Many young men intify as mostly straight — a sexual orientatn that is not que straight but also, they say, ls gay than bisexualy
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STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
* not gay but attracted to one man *
So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual,” but chew the “gay” label.
Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict.
Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.” That is, I prsured men—even relig men like this—to e out of the closet. I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.
HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at. Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual. The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept .
I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology. Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.
They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.