Urban Dictnary: notgays

Contents:

• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• BERT AND ERNIE: JT IENDS, NOT GAY, WILL NOT MARRY
• BRO IM NOT GAY, WE'RE JT IENDS
• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• SAME WORKSHOP REFUT EX-WRER’S CLAIM THAT BERT AND ERNIE ARE GAY
• NOTGAYS

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti.

Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight. In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men.

McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend. Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot. However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person. Gay men also reported unique advantag to havg a straight wgman when pursug their own datg goals. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends.

The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn.

For gay men, iendship qualy wh a straight male iend was particularly high when the iendship pre-dated the gay man g out.

BERT AND ERNIE: JT IENDS, NOT GAY, WILL NOT MARRY

Havg a gay iend n open straight men up to thkg differently about LGBTQ people general. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men. McKie’s rearch found that straight men livg the more central parts of Canada and the Uned Stat were ls likely to report a willgns or tert havg a gay man as a iend.

But tim are changg quickly, and McKie’s rearch unrsr the special bond that n velop between gay and straight iends to the benef of both. Back the day, sometim the relatnships were actually sexual relatnships between folks who uldn't be out as gay bee was illegal, socially unacceptable, and dangero. As a cishet person, that lane is primarily about terrogatg homophobia, heterosexism, relatnship hierarchy, and the bary normg of genr, sexualy, and inty to do my part dismantlg systems that uphold all of that, cludg the ways which I personally uphold them.

BRO IM NOT GAY, WE'RE JT IENDS

They told me, "I love the fiance of the bumper sticker 'Not gay as happy but queer as fuck you. So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label.

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

Bee “gay” impli an embracg of the gay liftyle — gay bars, gay pri paras, perhaps multiple sex partners, or even anonymo sex.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.

I have treated many men who are of Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Catholic, and other religns who thk of homosexualy as a pathology. Their pa is excciatg, but I honor their bravery riskg losg everythg to ensure they have a qualy life as a gay man.

SAME WORKSHOP REFUT EX-WRER’S CLAIM THAT BERT AND ERNIE ARE GAY

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight. Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg.

NOTGAYS

Beg homosexual, gay, or havg same-sex attractn is not sex addictn, and should never be treated as such. I’ll never fet beg 15 years old and walkg to my first ever meetg for lbian, gay, bi, queer, and trans youth at BAGLY Boston. ”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms.

LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili.