'Did I ever really know him?': the women who married gay men | LGBTQ+ rights | The Guardian

Contents:

• ‘I FELL LOVE WH A GAY MAN AND NEARLY BROKE ME’
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN
• JAGUARS ASSOCIATE STRENGTH ACH KEV MAXEN OUT AS GAY A FIRST FOR US-BASED PRO LEAGU
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN
• ‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN

‘I FELL LOVE WH A GAY MAN AND NEARLY BROKE ME’

Andrew Ahn’s father once told him that there were “no gay people Korea. In a culturally nservative muny, where gog to church and buildg a fay were heavily emphasized, Ahn felt his gay inty kept him “om beg able to participate Korean culture. ” Then, he started equentg GAMeBoi, a weekly Asian Amerin gay party at Wt Hollywood’s Rage Nightclub.

He learned to embrace beg both Korean and gay, so much so that he directed “Fire Island, ” a groundbreakg queer Asian Amerin rom- released last year. Beg Asian Amerin and LGBTQ+ n feel lonely, wh stutns such as ethnic church often disavowg non-heterosexual relatnships while tradnal LGBTQ+ spac such as gay bars n be unwelg to people of lor.

“Fdg plac like GAMeBoi, where beg queer and Asian do -exist … It’s not like a 1, 000-year-old Korean cultural rual, but I uld create a new rual, ” said Ahn, a recent Friday, hundreds packed QT Nightlife’s monthly K-Pop Night at Micky’s, a Wt Hollywood gay club a block or so east om the old GAMeBoi posed for selfi a pk Barbie box wh dis balls hangg overhead. ” (Michael Owen Baker / For The Tim) Even historilly gay neighborhoods like Wt Hollywood or San Francis’s Castro district, Asian Amerins have long been ignored or fetishized, seen as feme and weak. In 2019, then-Wt Hollywood Mayor John Duran argued that he did not appropriately touch a member of the Gay Men’s Chos of Los Angel bee “he’s a skny Korean kid wh pimpl on his cheek.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN

” Asian Amerin advocy groups cricized Duran’s remark, wh API Equaly-LA potg to the long history of discrimatn agast Asian men gay muni such as Wt Hollywood, whose clubs “ed to require three forms of photo intifitn om anyone they perceived as Asian.

” said Crisman, a 36-year-old gay Korean Amerin rearcher and artist. On this night, he had brought some female high school iends who wanted to experience the gay clubbg scene. I uldn’t say was bee he was gay, ” said the 46-year-old.

JAGUARS ASSOCIATE STRENGTH ACH KEV MAXEN OUT AS GAY A FIRST FOR US-BASED PRO LEAGU

Davidson, om Sydney, Atralia, says she’s not the first straight woman to fall for a gay man. People ask, uldn’t we tell we were fallg love wh a gay man?

” But both refer to the same thg — straight women who have strong, often highly tense and mutually supportive relatnships wh gay men. The days, straight women and gay men who get along would probably jt be lled iends, but “handbags” were often vol and visual supporters of the LGBTQ muny when discrimatn — legal and otherwise — was still rampant. “So many women have acted as protectors, cheerlears, and supporters of their gay iends, but always the background, ” Davidson says.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

“Straight alli, and particularly women, are a val part of the fight for gay rights. ” Her grandmother was a “beard, ” or fake girliend, to gay men she was close to, while her mother helped when the muny was beg vastated by AIDS. “I’d been raised a fay wh lots of gay men , so I should have known better than anyone (not to fall love wh one), ” Davidson says.

“A gay man wasn’t a shy unirn I’d never seen before. “I know a woman who was a relatnship for 17 years before he me out as gay.

Most of the time, a gay bt iend might be obliv if his female iend has fallen for him. But some gay men actually enurage , she says. “The wonrful thg about gay men is they talk to me like I’m a person bee they don’t want to get your pants.

I WAS SURE I WAS GAY – UNTIL I FELL LOVE WH MY BT FEMALE IEND

“Wh a uple of months he was htg the gay bars. Davidson says straight men uld learn a thg or two om their gay brothers.

“I kd of knew (he was gay) and I kd of didn’t. “I’m gog to try not to fall love wh any more gay men.

"Male gays the female gaze: Women who watch m/m pornography, " by rearcher Lucy Neville, drew rearch om a recent survey om adult film se PornHub. Women appear at a physlogil level to fd gay male sex jt as arog as heterosexual sex, acrdg to Neville's rearch. The study tailed the book vtigated why exactly women are aroed by watchg male-on-male sex by surveyg 275 self-intified women who watch gay male sample clud straight, bisexual, lbian, queer, asexual, pansexual, and misexual women; 68 percent of participants also watched heterosexual pornography, and 53 percent also watched lbian pornography.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

However, 82 percent of participants preferred gay male pornography over other overwhelmg reason the women watched gay male porn was that they felt was more thentic than other genr.

"The women also said that they felt they shared a more mon gaze wh the target dience as opposed to heterosexual and lbian porn, which is predomantly ma for heterosexual men, and they felt gay men's pot of view was more le wh their personal preferenc and sir. They perceived the rough sex gay porn as more tasteful than behavrs displayed heterosexual and lbian porn, whout feelg "non-nsensual.

I’M A STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GAY MAN

"Other participants simply enjoyed the taboo of gay sex and the ia they would never experience what was happeng on their laptops. Personally, BI, I’ve been pecially attracted to homosexual men*** for as long as I n remember—I fd gayns mal very appealg—and 's no cince my hband is a homosexual. But I wouldn't have a hband now if I'd sat around my twenti stg wonrg whether my attractn to gay men was homophobic, fetishizg, objectifyg, etc., stead of actg on that attractn.

Gay love pl baby animals?

In many ways, gay men and straight women are a perfect pairg. For the most part, relatnships between gay men and straight women are healthy and posive, wh one exceptn I'll get to later.

‘HE BROKE MY HEART TO A BILLN PIEC’: WHEN A STRAIGHT WOMAN FALLS LOVE WH A GAY MAN

In the vast majory of s, relatnships between gay men and straight women are platonic. Sure, an ocsnal teenage girl falls for a boy who's gay, but don't take most girls very long to figure out that, this se, where there's smoke, there's most fely not fire. In general, the attractn women feel for gay men tends to be emotnal nature, clearg the way for a highly satisfyg relatnship that outlasts most other relatnships gay men and straight women have.

To beg, I'll addrs how and why straight women are emotnally attracted to gay men—an attractn, by the way, that is returned by gay men spas. Reasons women may be attracted to gay men. First, bee most straight women don’t feel sexual toward gay men, the relatnship don’t rry the threat of sexual tensn.