There are lots of reasons why you might want to know if your iend is gay. There are some important thgs that you have to unrstand about this suatn before gog forward, however. Someone's sexualy is highly plex and highly...
Contents:
- HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
- I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
- THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
- HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
- HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
Many young men intify as mostly straight — a sexual orientatn that is not que straight but also, they say, ls gay than bisexualy * acts gay but not gay *
So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual,” but chew the “gay” label. Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.
For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.” That is, I prsured men—even relig men like this—to e out of the closet.
I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. Beg a gay man, I was tryg to brg them to where I was at.
I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
Do we need laws forbiddg the "gay" sult? * acts gay but not gay *
Durg this time, a man don’t see himself as gay, only homosexual. The term gay is too affirmative, and they are not ready to accept .
THE SOLUTN TO "GAY" INSULTS: FREEDOM OF SPEECH
I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology. Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man. They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight.
Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg.
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such. I thk of them as beg hetero-emotnal homosexuals. In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all.
If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual. If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obss about the possibily that they might really be straight. ” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight).
For those wh thoughts of beg homosexual, part of the distrs mt surely be social orig. Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg.