Straight Women and Their Gay Hbands | Psychology Today

Contents:

• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• CAN A GAY MAN BE ATTRACTED TO A SPECIFIC GIRL, BUT NOT WOMEN GENERAL, AND STI
• "WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED
• I WAS TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY ADGONE TOO FARTO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.YVONNE DEAN-BAILEYUPDATED JUL. 05, 2023 12:28PM EDT / PUBLISHED JUL. 01, 2023 11:46PM EDT OPNMICHAEL M SANTIAGO/GETTY IMAGIN THEORY, I AM RON DESANTIS’ PERFECT VOTER. I AM A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE ANY AND ALL COVID RTRICTNS, AND I AM PASSNATELY ANTI-TMP. WHAT ULD BE A MORE IAL VOTER FOR A NDIDATE LIKE DESANTIS?THERE’S ONE PROBLEM FOR DESANTIS, THOUGH: I AM A GAY WOMAN. AND I N’T STAND BEHD HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY.I WAS UNNIABLY ON TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS MPAIGN SHARED WHAT ULD BE NSIRED THE MOST ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD RECENT HISTORY, BOASTG ABOUT ALL THE MEASUR HE’S SUPPORTED CRACKG DOWN ON THE LGBTQ+ MUNY. NOT ONLY DID DESANTIS SHOW THAT HE IS AS ANTI-LGBTQ+ AS THE MASTREAM MEDIA HAS ALLEGED, HE MA A MOCKERY OF ANY GOP NDIDATE THAT SHOWS AN TERT LGBTQ+ RIGHTS, SETTG THE WHOLE PARTY BACK S. DPE MY NSERVATIVE CRENTIALS, YOU ULDN’T PAY ME TO VOTE FOR THE FLORIDA ERNOR NOW. I AM A LBIAN AND DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DON’T WANT ANY LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ON HIS TEAM BEE OF THEIR INTY. WHEN DESANTIS WAS TOYG WH THE IA OF NNG FOR PRINT, HE SOUND LIKE THE PERFECT NDIDATE: HE WAS TMP WHOUT THE TMPS. LTLE DID I KNOW DESANTIS WAS FARTHER TO THE RIGHT ON ISSU THAT MEANT THE MOST TO ME AND THE MORE THAN 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS.HE HAS MA CLEAR THE PAST FEW WEEKS THAT HE’S MORE TERTED APPEASG TWTER TROLLS WHO ABHOR ANY AMERIN WHO INTIFI AS LGBTQ+. TO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.A FEW YEARS AGO, I WOULDN’T HAVE BELIEVED THIS, BUT DESANTIS' RECENT ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD HAS PROVED THAT HE IS TO THE RIGHT OF TMP WHEN TO LGBTQ+ ISSU. IF TMP WAS SOMEONE WHO DON’T SUPPORT THE MOVEMENT, DESANTIS IS AN ALL-OUT HATER.MY GAYNS HAS NOTHG TO DO WH THE FACT THAT FLORIDA IS A BOOMG STATE AN OTHERWISE LACKLTER ENOMY. THAT BEG SAID, DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DO NOT SUPPORT GAY AMERINS REGARDLS OF WHETHER THEY SUPPORT HIS NSERVATIVE AGENDA.WHEN I FIRST ENUNTERED DESANTIS DURG HIS BOLD STANCE AGAST COVID MANDAT EARLIER THIS YEAR, I WAS GENERALLY PLEASED WH THE FLORIDA ERNOR. HE SEEMED JT LIKE WHAT NSERVATIV HAVE BEEN MISSG. BUT WHEN THE LEGISLATIVE SSN BROUGHT ISSU NCERNG LGBTQ+ RIGHTS TO THE FOREONT, MY EXCEMENT QUICKLY TURNED TO DISAPPOTMENT. IT BEME EVINT THAT DESANTIS WAS NOT THE CHAMPN OF DIVIDUAL EEDOMS AND RIGHTS THAT I HAD HOPED FOR.HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC AND ACTNS ARE NOT ONLY EPLY HURTFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS LIKE MYSELF BUT ALSO TARNISH THE IMAGE OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. AS A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I BELIEVE THE PRCIPL OF LIMED ERNMENT, PERSONAL RPONSIBILY, AND DIVIDUAL LIBERTI. YET, DESANTIS’ APPROACH TO LGBTQ+ ISSU GO AGAST THE VERY PRCIPL.BY EXCLUDG LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV AND ATTACKG THEIR RIGHTS, DESANTIS ALIENAT A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF HIS POTENTIAL BASE, EFFECTIVELY DRIVG AWAY VOTERS WHO SHARE MANY OF HIS OTHER NSERVATIVE BELIEFS. IT IS DISHEARTENG TO WNS A NDIDATE WHO ULD HAVE BEEN A UNG FORCE WH THE PARTY STEAD NTRIBUTG TO FURTHER DIVISIVENS.DESANTIS’ STANCE ON LGBTQ+ ISSU NOT ONLY NTRADICTS NSERVATIVE VALU BUT ALSO REFLECTS A SEVERE DISNNECT OM THE MAJORY OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS. ACRDG TO POLLS, OVER 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE, AND THIS NUMBER NTU TO RISE. BY DISREGARDG SUCH A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF THE POPULATN, DESANTIS REVEALS A NCERNG LACK OF UNRSTANDG OF THE EVOLVG SOCIETAL NORMS AND VALU.AS A GAY WOMAN, MY SEXUAL ORIENTATN IS JT ONE ASPECT OF MY INTY, AND SHOULD NOT FE MY POLIL BELIEFS OR MY PLACE WH THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. UNFORTUNATELY, DESANTIS SEEMS TO BELIEVE THAT ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN TERM THEIR WORTHS TO BE PART OF THE NSERVATIVE E. THIS DIVISIVE MENTALY DO NOT BO WELL FOR THE FUTURE OF THE REPUBLIN PARTY OR S CHANC OF SUCCS BROAR ELECTNS.THE REPUBLIN PARTY SHOULD STRIVE TO BE A BIG-TENT PARTY, EMBRACG DIVERSE PERSPECTIV AND VOIC. ALIENATG LGBTQ+ DIVIDUALS ONLY WEAKENS THE PARTY’S APPEAL AND RTRICTS S ABILY TO ATTRACT NEW SUPPORTERS. IT IS VAL FOR THE PARTY TO EVOLVE AND ADAPT TO THE CHANGG ATTUS OF THE AMERIN PEOPLE, RATHER THAN CLGG TO OUTDATED AND DISCRIMATORY VIEWS.DESANTIS MT REGNIZE THAT HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC IS NOT ONLY HARMFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS BUT ALSO TRIMENTAL TO THE VERY PRCIPL HE CLAIMS TO UPHOLD. IF HE TLY AIMS TO LEAD THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT AND BRG ABOUT POSIVE CHANGE FOR ALL AMERINS, HE MT ABANDON DIVISIVE TACTICS AND FOC ON POLICI THAT PROMOTE UNY AND CLIVY.SO FAR, HE IS ONLY LOSG EVERYDAY AMERINS, CLUDG MANY NSERVATIV LIKE MYSELF, THROUGH HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY RHETORIC. HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY AND EXCLN OF LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ARE NOT ONLY MORALLY WRONG BUT POLILLY MISGUID. THE REPUBLIN PARTY MT DISTANCE SELF OM SUCH HARMFUL BEHAVR AND STRIVE TO BE A PARTY THAT WEL ALL AMERINS, REGARDLS OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN. ONLY THEN N HOPE TO REPRENT THE TE VALU OF NSERVATISM AND GARNER THE SUPPORT NEED TO SUCCEED FUTURE ELECTNS. YVONNE DEAN-BAILEY
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

My Hband’s Not Gay, a show on TLC, has ed an uproar. Why do some people bee so outspoken and judgmental about marriag wh one straight and one gay spoe?

CAN A GAY MAN BE ATTRACTED TO A SPECIFIC GIRL, BUT NOT WOMEN GENERAL, AND STI

Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight. The men this televisn program aren’t claimg to be ex-gay nor that they n change their sexual orientatn (at least not on the show). They report they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay man and their straight wiv accept this.

People seem to get up arms when a man says he is not gay but rather simply attracted to men. In our culture, we intify ourselv via a sexual-attractn bary: gay or straight.

Later, their gay sexual inti surface and here they are—heterosexually married wh children.

"WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED

Many straight women married to gay men nscly choose to do so wh their ey wi open. There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men.

They make this choice wh open discsns, which are very paful and emotnal for both the gay man and the straight wife.

” To the man, I say, “Consir whether you n really keep your homosexual feelgs and sir check.

I WAS TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY ADGONE TOO FARTO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.YVONNE DEAN-BAILEYUPDATED JUL. 05, 2023 12:28PM EDT / PUBLISHED JUL. 01, 2023 11:46PM EDT OPNMICHAEL M SANTIAGO/GETTY IMAGIN THEORY, I AM RON DESANTIS’ PERFECT VOTER. I AM A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE ANY AND ALL COVID RTRICTNS, AND I AM PASSNATELY ANTI-TMP. WHAT ULD BE A MORE IAL VOTER FOR A NDIDATE LIKE DESANTIS?THERE’S ONE PROBLEM FOR DESANTIS, THOUGH: I AM A GAY WOMAN. AND I N’T STAND BEHD HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY.I WAS UNNIABLY ON TEAM DESANTIS BEFORE HIS MPAIGN SHARED WHAT ULD BE NSIRED THE MOST ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD RECENT HISTORY, BOASTG ABOUT ALL THE MEASUR HE’S SUPPORTED CRACKG DOWN ON THE LGBTQ+ MUNY. NOT ONLY DID DESANTIS SHOW THAT HE IS AS ANTI-LGBTQ+ AS THE MASTREAM MEDIA HAS ALLEGED, HE MA A MOCKERY OF ANY GOP NDIDATE THAT SHOWS AN TERT LGBTQ+ RIGHTS, SETTG THE WHOLE PARTY BACK S. DPE MY NSERVATIVE CRENTIALS, YOU ULDN’T PAY ME TO VOTE FOR THE FLORIDA ERNOR NOW. I AM A LBIAN AND DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DON’T WANT ANY LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ON HIS TEAM BEE OF THEIR INTY. WHEN DESANTIS WAS TOYG WH THE IA OF NNG FOR PRINT, HE SOUND LIKE THE PERFECT NDIDATE: HE WAS TMP WHOUT THE TMPS. LTLE DID I KNOW DESANTIS WAS FARTHER TO THE RIGHT ON ISSU THAT MEANT THE MOST TO ME AND THE MORE THAN 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS.HE HAS MA CLEAR THE PAST FEW WEEKS THAT HE’S MORE TERTED APPEASG TWTER TROLLS WHO ABHOR ANY AMERIN WHO INTIFI AS LGBTQ+. TO DESANTIS, IF YOU ARE GAY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A PART OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.A FEW YEARS AGO, I WOULDN’T HAVE BELIEVED THIS, BUT DESANTIS' RECENT ANTI-LGBTQ+ AD HAS PROVED THAT HE IS TO THE RIGHT OF TMP WHEN TO LGBTQ+ ISSU. IF TMP WAS SOMEONE WHO DON’T SUPPORT THE MOVEMENT, DESANTIS IS AN ALL-OUT HATER.MY GAYNS HAS NOTHG TO DO WH THE FACT THAT FLORIDA IS A BOOMG STATE AN OTHERWISE LACKLTER ENOMY. THAT BEG SAID, DESANTIS HAS MA ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT HE DO NOT SUPPORT GAY AMERINS REGARDLS OF WHETHER THEY SUPPORT HIS NSERVATIVE AGENDA.WHEN I FIRST ENUNTERED DESANTIS DURG HIS BOLD STANCE AGAST COVID MANDAT EARLIER THIS YEAR, I WAS GENERALLY PLEASED WH THE FLORIDA ERNOR. HE SEEMED JT LIKE WHAT NSERVATIV HAVE BEEN MISSG. BUT WHEN THE LEGISLATIVE SSN BROUGHT ISSU NCERNG LGBTQ+ RIGHTS TO THE FOREONT, MY EXCEMENT QUICKLY TURNED TO DISAPPOTMENT. IT BEME EVINT THAT DESANTIS WAS NOT THE CHAMPN OF DIVIDUAL EEDOMS AND RIGHTS THAT I HAD HOPED FOR.HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC AND ACTNS ARE NOT ONLY EPLY HURTFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS LIKE MYSELF BUT ALSO TARNISH THE IMAGE OF THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. AS A LIFELONG NSERVATIVE, I BELIEVE THE PRCIPL OF LIMED ERNMENT, PERSONAL RPONSIBILY, AND DIVIDUAL LIBERTI. YET, DESANTIS’ APPROACH TO LGBTQ+ ISSU GO AGAST THE VERY PRCIPL.BY EXCLUDG LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV AND ATTACKG THEIR RIGHTS, DESANTIS ALIENAT A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF HIS POTENTIAL BASE, EFFECTIVELY DRIVG AWAY VOTERS WHO SHARE MANY OF HIS OTHER NSERVATIVE BELIEFS. IT IS DISHEARTENG TO WNS A NDIDATE WHO ULD HAVE BEEN A UNG FORCE WH THE PARTY STEAD NTRIBUTG TO FURTHER DIVISIVENS.DESANTIS’ STANCE ON LGBTQ+ ISSU NOT ONLY NTRADICTS NSERVATIVE VALU BUT ALSO REFLECTS A SEVERE DISNNECT OM THE MAJORY OF AMERINS WHO SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS. ACRDG TO POLLS, OVER 70 PERCENT OF AMERINS SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE, AND THIS NUMBER NTU TO RISE. BY DISREGARDG SUCH A SIGNIFINT PORTN OF THE POPULATN, DESANTIS REVEALS A NCERNG LACK OF UNRSTANDG OF THE EVOLVG SOCIETAL NORMS AND VALU.AS A GAY WOMAN, MY SEXUAL ORIENTATN IS JT ONE ASPECT OF MY INTY, AND SHOULD NOT FE MY POLIL BELIEFS OR MY PLACE WH THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. UNFORTUNATELY, DESANTIS SEEMS TO BELIEVE THAT ONE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATN TERM THEIR WORTHS TO BE PART OF THE NSERVATIVE E. THIS DIVISIVE MENTALY DO NOT BO WELL FOR THE FUTURE OF THE REPUBLIN PARTY OR S CHANC OF SUCCS BROAR ELECTNS.THE REPUBLIN PARTY SHOULD STRIVE TO BE A BIG-TENT PARTY, EMBRACG DIVERSE PERSPECTIV AND VOIC. ALIENATG LGBTQ+ DIVIDUALS ONLY WEAKENS THE PARTY’S APPEAL AND RTRICTS S ABILY TO ATTRACT NEW SUPPORTERS. IT IS VAL FOR THE PARTY TO EVOLVE AND ADAPT TO THE CHANGG ATTUS OF THE AMERIN PEOPLE, RATHER THAN CLGG TO OUTDATED AND DISCRIMATORY VIEWS.DESANTIS MT REGNIZE THAT HIS ANTI-GAY RHETORIC IS NOT ONLY HARMFUL TO LGBTQ+ AMERINS BUT ALSO TRIMENTAL TO THE VERY PRCIPL HE CLAIMS TO UPHOLD. IF HE TLY AIMS TO LEAD THE NSERVATIVE MOVEMENT AND BRG ABOUT POSIVE CHANGE FOR ALL AMERINS, HE MT ABANDON DIVISIVE TACTICS AND FOC ON POLICI THAT PROMOTE UNY AND CLIVY.SO FAR, HE IS ONLY LOSG EVERYDAY AMERINS, CLUDG MANY NSERVATIV LIKE MYSELF, THROUGH HIS DISGTG ANTI-GAY RHETORIC. HIS ATTACKS AGAST THE LGBTQ+ MUNY AND EXCLN OF LGBTQ+ NSERVATIV ARE NOT ONLY MORALLY WRONG BUT POLILLY MISGUID. THE REPUBLIN PARTY MT DISTANCE SELF OM SUCH HARMFUL BEHAVR AND STRIVE TO BE A PARTY THAT WEL ALL AMERINS, REGARDLS OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN. ONLY THEN N HOPE TO REPRENT THE TE VALU OF NSERVATISM AND GARNER THE SUPPORT NEED TO SUCCEED FUTURE ELECTNS. YVONNE DEAN-BAILEY

You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife. I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage. Both the gay man and the straight spoe share the risk of stayg married.

Both straight and gay muni put enormo prsure on the man and woman a mixed-orientatn marriage, and few marriag n stand up unr this social, fay, and relig prsure. Some upl try to “live straight” and image that they will be able to not acknowledge the hband’s gayns any way.

Generally, a gay man will feel a lot of emotnal distrs, grief, and prsn if he is livg so eply the closet. This will happen even if, or maybe I should say pecially if, he is nial about his gayns. If your hband says he didn’t know he was gay when he married you, he most likely didn’t know.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN

Most of my male clients who are gay and married to women didn’t know that their inty was gay when they married. They often don’t know their inty is gay when they first e to see me.

He most likely terpreted his gay terts as sexual “kks, ” and he nvced himself they would fa away after he married.

Typilly the men are homophobic and want me to reassure them and their wiv that they aren’t gay. I’ve heard more than once, “I’m not gay. ” The gay men intify their behavr as “only sexual.