Is Flirtg Between Gay and Straight Men Okay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN GAYS BEE STRAIGHT?
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY
• CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

CAN GAYS BEE STRAIGHT?

IN THESE days when no TV s is plete whout a gay character or two, when openly gay men and women are erng ci, and when all thory matters of style and fashn has been ced to the queer eye, you might thk that succs-oriented heterosexuals would be lg up for nversn to homosexualy. But, sad to say, the market for sexual nversn is still driven maly by unhappy homosexuals who want out. As a gay man who would rather fight than swch, I have always ….

We hear a lot about the Big Three Sexuali — straight, bisexual and gay. If you’re a young man, you might assume that eher you’re straight or you’re not, meang you’re likely gay and maybe bisexual.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

Yet the evince suggts that more young men intify or scribe themselv as mostly straight than intify as eher bisexual or gay bed. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty. Tradnally, our unrstandg has been that if you’re male and have even a slight attractn to the same sex, then you mt be gay.

He knows he’s not gay, but straight wh a dash of gayns. But how much gayns?

He’s not transng toward intifyg as bisexual or gay. He’s not a closeted gay man who fears beg gay yet wants to keep a slight, perhaps secretive, gay si by danglg his potential for guy sex.

HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY

He may retreat om a full intifitn wh heterosexualy, but rarely do he gravate toward bisexualy, and almost never do he move toward homosexualy of any sort.

It is Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidy Among Men, not Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidy Among Gay Men. May 9, 2001 -- Can gay men and women bee heterosexual?

Crics, though, say the study's subjects may be ludg themselv and that the subject group was scientifilly valid bee many of them were referred by anti-gay relig Robert Spzer, a psychiatry profsor at Columbia Universy, said he began his study as a skeptic — believg, as major mental health anizatns do, that sexual orientatn nnot be changed, and attempts to do so n even e Spzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to dite otherwise.

CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?

Spzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientatn om gay to straight, and nclud that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he lled good heterosexual functng — a staed, lovg heterosexual relatnship wh the past year and gettg enough emotnal satisfactn to rate at least a seven on a 10-pot said those who changed their orientatn had satisfyg heterosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the same sex durg also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted homosexual feelgs. However, only 11 percent of men and 37 percent of women reported a plete absence of homosexual ditors.

Spzer argu that highly motivated gays n fact change that preference — wh a lot of Study, Old DebateBut crics have challenged the study, even before was formally unveiled at today's ssn of the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's annual meetg New Orleans, which was jammed wh televisn meras reportg on the prentatn. Ariel Shidlo and Michael Shroer, two psychologists private practice New York Cy, found that of 215 homosexual subjects who received therapy to change their sexual orientatn, the majory failed to do so. "Hurt by TherapySpzer don't qutn that many gay people have been hurt by therapy.

"There's no doubt that many homosexuals who have been unsuccsful and, attemptg to change, bee prsed and their life be worse, " he said. "In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been sponnt and even suicidal themselv, for the oppose reason — "precisely bee they had prevly thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health profsnals that there was no hope for them, they had to jt learn to live wh their homosexual feelgs.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

"He said some velop such tremendo strs that they bee chronilly prsed, socially whdrawn or even Spzer says his study shows that some homosexuals makg some effort, ually for a few years, make the change. "We found that women our sample moved om a ls extreme homosexual to a more heterosexual level than did men, " Spzer says.

Halman, however, noted that some 43 percent of those sampled were referred by relig groups that nmn homosexualy. Another 23 percent were referred by the Natnal Associatn for Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy, which says most of s members nsir homosexualy a velopmental disorr.

IS FLIRTG BETWEEN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN OKAY?

"The sample is terrible, totally tated, totally unreprentative of the gay and lbian muny, " said David Ellt, a spokman for the Natnal Gay and Lbian Task Force Spzer says while the people his sample were unual — more relig than the general populatn — don't mean their experienc n be dismissed. Rick McKnon, who is openly gay and works as an edor at the weekly Seattle Gay News, is ncerned the study rults n be ed to forward an anti-gay agenda. "Conservative, anti-gay, anti-diversy folks are gog to embrace and they're gonna e for their own agenda to ph their pot of view that, y, you don't need equaly Amerin society for gay people bee they n change, " he said.