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src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Make Your Lol Youth Sports Leagu More Welg to Trans Kids</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">It’s easy to feel powerls right now, but rg adults n really make a difference.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left 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640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="7 Therapist Red Flags You Should Never Ignore" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">7 Therapist Red Flags You Should Never Ignore</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">There are some not-so-obv thgs a mental health profsnal should never do.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm OJYRi" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How to Handle a Bathroom Emergency Wh Grace and Speed" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How to Handle a Bathroom Emergency Wh Grace and Speed</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">Yep, we’re talkg about IBD and poopg your pants, folks.</div></div></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm OJYRi ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="8gv7"></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm OJYRi" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz gKnDpj"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg bDvSkO summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="All Your Qutns About Trans Kids Sports, Asked and Answered" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent summary-em__ntent--no-bric"><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM hCFwqQ summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ ggvOsp summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">All Your Qutns About Trans Kids Sports, Asked and Answered</div></div></div></a><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemDek-CRfsi iUEiRd bsvuBj jDyfzW summary-em__k">If you’re wonrg about the science, logistics, or fairns, we’ve got you.</div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff jCBznZ summary-em summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-text-below summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-50-50 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard 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You n try<!-- --> <a href="/newsletters">subscribg here</a> or try aga later.</span></div></div></div></div></hear><article class="article" data-rid="19775" data-rtype="story"><div id="gtm-visibily-50" class="gtm-pixel"></div><div id="gtm-visibily-75" class="gtm-pixel"></div><div id="gtm-visibily-100" class="gtm-pixel"></div><sectn class="sectn--bo sectn--bp sectn--first sectn--learboard"><div class="uw bp--rponsive"><div class="bp-ner"><p class="bp-label">Advertisement</p><div class="bp-ntent bp-ntent--centered"><div></div><div id="adslot-2929"></div></div></div></div></sectn><hear class="article-sectn--tle article-sectn--island"><div class="article-actn"><h1 class="article-hdr">Heavy Meddle: Hnted By A Childhood Game That Went Too Far</h1></div><div class="article-meta"><span class="article-meta-em--date"><span tle="Monday, July 13th 2015, 5:29:59 am">July 13, 2015</span></span><ul class="article-meta-em--thorlist article-meta-group"><li class="article-meta-em article-meta-em--thor">Steve Almond</li></ul><div class="article-share article-share-ins"><a href=" & target="_blank" rel="noreferrer" class="article-share-lk" tle="Share on Facebook"><svg class="in in-facebook" viewBox="0 0 128 128" role="img" width="24" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">facebook</tle><path display="le" d="M120.1,0H8.2c-4.4,0-8,3.6-8,8v112c0,4.4,3.6,8,8,8h60.4V78.2h-16V59.8h16V43.9 c0-14.6,8.9-24.3,26.4-24.3c7.7,0,13.1,0.9,13.1,0.9V37h-12c-5.3,0-8,3-8,8.2v14.5h18.7l-2.7,18.4h-16v49.7h32c4.4,0,8-3.6,8-8V8 C128.1,3.6,124.5,0,120.1,0z"></path></svg></a><a href="mailto:?body=Heavy Meddle: Hnted By A Childhood Game That Went Too Heavy Meddle: Hnted By A Childhood Game That Went Too Far" class="article-share-lk" tle="Share by email"><svg class="in in-email" viewBox="0 0 128 128" width="20" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">Email</tle><path display="le" d="M64.2,86.3l-64-48V104c0,4.4,3.6,8,8,8h112c4.4,0,8-3.6,8-8V38.4L64.2,86.3z M64.2,72l64-48 c0-4.4-3.6-8-8-8H8.2c-4.4,0-8,3.6-8,8L64.2,72z"></path></svg></a></div></div></hear><sectn class="article-sectn--lead-image article-sectn--lead-image--standard"><figure class="article-fig" style="aspect-rat:1000 / 547"><picture class="article-fig-ner"><img class="article-image" src=" alt="Stgglg adulthood to heal om a close but troublg boyhood iendship. (stuart anthony/flickr)"/></picture><figptn class="article-fig-ptn">Stgglg adulthood to heal om a close but troublg boyhood iendship. (stuart anthony/flickr)</figptn></figure></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--ntent hang-punctuatn article-sectn--first article-sectn--centered article-sectns"><p class=""><em style="le-height: 1.5em">Wele Meddleheads, to the lumn where your crazy meets my crazy! Please send your qutns via <a href="">email</a>. Right now. Not only will you immediately feel much better, you’ll also get some advice.</em></p><p class=""><em>Hugs,</em></p><p class=""><em>Steve</em><br />…</p><p class=""><strong>Dear Steve</strong>,</p><p class="">I was 5 when I started “msg around” wh my bt iend, who was 6. This is where gets plited. We were both young and naive; not even preteens yet. But Gee (not his real name) knew more about sex than I did. He would tell me stori, and then we would play Tth or Dare, and then thgs got physil.</p><p class="">At the time, I didn't know what I was dog. I knew felt pretty good, and I was wh someone who was my bt iend. So, I thought, <em>why not?</em> This went on for a few years. And then I started to grow up. I slowly started nnectg the dots. What Gee and I were dog was, ed, sexual.</p><p class="">We never actually “went all the way” (although he attempted the act once). It mostly nsisted of other forms of sexual ntact. Naturally, as we got olr, our hormon kicked . He wanted more; I wanted ls. He asked me, "We're gay, right?" And I didn't know what to say. Bee what do you say when you’re 11? I certaly did not know the answer. I barely knew who I was as a person, let alone my sexual inty. But thgs prsed on, and I never said no. I had a disgtg feelg that what I was dog was wrong, but I wanted . It felt good. He was my bt iend. I figured I uld tst him.</p><p class="">Gee moved away when I was graduatg middle school, and we fell out of ntact. I fot about him for a while.</p><p class="">And then I went to high school. I met boys. I met girls. I started beg a sexual beg, the tradnal sense. And sudnly, I was plagued wh flashbacks of Gee and me dark rooms and hidn rners. It all felt so terribly wrong. I began to associate any act of sex wh somethg shameful.</p><p class="">The feelgs went on for a while, until I started seeg a therapist. I nnected more dots, and I eventually me out of the closet.</p><p class="">Now I'm a llege stunt. I'm happily homosexual and pretty fortable many aspects of my life, but I'm tired of Gee hntg me. I blame him for a number of thgs (why I n't have sex whout feelg guilty, why I have tst issu, etc.) but then, on the flip si, sometim I blame myself. I wanted . I never said no. Is right to blame myself?</p><p class="">Labels are jt words, I know, but they help. They provi clary. And while a therapist told me recently that what I experienced is, by fn, “rape,” I'm still not sure. And what I'm even more unsure of is how I n ever possibly move past Gee and the damage he flicted upon me at such a young age.</p><p class="">I'm jt lookg for some clary. I want to be able to be wh someone and feel safe wh him or her. Gee took advantage of me and hurt me. I know not everyone is like that, and there have been people who have e to my life who re eply for me and want to love me the right way. But I'm jt so aaid that I'll never be able to let go.</p><p class="">Thanks for listeng, Steve.</p><p class="">Scerely,</p><p class="">Still Hnted<br /><a href=""><img class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-8827" src=" alt="PHOTO" width="130" height="130" /></a></p><p class="">…</p><p class=""><strong>Dear Still Hnted </strong>,</p><p class="">The central thg you need to hear right now is that you are not alone. In fact, most children partake some kd of sexual experimentatn when they’re kids. As troublg as this notn n be to adults, children do have sexual impuls, and they do act on them, though often the guise of imagative play (i.e., “Let’s play doctor.”) Usually, one child iat and another (or others) choose to ply.</p><p class="">Based on what you’ve told me, this do not sound like “rape,” bee rape is a crime of sexual vlence that volv a perpetrator takg by force what he or she nnot ga by nsent. But I’m more terted the emotnal ntent of the experienc—which were clearly profound—than how we might label them.</p><p class="">In this se, the physil ntact wasn’t jt a form of play, but a staed sexual relatnship, one about which you felt creasgly nflicted. As you grew up, you me to see the teractns wh Gee as ercive.</p><p class="">The part of this equatn that’s troublg here has to do wh blame, which impli wrongdog. So let me say this as clearly as I n: <em>you are not to blame</em>. It is a natural impulse—for both children and adults—to seek pleasure. And is a natural impulse to tst and want to be close to your bt iend. There is nothg shameful about this. Please (please please) let yourself off the hook.</p><blockquote class="article-pullquote breakout"><p class="article-pullquote-text">It is a natural seek pleasure. And is a natural impulse to tst and want to be close to your bt iend. There is nothg shameful about this.</p></blockquote><p class="">From what I n tell, your huiatn aris om havg semi-nscly trad sexual pliance for the approval and affectn of a beloved iend.</p><p class="">But look: this is somethg that kids and adults do all the time. It’s a transactn predited not jt on sire, but fear of abandonment (“if I don’t do the thgs, this person won’t love me”).</p><p class="">I spect this fear is still livg si you and poisong your efforts to fd a love that feels “safe.” There’s no advice lumn that n rolve the plex dynamics. That’s work you have to do, day by day, wh a therapist.</p><p class="">But the end goal here shouldn’t be to fe yourself as a victim. On the ntrary, you need to regnize that your sire to rema close to Gee, and to give and receive pleasure, wasn't a crime, but a natural impulse that gradually grew distorted by need and fear.</p><p class="">The central lson is not that you’re doomed to re-enact the dynamics, but that you n take charge of your romantic life by listeng to your own sir, rather than plyg wh others. This is how your search for love and timacy will be liberated om the dark rners of your md.</p><p class="">Easier said than done, I know. But your brave letter, and the work you’re dog therapy, is a good start. Clary n take a while when to matters of the heart, and the body. But you’ve got to be willg to exame your own life wh precisn—and mercy.</p><p class="">I wish you urage and kdns,</p><p class="">Steve</p><p class="">♥</p><p class=""><em>This letter lled up all sorts of memori for me. I never had an experience this tense. But I took part plenty of gam of Tth or Dare, where I went further than I wanted to, due to peer prsure. I’m cur what you rears make of Hnted’s letter. Did ll up experienc for you? What unsel would you offer? Let know the ments sectn. And please <strong>send your own qutns along</strong>, the more tailed the better. Even if I don’t have a helpful rponse, chanc are someone the ments sectn will. Send your queri via </em><a href=""><em>email</em></a><em>.</em></p><p class="">Steve Almond is the thor of the book "<a href=" target="_blank">Agast Football</a>." He is the -host, wh <a href=" target="_blank">Cheryl Strayed</a>, of the WBUR podst, <a href=" target="_blank">Dear Sugar</a>.</p></sectn><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered Tags_article-sectn--tags__NOKiB"><a data-ec="Article Tags" data-el="Advice" data-ea="Click" class="article-tag" href="/opn/sectn/gnoscenti/tag/advice">Advice</a><a data-ec="Article Tags" data-el="the-mon" data-ea="Click" class="article-tag" href="/opn/sectn/gnoscenti/tag/the-mon">the-mon</a></sectn></article><sectn class="article-sectn--story-group article-sectn--centered"></sectn><sectn class="sectn--bo sectn--bp"><div class="uw bp--rponsive"><div class="bp-ner"><p class="bp-label">Advertisement</p><div class="bp-ntent bp-ntent--centered"><div></div><div id="adslot-2930"></div></div></div></div></sectn><div></div><div class="global-d-ponents onmand--is-playg"><div class="global-player"><d preload="to"></d><div class="global-player-bar"><div class="global-player-bar-left"><button class="global-player-bar-ntrol"><i class="in-play in-play--global-player-bar in-play--psed"><span class="in-play-shape"><span class="in-label" data-note="for-screen-rears">Rume</span></span></i></button><div class="global-player-label global-player-label--live"><div class="global-player-channel"><span>Listen Live</span></div><div class="global-player-tle"><a class="global-player-label-lk" href="/">Loadg...</a></div></div></div><div class="global-player-bar-right"><div class="global-player-x"><svg class="in in-close" viewBox="0 0 24 24" aria-labelledby="tle"><tle id="tle">Close .