Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
• YOU’RE NOT GAY

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at. Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual.

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept . I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology.

Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man. They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight.

Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.

YOU’RE NOT GAY

Hetero-Emotnal and Homosexual. I thk of them as beg hetero-emotnal homosexuals.

There are tim when nflictg feelgs e a person to ask, "Am I gay? Ined, some people do not e to the ncln that they are or are not gay until well to adulthood.

But how do you know if you're gay? Is experiencg sexual attractn to the same sex all there is to beg gay? Is there a tt that n tell you whether you're gay?