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type="applitn/ld+json">{"@ntext":","@type":"BreadcmbList","emListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","em":{"@id":","name":"Policy"},"posn":1}]}</script><ul class="_2Dl13" data-ttid="ArticleBreadcmb-Lks"><li class="_1dpbJ"><a class="_1_ZvJ" href="/opn">Policy</a></li><li class="_1dpbJ"><a class="_1_ZvJ" href="/opn">Opn</a></li></ul><button class="DAADa" type="button">Prt article</button></div><hear class="hXQ_t TCNYy"><p class="cqPab">Opn</p><figure class="_2h1c6 NvmVw" data-pb-type="im"><picture><source media="(m-width: 1180px)" width="220" height="220" srcSet="width_220%2C$height_220/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3, width_440%2C$height_440/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3 2x" data-pb-im-nfig="{"urls":["width_220%2C$height_220/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3"," 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data-pb-im-nfig="{"urls":["width_100%2C$height_100/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3"," width_200%2C$height_200/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3 2x"],"width":100,"aspectRat":1,"type":"square1x1"}"/><img alt="Rowan Dean" class="_1srKI" data-ttid="Image-image" src="width_220%2C$height_220/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3" srcSet="width_100%2C$height_100/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3, width_200%2C$height_200/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3 2x" siz="(max-width: 767px) 100px" data-id="b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3" data-pb-im-nfig="{"urls":["width_100%2C$height_100/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3"," width_200%2C$height_200/t_crop_fill%2Cq_to:bt%2Cfl_any_format/b1802781c66c14520cb489318bf384cd14afd8e3 2x"],"width":100,"aspectRat":1,"type":"square1x1"}" width="100" height="100"/></picture></figure><h1 class="_2cOv8">The Gay Lover's Gui to the Same-Sex Kama Sutra!</h1><span class="MvdDQ"><span class="_3JUfh"><strong>Rown Dean</strong></span><span class="_2s9BE">Satirist</span></span></hear><div class="_1IlCt"><sectn class="_35qTo"><div class="_2cdD4" data-ttid="ArticleTimtamp"><span>Updated </span><time data-ttid="ArticleTimtamp-time"><span>Aug 14, 2015 – 4.39pm<!-- -->,<!-- --> <span class="_2UK0V" data-ttid="ArticleTimtamp-updated">first published at <!-- -->3.50pm</span></span></time></div><div class="_31gDS" data-ttid="ArticleTools"><div class="_26BHG"><button aria-scribedby="articleToolsLogTooltip" class="JSEcE WiPOW" data-click-outsi-ignore="te" data-ttid="SaveArticle-button" type="button"><span class="DcglW _3KahZ"><svg class="_1SIxy" focable="false" height="1em" aria-hidn="te" width="1em"><e xlk:href="#in-bookmark"></e></svg></span><span class="_1dFpl">Save</span></button><div class="G-AXw _3Xjsv" id="articleToolsLogTooltip" role="tooltip"><div class="_3sIJa" data-ttid="SaveArticle-tooltip"><button class="__V_M" type="button">Log </button> or <a class="_3NFfI" data-ttid="SaveArticle-subscribeLk" href=">Subscribe</a> to save article</div></div></div><div class="_332VY" data-ttid="ArticleSocialShare"><button class="_1whEj _3jOVc" data-ttid="ArticleSocialShare-buttonShare" type="button"><span class="_1cmVb _1hJaj"><svg class="_1SIxy" focable="false" height="1em" aria-hidn="te" width="1em"><e xlk:href="#in-share"></e></svg></span><span class="_35K">Share</span></button></div></div></sectn></div><div class="_1YPgH"><div class="tl7wu"><p>Confed about your Same-Sexualy? Worried you don't know the saft posn to adopt to get the most out of the gay marriage bate? Don't be aaid any longer! Jo the fun wh our Gay Lover's Gui to the Same-Sex Kama Sutra!</p><p>Fifty Shas of Non-Grey: Nowadays, wh the gay marriage bate well and tly out of the closet, every amb polician worth their weight rabow badg needs flexible, versatile, ever-changg posns they n try out for size. But don't worry – you might be a grey-haired nservative om the sticks or some borg old fuddy-duddy unn official but there are still dozens of ways you n get on the act and thst yourself to the Same-Sex Debate! Jt follow our clear and simple Kama Sutra directns to the ench letter.</p><p>The Penny Dreadful (also known as the Wong Way): Two women lie face to face, by which we mean one of them giv the imprsn of tellg a bare-faced lie! To enhance the enjoyment, one of the women should pretend to be a Prime Mister while the other pretends to be a Climate Change Mister. One woman fac towards the electorate and says that she don't support gay marriage bee she dislik all forms of marriage and don't want gay people to have to suffer this dreadful stutn. The other woman whispers wh a straight face that she nnot support marriage equaly bee that is the Labor party le. The fun part is she mt try to mata her posn durg six long years power! Then when the other si gets elected, she might fd she gets hot and bothered tryg to wriggle out of what she said before!</p><figure class="gzJMC unfed NvmVw" data-pb-type="im"><picture><source media="(m-width: 1180px)" width="620" height="349" srcSet="zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_620%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b, zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_1240%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x" data-pb-im-nfig="{"aspectRat":1.777778,"type":"landspe16x9","width":620,"urls":["zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_620%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b"," zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_1240%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x"]}"/><source media="(m-width: 1020px)" width="620" height="349" srcSet="zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_620%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b, zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_1240%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x" data-pb-im-nfig="{"aspectRat":1.777778,"type":"landspe16x9","width":620,"urls":["zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_620%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b"," zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_1240%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x"]}"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" width="696" height="392" srcSet="zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_696%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b, zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_1392%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x" data-pb-im-nfig="{"aspectRat":1.777778,"type":"landspe16x9","width":696,"urls":["zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_696%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b"," zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_1392%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x"]}"/><img alt="" class="_1srKI" data-ttid="Image-image" src="zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_620%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b" srcSet="zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_382%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b, zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_764%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x" siz="(max-width: 767px) 382px" data-id="c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b" data-pb-im-nfig="{"aspectRat":1.777778,"type":"landspe16x9","width":382,"urls":["zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_382%2Cq_88%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b"," zoom_1%2C$multiply_1%2C$rat_1.777778%2C$width_1996%2C$x_4%2C$y_9/t_crop_ctom/c_sle%2Cw_764%2Cq_52%2Cf_to/c686a666498ac954e3aab9a9c9a23c2b6f4f8b 2x"]}" width="382" height="215"/></picture><figptn class="LuHig"><p>Jo as we help you get the most out of the gay marriage bate. <!-- --> <ce class="_23SOU">Rters</ce></p></figptn></figure><p>The Wtern Suburbs Contortn (also known as the Bowen Triangle): First, place your feet firmly an electorate full of recent immigrants and other relig mori that back their homelands would rather hang gays om the rooftops or stone lbians alive than untenance embracg any form of Same-Sex Marriage. Then slowly twist yourself around so that you are facg the other way. Use your imagatn to see how long you n mata your support!</p><p>The Padlock (also known as the Shorten Sweet): This is all about matag ntrol and prolongg your learship. First, make sure you stimulate your uc by teasg them and enuragg them to follow their own nscience and do and say whatever they please. Enurage them to speak up loudly! Even shout om the rooftops! Then when they are at their most electorally aroed 18 months' time, padlock them to a bdg vote.</p></div></div><asi class="_3JfHJ"></asi><div class="ZAfSI"><div class="adWrapper _3XglG Hqxcp" data-ttid="ad-wrapper"><div class="" id="adspot-320x360_320x50_300x250_300x50-pos2-mobile"></div><div class="" id="adspot-728x90-pos2-tablet"></div><div class="" id="adspot-970x250_728x90-pos2-sktop"></div><small class="_3azTn">Advertisement</small></div></div><div class="_2J452"><div class="_33oUB"><div class="tl7wu" id="endOfArticle"><p>The Rollg Plebisce (also known as The Monk's Delight): First, look your loved on the ey and say there will never be Same-Sex Marriage on your watch. (Warng: Don't actually look AT your watch – that's misogyny!) Then, over several months, move back and forth circular motns lookg for an easy way to safely shift posn. Fally, assemble a room full of sweaty farmers and nervo Nelli and tell them they n have a Plebisce. When they get all exced, mentn won't be until after your next electn. Brace yourself for a massive backlash!</p><p>The Weepg Pe: No one que knows what to make of this unually lite posn and why 's named after a tree tnk, although some people thk the name refers to the Same-Sex practice of stg on top of your partner and stackg his branch.</p><p>The Ascent to Dire (also known as the Wentworth Member): An extremely popular posn, and one you n perform regularly and succsfully any cramped ner-cy suburb. Why not try out ridg on a tram om St Kilda to Geelong? Move as far to the left of your partners as you possibly n while always pretendg you are still firmly on the right. Don't be aaid to e Twter or Q<!-- -->&<!-- -->A to crease the ictn. It's a lite balancg act, but at all tim keep one eye on the ma prize!</p><p>The Spltg Brandis: At first glance this appears to be the classic missnary posn, but a closer examatn reveals to volve the legal practice of spltg hairs on nstutnal affairs before you go down on all fours and kneel before the cisns of the High Court.</p><p>The Dyson (also known as the Royal Emissn): Another appropriately named posn, this is believed to refer to a well-known brand of vacuum cleaner. S ont of a room full of naked unn rptn, and sist they all expose themselv. Then agree to speak at a slap-up dner. Make sure you suck all the polil oxygen out of the air!</p><p>Twter @rowanan</p></div><div class="_3E2eQ"><div class="_2wCJp"><div class="_1fSQD"><span class="_13Ymr" data-ttid="AuthorCard"><span><strong><a class="_35mP2" data-ttid="AuthorURL" href="/by/rowan-an-j7gb0">Rowan Dean</a></strong> wr on Media & Marketg specialisg Advertisg, TV, Publishg. Rowan is a lumnist for the Fancial Review.</span><span class="_1OfwR AJ5Ph" data-ttid="Author-Social"><span> <!-- -->Connect wh <!-- -->Rowan<!-- --> on <a class="_3q9R7" href="//" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Twter</a>.</span></span></span></div></div><div class="_3nTt0" data-ttid="ArticleFooter"><div class="_30U_H"><div class="_26BHG"><button aria-scribedby="articleFooterLogTooltip" class="JSEcE uxhXB" data-click-outsi-ignore="te" data-ttid="SaveArticle-button" type="button"><span class="DcglW"><svg class="_1SIxy" focable="false" height="1em" aria-hidn="te" width="1em"><e xlk:href="#in-bookmark"></e></svg></span><span class="">Save</span></button><div class="_2jGyo _3Xjsv" id="articleFooterLogTooltip" role="tooltip"><div class="KNEjM" data-ttid="SaveArticle-tooltip"><button class="__V_M" type="button">Log </button> or <a class="_3NFfI" data-ttid="SaveArticle-subscribeLk" href=">Subscribe</a> to save article</div></div></div><div class="_332VY" data-ttid="ArticleSocialShare"><button class="_1whEj E-qQO" data-ttid="ArticleSocialShare-buttonShare" type="button"><span class="_1cmVb"><svg class="_1SIxy" focable="false" height="1em" aria-hidn="te" width="1em"><e xlk:href="#in-share"></e></svg></span><span class="">Share</span></button></div></div><div class="_28OFW"><div class="nEW5f"><a class="_2SABC" href=" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><span>License article</span></a></div></div></div><div class="_3QtdZ" data-ttid="ArticleTags"><div class="_27M2O _2-Rvi" data-ttid="NewsfeedArticleDriver" role="alert"><hear class="_1slp0"><h2 class="_2iSlc">Introducg your <span class="_3jl0N">Newsfeed</span></h2><button class="_1aHhd" data-ttid="NewsfeedArticleDriver-close" type="button"><svg class="_1SIxy" aria-labelledby="newsfeed article driverclose-tle" focable="false" height="1em" aria-label="Close" role="img" width="1em"><tle id="newsfeed article driverclose-tle">Close .