn om former Print Barrack Obama, gay nversn therapy is still legal across the US and only six stat have banned the practice relatn to mors. It's clear that, Ameri at least, the fight is far om over.</p><p data-no-id="37" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">But uld be that this kd of soc-polilly vigilant thkg might impe our abily to engage wh this particular mental health disorr a nuanced manner? While attempts to dismiss the ndn may be well-tentned, they risk leavg sufferers whout proper psychiatric help.</p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"As a gay man, I'm certaly not terted nvertg gay men to straight men. Sexualy is anic as far as I'm ncerned," Avy Joseph says when I brg up the subject of nversn therapy. </p><p data-no-id="39" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"If a client who is gay but anx about the nsequenc of acceptg themselv or g out go to a therapist who has an agenda about homosexualy, then of urse that therapist isn't workg the bt tert of their clients. I image they exist, but I've never met one who would publicly say homosexualy is wrong. It's pletely uhil."</p><p data-no-id="40" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Rose Bretécher believ the accatn HOCD is jt 'ternalised homophobia' is rrect, but don't blame anyone for leapg to such a ncln: "People's unrstandg is only as good as the rmatn available out there – and awarens is still pretty poor. I thk cur skepticism is healthy and that personal ttimony alone don't prove much. But thankfully no-one has to take my word for – go read the huge amount of objective rmatn available on specialist OCD web-s and chari."</p><p data-no-id="41" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Joseph tells me that he has never had a gay person e to him wh tsive thoughts about heterosexualy, but ttimony exists on Inter foms, and the OCD Center of Los Angel stat that do happen. "Over the years, therapists here […] have treated many homosexuals (male and female) who are plagued by obssive fears of beg "straight", and who suffer equally when OCD attacks their sexual inty," stat their webse, which also offers an onle HOCD tt. "It is not exclive to heterosexuals. At s re, sexual orientatn OCD is the fear of not knowg for sure, paired wh the fear of never beg able to have a healthy, lovg relatnship wh a partner to whom one feels genuely attracted."</p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Which brgs to perhaps the most important qutn: how n a therapist tell the difference between an OCD sufferer experiencg tsive and irratnal sexual thoughts, and a person gog through a difficult procs of sexual realisatn?</p><p data-no-id="43" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"You'd make an asssment," says Joseph, who practic a variant of Cognive Behavural Therapy lled Ratnal Emotive Therapy. "You'd ask qutns about whether they fd men sexually arog, or whether they have wet dreams about men, and whether they are exced by the ia of sex wh men.[…] If the asssment is that the person is not gay, bee you believe as a therapist that there is no evince, that do not mean they have ternalised homophobia. They're jt askg themselv: why did I have this thought?"</p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">And the treatment?</p><p data-no-id="45" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"The person who has OCD is highly anx about this obtsive thought. Once they accept the thought, then be apparent that their OCD disappears. Instead of fightg the thought, they've accepted whout addg any meang to . The whole therapy I practice is based on acceptance."</p><p data-no-id="46" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">And what if turns out that the patient is gay, after all? </p><p data-no-id="47" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"If someone is fearful of beg gay bee beg gay reprents to them abandonment by their fay, or rejectn, or experiencg vlence or abe, then you would help them to accept themselv unndnally as a gay man."</p><p data-no-id="48" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Ironilly, acceptance rts at the heart</strong> of both sis' arguments; acceptance of thought, sexualy and self. And 's impossible to know how far apart people actually stand on the issue, given the way that the ntroversy blurs the bate.</p><p data-no-id="49" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"If the path to treatment is facilated through an onle muny that has ed a theme lled HOCD, how is that hurtg people?" argu Aaron. "Onle muni sharg mon experienc to better unrstand their ndn is cril to a global society." </p><p data-no-id="50" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">That beg said, he strs that an OCD diagnosis om a clil psychologist is val. "Remember, everyone has tsive thoughts about sexualy. So tsive thoughts about your sexual inty alone are not enough to know you have OCD."</p><p data-no-id="51" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> Ten years and two psychologists after that first, ght experiment wh gay porn, Darren still suffers recurrg bouts of OCD, but not around his inty as a straight man. "My anxiety n be fueled by a lot of stuff, but I jt do the same thg I was tght to do wh fears about sexualy. </p><p data-no-id="52" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">"Accept , let the thought pass, and move on."</p><p data-no-id="53" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"><strong><em>Like this article? 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