In this piece wrten exclively for The Advote, Angelo Pezzote -- advice lumnist and thor of the new book Straight Actg: Gay Men, Masculy and Fdg Te Love -- exam the gay muny's obssn wh the ia of beg "straight-actg" and how stctive is for gay relatnships and one's psyche.
Contents:
- CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
- WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?
- I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
A Mnota school district is facg a Department of Jtice vtigatn and a private lawsu over s alleged failure to bat antigay bullyg.... * acting gay but not gay *
So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label.
Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.
WHEN DO GAY KIDS START “ACTG GAY”?
* acting gay but not gay *
For example, gay men the Mormon fah are moral nflict. Durg the’90s, I beme a “gay-affirmative therapist.
I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.