Story Saved</tle><path class="in-bookmark-fill in-bookmark--activated-outle" d="M20 24L12.5 19.7804L5 24V3H20V24ZM12.5 18.6028L19 22.2336V3.98131H6V22.2336L12.5 18.6028Z" fill="black"></path><path class="in-bookmark-fill in-bookmark--activated-checkmark" d="M11.5541 13.7033L9 11.2033L9.66216 10.5552L11.5541 12.407L15.3378 8.70331L16 9.35146L11.5541 13.7033Z" fill="black"></path></svg></div><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ AlertMsage-jgAjgo bVCFRm bGlCJj hOUjyY alert-msage"><p>To revis this article, select My Acunt, then <a href="/acunt/saved">View saved stori</a></p></div><button class="BaseButton-bLlsy ButtonWrapper-xCepQ AoBt eegVhC button button--utily close-alert-button" data-event-click="{"element":"Button"}" data-ttid="Button" role="button" type="button"><span class="ButtonLabel-cjAuJN bBWXSg buttonlabel">Close Alert</span><div class="ButtonInWrapper-gFdzAL bPDyTT buttonin-ntaer"><svg class="ButtonIn-YqaGo iwlhuX button-in in in-close" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 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10.842C10.586 11.098 10.427 11.342 10.295 11.684C10.195 11.942 10.075 12.329 10.043 13.043C10.007 13.814 10 14.046 10 16C10 17.954 10.007 18.186 10.043 18.957C10.075 19.671 10.194 20.058 10.295 20.317C10.427 20.658 10.586 20.902 10.842 21.157C11.098 21.414 11.342 21.573 11.684 21.705C11.942 21.805 12.329 21.925 13.043 21.957C13.814 21.993 14.046 22 16 22C17.954 22 18.186 21.993 18.957 21.957C19.671 21.925 20.058 21.806 20.317 21.705C20.658 21.573 20.902 21.414 21.157 21.158C21.414 20.902 21.573 20.658 21.705 20.316C21.805 20.058 21.925 19.671 21.957 18.957C21.993 18.186 22 17.954 22 16C22 14.046 21.993 13.814 21.957 13.043C21.925 12.329 21.806 11.942 21.705 11.683C21.5876 11.3657 21.4007 11.0787 21.158 10.843C20.9219 10.5997 20.6341 10.4124 20.316 10.295C20.058 10.195 19.671 10.075 18.957 10.043C18.186 10.007 17.954 10 16 10ZM16 11.768C16.5558 11.768 17.1061 11.8775 17.6195 12.0901C18.133 12.3028 18.5995 12.6145 18.9925 13.0075C19.3855 13.4005 19.6972 13.867 19.9099 14.3805C20.1225 14.8939 20.232 15.4442 20.232 16C20.232 16.5558 20.1225 17.1061 19.9099 17.6195C19.6972 18.133 19.3855 18.5995 18.9925 18.9925C18.5995 19.3855 18.133 19.6972 17.6195 19.9099C17.1061 20.1225 16.5558 20.232 16 20.232C14.8776 20.232 13.8012 19.7861 13.0075 18.9925C12.2139 18.1988 11.768 17.1224 11.768 16C11.768 14.8776 12.2139 13.8012 13.0075 13.0075C13.8012 12.2139 14.8776 11.768 16 11.768ZM16 18.368C16.628 18.368 17.2303 18.1185 17.6744 17.6744C18.1185 17.2303 18.368 16.628 18.368 16C18.368 15.372 18.1185 14.7697 17.6744 14.3256C17.2303 13.8815 16.628 13.632 16 13.632C15.372 13.632 14.7697 13.8815 14.3256 14.3256C13.8815 14.7697 13.632 15.372 13.632 16C13.632 16.628 13.8815 17.2303 14.3256 17.6744C14.7697 18.1185 15.372 18.368 16 18.368ZM21.3 11.85C21.3 12.155 21.1788 12.4475 20.9632 12.6632C20.7475 12.8788 20.455 13 20.15 13C19.845 13 19.5525 12.8788 19.3368 12.6632C19.1212 12.4475 19 12.155 19 11.85C19 11.545 19.1212 11.2525 19.3368 11.0368C19.5525 10.8212 19.845 10.7 20.15 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data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx briclk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">No, You’re Not Love wh Him, You Jt Want to Be Him</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hearaccredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">Queer attachment, pecially when we lack clear role mols, n get plited.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle bylbyle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU bylename"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss bylepreamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx bylename-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-02-01T08:00:00-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">Febary 1, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hearsocial-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD 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src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE dVZQpq ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN XczIg"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd cdsJgg fNaHcW ptncred">Photo Illtratn/Getty Imag</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-boxprimary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-inslist"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-bodyntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body bodyntaer articlebody" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="bodyner-ntaer"><p>Answer me this: How many tim have you turned around and realized that you’d actually been ltg after one of your iends, or that straight lleague who’s always so nice to you and offers to make you cups of ffee? How many tim have you sat spairg the quagmire that is unrequed love? If the answer is a lot, you’re not unique…you’re jt gay.</p><p>The feelgs of nfn are practilly a gay re of passage. Our adolcent years are spent ltg after our (maly straight) classmat who, if they knew that you’d had more than one wet dream about them that week alone, would’ve likely beaten the livg crap out of you. When we get olr, we hope that the nvenient feelgs will dissipate, bee the real world is nothg like high school and is actually filled wh ripe homosexuals who’ll lt after and love back. This is, unfortunately, only partially te, bee as adults those straight boys bee gay boys, and so, while there might be a b of reciprocy, we’re still left fancyg a iend, -worker, or that cute guy who works at Barn & Noble and whose glance always lgers jt a b too long when you buy a book (and you buy too many bee of said cute guy. You should really stop buyg so many books. Why've you bought this many books?).</p><p>In my md, this repetive pattern occurs for a reason: For queer people, the fns of iendships and relatnships aren’t as formulaic or okie-cutter as for our heterosexual pals, and that’s bee the distctns between platonic and romantic love don’t que f queer experienc.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>As signaled by Twter er @noonbary, the fns of “love” are born om heteronormativy (bee, as we know, straight culture is all about prcribg to bari). We first learn about the nstrictns as teenagers cshg on unavailable straight guys, and the gut-wrenchg and soul-breakg fatuatns, more often than not, end drenched disappotment, rejectn, and pangs of lonels. It’s bee heteronormative society teach that if you have romantic feelgs for someone, you should act some way upon them, and the suatns gays rarely n.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-unslot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Now, I’m not advotg for gay people to keep their romantic clatns to themselv. In fact, que the oppose. It’s jt that LGBTQ people are often tght their sir are shameful, so our twg of attractn or the flutterg of butterfli are supprsed until they mutate, beg self-doubt as we blame ourselv for not beg able to keep our feelgs check (as if that were actually possible).</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="adslot adslot---ntent" data-no-id="me0w2"></div></div><p>Still, acrdg to social psychologist Roy F. Bmeister, unrequed love (if you want to ll that) affects 98 percent of all people, so what mak queers so different here? Well, the straight world—I, wh my <em>very</em> limed knowledge, believe—you don’t go out searchg for people whose sexuali might mirror your own bee you don’t have to; straight people are already fuckg everywhere. It’s why LGBTQ people obss over any form of reprentatn and why, as soon as <em>one</em> gay person is nice to , we assume that we’re love wh them and meant to spend the rt of our liv together like somethg om a Nora Ephron movie.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layoutasi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-boxprimary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="adslot adslot--rail" data-no-id="b3i1v"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="adslot adslot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="pzyc8n"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body bodyntaer articlebody" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="bodyner-ntaer"><p>The latter falls directly to the “do I want to be wh them or do I jt want to be them” nundm and why, perhaps, romantic and platonic love is a dichotomy not f for queer nsumptn. Almost every time I’ve formed a ep and supportive iendship wh someone else who’s also gay, I’ve had to wonr where my feelgs lie: Do I fancy them or don’t I? Ultimately, ’s not so black and whe. Of urse, if you like boys and your bt iend is a boy and that boy is hot and you want to bone said boy, then that might signal that you maybe fd them attractive. But when a relatnship is about more than jt sexual attractn or a quick fuck, the mutiae of queer attachment is more plited.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>From my experienc, the distctns of love weren’t two-sid; they were blurry and multifaceted. I had an attractn to the people, sure, but that attractn stemmed om their return of affectns, om their kdns, and bee they rpected, unrstood, and lived somethg ak to my own queer experience.</p><p>There was also, I’ll adm eely, an element of emulatn; I wanted to be jt like them bee of their succs/attractivens/abily to pick up guys. Gay people don’t always have role mols to look up to, so we turn to our iends and those around and try and live as they do.</p><p>Do all this mean that I loved them or that I was love wh them? Perhaps ’s both. The balance of attractn might be hard to get right, but I thk that’s bee, as LGBTQ people, we’re also programmed wh the same heteronormative nstcts about platonic and romantic love when they don’t align wh . Thankfully, we don’t have to live by those l.</p><p>You see, feelgs are never as clear-cut as heterosexuals would like you to believe, and our iendships don’t need to mirror those of the girls om <em>Sex and the Cy</em> or a “bromance” om whatever realy-TV show MTV is peddlg. Instead, ridg around the middle ground, the gray area, takg a break to explore all the nflictg and joyful nfn, the ebb and flow of human nature, n be a blsg. Really, there’s no wrong or right way to navigate your feelgs, pecially when those feelgs don’t nform to perceived normaly.</p><p>All this is an important distctn to make, pecially when gay people do stggle wh so much ternalized shame. It’s time to rip up the hetero lebook for feelgs forever. So learn to embrace your nfg feelgs, and know ’s okay to fl between platonic and romantic love, jt like ’s okay to csh on that straight -worker who always brgs you ffee. As LGBTQ people, we’re able to form unique bonds, and part of this should be beg able to create new forms for iendships, relatnships, and ed love that don’t f to prcribed bari. That’s the future that this gay liberal really wants.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layoutasi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-boxprimary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="adslot adslot--rail" data-no-id="3qltcq"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="body bodyle-barrier articlebody"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div 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i want to be a gay guy

25 Dec 2024

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

So many gay men grow up believg there is somethg “wrong” wh bee we are different om other supposedly “normal” mal. It’s not surprisg that a term like “straight-actg” shows up so often gay men’s onle personal ads.

It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men.

So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years.

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM I WANT TO BE A GAY GUY

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class="journey-un"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--nav-dialog" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--nav-dialog"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div></div><div class="StackedNavigatnDrawer-jtJcEj jydqIN"><button class="BaseButton-bLlsy ButtonWrapper-xCepQ AoBt eegVhC button button--utily StackedNavigatnDrawerToggle-cycUFN kObYXS" data-event-click="{"element":"Button"}" data-ttid="Button" role="button" type="button"><span class="ButtonLabel-cjAuJN bBWXSg button__label">Open Navigatn Menu</span><div class="ButtonInWrapper-gFdzAL bPDyTT button__in-ntaer"><svg class="ButtonIn-YqaGo iwlhuX button-in in in-menu" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><tle>Menu</tle><path d="M8 10h16v2H8v-2zm0 5h16v2H8v-2zm0 5h16v2H8v-2z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg></div></button><div class="AlertWrapper-gvFATk kzwUyn" 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href="/wellns" data-ttid="navigatn__ternal-lk" role="lk">Wellns</a></li><li class="NavigatnListItemWrapper-cxLZKD dsgTQs navigatn__list-em" data-ttid="navigatn__list-em"><a class="NavigatnInternalLk-cWEaeo knabMb navigatn__lk" href="/gqsports" data-ttid="navigatn__ternal-lk" role="lk">GQ Sports</a></li><li class="NavigatnListItemWrapper-cxLZKD dsgTQs navigatn__list-em" data-ttid="navigatn__list-em"><a class="NavigatnInternalLk-cWEaeo knabMb navigatn__lk" href=" data-ttid="navigatn__ternal-lk" role="lk">The GQ Box</a></li><li class="NavigatnListItemWrapper-cxLZKD dsgTQs navigatn__list-em" data-ttid="navigatn__list-em"><a class="NavigatnInternalLk-cWEaeo knabMb navigatn__lk" href="/vio" data-ttid="navigatn__ternal-lk" role="lk">Vios</a></li></ul></nav><span class="NavigatnDivir-fEDnwq ixXXMs navigatn__divir"></span></div><div class="StackedNavigatnBottom-dpkX bIeNbx"><div class="StackedNavigatnDrawer-jtJcEj jydqIN"><button class="BaseButton-bLlsy ButtonWrapper-xCepQ AoBt eegVhC button button--utily StackedNavigatnDrawerToggle-cycUFN kObYXS" data-event-click="{"element":"Button"}" data-ttid="Button" role="button" type="button"><span class="ButtonLabel-cjAuJN bBWXSg button__label">Open Navigatn Menu</span><div class="ButtonInWrapper-gFdzAL bPDyTT button__in-ntaer"><svg class="ButtonIn-YqaGo iwlhuX button-in in in-menu" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><tle>Menu</tle><path d="M8 10h16v2H8v-2zm0 5h16v2H8v-2zm0 5h16v2H8v-2z" fill-le="evenodd"></path></svg></div></button><div class="AlertWrapper-gvFATk kzwUyn" data-ttid="BookmarkAlertMobile" role="tooltip"><div aria-hidn="te" role="prentatn" class="AlertArrow-daOgye sUTIg alert-arrow"></div><div aria-hidn="te" role="prentatn" class="AlertInWrapper-iHNVmf iGkvlr"><svg class="in in-bookmark in-bookmark--activated" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Story Saved</tle><path class="in-bookmark-fill in-bookmark--activated-outle" d="M20 24L12.5 19.7804L5 24V3H20V24ZM12.5 18.6028L19 22.2336V3.98131H6V22.2336L12.5 18.6028Z" fill="black"></path><path class="in-bookmark-fill in-bookmark--activated-checkmark" d="M11.5541 13.7033L9 11.2033L9.66216 10.5552L11.5541 12.407L15.3378 8.70331L16 9.35146L11.5541 13.7033Z" fill="black"></path></svg></div><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ AlertMsage-jgAjgo bVCFRm bGlCJj hOUjyY alert-msage"><p>To revis this article, vis My Profile, then <a href="/acunt/saved">View saved stori</a></p></div><button class="BaseButton-bLlsy ButtonWrapper-xCepQ AoBt eegVhC button button--utily close-alert-button" data-event-click="{"element":"Button"}" data-ttid="Button" role="button" type="button"><span class="ButtonLabel-cjAuJN bBWXSg button__label">Close Alert</span><div class="ButtonInWrapper-gFdzAL bPDyTT button__in-ntaer"><svg class="ButtonIn-YqaGo iwlhuX button-in in in-close" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" xmlns="><path d="M16 14.586l6.364-6.364 1.414 1.414L17.414 16l6.364 6.364-1.414 1.414L16 17.414l-6.364 6.364-1.414-1.414L14.586 16 8.222 9.636l1.414-1.414z" fill-le="nonzero"></path></svg></div></button></div></div><div class="StackedNavigatnSectnLogo-gMsxSu fSSYid"><a href="/" class="StackedNavigatnLogoLk-byNqXP dmvHfj"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><img alt="GQ" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="/verso/static/gq-global/assets/" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/></picture></a></div><div class="StackedNavigatnSectnMobileOptn-iaaAJG bVfHSV"><div class="StackedNavigatnSectnUtilyLks-kGMcBq eXrsQA"></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--mob-nav-cta" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--mob-nav-cta"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div></div></div></hear><div role="dialog" aria-modal="te" aria-label="Overlay Navigatn" class="SeHearStickyWrapper-kjoINF 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OverlayNavigatnPrimaryLk-kizmap iUEiRd fhQbnq QIss fdBWLH fAaUtQ">Remends</a></li><li class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyListItem-fgJYjG OverlayNavigatnPrimaryListItem-hUnGEG koszUm"><a href="/culture" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM OverlayNavigatnUtilyLk-jFSPNN OverlayNavigatnPrimaryLk-kizmap iUEiRd fhQbnq QIss fdBWLH fAaUtQ">Culture</a></li><li class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyListItem-fgJYjG OverlayNavigatnPrimaryListItem-hUnGEG koszUm"><a href="/wellns" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM OverlayNavigatnUtilyLk-jFSPNN OverlayNavigatnPrimaryLk-kizmap iUEiRd fhQbnq QIss fdBWLH fAaUtQ">Wellns</a></li><li class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyListItem-fgJYjG OverlayNavigatnPrimaryListItem-hUnGEG koszUm"><a href="/gqsports" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM OverlayNavigatnUtilyLk-jFSPNN OverlayNavigatnPrimaryLk-kizmap iUEiRd fhQbnq QIss fdBWLH fAaUtQ">GQ Sports</a></li><li class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyListItem-fgJYjG OverlayNavigatnPrimaryListItem-hUnGEG koszUm"><a href=" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM OverlayNavigatnUtilyLk-jFSPNN OverlayNavigatnPrimaryLk-kizmap iUEiRd fhQbnq QIss fdBWLH fAaUtQ">The GQ Box</a></li><li class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyListItem-fgJYjG OverlayNavigatnPrimaryListItem-hUnGEG koszUm"><a href="/vio" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM OverlayNavigatnUtilyLk-jFSPNN OverlayNavigatnPrimaryLk-kizmap iUEiRd fhQbnq QIss fdBWLH fAaUtQ">Vios</a></li></ul></nav><nav aria-label="Sendary"><ul class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyLks-jcmSIO OverlayNavigatnSendaryLks-chvikc fZRyha dqdxVo"><li class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyListItem-fgJYjG OverlayNavigatnSendaryListItem-eMAoKE koszUm"><a href="/search" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM OverlayNavigatnUtilyLk-jFSPNN OverlayNavigatnSendaryLk-cmFezL iUEiRd fhQbnq ktHuaX fdBWLH">SEARCH</a></li><li class="OverlayNavigatnUtilyListItem-fgJYjG OverlayNavigatnSendaryListItem-eMAoKE koszUm"><a href=" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM OverlayNavigatnUtilyLk-jFSPNN OverlayNavigatnSendaryLk-cmFezL iUEiRd fhQbnq ktHuaX fdBWLH">BACK TO </a></li></ul><div class="OverlayNavigatnSocialLks-jzJxrh jOpTD"><p class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlayNavigatnSocialHeadg-libOyq iUEiRd cxFnpL dTrIGS"></p><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR fxaFQj social-ins__list-em social-ins__list-em--stagram social-ins__list-em--standard"><a aria-label="Follow on Instagram" class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU cLGRzS social-ins__lk social-ins__lk--stagram" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC social-ins__in-ntaer"><svg class="SocialInNetworkInComponent-cZaKGz dlOAhZ in in-stagram" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Instagram</tle><path d="M16 8C18.173 8 18.445 8.01 19.298 8.048C20.15 8.087 20.731 8.222 21.24 8.42C21.766 8.624 22.213 8.898 22.657 9.343C23.102 9.787 23.376 10.233 23.58 10.76C23.778 11.269 23.913 11.85 23.952 12.702C23.991 13.555 24 13.827 24 16C24 18.173 23.99 18.445 23.952 19.298C23.913 20.15 23.778 20.731 23.58 21.24C23.379 21.7738 23.064 22.2574 22.657 22.657C22.213 23.102 21.767 23.376 21.24 23.58C20.731 23.778 20.15 23.913 19.298 23.952C18.445 23.991 18.173 24 16 24C13.827 24 13.555 23.99 12.702 23.952C11.85 23.913 11.269 23.778 10.76 23.58C10.2262 23.379 9.74259 23.064 9.343 22.657C8.93593 22.2574 8.62093 21.7738 8.42 21.24C8.222 20.731 8.087 20.15 8.048 19.298C8.01 18.445 8 18.173 8 16C8 13.827 8.01 13.555 8.048 12.702C8.087 11.85 8.222 11.269 8.42 10.76C8.624 10.234 8.898 9.787 9.343 9.343C9.787 8.898 10.233 8.624 10.76 8.42C11.269 8.222 11.85 8.087 12.702 8.048C13.555 8.01 13.827 8 16 8ZM16 10C14.046 10 13.814 10.007 13.043 10.043C12.329 10.075 11.942 10.194 11.683 10.295C11.3657 10.4124 11.0787 10.5993 10.843 10.842C10.586 11.098 10.427 11.342 10.295 11.684C10.195 11.942 10.075 12.329 10.043 13.043C10.007 13.814 10 14.046 10 16C10 17.954 10.007 18.186 10.043 18.957C10.075 19.671 10.194 20.058 10.295 20.317C10.427 20.658 10.586 20.902 10.842 21.157C11.098 21.414 11.342 21.573 11.684 21.705C11.942 21.805 12.329 21.925 13.043 21.957C13.814 21.993 14.046 22 16 22C17.954 22 18.186 21.993 18.957 21.957C19.671 21.925 20.058 21.806 20.317 21.705C20.658 21.573 20.902 21.414 21.157 21.158C21.414 20.902 21.573 20.658 21.705 20.316C21.805 20.058 21.925 19.671 21.957 18.957C21.993 18.186 22 17.954 22 16C22 14.046 21.993 13.814 21.957 13.043C21.925 12.329 21.806 11.942 21.705 11.683C21.5876 11.3657 21.4007 11.0787 21.158 10.843C20.9219 10.5997 20.6341 10.4124 20.316 10.295C20.058 10.195 19.671 10.075 18.957 10.043C18.186 10.007 17.954 10 16 10ZM16 11.768C16.5558 11.768 17.1061 11.8775 17.6195 12.0901C18.133 12.3028 18.5995 12.6145 18.9925 13.0075C19.3855 13.4005 19.6972 13.867 19.9099 14.3805C20.1225 14.8939 20.232 15.4442 20.232 16C20.232 16.5558 20.1225 17.1061 19.9099 17.6195C19.6972 18.133 19.3855 18.5995 18.9925 18.9925C18.5995 19.3855 18.133 19.6972 17.6195 19.9099C17.1061 20.1225 16.5558 20.232 16 20.232C14.8776 20.232 13.8012 19.7861 13.0075 18.9925C12.2139 18.1988 11.768 17.1224 11.768 16C11.768 14.8776 12.2139 13.8012 13.0075 13.0075C13.8012 12.2139 14.8776 11.768 16 11.768ZM16 18.368C16.628 18.368 17.2303 18.1185 17.6744 17.6744C18.1185 17.2303 18.368 16.628 18.368 16C18.368 15.372 18.1185 14.7697 17.6744 14.3256C17.2303 13.8815 16.628 13.632 16 13.632C15.372 13.632 14.7697 13.8815 14.3256 14.3256C13.8815 14.7697 13.632 15.372 13.632 16C13.632 16.628 13.8815 17.2303 14.3256 17.6744C14.7697 18.1185 15.372 18.368 16 18.368ZM21.3 11.85C21.3 12.155 21.1788 12.4475 20.9632 12.6632C20.7475 12.8788 20.455 13 20.15 13C19.845 13 19.5525 12.8788 19.3368 12.6632C19.1212 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class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--cm-riser"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><div class="StickyHeroAdWrapper-eNLJUc gStsdY ad-stickyhero ad-stickyhero--standard ad-stickyhero-enable-mobile should-hold-space"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--hero"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--hero" data-no-id="8k99w"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-hero" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-hero"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH page__ma-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs kaZCaf ntent-hear article__ntent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp cCntXd"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT eRFpQc"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX kpuNXj bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd jPOabC BjYFU">It’s Time to Take Your Temperature on Toppg and Bottomg</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ eASNBN">Top? Bottom? Vers? Some batn of the above? Here’s how to figure out what’s right for you.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gtxxjM byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fhQbnq dzFUnH eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/alim-kheraj">Alim Kheraj</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2018-06-07T08:00:00-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd ivrQAn cZpOSL">June 7, 2018</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP fEknXh lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck lead-asset--width-fullbleed" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ccdiSo"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="This image may nta Magnifyg" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE dVZQpq ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN XczIg"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd cdsJgg fNaHcW ptn__cred">Illtratn by Alicia Tatone</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg ctaZl social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP eRxRjL"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Legend would have you believe that once you’ve earned your gay rd, a <em>Harry Potter</em>–like ceremony occurs where, stead of the Sortg Hat, a giant magil butt plug divis all gay men to two ho: tops or bottoms.</p><p>This is clearly not the se, pecially for those people who nsir themselv versatile (<em>HIYA</em>). But often, perative sex n feel divid to rigid bari that make beg a top or a bottom seem like a cult you’ve signed up to for life, and one that you have to clare as soon as two (or more) nsentg men ci to take their cloth off and b up agast each other. The two subdivisns have their own l, stereotyp, and -jok, and n sometim seem as if they’re at war wh each other, rather than both workg together for mutual sexual pleasure.</p><p>All of this n make tryg different thgs dntg, pecially if you’re a baby gay venturg to this world for the first time. But ought not to be impossible to sexually swch thgs up. Sure, people have a preference, but now uld be the perfect time to pe the top or bottom prison you live . So, wh the help of some experts, let’s take a moment to dismantle what you thk you know about toppg and bottomg. It uld open up a world of possibili.</p><hr/><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">It’s time to disver what works for you</div><p>Human begs are very good at tryg somethg once and cidg fely that we don’t like . In the se of anal sex, this is ually bee of an experience om when we were young and hadn’t que realized the importance of lube (<em>USE LOTS OF LUBE</em>). So how do you go about ttg new waters?</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>“I believe what I ll takg your erotic temperature,” explas Woody Miller, the thor of the books <em>How to Bottom Like a Porn Star</em> and <em>How to Top Like a Stud</em>, “which is basilly havg a nversatn wh yourself about what is you like.”</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>Miller argu that gay men should exame their relatnship wh power. Where do you align when to beg domant or submissive? One way to qutn this, he poss, is to approach somethg other than perative sex.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="bucwb"></div></div><p>“Look at kissg,” he says. “If you iated the kiss, you're the domant one. If you received the kiss, you're the submissive one. There is no aspect of sex that don't have, at s re, an aspect of power. So part of the thg that you have to ask yourself is, 'What am I fortable wh? Do I like iatg sex? Do I like tellg my partner what to do, or do I like beg told what to do?’ ”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>What’s important is that there might not be a right or wrong answer to this. You might like takg your r for a service jt as much as servicg yourself. That’s part of the fun, right?</p><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">Realize what’s stoppg you om experimentg</div><p>Clearly, if you’ve tried toppg and bottomg a few tim and figured out which of them is for you, that’s great. But I believe that many gay men pick one si, stick to , and that some of those dividuals choose toppg—you’ll have seen their profil markg them as “masc dom tops” on the apps—bee of s ti to tradnal masculy.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="1sggi"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="9w9xze"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa edvONh body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>As Miller explas, there are outsi forc that, datg back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men om tly diggg to what sexual behavrs we might actually enjoy. “What I mean by that,” he says, “is that cultural forc wh the gay muny prize toppg over bottomg.”</p><p>The ongog fetishizatn of masculy means that the tradnally submissive role of the bottom is associated wh effemacy. “Wh bottomg there is the perceptn that you're givg up your masculy bee receivg a penis is somethg that women do,” Miller adds.</p><p>Dr. Chris Whe, an expert health promotn and the director and prcipal vtigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network San Francis, tak this one step further. “If you're a bottom, you’re sometim seen as a slut,” he says. “You don't ever hear tops beg lled sluts, jt bottoms. So there's some shamg there. And 's feme type shamg, as well. Not only are you sayg that 's more mascule to be a top, but you're sayg that you should be ashamed to be a bottom.”</p><p>Basilly, uld be time to serly check yourself and ask exactly why you don’t like bottomg (or toppg, TBH). If you believe that toppg is preferable bee don’t threaten your masculy, then have a strong word wh yourself. Siarly, if you’re a bottom-only queen, ask yourself why. Not gettg fucked don’t make you any ls gay.</p><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">Your sexual posn isn’t your inty</div><p>Let’s ll bullsh on the ncept that if two people are tops they’re patible, bee the posns that you enjoy don’t fe who you are. “I thk that's part of the problem. We've lerally ma inti out of sexual posns,” Miller says. “It’s a sexual thought prison.”</p><p>Of urse, if someone knows that they only really enjoy one aspect of peratn, then let’s not disunt that. But as wh everythg sexual, the thgs are ually on a spectm that is often ntextual. “It n change pendg on where you are your life, how old you are, how f you're feelg, and what you're the mood for,” Whe says. “If you thk about people's everyday behavrs, I don't know if there's a difference between someone who acts or across as more mascule and the role that they play sex. We like to pretend that there are, but they're not necsarily te.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Sure, clarg a preference if you’re on the hunt for a quickie will save time and energy, but don’t get all ught up labels. There’s really not an eternal sparklg srlet letter markg you wh a “T” or a “B.”</p><div role="headg" aria-level="4" class="headg-h4">To be (fucked) or not to be (fucked) shouldn’t always be the qutn</div><p>Acrdg to a 2011 study by <em>The Journal of Sexual Medice</em> that surveyed 25,000 gay men Ameri about their last sexual enunters, only 36 percent said they had bottomed and 34 percent said they had topped.</p><p>So, realy, we’re not actually fuckg all that much. It mak turng someone down if they don’t match your preference, pecially if ’s jt for a one-off, even more prepostero. “We seem to place more psychologil importance on anal sex than physil importance, bee we're not dog that often,” Miller says. “So why are we makg such a big al out of ?”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="o4gr7n"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs 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class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div data-ttid="TagCloudWrapper" class="TagCloudWrapper-gGgndx izEVNC ContentFooterTagCloud-krQmRG ZLGh"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudSectnHear-cOforY iUEiRd dUgcfE kQQRmu">Related Stori for GQ</span><a href="/about/entertament" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd fhQbnq iGlBER hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd 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BaseText-ewhhUZ RecircListTextOverlayHeadg-icEzDE iUEiRd fWXTnu iCFeNq">Read More</hear><ul class="RecircListTextOverlayItems-kknlpG lpbERO recirc-list__ems hi-read-more-ad"><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Bt Sex Toys for Begners Are The Gateway to Bigger O's" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Sex</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">The Bt Sex Toys for Begners Are The Gateway to Bigger O's </div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Kate Sloan</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Zac Eon and Jeremy Allen Whe Are Swole-as-Hell The Iron Claw's First-Look Image" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Culture</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">Zac Eon and Jeremy Allen Whe Are Swole-as-Hell <em>The Iron Claw's</em> First-Look Image</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Jack Kg</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="0hbxfp"></div></div><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Sex Liv: A Guy Who Went om a Conservative Relig Background to Htg the Swipe Lim on Tr" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Wellns</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">Sex Liv: A Guy Who Went om a Conservative Relig Background to Htg the Swipe Lim on Tr</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dlWgVJ gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Sophia Beno</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ DRac"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB eInHsS summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Author of The Body Keeps the Sre Is “Puzzled” By Its Populary" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX hXmUmf bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd bGlCJj cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Wellns</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd hNEuYK cRpZRn">The Author of <em>The Body Keeps the Sre</em> Is “Puzzled” By Its Populary </div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH bfGBQB byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ 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BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM I WANT TO BE A GAY GUY

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WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* I WANT TO BE A GAY GUY

BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM I WANT TO BE A GAY GUY