'Did I ever really know him?': the women who married gay men | LGBTQ+ rights | The Guardian

Contents:

• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• I MARRIED A GAY MAN
• A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

He’s also always been hont about beg gay and has never hidn om me.

Our son took the news very well and don’t re that his father was gay. I’ve asked my hband about , and he nfirms that he’s gay, not bisexual.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

I have doubts that he might leave me someday for a gay relatnship like he did his ex-wife. I thk your hband que clearly nsirs himself gay, which is far more relevant to your marriage than my asssment of his sense of self. The qutn of how he se his gayns relatn to his two marriag to women, specifilly his current marriage to you, is both more salient and open-end, so I’d suggt you start by askg him to share more of his thoughts on the subject wh you.

That will get you a lot further than tryg to figure out if your hband is “really” bisexual (and, implicly, whether that means you n safely hope he won’t leave you for someone else) or “really” gay (and, implicly, whether you have to fear that he’s gog to break up wh you for another man).

I MARRIED A GAY MAN

” His gayns isn’t somethg you n ntralize by beg a sufficiently good or extra-lovg wife. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay? " Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.

If a hband is gay, n vastate not only the relatnship but the straight wife as well. The cleart way to know if your hband is gay is if he tells you.

A GUI FOR GAY MEN ON BOTH OPEN AND MONOGAMO MARRIAGE

If the hband is hont wh both you and wh himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Signs You Are Gay), that is when you n tly know that he is gay. Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own.

In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye. Kaye has veloped the Official Gay Hband Checklist to help women know if their hbands are gay.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

You fd pop-ups of gay pornography on the puter while he claims they are not his. He viss gay bars claimg he's there only to hang out wh his gay iend(s). He mak ntual homophobic ments or he mak too many gay ments nversatns.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

His ego appears to be boosted by pliments om gay men. The signs a hband is gay are not meant to be five.

MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX

A hband may be gay and display none of those signs or a hband may display the signs and not be gay. The signs of a gay hband are signed as a startg pot.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

Kaye advis that women "follow their stcts" when cidg whether their hband may be gay. If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner.

(If you're thkg that you n cure the gay by havg your hband go to gay nversn therapy, read this. What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife.

The wife has not been aquate any way and likely the gay hband married her bee he tly red about her. Some gay men believe that beg married n rid them of their homosexualy.