3 Ways to Behave Around Gay People if You Don't Accept Them

Contents:

• HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• WHERE ARE THE MOST DIFFICULT PLAC THE WORLD TO BE GAY OR TRANSGENR?
• THE WORST (AND BT) PLAC TO BE GAY AMERI
• IT’S STILL DANGERO TO BE GAY WYOMG
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• 10 ANTI-GAY MYTHS DEBUNKED

HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM

Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant. This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make.

There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn. If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.

However, the ntued existence of homophobia—spe the obv downsis—rais qutns about s basic nature: Do psychologil theori like those above really expla why gayns, specifilly, evok such fear, the kd that n sometim even lead to vlent speech and actn? The only way to answer the qutns is to stop thkg of homophobia as a personal choice and unrstand as the evable and liberate rult of the culture which Amerin men are raised. We don’t hear about gay men disverg an tert women later life, and we rarely believe men when they say they are bisexual—the mon, if erroneo, wisdom is that any man who says he is bi is really jt gay and hasn’t admted yet.

WHERE ARE THE MOST DIFFICULT PLAC THE WORLD TO BE GAY OR TRANSGENR?

Even if relign and Esquire didn’t teach men to be sred of each other’s bodi, they would still be aaid of the way a bsh wh gayns n so sudnly erase the rt of their sexualy. J suggts that some men are "born nuchs, " an ancient term for beg gay, that the people are part of God's natural orr, and heterosexual marriage is not the right path for everyone. When I was young, I was told the whole world was divid to heterosexual men and heterosexual women, bar a small number of unfortunate ‘homosexuals’ of both genrs and possibly an even smaller number a third tegory, ‘bisexuals’, who ‘swung both ways’; pl, fally, a ty band of wretched creatur who were physilly not que one thg or the other.

He found that almost half his male terviewe had reacted sexually to both genrs; more than a third had had a homosexual enunter; and more than one ten reported roughly equally strong sexual rpons to both men and women.

In what pass for the gay ‘muny’, there’s somethg of a taboo about admtg, even to ourselv, that que a few of (not me) uld, wh a ltle axg and self-disciple, be ‘straight’.

THE WORST (AND BT) PLAC TO BE GAY AMERI

Iraq“It pends on what part of the untry you are – but two words I’d scribe Iraq as ‘not safe’ for LGBT people, ” says Amir Ashour, Iraq’s only openly gay activist, explag that ’s not jt the threat om Islamic State Mosul and Hawija.

IT’S STILL DANGERO TO BE GAY WYOMG

This is bee Iran’s plex laws around homosexualy mean that men face different punishments for nsensual sexual terurse, pendg whether they are the “active” or the “passive” participant. It’s a double edged sword for some the LGBT muny though – the operatns have bee a ntroversial solutn for gay men tryg to rencile their fah wh their sexualy and the ernment ref to regnise transgenr people who don’t want surgery. But Put’s ernment is openly anti-gay, and is discsg another homophobic law, which propos jailg people for public displays of non-heterosexual orientatn or genr 2013 Copenhagen gay pri para was dited to Rsia’s LGBT muny.

Nor has any actn been taken to shut down groups that openly go after LGBT people, such as Occupy Pedophilia, a natnal work of Rsians who torture gay men, and then post hugely popular vios of their acts onle. EgyptEgypt is wily regard as beg the biggt jailer of gay men – the New York Tim timated at least 250 LGBT people have been arrted sce 2013 while LGBT blog 76 crim timat that that number uld be closer to gay or transgenr is not illegal Egypt, but ever sce the ary phed out the print Mohamed Morsi 2013, the thori have engaged a crackdown on the LGBT muny, imprisong them on the charge of “bchery”, which wh a jail term of up to 17 years.

Tradnal meetg spots are creasgly unsafe, and sce 2014 gay datg apps such as Grdr have been warng their Egyptian ers that “police may be posg as LGBT on social media to entrap you” have been known to ve journalists and meramen along on raids; those ught may be outed to the whole untry, even if arrted by mistake. Photograph: Amr Nabil/APNigeriaOf the people terviewed for the ILGA-RIWI Global Attus Survey on LGBTI People (pdf), 51% said they “strongly agreed” wh the statement “beg lbian, gay, bisexual or transgenr should be a crime” makg the most homophobic untry of the 45 untry threatens 14 year prison sentenc for homosexual acts, and unr a law passed 2013, any Nigerian who belongs to a gay anisatn n also be liable for a 10 year jail term.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

(Only 22 stat have such laws erng all gay and lbian workers, both the public and the private sectors, while only 20, cludg New York, have them for transgenr workers as well. Cred: Getty ImagHomophob should nsir a ltle self-reflectn, suggts a new study fdg those dividuals who are most hostile toward gays and hold strong anti-gay views may themselv have same-sex sir, albe unrver on. The rearch, published the April 2012 issue of the Journal of Personaly and Social Psychology, reveals the nuanc of prejudic like homophobia, which n ultimately have dire nsequenc.

" To gge homophobia a hoehold, stunts rpond to ems such as, "It would be upsettg for my mom to fd out she was alone wh a lbian" or "My dad avoids gay men whenever possible. Participants dited their own level of homophobia, both overt and implic; word-pletn tasks, stunts wrote down the first three words that me to md when prompted wh some of the words' letters. "In a predomately heterosexual society, 'know thyself' n be a challenge for many gay dividuals, " lead thor Netta Weste, a lecturer at the Universy of Essex the Uned Kgdom, said a statement.

10 ANTI-GAY MYTHS DEBUNKED

Those participants who reported their heterosexualy spe havg hidn same-sex sir were also the most likely to show hostily toward gay dividuals, cludg self-reported anti-gay attus, endorsement of anti-gay polici and discrimatn such as supportg harsher punishments for homosexuals.

And 2010, proment anti-gay activist and -founr of nservative Fay Rearch Council Gee Rekers was reportedly spotted 2010 wh a male rt rented om Acrdg to news reports, the rt nfirmed Rekers is gay. Livg plac as different om each other as Buenos Air, Chigo and New Orleans, I wnsed homophobia now and then, but not nearly as often as I saw jubilant monstratns of gay pri — or, more equently, pla old gay normalcy. His mother told the Casper Star-Tribune that O’Brien had rpond to the men’s ments about his beg gay wh a smart remark, so they threw him on the ground and stomped on his gro so hard he had trouble uratg for three days.

But rather than addg nuance to the nversatn — perhaps by acknowledgg that anti-gay vlence is sometim dg-related, too — this emphasis is meant to silence people who might suggt Wyomg has a problem.