When Gay Men (Mis)Marry Straight Women: Bonnie Kaye's Story | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• GAY CONVERSN: I SLEPT WH OVER 200 MEN, NOW I'M A HAPPILY MARRIED HETEROSEXUAL DAD
• CELEBRI WHO HAVE LEFT A GAY LIFTYLE
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR?
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

I recently spoke wh Bonnie Kaye, thor of Straight Wiv, Shattered Liv: Stori of Women wh Gay Hbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wiv Talk Show on BlogTalkRad.

Bonnie has spent much of her adult life first livg wh and attemptg to love a gay hband and then helpg other women the same mis-marriage suatn. Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective. Our discsn was wi-rangg, begng wh her own marriage to a gay man and progrsg to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually beg a rock for other women siar suatns.

So if somebody told me they’d tried somethg but they didn’t like , there would be no reason for me to thk that the person was gay. He was a karate teacher, martial arts, a strong guy, looked like Sylvter Stallone, and gay was not one of the issu I thought about wh him.

GAY CONVERSN: I SLEPT WH OVER 200 MEN, NOW I'M A HAPPILY MARRIED HETEROSEXUAL DAD

Then somebody who was part of my social work rmed me, a uple of weeks before we were supposed to get married, that he had spicns that Robert was gay. Then, wh the AIDS epimic, a lot of men who were gay felt as if they uld be straight, was a good time to be straight.

And at the end of the day, wasn’t the fact that he was gay that was so vastatg to me, was the way that he treated me. I fd tertg that a lot of men this suatn ratnalize their behavr, sayg ’s not cheatg and don’t mean they’re gay. He had also been tellg me thgs like, “If you ever tell anybody the silly stori about me beg gay, then that’s , we’re done.

In an effort to prent both sis of the gay nversn bate, IBT ved a man whose sexualy changed through therapy to tell his story. But that's what happened – fact I changed had hundreds of homosexual partners, I eventually married a woman and had a child.

CELEBRI WHO HAVE LEFT A GAY LIFTYLE

I was fely a number six on the Ksey Sle – an exclively homosexual male wh no heterosexual sir whatsoever. But mum and dad were amazg; they said they had known I was gay and then affirmed their unndnal love for me.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

The 'g out' procs wasn't tortuo or 18 I moved to London om the north of England and fully embraced my gay inty.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

I beme the first person to live openly as a gay man the sectn of the universy I attend, and even tablished an LGBT group for other stunts, actively preachg agast those who suggted that beg gay was somehow a choice, or even wrong. Even though I'd been raised a Christian and attend an LGBT Christian Movement London, I reveled the pal's gay scene and led a very promiscuo liftyle. I reveled the gay liftyle - beg gay was all I'd ever knownJam ParkerI realised I had some issu, centrg on mment.

I had an nate fear of men – not of their homophobia, but the real thg: a chasm between me and the normal heterosexual male (Ksey's so-lled number on). There was nothg btal or harrowg about the help I received; the horror stori you hear om some of those gay-straight 'nversn' documentari don't apply here.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

It was simply a mixture of gnive therapy, to challenge my re beliefs and root out one-sid thkg; behavural therapy, to change problematic actns traed through years of rercement; and EMDR, which rhythmic eye movements to dampen the power of trmatic therapist and I never foced solely on my beg sexually attracted to men, but my "beg gay" had to be part of the dialogue, otherwise I'd have been leavg a part of my life at the door. At the age of 46, I've never felt better my own ParkerI began to see that maybe, jt maybe, I was never tly gay and that there was a man as real and as noble as the men I had often admired, worshipped and yearned for hidn ep wh me, wag to be eed and released.

I don't miss the gay liftyle I left behd –when I vised my ex-boyiend, five years after therapy, brought to home to me the drawbacks of that life.

Therapy n be dangero, and there's no reason why anyone should feel pelled to 'nvert' I now believe people aren't born gay, and anyone n velop the sort of hidn inty I've Parker is om the Journey Into Manhood trag programme which is anised by People Can Change, a non-prof tnal, support and outreach you are affected by any of the issu raised this article, send your feedback g the ment sectn below.

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENR?

To read our recent terview wh a former gay nversn therapist, who claimed the therapy is dangero and effective, click here.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

As of January 2015, Jsie J had sold over 20 ln sgl and 3 ln albums statement when she was gay:She said a recent terview:If I meet someone and I like them, I don’t re if they’re a boy or a Chloe Govan had a stronger opn about Jsie’s lbianism:Jsie might have been wh boys the past — but she is 100 per cent gay. Bob Dixon is nng for ernor and claims that childhood abe and teenage nfn ed him to engage gay relatnships or a few 's mpaign issued a statement toutg his fah God and support for tradnal marriage, while nmng any opponents who try to e his past agast him. In 1995 she and Etheridge appeared a "We'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" poster mpaign for statement when she was gay:Well, I was straight.

”Her statement about not beg gay: In 1999, she said, “You know, I've tried and I've tried the last uple of years, and I'm jt not gay. [7]Her statement about not beg a gay liftyle any more:Anrson now intifi as heterosexual and an terview wh the Eveng Standard December 2014, she stated:I am an actively heterosexual woman who celebrat however people want to exprs their sexualy.