Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healg | Psychology Today

Contents:

• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• HAVG A GAY KID ISN'T EASY
• MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

Adam* said was dangero to e out as gay his home untry and feared beg forced to an arranged marriage wh a said he was "so lucky" to wed his soulmate, Ray, Manchter and wish everyone uld marry who they love. There are more than 60 untri wh laws that crimalise same-sex sexual acts acrdg to the Internatnal Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Associatn, cludg Sdi Arabia. 'Authentilly myself'Ray said he had also stggled growg up gay the 1970s and 80s England, which was "tough" said his relig school "dmmed to you, 'you are gog to hell'" Adam returned home to Sdi Arabia, spe beg more than 3, 000 apart and later rtricted by the Covid-19 panmic, they kept touch daily and the romance years ago, Ray proposed on a vio ll and after succsfully applyg for a UK fiancé visa, Adam moved to Manchter December 2022.

Adam said he had been aaid to even wear lours his home untry so the first thg he did when he moved was start to "grow my mullet, got my ears pierced and booked appotments for tattoos" relled how, ntrast, one of his gay iends Sdi had been forced to marry a woman, addg: "It has ed not only his life but the life of his wife.

The uple, who live London, said a "really betiful memory" was on the way home when one of their sons shouted out of the black b wdow to Trafalgar Square, "My dads jt got married" and cheered "Yay, gay marriage".

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

Qutn: TWO months ago my son Gav, 29, announced that he is gay. He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17. UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet .

Mary, 57, SheffieldAnswer:DEBORAH SAYS:How do you e to terms wh the news your son is gay?

You have to let them parents fd hard to accept their child is gay.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. Of urse you wouldn’ you n’t “e to terms” wh homosexualy you n’t e to terms wh him. I grew up outsi of New York Cy, the meltg pot, attend llege and worked New York, yet when I found out my son, Jam, age 13, was gay, I reverted to "not my backyard.

Although he didn't particularly like ntact sports, he didn't exhib the gay stereotypil image: lisp, rabow lors.

How would he know he's gay, if he never had sex wh a girl? Acrdg to -thor of When Your Child Is Gay, Jonathan L.

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

D., nial is the most mon ial reactn of parents to the joltg news that their child is gay.

When I terviewed straight parents for When Your Child Is Gay, they ed words such as fear, shock, helplsns, strs, and extreme sadns to scribe their experienc wh nial. Why do parents who are normally acceptg of their children go to the nial zone upon learng that their child is gay, bisexual, even transgenr?

Beg gay was not part of that plan and this fact was hard to rencile. Tobk, who is private practice Manhattan, do not expect their child to be gay.

HAVG A GAY KID ISN'T EASY

However, be sure you pick a gay-iendly one om an anizatn such as the Amerin Associatn of Psychiatrists that has a divisn of gay therapists om which to choose. They will be empathetic and unrstandg and turn will ntribute to your unrstandg of what means to be the parent of a gay child. At PFLAG, you will fd parents who have siar feelgs, thoughts, and reactns to havg a gay child.

I uldn't be around people who judged me, thought beg gay was a "liftyle" that uld be changed or thought that homosexualy was wrong.

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

This book tak a parent through a day the life of a gay child.

As a parent wh no role mols for havg a gay child, I didn't expect to know how to parent a gay child. You may say that parentg is parentg, but the straight parent of a gay child has to al wh addnal issu such as bullyg, possible low self-teem of their child, discrimatn, to name a few. The gay child has most likely gone through the same issu that you are now experiencg: nial, fear, guilt, shame, anger, loss, to arrive at acceptance.

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

In future blogs, we will tackle those subjects, jt as When Your Child Is Gay (Sterlg, 2016) do. Parents of gay children may be shocked when their kids e out of the closet, but once the dt settl, most parents realize that their child is the same one they have loved and red for all their liv, they jt happen to be gay.

And while parental acceptance is one hurdle for a gay child, there are many other issu facg gay kids and their parents. Issu for parents of gay kids as intified by Parents, Fai and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG), clu:1. Fay acceptance – n the rt of the fay accept the gay child as the parents of the gay child has.

Hate crim preventn – workg to prevent gay bashg and other forms of hate crim agast gay kids. Health – addrsg the health ncerns of gay kids as they e to adulthood.

DAD AND DAD: A JOURNEY TO GAY FATHERHOOD – PICTUR

Relatnship regnn – workg to achieve equal rights and regnn for gay relatnships as for heterosexual relatnships.