What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• AM I GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• AM I GAY? QUIZ – 100% RELIABLE TT
• LONGEST GAY TEST!
• I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?
• HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY
• I’M GAY, BUT I’M AAID TO E OUT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
• I THK I MIGHT BE GAY OR BI OR TRANS OR QUEER. WHAT DO I DO?
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
• HOW TO TALK WH A GAY OR LBIAN PERSON
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• SAVAGE LOVE: I AM A LONELY, AGG GAY MAN; WHAT SHOULD I DO?
• AM I GAY QUIZ
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• AM I GAY, STRAIGHT, LBIAN, BISEXUAL OR LGBTQ+?
• I FOUND OUT MY HBAND IS GAY
• WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

Most people the LGBTQ+ muny know om experience that acceptg your sexualy will lead to your beg a happier, more open this gui, the term gay has been ed to clu all forms of non-heterosexual attractn, whether that be people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, queer, pansexual, or otherwise not straight. Beg gay do not necsarily make you any ls mascule or feme, and there is no need or prsure to nform to stereotyp that don't feel right to you - bee you are who you are. The laws the Bible were maly for health purpos - shunng homosexualy is right next to not gettg tattoos, not eatg pork, and not wearg mixed lens, but you n bet your bottom dollar all your neighbors do those thgs.

If you are still beg supported by parents whom you are que sure would disown you for beg gay, may be pnt to wa to tell them until you are pennt. You may regret the acceptance of your orientatn the future, pecially if you're a part of the world where the gay muny is beg prosecuted by a specific culture. Article SummaryXIf you stggle wh acceptg your attractn to the same sex, know that beg gay is pletely normal and you n be proud of who you are by fdg support and embracg your dividualy.

AM I GAY?

That means, for example, that you n be transgenr but also straight (for stance, you might intify as a woman and feel attracted to men) or gay (e.g., if you intify as a woman and are attracted to other women). If you have had romantic experienc or fantasi volvg people who are the same genr as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but 's okay if you're a ltle nfed. Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.

Homophobia manifts along a spectm; some people merely betray a d disfort toward the ia of gay love, while others let their tolerance rry them to acts of verbal or physil abe.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

" Often, when someone gets their words put back to their fac, they will back off – or at least see how you're terpretg what they said as homophobia. Article SummaryXIf you have to al wh homophob, first remd yourself that there's nothg wrong wh lovg someone of the same genr and that you don't have to engage wh people who treat you this way. Instead of givg a homophobic bully the reactn they want, for example, you uld walk away or ask a supervisor, like a school unselor or HR manager, to step .

When down to , there is no reliable "Am I Gay tt", so the only way to know that you are gay (fn of gay) is to look wh yourself to terme your own thoughts and feelgs towards others of the same sex.

AM I GAY? QUIZ – 100% RELIABLE TT

Even if some of the wilst adventur wh your girliend don’t exce you and the image of another man shirtls or a naked photo exc you to the re, then there are chanc that you might be gay.

LONGEST GAY TEST!

Those lov are like fallg love wh a teacher, or a straight fallg love wh a gay, or fallg love wh a married person, or fallg love wh a sger or an actor.

I AM GAY AND I'M LOVE WH A STRAIGHT, WHAT N I DO?

But you need to know that if the person dont want to do somethg wh you, you need to pass no matter have to rpect that the person you like is straight jt like how he rpect and accept you beg Gay. J suggts that some men are "born nuchs, " an ancient term for beg gay, that the people are part of God's natural orr, and heterosexual marriage is not the right path for everyone. Part of realizg you're gay, or bi, or trans, or non-bary, or anythg other than cisgenr and heterosexual is acceptg you’re different—and somewhat separated—om the majory.

At the time, there were no real gay role mols except for Graham Norton and Jack om Dawson's Creek—and I certaly didn't intify wh him bee I wasn't a football player.

HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM

A gay person is someone who is attracted to people of their same genr, and the term is often ed to scribe men who are attracted to other men. While g out — tellg people you’re gay — n be a great experience for teens who have support om their fai and muni, sounds like you may not have this kd of acceptance. In the meantime, the webse OutProud has rmatn, rourc, and support for lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr teens who are g out or thkg of g out.

In addn, sexual orientatn is not jt about who you have feelgs for, 's also about how you thk of yourself (as, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or somethg else), and how you actually behave. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay? " Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY

Jt like John Piper is a new creature Christ, even though he still stggl wh the ss of impatience, lt, and pri, Christians who stggle wh homosexual sir are not homosexuals. It don't mean that those feelgs go away entirely, but many time are able to enjoy heterosexual liv or liv of ntented, chaste sglens spe a history of homosexual s. The ratg sl aim to classify people not as "gay" or "straight" but rather dite that most people do not experience exclively gay or straight experienc.

Most people, regardls as to their sexual inty, do experience both homosexual and heterosexual feelgs and/or behavrs at different tim their liv.

It n be hard for some people to know whether or not they are gay, but 's important to remember that cidg you are gay is a personal cisn and not a clil one. Some people that have homosexual experienc ntue not to intify as gay while others that have never had a homosexual experience and rather, jt have homosexual feelgs, may ll themselv gay.

I’M GAY, BUT I’M AAID TO E OUT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

"Wh time, someone who is gay will realize that not only are they sexually attracted to members of the same sex, but that this attractn is not transnal, or as often scribed 'jt a phase'. However, the difficulti associated wh acceptg the feelgs and g out gay mean that many gay people don't intify themselv as gay until later on life. There was a recent high profile story the news about an 11-year-old boy who mted suici, apparently bee he uld no longer tolerate beg lled “gay.

Beg a gay man or lbian do not mean that they are attracted to every sgle person they meet that is of the same sex, jt like you aren't attracted to every sgle person you meet that is of the oppose sex. If you are a person who stggl to accept LGBT+ people for whatever reason, and believe that is wrong then you may feel tempted to be mean to a gay or lbian person. Lecturg a gay or lbian person about why their sexualy is, your opn, wrong will not make them sudnly say, “Oh, you know what, you're right.

For example, many people tend to assume that a gay man will be drsed brightly lored clothg, have perfectly styled hair, and speak a feme way.

I THK I MIGHT BE GAY OR BI OR TRANS OR QUEER. WHAT DO I DO?

Article SummaryXAs a gay man, n be a stggle to fd someone special, but you n up your chanc by puttg yourself out there and approachg guys you're terted . Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

” Durg his rearch, Hobb found that, spe growg legal and social acceptance, a worryg percentage of gay men still stggle wh prsn, anxiety and suicidal iatn. “LAG isn’t the only gay guy who has aged out of the bar scene—so have I—and stggl to fd sex and pannship away om alhol and right swip, ” said Hobb. When to what we do and the way we’ve lived our liv, everybody stands nmned — whether they intify as gay or straight, liberal or nservative, relig or not.

Here at Foc on the Fay, we take the view that there’s an important difference between homosexual feelgs and sir and actg on those feelgs and sir.

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change. I me out at a nservative Christian llege the US and was a gay relatnship for around two years wh a basketball player who end up marryg a woman. Well, you mt have been gay the whole time, some might thk, and bee of some relig shame, you cid to lie to yourself and experiment wh a girl.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup.

THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH

Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.

“Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy. ” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame. ”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay.

HOW TO TALK WH A GAY OR LBIAN PERSON

Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance. “It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists. Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia. There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected. The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure.

The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors. ”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time. ” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way?

SAVAGE LOVE: I AM A LONELY, AGG GAY MAN; WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Another landmark paper on the origs of homosexualy was published 1993 by a geicist named Dean Hamer, who was terted to learn whether homosexualy uld be hered. Begng om his observatn that there are more gay relativ on a mother’s si than a father’s, Hamer turned his attentn to the X chromosome (which is passed on by the mother).

Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at. ”The other problem wh Born This Way science is summed up nicely by Simon Copland: “Scientists are askg whether homosexualy is natural when we n’t even agree exactly what homosexualy is. ” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men.

Gay men make up only a actn of the US populatn — yet Ward says that there are many men not clud that number who engage homosexual behavr. Ccially, she argu, “whether or not this baggage is appealg is a separate matter altogether om the appeal of homosexual or heterosexual sex.

AM I GAY QUIZ

”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc.

Ward thks this qutn is the next ontier of queer I first said I chose to be gay, a queer Amerin journalist challenged me to name the time and date of my choice.

I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy. I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me. “Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric?

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

Sendly, the entire search for a gay gene is predited upon the assumptn that homosexualy is not the natural or ‘flt’ state of a velopg human.

“That’s a very narrow unrstandg of what jtice looks like, ” says about the ncern that homophob will want to ‘enurage’ gay people to be straight if there’s no blogil basis for sexualy? It don’t take too much creativy to image a scenar which homophobic parents, upon beg rmed their fet has ‘the gay gene’, choose what to them may seem the lser of two evils: abortn.

SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?

”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement. “Then there was a shift, and the lears of the movement chose to jump on board wh a ls nuanced argument that people already unrstood: jt like race, people are born wh their homosexualy. More than a third chose a number between one and rponse to the poll, one of my Facebook iends quipped about how natural selectn mt be workg overtime, what wh makg all of gay!

I’m thankful for a new generatn that is pable of imagg sexualy a way that transcends the gay/straight bary, that uldn’t re ls about what happened to their bodi and mds to make them who they are today. And a person who choos to pursue homosexual activy nnot rema good standg a lol church, as wh anyone livg any signifint and unrepentant s.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Whether or not a gay son, dghter, or other fay member lls him or herself a Christian, Christians should love them as fay members, even as we lovgly ny them membership a church, should they want .

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

Generally speakg, however, a parent faced wh any host of suatnal dilemmas surroundg homosexualy mt work to fulfill the two prcipl at once: affirm that that son or dghter is loved and don’t do anythg to support or affirm the s.

It’s particularly immature and manipulative, then, when so many progrsive wrers—both those who do and don’t reprent themselv as Christians—acce Christian parents of beg rponsible for prsn and patterns of self-harm that velop gay children. It’s not like an eleven-year old who feels pletely nfint mom and dad’s love turns twelve or thirteen, tells mom and dad he’s gay, listens to them object morally but experienc their ntued affirmatn of him otherwise, will then ci that they don’t fact love him and try to hurt himself.

Among the upl, when the gay, lbian, or bisexual partner out, a third of the upl break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years and then spl; the remag third try to make their marriag work. But how do you know if you are gay (or any of the wonrful inti along the LGBTQ+ spectm and Ksey Sle - om bisexual and pansexual to queer), or jt gog through a perd of qutng your sexual orientatn? Sadly we live a culture which giv the ia that 's more “normal” or “better” to be straight than is to be gay, bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc.

AM I GAY, STRAIGHT, LBIAN, BISEXUAL OR LGBTQ+?

Bee sexualy is so plex and nstantly evolvg, there unfortunately is no one way to be sure whether you are ‘really’ straight, gay, lbian, bisexual, pansexual or queer. We n be attracted to people irrpective of their genr, do not mean we need to label ourselv as gay, straight, pansexual - unls we choose to do so, ’ explas Marianne Oak, lead unsellor for and a specialist sexualy, genr and diverse relatnships.

If you’re the Uned Stat and 25 or olr, you n try ntactg one of the followg: Natnal Suici Preventn Lifele at 800-273-8255Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgenr Natnal Hotle at 888-843-4564Trans Lifele at (877) 565-8860This pends on whether you’re lookg for muny support or mental health support. Her hband verbally attacks and ab her and, yet, she wants to fd ways to salvage the marriage…even wh the add fact of his beg gay and havg lied to her all those years.

It very much appears that same-sex sexual attractn is not a choice but actg on is; so if you fe gay as the mere prence of same-sex attractn, then om everythg we unrstand, beg gay is not a choice. If, on the other hand, you nsir someone to be gay only if they act on their same-sex attractn then beg gay n be nsired a choice pendg on an dividual's behavr. In e sce the 1990s, the term is an adaptatn of the ialism LGB, which was ed to replace the term gay reference to the LGBT muny begng the mid-to-late 1980s.

I FOUND OUT MY HBAND IS GAY

WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?