Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex.

Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology.

Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.

HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

If you’re a young man, you might assume that eher you’re straight or you’re not, meang you’re likely gay and maybe bisexual.

PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT

Yet the evince suggts that more young men intify or scribe themselv as mostly straight than intify as eher bisexual or gay bed. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Tradnally, our unrstandg has been that if you’re male and have even a slight attractn to the same sex, then you mt be gay. He’s not a closeted gay man who fears beg gay yet wants to keep a slight, perhaps secretive, gay si by danglg his potential for guy sex. He may retreat om a full intifitn wh heterosexualy, but rarely do he gravate toward bisexualy, and almost never do he move toward homosexualy of any sort.

It is Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidy Among Men, not Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidy Among Gay Men. If they're "supportg" you but only if you choose to act like you aren't gay, that isn't te support and may be toxic. Numero scientists, psychologists, healthre profsnals, and even relig activists are batg the nature of homosexualy (as well as other kds of sexualy).

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

In this Am I Gay quiz, we'll try to terme several mon signs of homosexualy and see how many you exhib. Ined, some people do not e to the ncln that they are or are not gay until well to adulthood.

In the 1950s and 1960s, was believed, some circl, that was possible to tt for homosexualy and such a tt was veloped Canada. However, this tt was based on many flty assumptns and has long sce been shown that no tt n tell you whether you are gay or not.

"Gay tts" that are seen onle are not valid any way and nnot dite whether or not you are gay.