Someone's sexualy is personal, so 's important to rpect their privacy. However, you might want to know if a person is gay bee you're terted datg them or want to support them as a iend. Beg open wh them n be...
Contents:
- IS HE GAY?
- CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
- HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
- HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
- HE IS GAY / HE IS A GAY.
- IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
- HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY
IS HE GAY?
If you're a woman, you may have noticed thgs about your boyiend that lead you to believe he's gay or terted men. Sexualy is highly plex and sensive, and there are a lot of accurate stereotyp out there that don't tly... * he man is not gay *
I hear this qutn at least once a week as a female client wonrs about a man she started datg: If he isn't a tradnal Alpha and don't toss her on the bed and rip off her cloth on the first date, he mt be gay, right? Is he a gay man who plans to marry a woman so he n "pass?
CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
There are lots of reasons why you might want to know if your iend is gay. There are some important thgs that you have to unrstand about this suatn before gog forward, however. Someone's sexualy is highly plex and highly... * he man is not gay *
Was he gay? Was he not gay? They nclud that y, he was gay.
When women turn on their "gaydar, " 's often bee they fear beg taken and makg a mistake about a potential mate. In the old days, gay men and women tried to "pass" by havg heterosexual marriag. For most gay dividuals, those bad old days are over.
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
I know the mon sayg is, "He is gay." However, gay is a untable noun, so isn't "He is a gay" more grammatilly appropriate? * he man is not gay *
In the vast majory of s, though, if a man is terted you, rt assured, he's not gay. Keep md that many gay mal are tuned to their orientatn before puberty, so an adult man will probably be perfectly aware that he's gay.
When a woman pos the qutn a ssn, I ually ask, "What mak you thk this guy might be gay?
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
Joe Kort, Ph.D., talks about his new book, "Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi?" * he man is not gay *
Then I will ll on mon sense: "If he's gay, why the world would he be terted you? So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label.
HE IS GAY / HE IS A GAY.
Many young men intify as mostly straight — a sexual orientatn that is not que straight but also, they say, ls gay than bisexualy * he man is not gay *
Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.
For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.
I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at.
IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual. The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept . I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology.
HOW TO DISCREETLY FD OUT IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GAY
Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.
They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such.
Hetero-Emotnal and Homosexual. I thk of them as beg hetero-emotnal homosexuals. Men who have sex wh other men are gay or bisexual.