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Across much of the gay and bisexual male rearch on sexual posn self-label (i.e., llg onelf a top, bottom, or versatile), there exist two mon

Contents:

I’M GAY AND I’M NOT A TOP OR A BOTTOM – I’M A ‘SI’

* top and bottom of gay sex *

"I thk the sort of nscns of gay people I'm some crazy power bottom or somethg, which is jt not the se, and I jt wanted to put that out there, " Sivan, a gay man, said on Ey Ratajkowski's podst "High Low.

Sometim referred to as "pillow prcs, " stone bottoms face the bnt of the jok TikTok vios like this one directed at people for specific sexual preferenc wh the queer often suate stone bottoms are "ls gay" or "pretendg to be gay" TikTok vios if they are firm about not wantg to perform sexual acts like oral and peratn on their partners. While the words “top” and “bottom” were first ed to scribe a bary system of both sexual posn and power dynamics, the language has evolved sce the gay leather scene of the 1950s, allowg for a b more wiggle room and most straightforward explanatn is that a top prefers to be ntrol, often terpreted as preferrg to perate, while a bottom wants to relquish some level of ntrol, often terpreted as wantg to be perated. When public cisg and park sex were mon featur of gay life (the 70s, 80s), was impossible to know if the hot guy you followed to the bh was a top or bottom.

Bizarrely, a time when gay and lbian sexual inti have expand to ls labeled, more flexible terms -- queer, fluid, and so on -- sex rol have never been more rigid, thanks to apps.

MY FEMALE FRIEND THKS HAVG SEX WH ME WILL SOLVE ALL HER SEXUAL PROBLEMS. UM, I’M GAY.

An entire cleanls and douchg dtry has spng up the last forty years that has preyed heavily on the fears and exploed them -- you n fd many douchg products marketed exclively to gay men. Anecdotally, seems gay men Europe are ls sh-phobic than Amerin guys, and gay men of a certa age (anyone who fucked around the 70s and 80s) remember a time when gay men didn't really douche often, so they re ls about makg a ltle ms, particularly if means havg lots of fun. Um, I’m Gay.

There’s jt one problem: I’m gay. There are certa thgs you’re unr no obligatn to help a iend wh, no matter how close you are: You don’t have to help them move, you don’t have to drive them to or om the airport, and you don’t have to put your gay penis to a straight vaga.

Of urse not, you’re gay! She should fd another fuck buddy or vt a good vibrator or lerally any other optn than enlistg her iend who’s a gay du to do non-gay-du work.

TOM HOLLAND’S THE CROWD ROOM GAY SEX SCENE SPARKS APPALLG HOMOPHOBIC BACKLASH

In any sexual enunter, gay, straight, or otherwise, one person typilly assum the domant role while the other tak on a submissive role the bedroom. But while tops and bottoms are equal, their differg rol do e wh different health issu and rponsibili that every gay and bisexual man should be well rmed about, regardls of sexual posn.

In terms of foc and clary, this discsn will sgularly foc on TopDefn: The sertive partner anal sex between cisgenr gay men (blogil men who intify as men), or transgenr gay men, or ontal, vagal sex wh transgenr gay men.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* TOP AND BOTTOM OF GAY SEX

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top, bottom, vers mean the bedroom.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearContributorImage-cvjZXn epCAJC"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearContributorImage-cvjZXn epCAJC rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 80w" siz="66px"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 90w" siz="66px"/><img alt="" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></span><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH hdWCIC byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a 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bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Okay, fally happened. You <a href=">matched wh a total hottie</a> on Tr and you’re checkg out their b, but you notice one ltle le at the bottom: total top. You know that has somethg to do wh their sexual preferenc, but what do mean to be a top, bottom, or vers <a href=">durg queer sex</a>? What do your iends mean when they talk about somebody havg “bottom energy,” or when they ll a stranger at a bar a total top?</p><p>Top, bottom, and vers are sexual terms ed to scribe a person’s preferenc bed. While the words “top” and “bottom” were <a href=">first ed to scribe a bary system</a> of both sexual posn and power dynamics, the language has evolved <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">sce the gay leather scene of the 1950s</a>, allowg for a b more wiggle room and personalizatn.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>The most straightforward explanatn is that a <a href=">top prefers to be ntrol</a>, often terpreted as preferrg to perate, while a <a href=">bottom wants to relquish</a> some level of ntrol, often terpreted as wantg to be perated. Someone who is vers fds both posns and power dynamics equally excg. Of urse, this is an oversimplified (and antiquated) answer, as every person has their own boundari and preferenc, even if they share an inty.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Acrdg to <a href=">some theori</a>, the queer muny latched onto g top and bottom as sexual scriptors the 1960s and ‘70s, as queers veloped s <a href=">like flaggg</a> to highlight their sexual preferenc to any terted parti. This was around the same time <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">that vers beme part of the queer lexin</a>.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="i9qjcl"></div></div><p>Dpe what some may thk, top, bottom, and vers are not terms exclively for queer men, but scriptors that n be ed for any sexual relatnship. Even cishet men get the strap sometim. Many folks top and bottom whout peratn, and no tegorizatn or term is ever all-enpassg.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Wh all that out of the way, here is a basic ndown of what means to top, bottom, and swch.</p><p><em>Click here to jump to a sectn:</em> <a href="#top"><em>What is a top?</em></a><em>,</em> <a href="#bottom"><em>What is a bottom?</em></a><em>,</em> <a href="#vers"><em>What is vers?</em></a></p><div style="outle:none" id="top" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is a top?</strong></h2></div><p>A top is generally scribed as someone who wants to be ntrol durg sex.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="vdrcd"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="1fdp4g"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Acrdg to <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Carly S</a>., a pleasure tor at <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Spectm Boutique</a>, toppg n take a variety of forms, but n clu fgerg, givg or receivg oral, peratg wh a penis or strap, or other acts which a top is ntrol of their partner’s pleasure.</p><p>“Beg a top don't necsarily refer to the mechanics of how someone has sex, but the power dynamic where one person is takg the lead, or is more ntrol of what activi you're gog to participate ,” they told <em>Them</em>.</p><p>While the ia that tops are ntrol durg sex is helpful for a general unrstandg, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Spectm Boutique</a> founr Zoe Ligon explas that standard fns of toppg are sufficient to pture nuanced sexual inti.</p><p>Such fns, she says, “lack all the nuance of a ‘power bottom,’ for stance, who is receivg sexual acts but is ntrol, or a ‘service top,’ who performs the acts but is receivg mands,” she told <em>Them</em>. “Sometim there is no ‘power exchange’ at all, jt sex, or sometim there is no sex act and jt power exchange.”</p><p>Ultimately, toppg is a spectm that clus a wi range of sexual inti. For example, stone tops are ually tops who want to do all the touchg and do not want any reciprol sexual activi. No matter what your partner’s posn preference is, as always, ’s important to make sure you set exact boundari wh all your sexual partners before you engage any sex.</p><h2><strong>How to top durg sex</strong></h2><p>The bt takeaway here is that there is no <a href=">right way to top durg sex</a>. Everybody has different preferenc, and the most helpful thg you n do is munite wh your partner. If you want to take ntrol durg sex, ask your partner what they are terted and what their boundari are.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>It’s important to check wh your partner equently durg sex while you top, as peratn n be paful and everyone has different boundari. Take thgs slow and rpect everyone’s dividual pacy for pa, relaxatn, and fort while they bottom.</p><p>“Jt sayg ‘I'm a top’ do not provi enough rmatn to really know someone's sexual lik and dislik unls you ask them more about , and <em>that</em> is the secret to good sex. Talkg about ,” Ligon said.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="kl44a"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-786"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt jKtkdT">Most Popular</div><ul class="RecircMostPopularItems-dCAajf gqcRrp"><li><div 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Performance anxiety is perfectly natural, but keep md gettg hard or beg domant aren’t necsary to top.</p><asi aria-hidn="te" class="PullQuoteEmbedWrapper-sc-EoVjf fQbAzo"><div class="PullQuoteDerativeBorr-sc-iUyOLj fAzNVP"></div><div class="PullQuoteEmbedContent-sc-kTcfhx eoUd"><p>“The terms are great jumpg-off pots for discsn, but you n't really make any assumptns about what the terms mean to someone unls you ask,” says Zoe Ligon.</p></div></asi><div style="outle:none" id="bottom" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is a bottom?</strong></h2></div><p>Conversely, <a href=">a bottom</a> is somebody who typilly wants to give away ntrol durg sex. Bottoms are ually on the receivg end of sex, as opposed to the givg end. This is a pretty general scriptn, and there’s been a longstandg <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">onle bate</a> about whether somethg like givg head, for example, would be nsired toppg or bottomg.</p><p>“When thkg about a bottom, what to me is more someone that wants to be directed and/or submissive,” <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Jimanekia Eborn</a>, a trma specialist and sexualy tor, told <em>Them</em>.</p><p>However, Carly S. explas that some bottoms n still be assertive and ntrol durg sex.</p><p>As wh toppg, bottomg exists on a spectm. <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Power bottoms</a> are generally bottoms who tell their partner or partners what to do durg sex. <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Bratty bottoms</a> ually like to beltle and mean their tops durg sex by teasg them. Other subtegori of bottomg clu stone bottoms, or <a href=">pillow prcs</a>, who ually only want to be on the receivg end durg sex.</p><p>As always, however, munitn is key regardls of a person’s sexual inty, and figurg out exactly what your partner do or don’t like durg sex, regardls of how they inty, will ensure that everyone has a safe, enjoyable time bed.</p><h2><strong>How to bottom durg sex</strong></h2><p>Acrdg to Ligon, as wh all typ of sex, munitg wh your partner both ahead of time and durg is sential. Make sure you’ve set any necsary boundari and told your partner what you enjoy, and keep them updated. You don’t need to be ntrol to make sure you are fortable and enjoyg the experience.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Ligon said no label or tegory n perfectly scribe human existence, which is why munitn is key regardls of sexual inty.</p><div class="GenericCalloutWrapper-tojWn lmBTTa llout--has-top-borr" data-ttid="GenericCallout"><div class="ContentCardEmbedWrapper-kULtsE iGAJsG ntent-rd-embed ntent-rd-embed--stacked" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedWrapper"><div class="ContentCardEmbedImage-iwqgVw jlIubp ntent-rd-embed__image" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedImage"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><img alt="An illtratn of a nervo man a bed of flowers." class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/></picture></span></div><div class="ContentCardEmbedInfo-bDftKl bGnSrq"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentCardEmbedHed-kJVPGC iUEiRd gFmvMS cewqFA ntent-rd-embed__hed" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHed"><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ContentCardEmbedHedLk-eXLwe iUEiRd gFmvMS hRaEiJ eFUKSb ntent-rd-embed__hed-lk" href="/story/gui-to-bottomg-part-1" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHedLk">How Do I Know if I’m a Bottom?</a></div><div data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedDek" class="ContentCardEmbedDek-bA-DKch hXdQfY">Bottomg 101: Navigatg shame, fear, cursy, and — of urse — pleasure.</div></div></div></div><p>“I enurage people to fe what the terms mean for themselv personally so that they n more specifilly munite needs and wants to a partner, sce no one's a md rear,” she said. “The terms are great jumpg-off pots for discsn, but you n't really make any assumptns about what the terms mean to someone unls you ask.”</p><p>If you aren’t sure about what boundari you have durg sex, Carly suggts <a href=">explorg what feels good</a> to your through <a href=">masturbatn</a>. Peratn be paful at first, so if ’s somethg you want to try as a bottom, <a href=">ttg out sex toys</a> ahead of time n be helpful.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="0zfhs"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-787"><div 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Will It Happen?</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name">Abby Monteil</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff cedGRJ summary-em summary-em--has-borr summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-si-by-si summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw jykXPG" role="button" tabx="0"><div 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src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX gPBNpL bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">News</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM jRfyII summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk--unrle-disable" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ jbVqqA summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Everythg You Need to Know About the Bud Light and Dylan Mulvaney Fias</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name">Samantha Riel</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw gmWMTZ ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="af272j"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs laPXdt"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="wimw8r"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa bectqB body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>“Explore on your own first, if that's wh toys or fgers, or jt readg books about how to safely play,” Carly said. “Gog to an experience wh some knowledge will have you feelg more nfint and able to better verbalize your boundari and wants/needs.”</p><asi aria-hidn="te" class="PullQuoteEmbedWrapper-sc-EoVjf fQbAzo"><div class="PullQuoteDerativeBorr-sc-iUyOLj fAzNVP"></div><div class="PullQuoteEmbedContent-sc-kTcfhx eoUd"><p>“If you aspire to be a top, and the most domant thg you do is orr Starbucks, brg that energy to the bedroom," says Shanae Adams.</p></div></asi><div style="outle:none" id="vers" tabx="-1"><h2><strong>What is vers?</strong></h2></div><p>A swch, or vers, is someone who enjoys both toppg and bottomg. Someone who is vers might also like specific parts of toppg and specific parts of bottomg, but not want to take a full on top or bottom role.</p><p>“A vers is a person who n swch between both rol bee they are versatile,” <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Shanae Adams</a>, a sexualy profsnal and tor wh a M.A. Clil Counselg, told <em>Them</em>. “Vers swch based on the activy, the partner, the day of the week, the lor of their panti. They may be motivated to provi the most pleasurable experience for themselv and their partner(s).”</p><h2><strong>How to swch durg sex</strong></h2><p>Adams remends thkg about how you embody top and bottom energy outsi of the bedroom and brgg that to the table when swchg.</p><p>“If you aspire to be a top, and the most domant thg you do is orr Starbucks, brg that energy to the bedroom. Talk to your partner about givg orrs or beg told what to do. If you aspire to be submissive and love how feels to foc on others and not yourself, brg that energy to the bedroom. Make your partner your foc,” Adams said.</p><div class="GenericCalloutWrapper-tojWn iezhXq llout--has-top-borr" data-ttid="GenericCallout"><div class="ContentCardEmbedWrapper-kULtsE iGAJsG ntent-rd-embed ntent-rd-embed--stacked" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedWrapper"><div class="ContentCardEmbedImage-iwqgVw jlIubp ntent-rd-embed__image" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedImage"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><img alt="Rahim explas the s and outs of douchg on Netflix's "Sex Edutn."" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="(3)" srcSet="(3) 120w, (3) 240w, (3) 320w, (3) 640w" siz="100vw"/></picture></span></div><div class="ContentCardEmbedInfo-bDftKl bGnSrq"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentCardEmbedHed-kJVPGC iUEiRd gFmvMS cewqFA ntent-rd-embed__hed" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHed"><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ContentCardEmbedHedLk-eXLwe iUEiRd gFmvMS hRaEiJ eFUKSb ntent-rd-embed__hed-lk" href="/story/how-to-douche-wh-a-water-bottle-cleang-out-bottomg-gui" data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedHedLk">How to Douche wh a Water Bottle</a></div><div data-ttid="ContentCardEmbedDek" class="ContentCardEmbedDek-bA-DKch hXdQfY">Cleang up before anal sex n be tricky whout the right tools. Luckily, there's one method that works wherever fe bottled water is sold.</div></div></div></div><p>Fluidy and munitn are key to embracg your versatily durg sex, acrdg to Carly S.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-4 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“Be flexible and open pendg on how you're feelg and how the dynamic is wh the other person,” Carly said.</p><p>Ultimately, top, bottom, and vers are on a spectm that looks different for everyone. If you don’t feel like any of the labels f you, don’t feel like you have to squeeze yourself to any of them to have fulfillg sex.</p><p>“Do not get so attached to a tle or a label. You do not have to have one, so take some prsure off yourself,” Eborn said. “They n be when you are exprsg for how you may show up sexual activy. But, if none of those feel good for you, you don’t have to e them.”</p><p><em><strong>Get the bt of what's queer.</strong></em> <a href=" target="_blank">Sign up for our weekly newsletter here.</a></p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="x914w"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__ntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-body__footer"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div data-ttid="TagCloudWrapper" class="TagCloudWrapper-gGgndx jkqdij ContentFooterTagCloud-krQmRG ZLGh"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudSectnHear-cOforY iUEiRd chxZaG kQQRmu">Tags</span><a href="/tags/queer-sex" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM TagCloudLk-kvjZFu iUEiRd hSmufO fWJQiy hIhJOI"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ TagCloudName-eAUnLd iUEiRd gSGCJB bUkXwu">queer sex</span></a><a href="/tags/relatnship" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd 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jttyjJ">Read More</hear></div><div class="SummaryCollectnGridItems-DZShR jbbmwr hi-read-more-ad" data-ttid="SummaryCollectnGridItems"><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--has-le summary-em--article summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm cuPhiJ" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href="/story/tips-and-tricks-for-safe-anal-sex" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO 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Bme</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--has-le summary-em--article summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm cuPhiJ" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href="/story/tiktok-sex-tn-lgbtq-sexualy-onle" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz hlQxkn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="9 TikTokers Who Are Revolutnizg Sex Edutn Onle" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX gPBNpL bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Sex and Relatnships</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM dVrbhU summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk--unrle-disable" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="/story/tiktok-sex-tn-lgbtq-sexualy-onle" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ kBFaWv summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">9 TikTokers Who Are Revolutnizg Sex Edutn Onle</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY dHMSJg summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ecFEgL byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Anna 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class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd bCbgyH gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Matt Bme</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="SummaryCollectnGridToActnWrapper-gnReGN eGayfk"></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="TaboolaWrapper-hMVdpE iYfBhy"><div class="TaboolaWidgetWrapper-egPIjc hkSrgt TaboolaWidget-eUSdED hQCCRa" data-ttid="TaboolaWidgetWrapper"><div class="TaboolaWidgetContent-iBEQTO eXroXG TABOOLA" id="taboola-below-article-thumbnails---f" data-ttid="TaboolaWidgetContent"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--footer should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--footer" data-no-id="p320z"></div></div></div></div></div></ma><div class="BasePageMaFooterFiller-hTlZph jSriYf page__ma-footer-filler"></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div 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