When Did You Know You Were Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE GAY?
• WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY “I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GAY”"[IT] CENTERS THE EXPERIENCE OF THE OTHER PERSON, RATHER THAN HONORG THE EXPERIENCE OF THE PERSON WHO IS G OUT." {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY BOBBY BOXJANUARY 4, 2019/1:29 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:2605PX;WIDTH:3455PX;}POPIC/GETTYMAN WH HANDS ON HIS FACE. PLEASE SEE SOME SIAR PICTUR OM MY SPIRUALY LIGHTBOX:BY BOBBY BOXJANUARY 4, 2019 / 1:29 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY “I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GAY”","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2019-01-04T18:29:07.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2019-01-04T18:29:07.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"BOBBY BOX","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF PEERG THROUGH AN ARCHETYPAL LENS, MY CLOST BUDS WOULD FALL UNR THE JOCK STEREOTYPE. THEY PLAYED GBY, FOOTBALL, WERE POPULAR WH THE LADI, AND BEFELL EVERY FORTUNATE SOCIAL CIRCUMSTANCE. BUT WHEN I ME OUT AS BISEXUAL ONE YEAR AGO, THEY ULDN’T HAVE REACTED FURTHER THAN THE STEREOTYPE WOULD SUGGT. THEY WERE VERY SUPPORTIVE. BETTER THAN SUPPORTIVE, REALLY: THEY DIDN’T RE. HAVG GROWN UP WH THE GUYS SCE KRGARTEN, ME BEG BISEXUAL WAS SO NSEQUENTIAL THAT THEY SIMPLY ACCEPTED THE NEWS, GAVE ME A HUG, AND WERE OFF TO DISCS HOW TERRIBLY WILLIAM NYLANR HAS BEEN PLAYG THE THIRD PERD OF SATURDAY’S HOCKEY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ONE IEND, HOWEVER, TOSSED AN UNSAVORY MENT TO THE MIX THAT POISONED THE WELL. I N’T REMEMBER WHAT WAS SAID, BUT WAS SOMETHG ALONG THE L OF “I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GAY.” THIS IMPLITN STCK A CHORD. BY THE TIME I HAD E OUT TO MY IENDS, I HAD MET SO MANY SPECIAL, DIVERSE PEOPLE WH THE LGBTQ MUNY, THAT HIS SGULAR UNRSTANDG OF WHAT MEANT TO BE GAY—WHICH HE EELY APPLIED TO ME EVEN WHEN I SAID I WAS BISEXUAL—ERASED THE NUANCE OF QUEER INTI. IT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}GRANTED, HE’D KNOWN ME WHILE I WAS FATUATED WH THE SPICE GIRLS AND CHARLIE’S ANGELS, AND I UNRSTOOD THE IMPLITNS OF THOSE PAST FANCI. FROM THE HETERONORMATIVE PERSPECTIVE, ANY TERT OR ACTN THAT’S VIEWED AS FEME (FOR MEN) OR MASCULE (FOR WOMEN) IS A SIGNIFIER THAT SOMEONE IS GAY. NOW, DO THIS IEND LOVE THE SHOW NASHVILLE AND IDOLIZE CHLOE GRACE MORETZ? Y. IS HE GAY? NO. HE’S MARRIED TO A WOMAN AND THEY HAVE TWO KIDS.DRGROUNDS/GETTYYOUNG ADULT DISVERG HIS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THOUGH HE DIDN’T REACT APPROPRIATELY TO MY G OUT, SUCH A RPONSE IS MON. I UNRSTAND THE PEOPLE ARE TRYG TO BE SUPPORTIVE AND MUNITE ACCEPTANCE, BUT THE IMPLITNS OF SUCH A NOTN DO THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“WHEN SOMEONE THE TYP OF RPONS AND/OR DON’T UNRSTAND HOW THE RPONS N BE HARMFUL, I RELY ON THE LE OF ‘TENT VS. IMPACT,’” LISHA AM, AND SEXUALY TOR, TELLS ME. “MEANG, NO MATTER HOW WELL-TENTNED OUR WORDS ARE, THEIR IMPACT WILL FAR OUTWEIGH OUR TENTNS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF SOMEONE IS SAYG, “I KNEW YOU WERE (SERT INTY),” WH AN TENTN TO NVEY ACCEPTANCE OR SUPPORT, THE IMPACT OF THIS ACTN UALLY RULTS TWO THGS, ACRDG TO AM. ONE, MAK THE PERSON WHO IS G OUT FEEL BELTLED AND LACKS THE TONOMY SHARG THEIR OWN STORY. AND TWO, THAT TYPE OF RPONSE CENTERS ON THE EXPERIENCE OF THE OTHER PERSON, RATHER THAN HONORG THE EXPERIENCE OF THE PERSON WHO IS G {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE ONLY TE WAY TO KNOW IF SOMEONE ELSE IS GAY (OR ANY OTHER INTY WH THE LGBTQ MUNY) IS FOR THAT PERSON TO TELL YOU THEMSELV. THERE IS NO BAROMETER, NO SET OF TERTS, GENR EXPRSNS, ETC. THAT WILL HELP SOMEONE “TECT” IF THAT PERSON IS PART OF THE LGBTQ MUNY. “THE REASON IS BEE THAT WOULD DUCE A WHOLE MULTIFACETED PERSON DOWN TO STEREOTYP ABOUT GENR OR SEXUAL INTY, WHEN THERE ARE SEVERAL OTHER BPSYCHOSOCIAL FACTORS THAT MAKE UP WHO WE ARE AS PEOPLE,” AM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SOMEONE WHO ASSUM THAT THEY’RE ABLE TO “TELL” IF ANOTHER PERSON INTIFI AS LGBTQ IS TYPILLY BASG THEIR ASSSMENT ON STEREOTYP, WHICH IS A VERT FORM OF QUEERPHOBIA. THE WAYS WHICH WE ARRIVE TO OUR INTI ARE TERNAL PROCS THAT ARE UNIQUE TO EVERY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AS HUMANS, WE LIKE TO TEGORIZE THGS ORR TO MAKE SENSE OF THE WORLD AROUND , AND OUR SOCIAL WORLD IS NO EXCEPTN. “PEOPLE SOMETIM E STEREOTYP AS A WAY TO MAKE FERENC ABOUT OTHERS BASED ON THE KNOWLEDGE THEY ALREADY HAVE,” AM SAYS. “RELATEDLY, THE PRIMARY ROURCE THAT PEOPLE LEARN RMATN ABOUT LGBTQ INTI IS THROUGH MASTREAM MEDIA, WHICH N OFTENTIM BE MISRMED, HAVE LIMED REPRENTATN, AND/OR RITUR OF LGBTQ PEOPLE AND EXPERIENC. AND THIS IS HOW STEREOTYP ARE SOMETIM CREATED AND PERPETUATED.”JONATHAN KNOWL/{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HOW SHOULD ONE REACT TO A IEND OR FAY MEMBER G OUT?{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“IT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOU CENTER THEIR EXPERIENCE BEE G OUT TO ANOTHER PERSON REQUIR AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF TST, PECIALLY IF THERE IS A POWER DYNAMIC TO THE RELATNSHIP, SUCH AS WH A PARENT OR TEACHER,” AM SAYS. “ONE WAY TO FACILATE SUPPORT WHEN ANOTHER PERSON OUT TO YOU ULD BE RPONDG WH: ‘I REGNIZE THAT MAY HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO SHARE, SO I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR TSTG ME. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I RE ABOUT YOU/LOVE YOU, SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF/HOW I N SUPPORT YOU OM HERE ON OUT.’”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT’S ALSO HELPFUL TO CHECK WH HOW THAT PERSON IS FEELG THAT MOMENT, AND ASK HOW NFINTIAL THIS RMATN IS (E.G. "AM I THE ONLY PERSON TO KNOW?” OR “IS THIS A SECRET?”). REGARDLS, ’S BT TO ERR ON THE SI OF UTN AND NOT REPEAT WHAT WAS TOLD TO YOU BEE YOU WOULD NEVER WANT TO “OUT” SOMEONE WHOUT NSENT. AND WH TODAY’S EVER-GROWG SOCIAL MEDIA ECHO CHAMBER, ’S IMPORTANT TO BE MDFUL ABOUT WHAT TYP OF MEDIA WE TAG OTHERS AND IF THAT ULD POTENTIALLY OUT THEM AS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I AM FORTUNATE THAT MY IENDS WERE ALL SUPPORTIVE, EVEN THE ONE WHO UTTERED THE SENSIVE MENT. HE FOLLOWED HIS REMARK WH WORDS OF ENURAGEMENT AND TLY MEANT NO HARM WHAT HE WAS SAYG. I’D LIKE TO THK HIS MISSTEP WAS DUE, PART, TO A LACK OF EXPOSURE TO LGBTQ PEOPLE. AS THE ONLY MEMBER OF MY IEND GROUP WHO INTIFI AS SOMETHG OTHER THAN HETEROSEXUAL, I WILL DO MY BT TO BE A REPRENTATIVE FOR MY MUNY AND TE THEM ON WHAT’S KOSHER AND WHAT ISN’{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}COMG OUT IS TOUGH AND TERRIFYG. IT’S A HUGE MOMENT EVERY OPENLY QUEER PERSON’S LIFE. TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT, BE EMPATHETIC. ASK QUTNS. LET YOUR IEND KNOW YOU SUPPORT THEM AND KEEP ANY PERSONAL ANECDOT TO YOURSELF. ABOVE ALL ELSE, REMEMBER THIS: IT’S NOT YOUR STORY TO {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS
• I ASKED GUYS WHEN THEY FIRST KNEW THEY WERE GAY
• "I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY
• 11 HISTORIL FIGUR YOU DIDN’T KNOW WERE GAY
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?

WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE GAY?

Depictns of gay people were not flatterg. ), all gay men had AIDS. The very few gay men I knew did die of AIDS, though was rarely spoken about.

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY “I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GAY”"[IT] CENTERS THE EXPERIENCE OF THE OTHER PERSON, RATHER THAN HONORG THE EXPERIENCE OF THE PERSON WHO IS G OUT." {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY BOBBY BOXJANUARY 4, 2019/1:29 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:2605PX;WIDTH:3455PX;}POPIC/GETTYMAN WH HANDS ON HIS FACE. PLEASE SEE SOME SIAR PICTUR OM MY SPIRUALY LIGHTBOX:BY BOBBY BOXJANUARY 4, 2019 / 1:29 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY “I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GAY”","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2019-01-04T18:29:07.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2019-01-04T18:29:07.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"BOBBY BOX","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF PEERG THROUGH AN ARCHETYPAL LENS, MY CLOST BUDS WOULD FALL UNR THE JOCK STEREOTYPE. THEY PLAYED GBY, FOOTBALL, WERE POPULAR WH THE LADI, AND BEFELL EVERY FORTUNATE SOCIAL CIRCUMSTANCE. BUT WHEN I ME OUT AS BISEXUAL ONE YEAR AGO, THEY ULDN’T HAVE REACTED FURTHER THAN THE STEREOTYPE WOULD SUGGT. THEY WERE VERY SUPPORTIVE. BETTER THAN SUPPORTIVE, REALLY: THEY DIDN’T RE. HAVG GROWN UP WH THE GUYS SCE KRGARTEN, ME BEG BISEXUAL WAS SO NSEQUENTIAL THAT THEY SIMPLY ACCEPTED THE NEWS, GAVE ME A HUG, AND WERE OFF TO DISCS HOW TERRIBLY WILLIAM NYLANR HAS BEEN PLAYG THE THIRD PERD OF SATURDAY’S HOCKEY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}ONE IEND, HOWEVER, TOSSED AN UNSAVORY MENT TO THE MIX THAT POISONED THE WELL. I N’T REMEMBER WHAT WAS SAID, BUT WAS SOMETHG ALONG THE L OF “I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GAY.” THIS IMPLITN STCK A CHORD. BY THE TIME I HAD E OUT TO MY IENDS, I HAD MET SO MANY SPECIAL, DIVERSE PEOPLE WH THE LGBTQ MUNY, THAT HIS SGULAR UNRSTANDG OF WHAT MEANT TO BE GAY—WHICH HE EELY APPLIED TO ME EVEN WHEN I SAID I WAS BISEXUAL—ERASED THE NUANCE OF QUEER INTI. IT {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}GRANTED, HE’D KNOWN ME WHILE I WAS FATUATED WH THE SPICE GIRLS AND CHARLIE’S ANGELS, AND I UNRSTOOD THE IMPLITNS OF THOSE PAST FANCI. FROM THE HETERONORMATIVE PERSPECTIVE, ANY TERT OR ACTN THAT’S VIEWED AS FEME (FOR MEN) OR MASCULE (FOR WOMEN) IS A SIGNIFIER THAT SOMEONE IS GAY. NOW, DO THIS IEND LOVE THE SHOW NASHVILLE AND IDOLIZE CHLOE GRACE MORETZ? Y. IS HE GAY? NO. HE’S MARRIED TO A WOMAN AND THEY HAVE TWO KIDS.DRGROUNDS/GETTYYOUNG ADULT DISVERG HIS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THOUGH HE DIDN’T REACT APPROPRIATELY TO MY G OUT, SUCH A RPONSE IS MON. I UNRSTAND THE PEOPLE ARE TRYG TO BE SUPPORTIVE AND MUNITE ACCEPTANCE, BUT THE IMPLITNS OF SUCH A NOTN DO THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“WHEN SOMEONE THE TYP OF RPONS AND/OR DON’T UNRSTAND HOW THE RPONS N BE HARMFUL, I RELY ON THE LE OF ‘TENT VS. IMPACT,’” LISHA AM, AND SEXUALY TOR, TELLS ME. “MEANG, NO MATTER HOW WELL-TENTNED OUR WORDS ARE, THEIR IMPACT WILL FAR OUTWEIGH OUR TENTNS.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IF SOMEONE IS SAYG, “I KNEW YOU WERE (SERT INTY),” WH AN TENTN TO NVEY ACCEPTANCE OR SUPPORT, THE IMPACT OF THIS ACTN UALLY RULTS TWO THGS, ACRDG TO AM. ONE, MAK THE PERSON WHO IS G OUT FEEL BELTLED AND LACKS THE TONOMY SHARG THEIR OWN STORY. AND TWO, THAT TYPE OF RPONSE CENTERS ON THE EXPERIENCE OF THE OTHER PERSON, RATHER THAN HONORG THE EXPERIENCE OF THE PERSON WHO IS G {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE ONLY TE WAY TO KNOW IF SOMEONE ELSE IS GAY (OR ANY OTHER INTY WH THE LGBTQ MUNY) IS FOR THAT PERSON TO TELL YOU THEMSELV. THERE IS NO BAROMETER, NO SET OF TERTS, GENR EXPRSNS, ETC. THAT WILL HELP SOMEONE “TECT” IF THAT PERSON IS PART OF THE LGBTQ MUNY. “THE REASON IS BEE THAT WOULD DUCE A WHOLE MULTIFACETED PERSON DOWN TO STEREOTYP ABOUT GENR OR SEXUAL INTY, WHEN THERE ARE SEVERAL OTHER BPSYCHOSOCIAL FACTORS THAT MAKE UP WHO WE ARE AS PEOPLE,” AM {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SOMEONE WHO ASSUM THAT THEY’RE ABLE TO “TELL” IF ANOTHER PERSON INTIFI AS LGBTQ IS TYPILLY BASG THEIR ASSSMENT ON STEREOTYP, WHICH IS A VERT FORM OF QUEERPHOBIA. THE WAYS WHICH WE ARRIVE TO OUR INTI ARE TERNAL PROCS THAT ARE UNIQUE TO EVERY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AS HUMANS, WE LIKE TO TEGORIZE THGS ORR TO MAKE SENSE OF THE WORLD AROUND , AND OUR SOCIAL WORLD IS NO EXCEPTN. “PEOPLE SOMETIM E STEREOTYP AS A WAY TO MAKE FERENC ABOUT OTHERS BASED ON THE KNOWLEDGE THEY ALREADY HAVE,” AM SAYS. “RELATEDLY, THE PRIMARY ROURCE THAT PEOPLE LEARN RMATN ABOUT LGBTQ INTI IS THROUGH MASTREAM MEDIA, WHICH N OFTENTIM BE MISRMED, HAVE LIMED REPRENTATN, AND/OR RITUR OF LGBTQ PEOPLE AND EXPERIENC. AND THIS IS HOW STEREOTYP ARE SOMETIM CREATED AND PERPETUATED.”JONATHAN KNOWL/{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HOW SHOULD ONE REACT TO A IEND OR FAY MEMBER G OUT?{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}“IT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOU CENTER THEIR EXPERIENCE BEE G OUT TO ANOTHER PERSON REQUIR AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF TST, PECIALLY IF THERE IS A POWER DYNAMIC TO THE RELATNSHIP, SUCH AS WH A PARENT OR TEACHER,” AM SAYS. “ONE WAY TO FACILATE SUPPORT WHEN ANOTHER PERSON OUT TO YOU ULD BE RPONDG WH: ‘I REGNIZE THAT MAY HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO SHARE, SO I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR TSTG ME. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I RE ABOUT YOU/LOVE YOU, SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF/HOW I N SUPPORT YOU OM HERE ON OUT.’”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT’S ALSO HELPFUL TO CHECK WH HOW THAT PERSON IS FEELG THAT MOMENT, AND ASK HOW NFINTIAL THIS RMATN IS (E.G. "AM I THE ONLY PERSON TO KNOW?” OR “IS THIS A SECRET?”). REGARDLS, ’S BT TO ERR ON THE SI OF UTN AND NOT REPEAT WHAT WAS TOLD TO YOU BEE YOU WOULD NEVER WANT TO “OUT” SOMEONE WHOUT NSENT. AND WH TODAY’S EVER-GROWG SOCIAL MEDIA ECHO CHAMBER, ’S IMPORTANT TO BE MDFUL ABOUT WHAT TYP OF MEDIA WE TAG OTHERS AND IF THAT ULD POTENTIALLY OUT THEM AS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I AM FORTUNATE THAT MY IENDS WERE ALL SUPPORTIVE, EVEN THE ONE WHO UTTERED THE SENSIVE MENT. HE FOLLOWED HIS REMARK WH WORDS OF ENURAGEMENT AND TLY MEANT NO HARM WHAT HE WAS SAYG. I’D LIKE TO THK HIS MISSTEP WAS DUE, PART, TO A LACK OF EXPOSURE TO LGBTQ PEOPLE. AS THE ONLY MEMBER OF MY IEND GROUP WHO INTIFI AS SOMETHG OTHER THAN HETEROSEXUAL, I WILL DO MY BT TO BE A REPRENTATIVE FOR MY MUNY AND TE THEM ON WHAT’S KOSHER AND WHAT ISN’{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}COMG OUT IS TOUGH AND TERRIFYG. IT’S A HUGE MOMENT EVERY OPENLY QUEER PERSON’S LIFE. TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT, BE EMPATHETIC. ASK QUTNS. LET YOUR IEND KNOW YOU SUPPORT THEM AND KEEP ANY PERSONAL ANECDOT TO YOURSELF. ABOVE ALL ELSE, REMEMBER THIS: IT’S NOT YOUR STORY TO {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

Other pictns of gay men were flamboyant queens, sissy effemate men, etc. Early on, I had hts I was gay, but I ignored them.

He was my masturbatn material my teenage years, yet, I did not realize I was gay. When I was llege, I wanted to learn more about beg gay, so I went to Barn and Noble. Not only did I know this is where a lot of gay men hung out, but B&N also had books on the subject.

The first “gay” book I bought was Gvanni’s Room by Jam Baldw.

I ASKED GUYS WHEN THEY FIRST KNEW THEY WERE GAY

Early gay fictn nearly always had tragic endgs. This kept the realizatn I was gay at bay even longer. Slowly, however, I was g to the ncln I was fact gay.

"I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY

I got some gay vios through the mail, and I read Brad Gooch’s Fdg the Boyiend Wh: A Practil Gui for Tappg to Your Own Source of Love, Happs, and Rpect. Yet, I still uldn’t adm to myself I was gay. It was an ugly scene; I nied I was gay.

From then on, she spected I was gay, and ma me go to the closet even further.

11 HISTORIL FIGUR YOU DIDN’T KNOW WERE GAY

I wasn’t about to adm I was gay at that pot.

I don’t know which book I eventually read (I did a lot of readg on the subject of beg gay, and I have always been a nsummate rearcher. I jt uldn’t be gay. I uldn’t be all the horrible thgs I had been lled growg up: fag, faggot, queer, homo, sissy, etc.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

That’s when the realizatn h that I might be gay.

Sometime 2001, I fally admted to myself I was gay.

WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?

I was readg a lot about gay people. I joed InsightOut Book Club, a gay book-of-the-month club.