Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY
• AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?
• PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology. Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.

HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.

If you’re a young man, you might assume that eher you’re straight or you’re not, meang you’re likely gay and maybe bisexual. Yet the evince suggts that more young men intify or scribe themselv as mostly straight than intify as eher bisexual or gay bed. Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty.

Tradnally, our unrstandg has been that if you’re male and have even a slight attractn to the same sex, then you mt be gay. He’s not a closeted gay man who fears beg gay yet wants to keep a slight, perhaps secretive, gay si by danglg his potential for guy sex.

AM I GAY? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY?

He may retreat om a full intifitn wh heterosexualy, but rarely do he gravate toward bisexualy, and almost never do he move toward homosexualy of any sort. It is Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidy Among Men, not Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidy Among Gay Men.

If they're "supportg" you but only if you choose to act like you aren't gay, that isn't te support and may be toxic. Numero scientists, psychologists, healthre profsnals, and even relig activists are batg the nature of homosexualy (as well as other kds of sexualy).

In this Am I Gay quiz, we'll try to terme several mon signs of homosexualy and see how many you exhib. Ined, some people do not e to the ncln that they are or are not gay until well to adulthood.

PEOPLE THK I'M GAY... BUT I'M NOT

In the 1950s and 1960s, was believed, some circl, that was possible to tt for homosexualy and such a tt was veloped Canada. However, this tt was based on many flty assumptns and has long sce been shown that no tt n tell you whether you are gay or not.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

"Gay tts" that are seen onle are not valid any way and nnot dite whether or not you are gay. Gay ratg sl, like the Heterosexual-Homosexual Ratg Sle (sometim known as the Ksey Sle), do exist, however. The ratg sl aim to classify people not as "gay" or "straight" but rather dite that most people do not experience exclively gay or straight experienc.

Most people, regardls as to their sexual inty, do experience both homosexual and heterosexual feelgs and/or behavrs at different tim their liv.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

It n be hard for some people to know whether or not they are gay, but 's important to remember that cidg you are gay is a personal cisn and not a clil one. Some people that have homosexual experienc ntue not to intify as gay while others that have never had a homosexual experience and rather, jt have homosexual feelgs, may ll themselv gay.

Moreover, some people intify as gay at one pot their liv and then intify another way at other pots. The label "gay" then is one that is bt intified by onelf based on one's sexual attractns and behavrs. "Wh time, someone who is gay will realize that not only are they sexually attracted to members of the same sex, but that this attractn is not transnal, or as often scribed 'jt a phase'.

Many people bee aware of gay feelgs durg their teenage years, as this is when they beg to learn more about their sexualy and inty. However, the difficulti associated wh acceptg the feelgs and g out gay mean that many gay people don't intify themselv as gay until later on life. Sce 1975, APA has lled on psychologists to take the lead removg the stigma of mental illns that has long been associated wh lbian, gay, and bisexual orientatns.