What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

gay at 15 years old

Gay kids are g out earlier — sometim middle school — and many are fdg acceptance. But some parents and teachers wonr if the kids are too young to really know their sexual orientatn.

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GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

parents of lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and qutng (LGBTQ) teens to remember each child is unique and will have their own experienc and feelgs along the way. Denizet-Lewis wr that when he started workg for the gay men's magaze XY 1998, "we received dozens of letters each week om teenagers the pths of spair.

" He explas, That's not to say that gay teenagers didn't still suffer harassment at school or rejectn at home, but many seemed ls burned wh shame and self-loathg than their olr gay peers.

Gog onle broke through the isolatn that had been a hallmark of beg young and gay, and allowed gay teenagers to fd rmatn to refute what their fai or church sometim still told them - namely, that they would never fd happs and to the Inter and to creasg cultural acceptance of homosexualy (an crease marred, we should note, by measur like Proposn 8), kids who might once have waed until high school or even llege to e out are now dog so earlier. At least 120 middle schools the untry have gay-straight alliance groups, and others let stunts observe the natnal Day of Silence prott agast anti-gay harassment.

GAY AND BISEXUAL ADOLCENT BOYS' PERSPECTIV ON PARENT-ADOLCENT RELATNSHIPS AND PARENTG PRACTIC RELATED TO TEEN SEX AND DATG

" They were not, however, silent: "Good luck gettg middle-schoolers not to talk, " the school unselor youth of the Webster kids and other gay middle-schoolers is a sign of how far gay rights have e — but 's also the kids' biggt obstacle to acceptance.

The irony of a parent spectg her kid is gay and then refg to believe he uld know his own orientatn highlights how much more difficulty some parents have wh burgeong gay sexualy than they would wh a straight kid's of this may have to do wh the misnceptn that you have to have gay terurse to be gay, or that homosexualy is somehow a more "sexual" orientatn than heterosexualy. 'Eileen Ross, director of a Mounta View, CA program for gay youth, says that when a 12-year-old boy says he lik girls, "No one says to them: 'Are you sure?

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

A lawyer Florida argued that gay-straight allianc promote the "premature sexualizatn of the stunts, " and when At started a gay-straight alliance, his Michigan school ma him ll somethg "ls ntroversial" (he chose "Peace Alliance").

Denizet-Lewis reports the hopeful words of velopmental psychologist Rch Sav-Williams: "This is the first generatn of gay kids who have the great joy of beg able to argue wh their parents about datg, jt like their straight peers do. As such, the goal of the current study was to exame parent-adolcent relatnships and parentg practic related to teen sex and datg om the perspective of gay/bisexual adolcent mal. For gay/bisexual youth, parental relatnships n have profound impacts on sexual inty velopment, the abili to form and mata secure relatnships, and health out (Cook & Calebs, 2016; Rosar, 2015).

THEY LIVED A 'DOUBLE LIFE' FOR S. NOW, THE GAY ELRS ARE TELLG THEIR STORI.

Given the importance of parent-child relatnships and the unique challeng experienced by gay/bisexual youth, is cril to unrstand if and how parents fluence their sexual behavr. Given that parent-adolcent relatnships are often straed for gay/bisexual youth (Floyd, Ste, Harter, Allison, & Nye, 1999; Mtanski, Newb, & Garofalo, 2011; Ryan et al., 2009; Sav-Williams, 2003), parents of gay/bisexual youth may be ls likely to talk about sex, pecially if they feel unknowledgeable about or unfortable wh same-sex sexualy.

Further, most parents of gay/bisexual youth do not share the same sexual orientatn wh their child and may be challengg for them to help their child navigate the domas of sex and datg if they are unaware of the unique aspects of same-sex relatnships (e. Although limed number, studi are begng to fd that parental fluenc on sexual behavr operate differently for gay/bisexual adolcent mal pared to their heterosexual peers. In another study, young gay/bisexual mal and their parents both scribed parent-adolcent closens as protective agast sexual risk behavr (LaSala, 2015) and over half of the youth dited that fay members fluenced their sexual behavr.

Parental monorg is ls effective wh youth who are volved ntexts that are unfaiar to parents (Dishn & McMahon, 1998), makg challengg for parents to monor gay/bisexual youth whout tn about how to do so (e. Parental monorg has received very ltle attentn among gay/bisexual youth, but Thoma and Huebner (2014) found that was associated wh more ndomls sex for YMSM who were out to one parent and those who were uncerta if their parents knew their sexual orientatn. They suggted that monorg may not work for parents of YMSM, bee the youth may be dishont about their whereabouts, pecially if they perceive their parents as not acceptg their sexual sum, rearch is begng to document how parents fluence sexual risk behavr among gay/bisexual mal, but there are cril gaps.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY AT 15 YEARS OLD

Gay and bisexual adolcent boys' perspectiv on parent-adolcent relatnships and parentg practic related to teen sex and datg - PMC .

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