My boy is not so glad to be gay | Life and style | The Guardian

Contents:

• I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN
• "I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY
• WHY AM I "SO GAY?"
• MY BOY IS NOT SO GLAD TO BE GAY
• AM I GAY?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• “MY LIFE IS QUE GAY.” A QUEER MEMOIR READG LIST
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• HOW TO TELL YOUR MOM YOU ARE GAY

I’M 43 – BUT I’M MA TO FEEL LIKE A DOSR BY YOUNGER GAY MEN

When I found out earlier this month, along wh the rt of the world, that one of my favore actors, Kal Penn, is a fellow gay man and now engaged to his long-time partner, I was so happy that he was openly livg his tth.

I have a lot of stori about folks who were homophobic but me around to acceptg me and honorg me for beg a gay man, once they got to know me beyond what I do bed.

"I REALIZED I WAS GAY": MEN WHO CAME OUT LATER IN LIFE ARE SHARG WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THEM TO REVEAL THAT TTH AND LIVE AUTHENTILLY

After spendg years dog all the manly thgs that were supposed to straighten me out, I had a particular weekend — a men-only whewater raftg trip — when I realized I did all the thgs I was aimg for that were supposed to change me, and I was still 100% gay. Once I knew the gay wasn't gog anywhere, I figured I wanted to be open and hont wh people om then on, regardls of how the rt of my life went. Grad school was the first time I was around people who seemed to genuely not re or treat people different bee they were gay.

My wife and I are gog to unselg together to work through thgs and while ‘’ has a shelf life, I'm foced on figurg out what beg gay means to me. After a few months of experiencg very novel and tense sexual feelgs, I overme my fear of masturbatn and started dog to var kds of straight and gay porn.

Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a woman.He said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love. There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia.'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough".He said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'".When Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3,000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance blossomed.Three years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU'RE GAY AND LONELY

Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos".He relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife."Danny Beard on Same Sex Love and MarriageDanny explor same-sex weddgs, fdg out why upl chose to get married, the challeng unrpng this cisn and what mak the wedd relatnships work.The uple said they now wanted to help people who were not as ee and strive for "equaly for everyone"."Now I'm here a safe place I want to fight for others to be able to marry who they want," Adam said."I'm so lucky but I want everyone else Sdi to marry the one they love whout facg discrimatn and persecutn." Image source, Fay photographImage ptn, Peter McGrah and David Cabreza say they are "very proud" to have been the first same-sex uple married EnglandMore than 40,000 same-sex marriag took place between 2014 and 2020, acrdg to the Office for Natnal StatisticsPeter McGrah and David Cabreza, origally om Stland and the US, ma history when they beme the first same-sex uple to marry England on 29 March 2014.The trailblazers married jt after midnight at Islgton Town Hall. The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage"."It was so sweet seeg him so happy," Mr Cabreza said.

WHY AM I "SO GAY?"

Part of realizg you're gay, or bi, or trans, or non-bary, or anythg other than cisgenr and heterosexual is acceptg you’re different—and somewhat separated—om the majory. At the time, there were no real gay role mols except for Graham Norton and Jack om Dawson's Creek—and I certaly didn't intify wh him bee I wasn't a football player.

In other words, 5-10% of people experience same-sex sexual attractn or behavr; of urse, this don't speak to what mak people gay. (read: Cure the Gay: Gay Conversn Therapy – Real or Hoax?) The reasons people are gay are both physlogil and psychologil.

It very much appears that same-sex sexual attractn is not a choice but actg on is; so if you fe gay as the mere prence of same-sex attractn, then om everythg we unrstand, beg gay is not a choice. If, on the other hand, you nsir someone to be gay only if they act on their same-sex attractn then beg gay n be nsired a choice pendg on an dividual's behavr. Whether science n ultimately prove the blogy of beg gay or not, 's important to support all adults their choic no matter how they intify.

MY BOY IS NOT SO GLAD TO BE GAY

" In this humoro talk, Lloyd explor the trici of social "verg" as a gay man, fdg muny and the importance of inty talk was prented to a lol dience at TEDxGeetown, an pennt event. At the moment he is fdg hard to see that there are other ways of livg, and that beg gay and havg a life partner, iends and even children are not mutually exclive possibili.

Sce my son told me he is gay he has not mentned aga and nothg has needs lots of supportComg out n be a lonely procs, so n sometim help to speak to other people who have been through the same thg and have a posive attu to beg gay. Your son may wish to ntact the London Lbian and Gay Swchboard (020-7837 7324), which is staffed entirely by gay, lbian and bisexual people.

The helple offers non-judgmental and nfintial support and rmatn - and 's non-directive, so volunteers don't tell llers what to say that your hband is homophobic, but have you explored why this is the se?

AM I GAY?

FFLAG is a natnwi chary dited to supportg parents and their gay, lbian and bisexual sons and dghters and ns lol groups to help parents unrstand, accept and support their children.

Your son's reer succs shouldn't pend upon him beg perceived as heterosexual - the new equaly legislatn protects gay people agast discrimatn the workplace. Whatever else happens, is great that you are willg to help him see that 's possible to be gay and to enjoy happs one's Nil, London Lbian and Gay SwchboardGive him plenty of timeAfter already havg had "an active heterosexual life", perhaps your son is not absolutely sure that he is gay, so may be wise for him to spend some time reflectg and rencilg himself to his sexual orientatn.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

Organisatns such as Stonewall () are likely to be a lot more e than your, WolverhamptonConfince will help himNudge your son towards environments where he n velop his nfince as a gay man.

If not, get some help and addrs whheldIt's better to be te to himselfAs an out gay man my mid-20s, I know the trials and tribulatns your son is facg only too well.

MF, LondonHe needs to accept himself fullyMy son is gay and although I had realised this was a possibily om his childhood we did not discs until he me out to me.

“MY LIFE IS QUE GAY.” A QUEER MEMOIR READG LIST

My tranged hband had siar attus to your hband and also ma homophobic ments, so my son asked me to tell his father about his sexualy. Your son is lucky to have you to talk to but try and persua him that he has to accept himself as a gay man before he n expect others to do, ChichterStrengthen your bond wh himLike your son, I am a gay man my early 20s, who has never nformed to the stereotypil homosexual liftyle.

I play football, work polics and would never be nsired mp, but I have been openly gay sce the age of 18 and never regretted g son is fortunate to have someone who is termed to support him but I spect he is feelg alone and isolated - he may feel awkward raisg the subject wh you aga.

His father may turn out to be like lots of other kd, supportive, lovg but homophobic men, who manage to adjt drastilly when someone close to them turns out to be sure that any unrstandable surprise you may have exprsed when he me out wasn't perceived as hostile - 's worth raisg the subject wh him jt to make sure he knows that he n talk to you aga if he needs to.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

M, via emailWhat the expert thks If I have unrstood rrectly, you have had a nversatn wh your son durg which he told you that he is gay, and he has not mentned the subject sce.

It sounds as though he felt disheartened say he fds hard to believe is possible to have a life partner, iends and children if he is openly gay. Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.

For example, his fay may be vlently homophobic and by cidg that he's gay, you may out him by accint by treatg him different or implyg somethg whout meang to.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

If you're tryg to figure out if your iend is gay bee you want to date him (as a woman), 's important to remember that jt bee he might be terted men don't mean he's not terted women. Although some people the gay culture may put on a certa voice or a way of speakg, your iend talkg a siar or "effemate" way is still not a very good way to judge.

Everyone n enjoy different thgs; jt like a woman might enjoy watchg football, guys n also enjoy thgs that are more monly associated wh women or the gay muny. The movi he watch and the mic he listens to are also not fair methods to gge if he is straight or gayer than Elton John and Gee Takei put together. Sometim you might assume that jt bee a guy only hangs out wh girls or jt bee his bt iend also seems gay, then he might also be gay.

Subtly brg up subjects that show him that you're okay wh your iends beg gay and that he don't need to hi his nature around you. You n talk about another iend that is gay or even jt about someone hypothetilly g out if you don't know someone who's gay. Say somethg like, "You know you're stuck wh me as a iend no matter what, but I jt have to ask bee I don't want to make assumptns and e to the wrong nclns: are you gay?

HOW TO TELL YOUR MOM YOU ARE GAY

Article SummaryXTo tell if your guy iend is gay, notice whether he refers to other guys as attractive, which uld be a sign that he’s gay. Among the upl, when the gay, lbian, or bisexual partner out, a third of the upl break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years and then spl; the remag third try to make their marriag work. We’re thrilled to troduce So Gay Rosé, a crisp, nned rosé that always go down easy, no matter where you’re drkg – or who you’re drkg wh.

Founrs Josh Campbell and Tim Chan are reclaimg the phrase “So Gay” to be “So Great, ” embracg the joy that when you live your most thentic, lourful self. ” When I was growg up, the phrase “so gay” was often thrown around like an sult, or a negative thg – like that outf is “so gay” or your ia was “so gay. ” It took me a very long time to e out to my iends and fay, and even as an openly gay man, I was very reful not to be “so gay” for fear of reprisal or beg stereotyped.