It's Okay To Be "Gay" and Not "Queer"

Contents:

• WHY GAY IS NOT OK
• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• AM I GAY?
• IT’S OKAY TO BE “GAY” AND “LBIAN” AND NOT “QUEER”.
• IT’S NOT OKAY TO BE ANTI-GAY
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

WHY GAY IS NOT OK

Mike Haley was gay until almost 10 years ago, when he rejected homosexualy.

A youth and genr specialist wh Foc on the Fay, he is now active ex-gay youth mistry, leadg semars around the untry. After speakg to a group of high school senrs about the damage of viewg homosexualy as a normal, alternative liftyle, I opened up for qutns. But how n we unter arguments for homosexualy whout relyg on Scripture, which our opponents may dismiss as valid?

While I wasn't ready for my Q&A ssn wh the high schoolers, I vowed that I'd learn to prent a biblil view of homosexualy to nonbelievers. Argument #1: "One of every 10 people is gay. They vised a seven-pot sle that placed exclive heterosexualy and exclive homosexualy at oppose pol, wh bisexualy at the midpot.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

Usg this sle, the rearchers averaged figur supportg their claims that 10 percent of mal between the ag of 16 and 55 were more or ls exclively homosexual for at least three years. On March 31, 1993, The Wall Street Journal ran an article tled "Homosexuals and the 10-Percent Fallacy. Gordon Muir reported that he had found "substantial evince ditg that ls than 5 percent of men and women have had any homosexual ntact their lifetime, and no more than 3 percent of men and nsirably fewer women claim to be bisexual or exclively homosexual.

Dpe the fdgs, some groups ntue to e the 10 percent figure to make homosexualy sound more wispread.

Argument #2: "People are born gay. The latt rearch on this area, published this April Science, uld not reproduce the fdgs of a prev study which had tied homosexual behavr to certa geic patterns.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Each of most choose his battl wisely--and I would not die on the sword of a nongeic lk to homosexualy. Even if rearchers were to suggt a heredary tie wh homosexualy, as they have wh alholism, the right tack wh this argument is not to ntend that 's false, but that promot life-threateng behavr.

Consir the mortaly rat for alholics and homosexuals.

AM I GAY?

Likewise, a recent Cens Bure abstract noted that AIDS aths for gay men the Uned Stat totaled more than 28, 300 1995. " While AIDS is no longer nsired jt a gay disease, s universaly often overshadows the fact that, acrdg to the Centers for Disease Control, "homosexuals ntue to make up the majory of s.

" Consequently, the 1993 fdgs of three rearchers wh the Eastern Psychologil Associatn, quoted by Jefey Satover "Homosexualy and the Polics of Tth" (Baker), should e as no surprise.

Satover wr that "they found that the gay male lifpan, even apart om AIDS and wh a long-term partner, is signifintly shorter than that of married men general by more than three s. Though rearchers have yet to prove or disprove a geic lk for homosexualy, they have proven one unniable fact: Homosexualy n be adly. Argument #3: "Love legimiz homosexualy.

IT’S OKAY TO BE “GAY” AND “LBIAN” AND NOT “QUEER”.

" That's why so many people e this logic to support the homosexual viewpot. Unfortunately, many homosexual relatnships do not monstrate one of the key ditors of love: monogamy.

Mattison found that even homosexual men "permanent" relatnships tend to stray more often than heterosexual men: "Y, that wayward impulse is as evable man-to-man affairs as man-to-woman, only, for gays, starts chg faster.

In "Straight Answers About Homosexualy for Straight Rears" (Prentice-Hall), David Loovis adms that fily is a problem for male and female homosexuals. This lack of monogamy dit that the "lovg relatnships" scribed by apologists for homosexualy look more like fictn than fact.

IT’S NOT OKAY TO BE ANTI-GAY

After all, God isn't ncerned wh aligng only the thoughts of homosexual advot to His Word. So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex.

Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at. Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual.

The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept .

I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology. Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.