Many young men intify as mostly straight — a sexual orientatn that is not que straight but also, they say, ls gay than bisexualy
Contents:
- HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
- AM I GAY?
- ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
- 17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)
- HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
- I’M MALE AND I AM AAID THAT I MIGHT BE GAY
- HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
- IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
- I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
- I MIGHT BE GAY, BUT PLEASE DON'T CALL ME YOUR 'GAY BT FRIEND'IN POP CULTURE, GAY GUYS ARE SEEN TO BE ALMOST SATLY -- THE MYTHIL HELPERS WHO E TO YOUR LIFE AND MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.25 "GRAVY",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NONE;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#FFFFFF;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.25 "GRAVY",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NONE;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#FFFFFF;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY MTV VOIC CONTRIBUTORJANUARY 12, 2016/11:41 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}GETTYMAN LOOKG AT SHOREBY MTV VOIC CONTRIBUTORJANUARY 12, 2016 / 11:41 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"I MIGHT BE GAY, BUT PLEASE DON'T CALL ME YOUR 'GAY BT FRIEND'","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2016-01-12T16:41:05.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2016-01-12T16:41:05.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"MTV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"MTV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1280,"HEIGHT":720}},"CREATOR":"MTV VOIC CONTRIBUTOR","KEYWORDS":"MTV FOUNRS","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BY MICHAEL WATERS, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SEARCH THE PHRASE "GAY BT IEND," AND YOU'LL FD A BARRAGE OF ARTICL, VIOS AND HOW-TO GUIS URGG GIRLS TO SEEK OUT THEIR VERY OWN “GBF.” IN THE POSTS, GAY BOYS ARE SAID TO BE “ MAND,” “A TREND” AND “MT-HAVE ACCSORI.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE GAY BT IEND HAS BEE GRAED OUR POP CULTURE AS AN OVERLY IALIZED FIGURE WHO PICKS OUT CLOTH AND GIV DATG ADVICE THE SAME BREATH, YET WHO RARELY HAS ANY PERSONALY OF HIS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT HAS REACHED THE POT WHERE MANY GIRLS SEE HAVG A GAY BT IEND AS A MT. TAKE, FOR STANCE, JT A FEW HEADL: “TOP 10 REASONS GIRLS NEED GAY BT FRIENDS,” “WHICH GAY BT FRIEND ARE YOU,” AND “DO EVERY WOMAN NEED A GAY BT IEND?” (THE NCLN: Y.){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHAT IS SO DAMAGG HERE IS THE PLETE HUMANIZATN OF GAY GUYS. WHEN YOU SAY THAT YOU NEED A GAY BT IEND, YOU AREN’T SAYG “I MET THIS GAY BOY WHO IS REALLY OL AND I WANT TO GET TO KNOW HIM.” YOU’RE SAYG, “I WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL DO FOR ME ALL OF THE STEREOTYPIL THGS I SEE ON TV.” YOU’RE SEEKG OUT A IEND SOLELY BASED OFF OF HIS SEXUALY, AND THEN YOU’RE EXPECTG HIM TO NFORM TO THE RITURE YOU WANT HIM TO BE. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU’RE LOOKG FOR AN ACCSORY FIRST AND A PERSON {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}YET THE GAY BT IEND TROPE HAS STUCK OUR CULTURE, AND I THK THIS IS BEE THE STEREOTYP ASSOCIATED WH AREN’T NEGATIVE. IN FACT, POP CULTURE, GAY GUYS ARE SEEN TO BE ALMOST SATLY -- THE MYTHIL HELPERS WHO E TO YOUR LIFE AND MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.ARTICLE_RD_TEMPLATE (1){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}TAKEN ALONE, THIS ISN’T A BAD THG. BUT WHEN THE SAME PORTRAYAL HAPPENS AGA AND AGA, GAY MEN BEE RCED TO RITUR. IN MEDIA, WE ARE THE CHARACTERS WHO HELP YOU PICK OUT NICE CLOTH BUT DON’T GET TO BUY ANYTHG FOR OURSELV, THE CHARACTERS WHO TALK ENDLSLY ABOUT YOUR CSH BUT NEVER SPEAK ABOUT OUR OWN. WE FLIRT AND WE WATCH SOAP OPERAS AND WE SAY “FIERCE,” BUT WE DON’T GET REAL {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AND THAT, I THK, IS THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HOWEVER UNTENTNALLY, PROMOT THE IA THAT GAY BOYS ARE HERE TO SERVE. THEY RARELY HAVE AGENCY OF THEIR OWN ON TV, AND SO PEOPLE UNNSCLY ASSUME THAT FACT TRANSLAT TO REAL LIFE. GAY GUYS BEE MODI, THE SUBJECTS OF HUNDREDS OF ARTICL THAT PE NOT FOR THEM, BUT FOR THE STEREOTYP THEY’RE EXPECTED TO {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THAT IS HUMANIZG. THAT IS OBJECTIFYG. AND, AS WELL TENTNED AS MAY BE, THAT HURTS.ARTICLE_RD_TEMPLATE (1){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}EVER SCE I WAS ASKED BY GIRLS I HARDLY KNOW IF I WANT TO GO SHOPPG WH THEM A WEEK AFTER I ME OUT, I HAVE BEEN HYPER-AWARE OF HOW I ACT. WHEN A IEND’S DATG LIFE UP, I WORK HARD TO BE HELPFUL BUT NOT OVERLY PASSNATE; WHEN SHOPPG IS MENTNED, I MAKE SURE TO REMD EVERYONE THAT I HAVE THE FASHN SENSE OF A DYG ELEPHANT (WHICH IS TE). AND WHEN I’M LLED “SASSY,” I CRGE A LTLE B, BEE I’M IMMEDIATELY REMD OF THAT RITURE ON {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I TELL MYSELF THAT I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT. I TELL MYSELF THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE SOMEONE’S MODY. BUT THEN ANOTHER PART OF ME WONRS: IF I DON'T F ANY STEREOTYP, WILL PEOPLE STILL LIKE ME? AFTER ALL, THE GAY BOYS THE MEDIA WHO HAVE LOTS OF IENDS ARE THE ON WHO EMBODY THE TROPE. AND SO THERE’S THIS WEIRD BALANCE -- I DON’T WANT TO F ALL OF THE STEREOTYP, BUT I WORRY THAT FTG NONE OF THEM WILL SOMEHOW ALIENATE ME EVEN MORE.ARTICLE_RD_TEMPLATE (1){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THIS ISN’T UNMON OF GAY BOYS, EHER. IN FACT, FOR MANY PEOPLE, THE MODIFITN IS MORE TENSE AND MORE DAMAGG. {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO CLEARLY, SOMETHG ABOUT THE PORTRAYAL OF GAY GUYS IS BROKEN. BUT HERE’S THE TCH: I DON’T WANT GAY BT IENDS BOOKS AND ON TV TO DISAPPEAR. I DON’T EVEN WANT ALL OF THE TRADNAL GAY BT IEND STEREOTYP TO GO AWAY, EHER, BEE MANY OF -- MYSELF CLUD -- F SOME OF THEM. WHAT I’D LIKE IS GAY BT IEND CHARACTERS WRTEN WH SELF-AWARENS. I WANT TO SEE THE FEELGS OF THE IEND PUT CENTER-STAGE. I WANT HIM TO BUY CLOTH FOR HIMSELF AND TALK ABOUT HIS CSH. I WANT HIM TO BE A REAL PERSON WH HIS OWN AGENCY, HIS OWN PROBLEMS, HIS OWN HOP AND DREAMS. AND I WANT TO SEE HIM AND THE PROTAGONIST VELOP A MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL IENDSHIP, RATHER THAN ONE WHERE THE GAY CHARACTER TAK ON THE ROLE OF A MAGIL {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}STEREOTYP ARE DAMAGG WHEN THEY ARE ED TO TURN PEOPLE TO PROPS. BUT I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT, IF WE TAKE A HARD LOOK AT THOSE STEREOTYP -- AND AT THE HUMANY BEHD THEM -- THEIR POWER TO HURT N BE STRIPPED {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}FOLLOW MICHAEL ON TWTER. {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}MTV {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS
- HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
- I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY
- IS ALLAN OM 'BARBIE' GAY? 5 REASONS TO THK HE MIGHT BE
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
Are you qutng your sexualy? Fd out if you’re gay, straight, bisexual, or asexual. Learn what the terms mean and if they apply to you. * i may be gay but *
That means, for example, that you n be transgenr but also straight (for stance, you might intify as a woman and feel attracted to men) or gay (e. If you have had romantic experienc or fantasi volvg people who are the same genr as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but 's okay if you're a ltle nfed.
Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.
AM I GAY?
I have for the last few years been very aaid that I may be gay. Deep down, I want to watch my wife have my children and have a really close relatn... * i may be gay but *
You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change.
‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
Here are some thgs to keep md if you're thkg you might be gay... * i may be gay but *
I me out at a nservative Christian llege the US and was a gay relatnship for around two years wh a basketball player who end up marryg a woman. Well, you mt have been gay the whole time, some might thk, and bee of some relig shame, you cid to lie to yourself and experiment wh a girl.
But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.
” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.
17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)
How do I know if I am gay? Are there fe signs you are gay? We have answers. Consir the signs you might be gay. * i may be gay but *
“Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy. ” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame. ”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay.
Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays. In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance.
“It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.
HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
Is my hband gay? is an unthkable qutn to many wiv, and some hbands do turn out to be gay. Learn the signs of a gay hband. * i may be gay but *
Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins.
And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia. There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected.
The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors.
I’M MALE AND I AM AAID THAT I MIGHT BE GAY
In pop culture, gay guys are seen to be almost satly -- the mythil helpers who e to your life and make you feel better about yourself. * i may be gay but *
”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time. ” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way?
HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
If you're a woman, you may have noticed thgs about your boyiend that lead you to believe he's gay or terted men. Sexualy is highly plex and sensive, and there are a lot of accurate stereotyp out there that don't tly... * i may be gay but *
Another landmark paper on the origs of homosexualy was published 1993 by a geicist named Dean Hamer, who was terted to learn whether homosexualy uld be hered.
Begng om his observatn that there are more gay relativ on a mother’s si than a father’s, Hamer turned his attentn to the X chromosome (which is passed on by the mother).
Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.
IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
”The other problem wh Born This Way science is summed up nicely by Simon Copland: “Scientists are askg whether homosexualy is natural when we n’t even agree exactly what homosexualy is.
” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men. Gay men make up only a actn of the US populatn — yet Ward says that there are many men not clud that number who engage homosexual behavr.
Ccially, she argu, “whether or not this baggage is appealg is a separate matter altogether om the appeal of homosexual or heterosexual sex. ”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc.
I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
Ward thks this qutn is the next ontier of queer I first said I chose to be gay, a queer Amerin journalist challenged me to name the time and date of my choice.
I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy. I want to be very clear: I’m not claimg I simply began to ‘grow to’ my homosexualy, or that as I beme more fortable wh beg gay, I allowed myself the eedom to exprs what had always been latent wh me. “Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric?
Sendly, the entire search for a gay gene is predited upon the assumptn that homosexualy is not the natural or ‘flt’ state of a velopg human. “That’s a very narrow unrstandg of what jtice looks like, ” says about the ncern that homophob will want to ‘enurage’ gay people to be straight if there’s no blogil basis for sexualy? It don’t take too much creativy to image a scenar which homophobic parents, upon beg rmed their fet has ‘the gay gene’, choose what to them may seem the lser of two evils: abortn.
I MIGHT BE GAY, BUT PLEASE DON'T CALL ME YOUR 'GAY BT FRIEND'IN POP CULTURE, GAY GUYS ARE SEEN TO BE ALMOST SATLY -- THE MYTHIL HELPERS WHO E TO YOUR LIFE AND MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT {FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.25 "GRAVY",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NONE;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#FFFFFF;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.25 "GRAVY",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NONE;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#FFFFFF;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY MTV VOIC CONTRIBUTORJANUARY 12, 2016/11:41 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}GETTYMAN LOOKG AT SHOREBY MTV VOIC CONTRIBUTORJANUARY 12, 2016 / 11:41 AM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"I MIGHT BE GAY, BUT PLEASE DON'T CALL ME YOUR 'GAY BT FRIEND'","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2016-01-12T16:41:05.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2016-01-12T16:41:05.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"MTV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"MTV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1280,"HEIGHT":720}},"CREATOR":"MTV VOIC CONTRIBUTOR","KEYWORDS":"MTV FOUNRS","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}BY MICHAEL WATERS, {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SEARCH THE PHRASE "GAY BT IEND," AND YOU'LL FD A BARRAGE OF ARTICL, VIOS AND HOW-TO GUIS URGG GIRLS TO SEEK OUT THEIR VERY OWN “GBF.” IN THE POSTS, GAY BOYS ARE SAID TO BE “ MAND,” “A TREND” AND “MT-HAVE ACCSORI.”{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE GAY BT IEND HAS BEE GRAED OUR POP CULTURE AS AN OVERLY IALIZED FIGURE WHO PICKS OUT CLOTH AND GIV DATG ADVICE THE SAME BREATH, YET WHO RARELY HAS ANY PERSONALY OF HIS {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT HAS REACHED THE POT WHERE MANY GIRLS SEE HAVG A GAY BT IEND AS A MT. TAKE, FOR STANCE, JT A FEW HEADL: “TOP 10 REASONS GIRLS NEED GAY BT FRIENDS,” “WHICH GAY BT FRIEND ARE YOU,” AND “DO EVERY WOMAN NEED A GAY BT IEND?” (THE NCLN: Y.){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}WHAT IS SO DAMAGG HERE IS THE PLETE HUMANIZATN OF GAY GUYS. WHEN YOU SAY THAT YOU NEED A GAY BT IEND, YOU AREN’T SAYG “I MET THIS GAY BOY WHO IS REALLY OL AND I WANT TO GET TO KNOW HIM.” YOU’RE SAYG, “I WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL DO FOR ME ALL OF THE STEREOTYPIL THGS I SEE ON TV.” YOU’RE SEEKG OUT A IEND SOLELY BASED OFF OF HIS SEXUALY, AND THEN YOU’RE EXPECTG HIM TO NFORM TO THE RITURE YOU WANT HIM TO BE. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU’RE LOOKG FOR AN ACCSORY FIRST AND A PERSON {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}YET THE GAY BT IEND TROPE HAS STUCK OUR CULTURE, AND I THK THIS IS BEE THE STEREOTYP ASSOCIATED WH AREN’T NEGATIVE. IN FACT, POP CULTURE, GAY GUYS ARE SEEN TO BE ALMOST SATLY -- THE MYTHIL HELPERS WHO E TO YOUR LIFE AND MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.ARTICLE_RD_TEMPLATE (1){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}TAKEN ALONE, THIS ISN’T A BAD THG. BUT WHEN THE SAME PORTRAYAL HAPPENS AGA AND AGA, GAY MEN BEE RCED TO RITUR. IN MEDIA, WE ARE THE CHARACTERS WHO HELP YOU PICK OUT NICE CLOTH BUT DON’T GET TO BUY ANYTHG FOR OURSELV, THE CHARACTERS WHO TALK ENDLSLY ABOUT YOUR CSH BUT NEVER SPEAK ABOUT OUR OWN. WE FLIRT AND WE WATCH SOAP OPERAS AND WE SAY “FIERCE,” BUT WE DON’T GET REAL {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AND THAT, I THK, IS THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}HOWEVER UNTENTNALLY, PROMOT THE IA THAT GAY BOYS ARE HERE TO SERVE. THEY RARELY HAVE AGENCY OF THEIR OWN ON TV, AND SO PEOPLE UNNSCLY ASSUME THAT FACT TRANSLAT TO REAL LIFE. GAY GUYS BEE MODI, THE SUBJECTS OF HUNDREDS OF ARTICL THAT PE NOT FOR THEM, BUT FOR THE STEREOTYP THEY’RE EXPECTED TO {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THAT IS HUMANIZG. THAT IS OBJECTIFYG. AND, AS WELL TENTNED AS MAY BE, THAT HURTS.ARTICLE_RD_TEMPLATE (1){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}EVER SCE I WAS ASKED BY GIRLS I HARDLY KNOW IF I WANT TO GO SHOPPG WH THEM A WEEK AFTER I ME OUT, I HAVE BEEN HYPER-AWARE OF HOW I ACT. WHEN A IEND’S DATG LIFE UP, I WORK HARD TO BE HELPFUL BUT NOT OVERLY PASSNATE; WHEN SHOPPG IS MENTNED, I MAKE SURE TO REMD EVERYONE THAT I HAVE THE FASHN SENSE OF A DYG ELEPHANT (WHICH IS TE). AND WHEN I’M LLED “SASSY,” I CRGE A LTLE B, BEE I’M IMMEDIATELY REMD OF THAT RITURE ON {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I TELL MYSELF THAT I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT. I TELL MYSELF THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE SOMEONE’S MODY. BUT THEN ANOTHER PART OF ME WONRS: IF I DON'T F ANY STEREOTYP, WILL PEOPLE STILL LIKE ME? AFTER ALL, THE GAY BOYS THE MEDIA WHO HAVE LOTS OF IENDS ARE THE ON WHO EMBODY THE TROPE. AND SO THERE’S THIS WEIRD BALANCE -- I DON’T WANT TO F ALL OF THE STEREOTYP, BUT I WORRY THAT FTG NONE OF THEM WILL SOMEHOW ALIENATE ME EVEN MORE.ARTICLE_RD_TEMPLATE (1){BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THIS ISN’T UNMON OF GAY BOYS, EHER. IN FACT, FOR MANY PEOPLE, THE MODIFITN IS MORE TENSE AND MORE DAMAGG. {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}SO CLEARLY, SOMETHG ABOUT THE PORTRAYAL OF GAY GUYS IS BROKEN. BUT HERE’S THE TCH: I DON’T WANT GAY BT IENDS BOOKS AND ON TV TO DISAPPEAR. I DON’T EVEN WANT ALL OF THE TRADNAL GAY BT IEND STEREOTYP TO GO AWAY, EHER, BEE MANY OF -- MYSELF CLUD -- F SOME OF THEM. WHAT I’D LIKE IS GAY BT IEND CHARACTERS WRTEN WH SELF-AWARENS. I WANT TO SEE THE FEELGS OF THE IEND PUT CENTER-STAGE. I WANT HIM TO BUY CLOTH FOR HIMSELF AND TALK ABOUT HIS CSH. I WANT HIM TO BE A REAL PERSON WH HIS OWN AGENCY, HIS OWN PROBLEMS, HIS OWN HOP AND DREAMS. AND I WANT TO SEE HIM AND THE PROTAGONIST VELOP A MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL IENDSHIP, RATHER THAN ONE WHERE THE GAY CHARACTER TAK ON THE ROLE OF A MAGIL {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}STEREOTYP ARE DAMAGG WHEN THEY ARE ED TO TURN PEOPLE TO PROPS. BUT I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT, IF WE TAKE A HARD LOOK AT THOSE STEREOTYP -- AND AT THE HUMANY BEHD THEM -- THEIR POWER TO HURT N BE STRIPPED {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#F3F3F3;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}FOLLOW MICHAEL ON TWTER. {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}MTV {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS
”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement.
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR BOYIEND IS GAY
“Then there was a shift, and the lears of the movement chose to jump on board wh a ls nuanced argument that people already unrstood: jt like race, people are born wh their homosexualy. More than a third chose a number between one and rponse to the poll, one of my Facebook iends quipped about how natural selectn mt be workg overtime, what wh makg all of gay! I’m thankful for a new generatn that is pable of imagg sexualy a way that transcends the gay/straight bary, that uldn’t re ls about what happened to their bodi and mds to make them who they are today.
However, along the l of sexualy beg fluid, I feel that while there are certaly people who are jt attracted to people of the same genr or a different genr (or asexual), most people fall somewhere on a broad spectm between gay and straight (and beyond!) In most cultur on earth, heterosexualy is nsired the norm or most sirable orientatn, so heterosexualy be the flt orientatn, even though many people might technilly be more bisexual and pansexual.
Likewise, we don't want or need people who re about but do not re for our sexual orientatn, such as a well-tentned parent, to tell they are relieved that we, fact, not gay.
I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY
Our two ma articl on this very topic, The Be and...the Be: A Homosexualy and Bisexualy Primer and Bi the Dozen: A Bisexualy Quiz addrs this que extensively.
IS ALLAN OM 'BARBIE' GAY? 5 REASONS TO THK HE MIGHT BE
Speakg of articl, I'd also suggt readg The Makgs of a Homo on a young guy intifyg as gay (I realize you are beyond this step your personal journey, but you still might fd tertg) and well as Makg Sense of Sexual Media. Gay, straight, bi or beyond, the articl Supermol: Creatg & Nurturg Your Own Bt Relatnship Mols and Pothol & Dead Ends: Relatnship Roadblocks to Look Out For brg up important relatnship nsiratns.
As I allud to a b the first part of my rponse, when you're queer, n be hard to claim that inty, form that muny and more; beg gay be a huge part of who you are. One of your top ten experienc was at a Pri para where you were surround by the most tertg, fun strangers you have ever enuntered, and no one you knew was there to judge you, or the only people you knew there were gay.