Your Child Jt Told You He's Gay. Now What? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• CAN A CHILD BE GAY OM BIRTH?
• IS YOUR BABY GAY? WHAT IF YOU COULD KNOW? WHAT IF YOU COULD DO SOMETHG ABOUT IT?
• FIRST PERSON: ‘IS YOUR BABY GAY?’— SETTG THE RERD STRAIGHT
• "IS THIS YOUR BABY?": GAY FATHERED FAI' EXPERIENC NAVIGATG HETERONORMATIVY THE UNED STAT
• BABY GAY
• ARE WE BORN GAY?
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• GAY BABY
• WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg. Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer.

It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy.

CAN A CHILD BE GAY OM BIRTH?

In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon. So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg.

Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median. The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children. There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood.

IS YOUR BABY GAY? WHAT IF YOU COULD KNOW? WHAT IF YOU COULD DO SOMETHG ABOUT IT?

I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn.

FIRST PERSON: ‘IS YOUR BABY GAY?’— SETTG THE RERD STRAIGHT

Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli. Rearchers readily nce that there are que likely multiple—and no doubt extremely plited—velopmental rout to adult homosexualy. Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc.

"IS THIS YOUR BABY?": GAY FATHERED FAI' EXPERIENC NAVIGATG HETERONORMATIVY THE UNED STAT

All else beg equal, I spect we would be hard-prsed to fd parents who would actually prefer their offsprg to be homosexual.

Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative). Lang, Elton John and Rachel Maddow's close relativ, but I n only image that the straight k are far better off terms of their own reproductive opportuni than they would be whout a homosexual danglg so magnificently on their fay tre.

BABY GAY

So cultivate your ltle prehomosexual's native talents, and your ultimate geic payoff uld, strangely enough, be even larger wh one very special gay child than would be if 10 medcre straight offsprg leaped om your los. I n say as a once prehomosexual pipsqueak that some preparatn on the part of others would have ma easier on me, rather than nstantly fearg rejectn or worryg about some rels slipup leadg to my “exposure.

And another thg: mt be pretty hard to look to your prehomosexual toddler's limpid ey, bsh away the okie cmbs om her cheek and toss her out on the streets for beg article was origally published wh the tle "Is Your Child Gay?

It’s what the behavrs signal to parents about their child’s cipient sexualy that mak them so unsirable—the behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy.

ARE WE BORN GAY?

However, is only relatively recently that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi wh one clear aim md, which is to go beyond mere stereotyp and accurately inty the most reliable signs of later homosexualy.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

In lookg refully at the childhoods of now-gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of early behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon. And, curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of parents seem to have some genue predictive their technil wrgs, rearchers this area simply refer to pt-sized prospective gays and lbians as “prehomosexual.

Michael Bailey, a psychologist om Northwtern Universy, and Canadian psychiatrist Kenh Zucker published the semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy wh their ntroversial 1995 review article Developmental Psychology. ” So one thg to keep md is that this particular work isn’t about intifyg the of homosexualy, per se, but stead ’s about xg the childhood rrelat of same-sex attractn.

GAY BABY

In other words, nobody is disputg the geic factors unrlyg adult homosexualy or the well-tablished prenatal fluenc; but the prent work is orthogonal to those al mols. Not surprisgly, therefore, boys naturally select other boys for playmat, and girls would much rather play wh other girls than wh on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs (ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and fatuated wh their mothers’ make-up ks; ltle girls strangely enamoured by field hockey or profsnal wrtlg…that sort of thg).

Usually this is done by g somethg like the famo Ksey Sle, which volv a semistctured clil terview about sexual behavr and sexual fantasi to rate people on a sle of 0 (exclively heterosexual) to 6 (exclively homosexual). First, given that only about 10 percent of the populatn is homosexual, a rather large number of prehomosexuals are need to obta a sufficient sample size of eventually gay adults, and this would require a huge oversamplg of children jt se some turn out gay.

Fally, and perhaps the biggt problem wh prospective homosexualy studi, not a lot of parents are likely to volunteer their children. In fact, the rearchers found that the odds of the women reportg a bisexual/homosexual orientatn was up to 23 tim higher than would normally occur a general sample of young women. Not all “tomboys” bee lbians, of urse, but the data do suggt that lbians often have a history of cross-sex-typed the same holds for gay men.

WHY ARE PEOPLE GAY? GAY BY CHOICE OR IS BEG GAY GEIC?

In their 1995 report, Bailey and Kenh Zucker revealed that, retrospective studi (the send method ed to exame the relatn between childhood behavr and adult sexual orientatn, which adults simply answer qutns about their childhoods) 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median.