Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• CAN A GAY MAN BE ATTRACTED TO A SPECIFIC GIRL, BUT NOT WOMEN GENERAL, AND STI
• I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?
• I AM A STRAIGHT GIRL, BUT WISH I ULD BE WH A GAY GUY.
• AM I GAY/STRAIGHT? ?️‍? (FEMALE EDN)
• I'M A GAY GUY, BUT THERE'S THIS GIRL....
• I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• GAY WH A GIRLIENDI DON’T LL MYSELF BISEXUAL. WHY?FRED SHIRLEY·FOLLOWPUBLISHED JAM FN - THE BLOG·4 M READ·MAR 17, 2019--4SHAREPHOTO BY OM PEXELSI’VE BEEN THKG A B ABOUT MY INTY RECENTLY, THE WAY REFLECTS ON ME AS A PERSON AND HOW MY INTY HAS CHANGED OVER TIME. HOW DO VARYG LEVELS OF ATTRACTN IMPACT SELF-FED INTY LABELS?I’M A 20-YEAR-OLD GAY GUY WHO HAD A GIRLIEND.
• 'PASSAG' DIRECTOR NOUNC 'DANGERO' NC-17 RATG ON A FILM PICTG A GAY LOVE STORY
• ‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
• DO LIKG A NONBARY PERSON MAKE YOU BI OR PAN? NOT NECSARILYKRAVZ MARSHALL·FOLLOWPUBLISHED AN INJTICE!·19 M READ·JUN 29, 2020--10SHARESOURCE: KDPNGYOU N FD AN ABRIDGED VERSN OF THIS ARTICLE HERE.INCREASED AWARENS OF NONBARY INTI HAS PLITED MANY PEOPLE’S UNRSTANDGS OF SEXUALY. “IF I GET A CSH ON A NONBARY PERSON,” SOME ASK, “DO THAT MEAN I’M NO LONGER STRAIGHT/GAY/BI?” MANY PEOPLE THK THE ANSWER IS “Y.” SOME CREATE NEW LABELS THAT SPECIFY ATTRACTN TOWARDS SPECIFILLY, WHILE OTHERS SIST THEY DON’T FD ATTRACTIVE WHATSOEVER. WHILE THE ARE WELL-TENTNED RPONS, THEY ARISE OM IGNORANCE ABOUT WHAT ACTUALLY MEANS TO BE NONBARY.PEOPLE LIKE HAVE EXISTED FOR A LONG TIME¹, BUT ONLY RECENTLY WAS THE TERM “NONBARY” (AN ADJECTIVE, NOT A NOUN; LLG SOMEONE “A NONBARY” IS RRECT) PRENTED TO A WIR PUBLIC. WHILE MANY OF OUR INTI PREDATE THE LANGUAGE WE’VE GIVEN TO THEM, WE’RE STILL “NEWERS” THE PUBLIC EYE, SO MISNCEPTNS ARE BOUND TO ARISE. THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO CLEAR THGS UP.NONBARY: A PRIMER
• I'M A GUY TERTED RECEPTIVE ANAL SEX: DO THAT MEAN I'M GAY?
• ‘I FELL LOVE WH A GAY MAN AND NEARLY BROKE ME’
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• LIVGTOPICSALL LIVGSAVAGE LOVETRAVELASTROLOGYFROM THE VLTHEALTHSTYLELGBT+SEX & ROMANCEBT OF VANUVERTRANSPORATNCARTOONSHOMELS VANUVER SAVAGE LOVE COLUMNDO SEX WH A TRANS WOMAN MAKE ME GAY?

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

It's a sad fact that there are a lot of people wh the homophobic or biphobic view that relatnships between women don't "unt, " or are otherwise ls valid than relatnships women might have wh them. So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg.

CAN A GAY MAN BE ATTRACTED TO A SPECIFIC GIRL, BUT NOT WOMEN GENERAL, AND STI

Homosocial bonds between two femal or two mal might well exceed strength and endurance normative iendships and, some circumstanc, match or surpass heterosexual romanc. In addn, sexual orientatn is not jt about who you have feelgs for, 's also about how you thk of yourself (as, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or somethg else), and how you actually behave.

(maybe g Sanrda Bullock's character and her gay iend "My Bt Friend's Weddg" as an example) Or this se would simply be that the "gay" or "straight" person is fact bisexual? And, some marry bee they don't want anyone to know that they are gay, and really don't even want to adm to gay is more plited then people, this was kda along the l of what i was thkg. Possibly but not necsarily sce give the opportuny they would choose a woman over a same suatn uld be te if a gay man found himself strand on an island wh only women.

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

But there are gay men who have loved and been attracted to women, had children, and then disvered their to answer your qutn, I'd say that a gay man n like a woman and not women general, if 's before he realiz that he is "gay". I'm not 100% "straight", so I mata the label "bisexual", which I would nsir your character, as character may mata that he is gay, although he has feelgs/attractn for a woman, though.

Don't fet, gay and straight is often unfortunately fed by who we are attracted to romantilly, not who massag our bra In simplt terms, I'd say that if he wants to have sex wh her as an exprsn of his love, he's bisexual. I have worked wh many men and women who are strictly attracted to people of the same sex, however there are also people I work wh that claim to be homosexual yet have sexual experienc wh people of the oppose sex.

I have a very gay iend and he even gets sick at the mentn of the word vaga, but he has always told me that if he was to ever be wh a woman would be me, he's love wh his boyiend and they want to get married but at the same time he is love wh me secretly but has never acted on , 's nice to be someone's fantasy!

I AM A STRAIGHT GIRL, BUT WISH I ULD BE WH A GAY GUY.

Bisexual persons on the other hand, have sexual enunters wh any genr at will as a matter of bls everyone wh the abily to have iends, don't matter whether 'straight' or 'gay'.

23, 2011— -- Ever sce Madonna planted that wet kiss on Brney Spears ont of lns of televisn viewers at the 2003 MTV Vio Mic Awards, women have been looseng up sexually wh other so-lled flexisexuals say that although they are not gay or even bisexual, they enjoy flirtg and kissg girls -- but they still enjoy havg sex wh female senr at Hofstra Universy New York said she is apt to turn to women when she's had too much to drk. ""Current generatns are more open-md and may promote that lax attu by makg this behavr more acceptable - probably among younger, easily fluenced girls, " said Heather, a llege junr om San Diego, Calif., who did not want to e her last some thk even "directly mocks" the gay muny, acrdg to Caleb Fox, a 20-year-old om the Universy of Texas. "I thk there is a growg awarens of the fact that you don't have to be 100 percent gay to have the pacy to enjoy same-sex ntact, " said Diamond, who is thor of the 2008 book, "Sexual Fluidy: Unrstandg Women's Love and Dire.

But you need to know that if the person dont want to do somethg wh you, you need to pass no matter have to rpect that the person you like is straight jt like how he rpect and accept you beg Gay. It n also feel nfg if your attractn don't seem to match wh the "straight", "gay", or "bisexual" tegori, or the ways you might see those prented the media or onle.

AM I GAY/STRAIGHT? ?️‍? (FEMALE EDN)

An important thg to note is that both wh genr inty and sexual orientatn (as well as our blogil sex and the way that we exprs our genr) is not always black and whe, male and female, straight or gay.

Someone might intify as 100% male or 100% gay, but many people fd they feel more like somethg between, or some variatn (for stance, beg attracted to a specific type of person, or personaly, or sexual orientatn, like gay men). However, if you fd that beg sexually attracted to gay men is more than a fantasy, and is somethg that is important that you explore a sexual relatnship, is possible to meet partners that you are sexually attracted to and that are also sexually attracted to you.

Beg a romantic relatnship wh a 100% gay man is unlikely to make eher of you happy if he is not attracted to you, but many men who intify as queer or bisexual enjoy sex wh both men and women, or wh people of all different genr inti. About halfway through high school, I got volved the LGBT+ muny when I beme open about my sexualy, and I learned about non-bary genrs and genrfluidy through my school's gay-straight alliance.

I'M A GAY GUY, BUT THERE'S THIS GIRL....

Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight,” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.

I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND

” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.

“Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy. ” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame. ”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay.

Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays.

GAY WH A GIRLIENDI DON’T LL MYSELF BISEXUAL. WHY?FRED SHIRLEY·FOLLOWPUBLISHED JAM FN - THE BLOG·4 M READ·MAR 17, 2019--4SHAREPHOTO BY OM PEXELSI’VE BEEN THKG A B ABOUT MY INTY RECENTLY, THE WAY REFLECTS ON ME AS A PERSON AND HOW MY INTY HAS CHANGED OVER TIME. HOW DO VARYG LEVELS OF ATTRACTN IMPACT SELF-FED INTY LABELS?I’M A 20-YEAR-OLD GAY GUY WHO HAD A GIRLIEND.

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance.

“It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists. Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins.

'PASSAG' DIRECTOR NOUNC 'DANGERO' NC-17 RATG ON A FILM PICTG A GAY LOVE STORY

And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia. There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected. The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure.

The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors. ”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time. ” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way?

‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN

Begng om his observatn that there are more gay relativ on a mother’s si than a father’s, Hamer turned his attentn to the X chromosome (which is passed on by the mother). Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.

”The other problem wh Born This Way science is summed up nicely by Simon Copland: “Scientists are askg whether homosexualy is natural when we n’t even agree exactly what homosexualy is.

” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men. ”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

Ward thks this qutn is the next ontier of queer I first said I chose to be gay, a queer Amerin journalist challenged me to name the time and date of my choice. I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy. I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me.

“Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric? “That’s a very narrow unrstandg of what jtice looks like, ” says about the ncern that homophob will want to ‘enurage’ gay people to be straight if there’s no blogil basis for sexualy? It don’t take too much creativy to image a scenar which homophobic parents, upon beg rmed their fet has ‘the gay gene’, choose what to them may seem the lser of two evils: abortn.

”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement. “Then there was a shift, and the lears of the movement chose to jump on board wh a ls nuanced argument that people already unrstood: jt like race, people are born wh their homosexualy. More than a third chose a number between one and rponse to the poll, one of my Facebook iends quipped about how natural selectn mt be workg overtime, what wh makg all of gay!

MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX

I’m thankful for a new generatn that is pable of imagg sexualy a way that transcends the gay/straight bary, that uldn’t re ls about what happened to their bodi and mds to make them who they are today. Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love. There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia.

DO LIKG A NONBARY PERSON MAKE YOU BI OR PAN? NOT NECSARILYKRAVZ MARSHALL·FOLLOWPUBLISHED AN INJTICE!·19 M READ·JUN 29, 2020--10SHARESOURCE: KDPNGYOU N FD AN ABRIDGED VERSN OF THIS ARTICLE HERE.INCREASED AWARENS OF NONBARY INTI HAS PLITED MANY PEOPLE’S UNRSTANDGS OF SEXUALY. “IF I GET A CSH ON A NONBARY PERSON,” SOME ASK, “DO THAT MEAN I’M NO LONGER STRAIGHT/GAY/BI?” MANY PEOPLE THK THE ANSWER IS “Y.” SOME CREATE NEW LABELS THAT SPECIFY ATTRACTN TOWARDS SPECIFILLY, WHILE OTHERS SIST THEY DON’T FD ATTRACTIVE WHATSOEVER. WHILE THE ARE WELL-TENTNED RPONS, THEY ARISE OM IGNORANCE ABOUT WHAT ACTUALLY MEANS TO BE NONBARY.PEOPLE LIKE HAVE EXISTED FOR A LONG TIME¹, BUT ONLY RECENTLY WAS THE TERM “NONBARY” (AN ADJECTIVE, NOT A NOUN; LLG SOMEONE “A NONBARY” IS RRECT) PRENTED TO A WIR PUBLIC. WHILE MANY OF OUR INTI PREDATE THE LANGUAGE WE’VE GIVEN TO THEM, WE’RE STILL “NEWERS” THE PUBLIC EYE, SO MISNCEPTNS ARE BOUND TO ARISE. THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO CLEAR THGS UP.NONBARY: A PRIMER

'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022. Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

I'M A GUY TERTED RECEPTIVE ANAL SEX: DO THAT MEAN I'M GAY?

The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage". Wily regnized as South Korea’s first openly gay K-pop artist, the sger and actor Go Tae-seob, who the stage name Holland, starred a BL drama last year and believ that the growg visibily of BL books, TV seri and movi is a posive step.

“Whether you are a heterosexual woman tryg to ject your sexual tonomy to the world, or you are a gay man who wants to see posive reprentatns of male-male romance, BL n be ed, ” he said. But to actually be lockg ey wh Ellen and hold her, shakg hands as she said, "I'm gay, " on natnal televisn and for the first time, as she has shared outloud that way publicly, was such a profoundly extraordary and timate gift to that moment that I will forever be grateful for. I intify as gay bee my attractn to men is so predomant that ’s almost as though beg attracted to women is a statistil when I do fd a woman I’m attracted to, I’m not nvced that I uld ever do anythg sexual wh her.

‘I FELL LOVE WH A GAY MAN AND NEARLY BROKE ME’

The days, straight woman and gay men who get along would probably jt be lled mat, but “handbags” were often vol and visual supports of the homosexual muny when discrimatn — legal and otherwise — was still rampant. I recently spoke wh Bonnie Kaye, thor of Straight Wiv, Shattered Liv: Stori of Women wh Gay Hbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wiv Talk Show on BlogTalkRad. Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

Our discsn was wi-rangg, begng wh her own marriage to a gay man and progrsg to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually beg a rock for other women siar suatns.

LIVGTOPICSALL LIVGSAVAGE LOVETRAVELASTROLOGYFROM THE VLTHEALTHSTYLELGBT+SEX & ROMANCEBT OF VANUVERTRANSPORATNCARTOONSHOMELS VANUVER SAVAGE LOVE COLUMNDO SEX WH A TRANS WOMAN MAKE ME GAY?

That same guy might also feel that way about kissg and who he kiss, but if he told people he was terted kissg -- jt kissg, not kissg any given genr of people -- you wouldn't hear anyone suggtg that probably means he's gay, right? But if when you talk about beg gay beg somethg "worth nsirg, " you mean you thk 's somethg you need to nsir jt bee you're terted anal sex, or jt bee you thk you're supposed to, then know you certaly don't have to. Unls that chang for you, or you fd that while you n be attracted to girls, but are ually, if not almost always, attracted to men, homosexualy, as 's ually fed, is probably not where you're at.