How to make iends as a gay man

Contents:

• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• HOW TO GET A GAY MALE FRIEND (FOR GIRLS)
• HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND
• BEG IENDS WH GAY PEOPLE
• HOW TO TALK WH A GAY OR LBIAN PERSON
• MEN AND WOMEN AS FRIENDS – WHEN ONE IS GAY OR LBIAN
• INTERACTG WH A GAY-INTIFIED FRIEND
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS
• I'M A GAY GUY, BUT THERE'S THIS GIRL....

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti.

Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men. In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men. McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend.

Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage.

McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends.

The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men.

HOW TO GET A GAY MALE FRIEND (FOR GIRLS)

McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships.

S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors.

HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN

This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them.

For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy. As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved. We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn. At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS: AN LBGT FRIENDSHIP GUI

If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys. Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person.

We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships.

However, this portrayal of gay men isn’t realistic, and ’s not really a good ia to seek out iends based on superficial tails like their sexual orientatn.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND

If you happen to nnect wh a man who is gay and form a iendship, there’s nothg wrong wh that, but make sure that you treat them as you would anyone else and be reful not to make assumptns about them.

If you’re still pursug a iendship wh someone who is gay, make sure that you treat them wh the same rpect and nsiratn that you’d treat anyone else.

Or, if you need relatnship advice, don’t assume that a gay male iend is more likely to give you good advice than a female iend or straight male iend.

BEG IENDS WH GAY PEOPLE

The men Jane Ward studied might not be gay—gayns uld be led out some s—but straight-intified, married-to-women guys who have sex wh other men are likelier to be bisexual, closeted or not, than they are to be straight, fluidy or otherwise.

While I believe a guy n have a same-sex experience whout havg to intify as gay or bi—straight men should have the same latu on this sre that straight women enjoy—straightns is so valued (and apparently so vulnerable) that some people n look at guys who put dicks their mouths at regular tervals and nstct book-length ratnalizatns that allow the guys to avoid intifyg or beg labeled as bi, gay, or queer. On the other hand, before I me out, the moment I began to even nsir datg people who weren't cisgenr women society was very quick to label me as gay, bi, or queer.

HOW TO TALK WH A GAY OR LBIAN PERSON

Jo me for a ffee and a chat the upg episo of my podst for gay men ‘Connectn over Coffee wh The Lonels Guy’ om Thursday 11 November THE MAILING LISTBUY ME A COFFEE TO SAY THANKSREAD ANOTHER BLOGLISTEN TO THE PODCASTGET IN CONTACTHOMEImportant notice: All views exprsed above are my own/the thors and are tend to support, challenge and spire gay men to nsir the issue of lonels and crease awarens of the need for thentic nnectn wh themselv, wh others and their muni as an antidote to chronic lonels. For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to. If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women.

Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge. Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny. The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together.

Say somethg like, "You know you're stuck wh me as a iend no matter what, but I jt have to ask bee I don't want to make assumptns and e to the wrong nclns: are you gay?

MEN AND WOMEN AS FRIENDS – WHEN ONE IS GAY OR LBIAN

That means, for example, that you n be transgenr but also straight (for stance, you might intify as a woman and feel attracted to men) or gay (e. If you have had romantic experienc or fantasi volvg people who are the same genr as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but 's okay if you're a ltle nfed.

Beg a gay man or lbian do not mean that they are attracted to every sgle person they meet that is of the same sex, jt like you aren't attracted to every sgle person you meet that is of the oppose sex. If you are a person who stggl to accept LGBT+ people for whatever reason, and believe that is wrong then you may feel tempted to be mean to a gay or lbian person. For example, many people tend to assume that a gay man will be drsed brightly lored clothg, have perfectly styled hair, and speak a feme way.

INTERACTG WH A GAY-INTIFIED FRIEND

Forty-six people om 23 iendship pairs volunteered to participate a study "about close iendships between gay men and straight women and between lbians and straight men.

"several gay men the sample intified their straight woman iend as potentially providg accs to a fay life that volv children; there were no siar discsns the lbian-straight man dyads". Gay men sometim "exprsed a ncern that their fay bond wh straight women will dissolve; lbians did not voice a siar anxiety about their ti wh straight men.

Shouhed at voluptuo distct lts, which may have alienated gay and straight men om each other the past, spire the ultimate gture of aternal nnectn: a fist bump. Obvly, there have always been iendships between gay men and straight men, but only recently have they bee more promently, and fortably, reprented TV shows, movi, books and is often a tradnally mascule sense of faiary at play the portrayals, exudg a feelg particular enough to suggt s own term: bromosexual emergg reprentatn ntrasts wh one that has bee a cliché: the nnectn between a straight woman and her gay male bt latt media reflectn also tak a signifint leap om one of s earlit eratns.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS

From 2003 to 2007, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” prented gay men as magil begs who functned as helpers to heterosexual men, schoolg them matters of fashn and home dér while keepg much of their own liv ntrast, the last season of “Scream Queens” found the hunky Nick Jonas prentg himself as a gay at boy who bonds over golf wh his straight aterny brother and bt iend, MenIn the recent documentary “Strike a Pose, ” about Madonna’s dance troupe om her “Blond Ambn” tour, a key plotle trac the arc of the lone straight dancer om homophobe to a man who be emotnally liberated by his many gay iends.

Another Bravo seri, “Manzo’d Wh Children, ” promently featur the relatnship between the heterosexual lead brothers and their gay bt iend, who was prevly their that work’s most regnizable reprentative, Andy Cohen, who is gay, rarely miss an opportuny to toast his close kship wh the guar hero and ultimate ladi man John Cohen mentns Mr. In one outg, durg gay pri weekend, they attend a ncert by an rnatn of a band both men love, the Grateful Cohen wrote that a iend had texted him: “if I’d celebrated gay pri any more of a straight way, I’d have had sex wh a girl at the Super Bowl. Liaison for the district’s public schools, said the chang relatnships between straight and gay men have been so rapid that he se a signifint difference jt sce he graduated om high school.

One of his greatt obstacl g out, he said, was somethg he thks many gay men share: “the tense fear of losg those mascule iendships we have had. “Our tradnal way of thkg of relatnships wh gay and straight men is that they are hostile, even bullyg, ” said Michael LaSala, 57, the thor of “Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child.

I'M A GAY GUY, BUT THERE'S THIS GIRL....

”A Balm for Old Wounds“There’s a sense of a reprieve, ” said Odie Ldsey, 45, a straight fictn wrer and gulf war veteran, whose new book of short stori, “We Come to Our Sens, ” featur several gay characters. Gay men say is mon for their heterosexual male iends to be jealo of, or at least pelled by, the efficiency and seemg ubiquy of man-on-man hookups. “That kd of csh seems really antique, ” said Lus Whehead, 29, a straight man who liv a brownstone Fort Greene populated by a revolvg mix of heterosexual and homosexual his i, he reports zero self-nscns about havg gay iends or roommat.

Whehead ’s an attu echoed by one of his gay roommat, Ben Moss, 25, who said: “I talk wh straight guys about what surrounds the sex rather than what we’ve actually done. The challenge of relatg to a gay-intified iend or fay member assum a very different aspect when he or she already claims to be a follower of J. In this nnectn, bear md that there’s a ccial distctn to be ma between a Christian who experienc same-sex attractns but do not act out those clatns, and an active homosexual who claims to be a believer.

You n ve greater pth by askg, “Are you open to talk wh me further about what the Bible has to say on the subject of homosexualy and sexual moraly? Lambert fally nfirmed the long-simmerg mor that, yep, he’s Allen’s ol, self-assured rponse to beg the object of his gay roommate’s affectn don’t exactly qualify him as a civil rights hero, not at a time when straight men march agast Proposn 8 California and the most anticipated gay-themed film of the year, “Brüno, ” is g om a straight (if highly waxed) edian.